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& so sorry for mistakes this chapter is super duper long and i wasn't gonna edit oops
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Aj POV
"What you all dressed up for?"
She just gotta be coming out her room the same time I come out mine. I just tryna sneak out and wait down the block or something. Now I got my nosy ass sister ready to interrogate me. She never got just one question alone.
"You going out with Zyier?" She asks. She gave me the easier lie to go with, but ion know, for some reason I don't run with that perfect lie. That means she would ask me no questions and I could just say I'm going to his house. But, that's an afterthought.
"Nah," I mumble.
"I know you not all dressed up for the hospital," she raises an eyebrow. Crazy thing is I'm not even all dressed up. I'm wearing black Amiri's, a black graphic t shirt, some ones, and that's it. Regular shit. But I guess it's the fact that I got two of my favorite chains on that I barely wear. The one I got for my birthday and a smaller one.
Anyways, now she talking bout hospitals. "No," I say, even though I'm probably gonna go later. But that's not what I'm dressed up for. Leah frowns at me, trying to figure out where I'm going. I almost get hype that she don't know so that I could just disappear, but soon as the frown come off her face and she smirks at me, my heart drops.
"Let me find out you bout to go out with that nigga," she laughs. I don't say anything, but whenever he mentioned I feel like it gets hard to act normal. I get awkward, and obviously Taleah sees that clear as day.
"Nigga did he come to see you??" She gasps. My face is hot now. Can she stop. I'm tryna be chill. "How did he get here?" She asks. I tell her that he drove here. She gasps again. Dramatic as fuck yo. I laugh at her, tryna backup into my room again but she too fast.
"He drove from Virginia to see you? With his parents or by himself?"
He don't have parents, but I won't get into that right now. I'll just substitute parents for aunt for her. "By his self," I answer. Taleah pauses, looking like she deep in thought before she purses her lips at me with a smirk on her face. Oh my God bro. I sigh, awkwardly itching at my cheek. She makes me feel more awkward about the whole thing than I already do.
Raheem told me about his plans to come back go Brooklyn two days ago. I didn't really pay it too much attention, especially since just yesterday afternoon I saw him on Ivy's story from the middle of the afternoon, looking like he was chilling and having no plans to go anywhere. But he texted me early this morning, like 4am saying he was on the way to me. I told him he crazy for that, and that he ain't have to do all that but I got brushed off. He claimed that if he said he's gonna do something then it's gon get done, so I had no reason to feel like he wasn't really coming. If he say so man. Usually things like that is all talk.
Speaking of him, my phone screen lights up with a text coming from Raheem. I don't even give it a second to sit there before I'm opening the message.
Raheem: 20 min away
Raheem: Almost crashed tryna rush to u ngl
Me: Nigga I aint goin nowhere slow down
Raheem: Like u got a choice
Me: Aigh dont drag it nd u textin and driving thats why u crashing
Raheem: Maybe u right cus I almost crashed again 😂
And for that, I ain't texting back no more. He need to get off his phone. Imagine he die cus he tryna come see me. That's when I'd know for sure I'm really bad luck.
Besides that, I don't like the way Taleah watching me text like she just know who I'm texting. Looking at me sus.
"What?"
"What you smiling at?" She asks.
"Nothing."
"Oh really, nothing?"
"Yeah," I click my power button for my screen to turn off before she take a glance at it and see I got me and Raheems messages open. I don't know why I act like Taleah don't know about Raheem already, but I just don't like the way I feel like she see everything when it comes to him. She the only one that knows we kissed. She forced me to FaceTime him. And now she the only one who know we boutta see each other again after I ghosted him. And by only one, I mean in Brooklyn. I'm sure Ivy and Kyra is on Raheems ass cus he coming over here without them.
I move to the living room to get away from her and her questions, but of course she follows me there only to ask me more questions.
"So what y'all boutta do?" She asks, plopping down on the couch mad close to me. I scoot over to make some room.
"Don't you got other things to worry about?" Last time I checked she still ain't make things official with that nigga she claimed she would. She too worried about what I got going on.
I glance at her awkwardly as she keeps making this sus face at me. All I wanna do is sit here by myself and wait for Raheem to pick me up but she making me more nervous than I already am. Yeah, I'm fucking nervous. I ain't seen him in a minute and the last time I seen him we kissed. I'm thinking about a million and one things, while tryna stay calm and chill about the whole thing, but Taleah is making it so hard. She making me more nervous about the whole thing. Looking at me like she see right through me.
She laughs, "You should see yourself. You look constipated."
"Yo stop," I'm damn near begging now. Now I really should see myself cus I probably look mad stupid. As I stand up to really go look at myself in the mirror, my phone starts ringing. Fuck. Nigga said twenty minutes, its been that long already? I get ready to answer the phone, thinking it's Raheem calling me to tell me he outside or something, but it's not Raheem. It's the only other person who would be calling me right now of all times. Zyier.
Ion know why I'm panicking. Maybe it's because I'm already nervous to begin with, but my silent panicking makes me not answer the call at all. I just stare at it and let it ring. I remember I was supposed to tell him that I'm busy today, but I forgot about doing that. Every time he asks me or has asked me about what my plans are, I always say that I'm staying in the house or something because it's usually true. And because of that, I ain't get a chance to tell him that I ain't gon be in the house today. At least not all day. Just so he don't try to call me or something. Cus if he talk to me now and find out that I ain't gon be home he's gonna ask me a million questions.
Missing the call ain't solve nothing because he calling me again now. I can't miss it this time or else imma get a paragraph. He already been tryna text me and I been struggling with responding. And that don't even got nothing to do with Raheem. It's cus of everything that's been happening the past two days with papa in the hospital and daddy coming back. I ain't really been talking to nobody that much, even Raheem. I'm thinking bout other shit that has nothing to do with a nigga. I knew Raheem was coming to New York cus he told me before all that happened. And with Zyier I been responding here and there. And today is his first time tryna call me since all that, so yeah, I really gotta pick up.
"That's him tryna call you?" Taleah asks. She talking bout Raheem. I shake my head, and then answer the phone, walking away a little bit. I say hello into the phone but Zyier keeps repeating hello like he don't hear me or something. I don't got my headphones on me, so I walk a little further then put him on speaker.
"You could hear me now?" I ask. He's still saying hello over and over again, but then he starts to FaceTime me. I accept the FaceTime.
"Aj," he says. It looks like he's laying in his bed still wearing sleep clothes.
"Yeah? Can you hear me?"
He nods, "Aight, yeah. I don't know what's wrong with my phone. But yeah I can hear you."
I nod, sitting down on a chair. "Wassup?" I start.
"What's up with you? You haven't responded to none of my texts. I know you seen them."
"I didn't see them. I ain't really been on my phone like that," I say. It's the truth.
"If you ignoring me, just say that," Zyier mumbles. If that was the case I would admit that, but I ain't been ignoring him or none of that. And if I was, I been ignoring everybody. With everything that happened, I been feeling weird now. Like I just need time to think and that's it. And I don't wanna get too much into it, but I guess he should at least know why I been so distant.
I sigh. "Nah, a lot been going on."
"A lot like what," his eyes dart around in confusion. "Like. What I'm supposed to make from that. Still doesn't explain anything."
"It's just a lot with my parents and stuff. That's it."
Zyier frowns at me, then raises his eyebrows, "Aj you can't go ghost for days and then come back being all secretive. That's not gon do nothing for you. I wanna help you if something is bothering you but I gotta know what it is first."
I tell Zyier everything. Always have. So imma just tell him so he don't keep pressing me to.
"My papa is in the hospital again, that's why I ain't been paying attention to my phone," I admit. Zyier gives me the reaction I was expecting from him. He immediately looks shocked, and confused.
"What? Is he alright? What happened??" He asks.
"Nah. He lost the babies. He was in a coma but he up now." I explain. I won't explain the part what we found him in a pool of his blood. I don't wanna mention that. All he needs to know is the bigger picture. And I don't even know if they want people to know that the lost the babies, but Zyier not gon tell nobody else.
"That's so sad. I'm sorry that happened. Fuck," he sighs, sitting up a little bit. Yeah, I know. I feel bad too.
"Why didn't you tell me? You know I woulda been there for you Aj," He says. He wasn't nowhere on my mind while dealing with all that. I don't think I needed anybody to be there at that moment. Especially since it ain't even my issue at the end of the day. I can't be bringing people around to help me deal with something I ain't even go through.
"I forgot. I been distracted," I excuse.
Zyier nods slowly. Then he has that look on his face, like he got something to say. I know that look from anywhere.
"What?" I question.
"Nun," he bites the inside his cheek. Nah.
"What is it Zyier?" I ask again.
He shrugs. Then finally, speaks up. "Remember when you said the babies was gon kill your dad? You said 'that nigga gonna die' And I told you be careful what you put out into the air. That shit is real, Aj. You need to watch what you say cus things that were never gonna happen be happening easily once you give it power."
I could say a lot of things right now. I could defend myself, or not. I could say how his miscarriage ain't got shit to do with me, or our relationship. But I ain't gon do that cus this conversation is never gonna end.
"I know," I respond plainly.
"And that alone should just tell you how you need to change from here on out about your relationship with your dad because that coulda been the last time you saw him," He rants.
"I know."
"And you need to be more appreciative. Have you went and visited him at all?"
"Yeah." I mumble. I'm not in the mood.
Zyier makes a face. See, here we go. "You not the one who should have a attitude right now," He says.
I got a fucking attitude because he telling me shit I don't need to hear right now. Obvious ass shit that I done thought about already. I'm not clueless, I don't need nobody telling me shit about being appreciative or none of that. He don't know what I've done. If I been distant for two days, clearly the whole thing is bothering me. And if I ain't the one that should have an attitude when I'm being questioned, who is?
"We good over here. Ion need a lecture," I say.
Even though things is not one hundred percent good over here for real, niggas is honestly being cordial with each other because something so bad happened. I ain't mad at nobody right now, and I don't think nobody is mad at me. Imma speak for myself and say I ain't mad at my parents specifically. I don't need to be told I need to be appreciative or that I shouldn't have an attitude, because I don't have one. I don't need to talk to Zyier about a situation that ain't even fully been discussed with the people it's really affecting.
"Lecture?" Zyier raises his eyebrows. Is it not a lecture if you sitting here and lecturing me? Like. Yeah, lecture.
I wasn't tryna feel this way, but now I'm annoyed with this whole conversation. I had no plans on today being like the last two days where the only thing I can think about is blood and dead ass babies. I already gotta deal with that in real life, so now Zyier calling me and only wanting to focus on that situation is irritating the fuck out of me. Not gon lie, I feel like I'm bout to snap. I don't wanna talk about that shit. And I don't need no fucking speeches about what I need to do and how I'm to blame for it.
As I'm about to defend myself, or get mad, or I don't know, say the first thing that's gon come out of my mouth at this point, Zyier changes the subject before I get the chance. First his eyes dart down to my neck. Then he narrows his eyes. "Why you dressed up?"
I don't know what to say at first. I can act like I'm confused but that wouldn't end well if he finds out that I know good and well I'm wearing my chains that I barely ever wear. I can lie and say I'm—I don't know—boutta go to the hospital or something but fuck would I have a chain on for that.
I'm quiet for a few seconds. I'm boutta just be honest. He don't know anything about what happened the last time with me and Raheem, so I don't have nothing to be paranoid about. If I start moving weird that's gon make him be suspicious.
"I'm boutta go somewhere," I start, getting nervous before I could even reach the second half of the sentence. He raises his eyebrow.
"Somewhere with who?"
"Raheem. My friend," I say quietly.
"Who?" He furrows his eyebrows now, confusion and annoyance all over his face.
"Raheem. The nigga you met," I speak up.
"Okay, so why you getting all awkward at the question. Why you—"
"What you mean awkward?" I ask, pretending to be clueless. I know I fucked that response up. I was being awkward.
"No Aj, don't be dense. You mad hesitant like you scared to say it or something," Zyier says. He's not wrong, as much as I wish he was. I was scared to say it. Maybe that wasn't the right decision to make, telling him imma be with Raheem . I probably just fucked it all up, now he boutta really start with me.
"It's cus I know you don't like them like that," I say. Imma just go with that excuse. I don't know what else I could say.
Zyier purses his lips, "Don't speak for me. I told you they aight. So. I don't see the big deal," he huffs, "Where y'all going?"
I actually don't know where we going. If we talked about it that day we was FaceTiming, then I forgot. I just know he came. That's it. But I gotta make something up. "Uh," what's something two niggas could do together that's not sus. "Get something to eat probably," I lie. "Or play ball." I just sounded dumb as fuck adding that in. Nigga is it eating or playing ball? Needa make my fucking mind up. Im hoping he don't catch onto that.
"Why is he in New York again?"
I can't do nothing but shrug. I got nothing for that question.
"Cus why is he driving seven hours all the way to Brooklyn. I know his aunt ain't getting married again," Zyier continues.
I shrug again. Ion know. I can't tell him that he drove up to see me. I might as well tell him flat out that the nigga got a crush on me for all that.
"Nah baby, be careful. Niggas could be weird knowing who your uncle is and all that. Ion know, I don't trust it. People will do anything and say anything to be around just cus they know you got connections. Because seven hours is crazy," he rants passionately.
So I guess he tryna imply that Raheem only wants to be around me so bad because my uncle is famous. Ion know what to say to that either. I already got problems trusting people, and Raheem is already on his way. I don't want to have that in the back of my mind. Imma feel stupid for even believing he liked me for real. He don't even mention my uncle after the first time he found out we was family. So if that was the case, he real slick about it. I hope it's not the case cus he would be dumb. You don't get nothing out of 'Tyler' being my uncle.
"Aight," I respond.
I ain't really in the mood to talk no more. I never was. I'm hoping he just gets mad at my one word answer and hangs up. I ain't in a good mood no more, and if Raheem wasn't already in New York, I woulda told him not to waste his time. Now I got no choice in seeing him cus he drove all this way. But my mood fucked up now, and I don't wanna put that on nobody. I just wanna go back in my room and close everybody off again. I felt better then, when I wasn't talking to nobody.
"And you should be going to see your dad, not worried about going out with friends," Zyier laughs, "You worried about the wrong things. Go worry about how you need to be careful about what you put out in the air. And think about how you gon talk to your dad, and apologize to him."
I chew on the inside of my cheek to control my emotions. I ain't gon cry. I ain't gon do shit, or say shit. I ain't gon get mad either. Imma just stay quiet till he decide to hang up. I stare at the wall ahead of me to distract myself.
"So you got a attitude now?"
"I don't got no fucking attitude," I snap. I said I wasn't gon say shit but Zyier boutta make me black, swear to God. Nigga just woke up and decided he gon be on some bullshit. Nigga just found out what's going on with me and think he know everything about what's going on. And now I'm being blamed.
"Don't do that," he says.
"Nigga you tryna blame me for my papa being in the hospital when that don't got shit to do with me. Fuck is you even saying right now." So papa had a miscarriage because I said them babies was gon kill him. Did they not almost kill him though?
Even with no correlation I'm still getting blamed. Meanwhile he know my daddy walked out on everybody. I told him that. Papa been crying for the whole month. Stressed the fuck out, but it's me that's to blame for this right? Now I gotta make up an apology for putting a magic spell on him that made him lose triplets. Like fuck outta here. Fuck I look like. If I had that much power I would not be in half the situations I be in.
"I'm not blaming you. I'm just telling you to be careful with your words. Everything ain't about you. Everything ain't about offending you. If you was listening, you would realize that that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that this should put things into perspective. You coulda lost him. And the way you treat him don't show nothing but being ungrateful, when you can clearly see that he would risk his life for you. I just want you take this situation and realize that you could easily be without him, and then what, you gon regret the way you acted when he's gone?"
Didn't I already say that we good over here? Didn't I already say I don't need a lecture? I don't need nobody telling me how I need to feel about no fucking body. Let me feel how imma feel on my own. He don't know
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