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Trigger Warning ⚠️ :
*Mention of rape
*(Aj)

Cameron POV

I didn't call in sick at work today. I miss my students even though I have a bad headache. The bridge of my nose is aching, I feel like my eyeballs are going to pop out of their sockets any second now. But it would be so inconsiderate and unprofessional to call out whenever my head hurts or something.

I woke up with a terrible ache in my shoulders as well which leads me to believe that I was tense while I had been sleeping. I'm hoping that a hot shower will help ease the pain. But, I have to hurry up and get in right now if I want to attempt at self healing with the hot water because in about forty five minutes I need to wake Aj up so that he can get ready for school and so that I can get to work. I need to pick up Taleah's homework from their school as well.

I check my phone for notifications and there are five from Tyler and two from Zaniyah. There's also one from an unknown number, and then another from Giovanni. I open his first.

Giovanni: Hey. I'm checking in to make sure you're alright. We missed you yesterday. I hope everything is all good, and I hope to see you at work today.

Me: Thanks. And yes, I will be at work today.

Giovanni: That's great to hear. I'm praying for you because I want the best for you- regardless of our friendship status. If you need anyone to talk to I'm always available and willing to listen.😏

Giovanni: *😕 Sorry, I'm typing fast. My point still remains.

Me: Thank you.

Giovanni: Anytime, see you later.🙏🏼

Next, I open the message from the unknown number.

(347)(***)(****): this cameron

I delete the message and do not respond because there's no one that I recently gave my number to who I'd want to engage in conversation with. Plus, I have trust issues. That could be somebody plotting against me.

I open up Zaza's messages.

Zaza💑: cammy baby ☹️

Zaza💑: what did the doctor say?

Me: I don't think Leah would mind if I told you, you're her auntie. But I want it to come from her. I don't want to assume she's okay with anything and then do more damage. Why don't you come over later? I'm definite we can talk about everything then.

Zaza💑: of course honey. ur such a respectful parent, and i totally get where you're coming from. im praying for my family, you guys go through what you do not deserve. ill be over at like around 9:00pm.

Me: Okay. I love you so much.

Zaza💑: I love you so much more❤️❤️❤️

I finally open Tyler's messages.

Tyler❤️: yo

Tyler❤️: u okay?

Tyler❤️: what's up? haven't heard from u in a minute u not answering my text or nothing

Tyler❤️: pick up my calls it's been like three days since i heard from u im worried, leah answered y text she said u probably not good

Tyler❤️: did i do something wrong u could tell me if i did ill fix it come on call me please at least text me back jus so i kno u ok

Tyler❤️: goodmorning u still ignoring a nigga gaddamn :(

I pull down my notifications tab and Tyler in fact did call my phone multiple times for the last two or so days. I didn't notice because I was so occupied with other things. There were times I'd turn my phone off, while my kids were home and safe of course. He probably called me then.

Me: Good morning Ty, I would never ever ignore you on purpose. I haven't even checked for messages from you and I missed when you called. I'm sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. I miss you a lot.

He doesn't respond fast enough so I'm going to take that hot shower I was talking about and then wake Aj up for school.

In the bathroom, I set the shower water to steaming hot and then step in. I stand under the running water and if I had been hoping for instant relief, I would have been let down. But I know better, the hot water can't instantly cure my aching body. And whatever can, I don't have time for.

I close my eyes only for a second for a small moment of relaxation and then get to business. I scrub with body wash and then rinse my external body multiple times, and then I take care of my internal hygiene which became a necessity many many many years ago.

After I wash my body, I squeeze a substantial amount of two in one shampoo and conditioner in my hand and massage it through my scalp. I scratch at my head with the mixture for a little while and then tilt my head back under the water so that I can rinse it off.

As my hair is under the water, i finger comb it for a thorough rinse but I notice that something doesn't feel right. I bring my hands down from my head and look at them. Multiple loose stands of hair are entangled between my fingers.

"Oh my god," I gasp. For confirmation, to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me, I run my hands through my hair again and even more hair comes out. "oh my goodness." I rinse the rest of the shampoo and conditioner out then turn off the shower water. I step out, I pick the hair stands from my fingers and throw it in the trash. I comb my fingers through my hair once again and a few more strands come out. I know it's normal to shed hair. But I never shed this much hair.

I look in the mirror and closely examine my head. There's some parts of my hair that is thinner than usual, and I know this could not have happened overnight. I clean the hair off my fingers once again and dry myself off with a towel as I suppress the emotion I'm feeling that is so close to being an outburst of tears. It's just hair. I need to keep reminding myself. It's just hair. It can grow back.

But, I don't know why my hair is falling out. I don't dye my hair much and the last time that I did was probably a year and some change ago. Ive never had any problems. I don't use any product except for the same shampoo and conditioner that I've been using for years. I'm  going to dry it and hopefully there are no bald patches.

Back in my room after I moisturize my body and apply deodorant, I search for something casual to wear. I settle on stretchy black jeans and a burgundy turtleneck sweater. Since it's a little cold outside according to the weather app I also put on my black moccasins.

I touch my hair and it air dried a little bit but I'm going to use my hairdryer to dry it some more. I plug it in and put it on the medium heat setting and it takes me less than ten minutes to dry my whole head. Taking a closer look in the mirror now, I see that my hair is in fact thinner in some areas towards the middle and the sides.

"Ugh," I whine in annoyance. My hair is not shedding as much as it was when it was wet thankfully. I'm not going to touch it after I style it so that I can keep as much hair in my head as I can because who knows how long this is going to go on for.

When I say "style it" I really just mean fluff it out a little bit but especially more today because I don't want anyone to notice that my hair is thinning because I have no explanation for them if they ask why.

I take a step back in front of the mirror when I'm all done, study myself and I sigh. There's nothing more I can do so I'm going to accept my appearance for right now and move on with my morning. On my bedside table I pick up my ring and put it on my finger.

I check my phone and I see that Tyler has texted me back. I close my phone, I'll read it after I wake Aj up.

I slowly push open his door and he's fast asleep. I sigh. I really don't want to bother him at the moment because I don't know how he's going to react and I don't want him to ruin my decent mood despite me hair shedding. Being that he hates me, it's kind of hard to carry out being his parent now because I feel like everything I do or plan to do will be taken negatively from him.

I tap his shoulder, "Wake up." I wait and he doesn't budge one bit. I want so badly to just wake him up peacefully like I usually do, but I don't know how he will receive that. I shake him a bit and he finally opens his eyes. "Wake up and get ready," I say. When I'm sure that he's awake and alert I go to Taleahs room. I push open her door and her eyes are shut closed, sleeping away. A smile spreads across face as I watch her. My beautiful baby girl, she is so perfect.

Now standing next to her bedside, I rub her head and run my fingers across her face. Her eyes flutter open while I softly stroke her face and she smiles tiredly at me. I sit on the edge of her bed and she scoots up to lay her head in my lap. I kiss her forehead, temple and cheek and continue to caress her hair.

"You feel alright honey?" I ask her.

"Yeah," she grabs my hand and holds it tight.

"Are you gonna be okay at home by yourself? You can come to work with me," I tell her.

"No, I'm gonna walk around naked while you guys are gone."

"Okay," I laugh at her. "Do you need anything?"

"Food," she states.

On that note, I find my way to the kitchen to my refrigerator and pantry to pull out four eggs, waffle mix, two Italian turkey sausages, and four potatoes.

I crack all four eggs into a bowl and add salt and pepper. I use a fork to whisk them because for some reason I don't own a whisk even though I know I don't have one and could have purchased one. I cook that along with frying the sausages then making home fries in another pan. I cook very fast so this isn't an inconvenience to me. The eggs are done fast so I use the same pan to make two waffles in.

When I'm done cooking everything, there's still thirty minutes until I have to leave the house to get Aj to school and me to work on time. I evenly divide all the food I made onto two plates for Leah and Aj. I pour them both some orange juice and set their breakfast on the table.

Taleah is first to come from her room.

"Thank you," she gives me a quick little hug then takes a seat at the table without hesitating to start eating, "so fucking good," she mumbles around the food in her mouth.

"No cursing," I say even though I know that saying that really won't do anything. My orders will only be effective for maybe two minutes.

"Papa, can I get a tattoo?" Taleah asks me out of the blue. The question catches me off guard and I look up to think.

"A tattoo of what?" I finally ask.

"A sunflower. I love sunflowers and they make me happy and they remind me of you, my most favorite person on this planet." She says sincerely and I can't help but to smile.

"Why do they remind you of me?" I ask out of curiosity. She swallows her food and then speaks, "Well just to put it into simpler words, you make me happy. You radiate a lot of warm, positive energy. Around you, it feels like you're always hugging me whether or not it's physical," she takes another bite out of her food, "it makes me sad to see a sunflower drooping under the pressure of the changing seasons or because they aren't taken care of properly." She finishes.

I don't know how to respond to her words, truthfully. So I get up from the chair and kiss her forehead.

"We'll talk about you and a tattoo some more. After Friday," I say in reference to her doctors appointment. "I'm a little skeptical."

"Aj has tattoos," she adds and I shake my head.

"The difference between you and your brother is that he snuck behind my back and did it. If he had asked me like you did, I would respond the same. Or maybe I would say heck no since he was only fourteen," I exhale deeply and sit back in my seat.

"True. What about this. Can you and I get one at the same time?"

I laugh a little, "I am not putting any ink on my skin. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not something I want."

"You should," she smiles.

"Uh-Uh. That's your daddy's thing. He had an obsession with tattoos. I think right now, he probably has well over sixty. I never knew how he could sit there through that pain all the time."

"Maybe that's why he got them," she states quietly. I process what she says and nod sadly. I never thought about it that way. And it's probably true.

"Think about it. You can get something meaningful."

Leah continues to eat her food and I remember to text Tyler back.

Tyler❤️: u had me worried u kno i miss u more but these months bout to be doubled make 2 into 4 and shit. a lot goin on but how is everything and everyone y'all good

Me: Um—

"Who are you texting?" Taleah cuts me off mid text.

"It's Uncle Tyler, why?" I ask her.

"Oh yeah that's what I meant to tell you. Please don't tell him what is happening. I don't want to stray him from focusing on his work especially since he's away right now."

"Alright honey."

Me: We're managing, overall I would like to say we're fine. First of all, where even are you and why four months? I'm sad now.

Tyler❤️: i told u im gon be alot of places this business shit takin longer than expected

Me: Why can't you visit?

Tyler❤️: lmao that mean losin all typa progress trust me if i coulda come see yall i woulda been did it

Me: I feel like you're being secretive Ty. I don't mind, but it's easier to be honest about wanting to keep whatever you're doing to yourself instead of  pressuring yourself to sugarcoat things. Which reminds me, I'm not sure why I had to find out that you're in love with someone the same time millions of people did. :(

Tyler❤️: aw it ain't even like that i swear you kno i come to u first don't even do that

Me: But you didn't. :(

Tyler❤️: cus it ain't like its something good. i didn't wanna tell u cus ik that mean telling u who and i can't do that cus i ain't comfortable. i was put on the spot fr that's the only reason but it ain't nothing to worry about because its not a situation that i want to develop. this the real reason why u ain't been texting me back?

Me: Of course not. I only just remembered about this right now.

Tyler❤️: aight but wen i feel like i can say who out loud without being scared ill tell u maybe when my feelings change

Me: I feel like I already know who because I know the type of person you are.

Tyler❤️: what type of person am i

Me: You don't know how to stop loving. I've always seen it.

Tyler❤️: so tell me who it is then

Me: No. I won't because I don't want to put you in an awkward position. When you're ready to say it out loud, you can. And I know you are worried, but we all will still love you the same. This is your life to live, and you can't live it for anyone else.

Tyler❤️: yea but the only thing is i don't want to feel like this. like i dead don't it's not good for me for u for ant for za or the twins and y'all my whole life i swear i can't do that shit and i don't want to and it's hard it's hard for me to get over shit

Me: I understand Tyler. I do.

Tyler❤️: and my actions ain't making it no better i jus need to get my shit together fr because this shit is dead wrong and i feel disgusting like im betraying everyone i love by feelin this way i don't want nothing out of these feelings i swear i don't

Me: What actions? You haven't done anything. And stop it. Stop beating yourself up about it, it does nothing.

Tyler❤️: ill let u kno wen we speak i don't want to text it

Tyler❤️: lmfaoooooo what if we not even talkin bout the same person and we really cuttin tf up spillin emotion and shit

Me: I'm sure we are.

Tyler❤️: can we talk later i got more i wanna say to u. i really be forgetting how u be down for me no matter what sometimes i be scared to talk to u idk i think it's cus i don't want u to be feeling no type a way or feel bad u feel me but i really can tell u anything

Tyler❤️: u kno u could tell me anything to rite and that mean anything

Me: I know. Don't be afraid to talk to me about anything. No matter what you say or do I will  love you the exact same.

Tyler❤️: and same goes for u what u doin rn

Me: I'm waiting for Aj to finish getting ready then come eat his breakfast. I'm sitting with Leah.

Tyler❤️: how she doing

Me: She's okay, she's smiling. Telling me about wanting to get a tattoo.

Tyler❤️: aw hell nah they grow up so fast what happen to my little niece who couldn't even ask for nothin to begin wit 😞

Me: 😂😂😂 I know, I told her that I'll think about it. Maybe for her sixteenth birthday. She wants a sunflower.

Tyler❤️: that sound reasonable enough

Tyler❤️: imma speak to u later tho if i ain't busy or caught up in somethin i love u and the twins

Me: We love you more.

Tyler: lmfaooooooooo nice joke

I react with a heart to Tyler's message then close my phone. Although he's being secretive about a lot at the moment, I don't mind it I'm just concerned. All I care about is his safety and well being. And even though he hasn't told me directly who he is trying to stop himself from falling in love with, I know exactly who it is. When the thought first popped into my head, I was scared and kind of put off. But then again I realized I can not blame him and he can not control his feelings. I know the type of person he is and he never means any harm. Which is why I know it's hard for him to accept the fact that he is still in love with Pheonix.

Like I said, Tyler has not been in a relationship since her. He hasn't even tried. He doesn't date other people, he's never even considered it as far as I know. And I know it also has to do with the fact that their personalities were mostly compatible, but it put Tyler in an awkward position when she started to act up. I won't say difficult position because I think it's pretty evident that Tyler will always side with his family. But awkward nonetheless since he really did- or does rather- have a lot of feelings for her. I'm not mad at him, nor am I disappointed. Because I understand him. I'm not happy about it and I'm not sad about it. I just want him to do what's right for him.

It's seems like he doesn't want these feelings for her and that he doesn't want to be with her. I don't know whether I should help him to try and get rid of these feelings or leave it up to him. Tyler is a natural lover and I don't want to play a part in forcing him out of his character. It all depends on what he wants.

I look up from my black phone screen