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Ant POV
1:20am.
"Go inside. I'll be back," I tell Aj. I look through the rear view mirror, then break eye contact when I see the confusion on Aj's face.
"Where you going?" He asks. The first time he spoke in seven hours. And I can't even honor that, because I have to lie to him.
I unlock the car door to give myself a little extra time to stall in my response. I can't come up with anything good, and the fact that he probably thinks it has something to do with what they saw on tv makes it worse. It does, but not in the way he or anyone else is thinking. "I got a client." That's a dumb ass excuse. I can't fucking think straight right now, that's the problem. Why would I have a client in the middle of the night? Aj a little slow but he ain't stupid, so I'm met with a even more confused expression.
"Get in the apartment Aj. Go." I interrupt in a more demanding tone than before, hoping that'll stop him from asking me any more questions. And it does. He gets his bag, and I wait until he's safely inside then I leave. I can tell it's only gonna get more difficult to give excuses and keep secrets, and it's all because of that bitch Rue. I already came to terms with the fact that I'm gonna kill her. Not tonight, and probably not tomorrow. When I left Tyler's house, I was convinced I was gonna drive down here, drop my son off, and then go blow that bitch head off. But I thought about it, and right now is not the right time. But before Cameron start showing, I'm gonna kill her. No question about it. I'll play along with her right now, make her really think she got me on a leash, but at the end of the day she's done with. After what she did, the way she tried to blackmail me—nah.
And what I'm trying to figure out is how the fuck the bitch knew it was me who killed them niggas. It's like she had it ready just in case she needed to use it against me. If I'm being tracked, or watched, that's even more reason for me to do what I'm gonna do. All the bitch had to do was be petty and make me do some fucked up job when I got back, kept it simple. But no, she just had to use the ammo she got. It's cool though.
"If it's not the chocolate God himself. Thought you'd never show up." Rue's daughter says when I walk in. She bites her lip at me, and slowly gets up from the chair behind the desk. "How was your visit back...home?" She comes around the desk, and approaches me.
"Where Rue at?" I ask. This bitch come close Imma smack her.
She scoffs, "Oh, Rue this, Rue that. My mother can wait. You've got ten minutes to spare." She bites her lip again, then uses a hand to undo the first button on her shirt. That's my que to walk past her, but as I'm trying to, she catches me off guard and blocks my way, making her chest touch me. "Where you going so fas—"
"Move," I dodge her, and again, she blocks me.
"Just fuck me already Anthony. Jesus Christ. Catch the fucking hint—"
I told the bitch move, right? I push her, and I intentionally do it as hard as I can. I'm already aggravated as it is, and she thought it would've been a good idea to touch me? She goes flying backwards, falling down on the desk, and nearly everything on it falls to the floor—computer, lamp, papers, all that shit. I think something hit her forehead because now she got a bleeding knot.
"What the fuck is going on out here?!" Here this old white bitch go. She needa teach her daughter to take niggas serious, I don't know what to say. She glances at her daughter on the floor, glances at me, then sighs. "Rachel, get up. Clean this up. Anthony, follow me."
The first thing I take notice of when we get to the room Rue is usually in, is the two security guard she always got there. Imma have to think about that too, I can't be stupid. "Want to have a seat? Im sure you have questions for me." She asks.
"No." I don't need any of her answers. I don't care to know. It's probably gonna be bullshit answers for the questions I have.
"Really? No questions about protections? You're duty? How we discovered the floating bodies in the river...?" She asks.
"No."
"Well that was easy!" She cheers with a smile. "Okay, Anthony! I knew I liked you. You know, I'm sorry for cutting your vacation short a couple hours, but business is business. And speaking of business, this is what I need you to do..."
She hands me a big ass box of pills. "Drive up to Portsmouth. Drop ninety percent of these pills to the address on the bottom. They're expected to pay 700 grand up front. Then the other pills, you need to hand it out to whoever is out. Whoever you see. The homeless, teens, people coming from work, doesn't matter. Okay. It's easy work. You're gonna make 350k off of easy work." She smiles.
I'm not handing out no fucking drugs. That's weird on her part. Why you try a get people involved with shit they wasn't even worried about in the first place? "Fuck is this?" I ask. She keeps the smile on her face and narrows her eyes at me.
"You ever been high Anthony? A real high. A high that you feel like you can conquer anything? Any sadness in your body—gone! The colors of the world start popping out at you and you're just like...woah! Has everything always been this vibrant? A high where your body just tingles, while you get lost in a daze. The coldest nights feeling like the peak of Spring? Happy like you've got a million bucks. No weed needed." She smirks. "You can always help yourself, Anthony. You know that." She shrugs. "But that's what that is. The key to life—the key to happiness."
Ain't no fucking key to happiness. All this is is another drug to get random niggas addicted to. I'm gonna sell the shit to the address on the box, but I'm not giving this to people, especially not no kid. Whoever buying it can advertise it themself. I don't care. And if she find out, I don't care then either. Shit don't matter. I'm stringing this bitch along until I figure out the smartest way to kill her.
As I turn around to leave, she stops me, "Oh sorry," she begins, "How's Cameron? Happy to see you wasn't he?"
I turn around. "Don't ask me about him." I say. The sound of his name coming out her mouth don't sit right with me, and this better be the last time she say it. For real.
She chuckles. "Noted. What will happen if I do?"
Oh, she testing me. She really testing me. "You wanna find out?" I ask, inching toward her. This bitch don't know how close to the edge I am. The way my temper set up today, it could easily be my last day. I ain't even tryna be dramatic. I don't know how much longer I could take her smart ass comments without putting a bullet in her face. She say something else, Imma fucking do it. And I'll be happy I did even when them niggas behind her doing the same shit to me. I don't give a fuck no more. This shit ain't worth shit. Nigga this life ain't worth shit. This bitch keeping tabs on me to blackmail me, so she probably got eyes on me and my family no matter where I'm at. I'm stressing myself and everybody else out with my shit. I could put an end to all this shit if I put myself up. And that's exactly what I'm bout to do. Not because I'm consciously doing it with my head and heart in it, but because I'm watching myself stand in front of the bitch and reach into the top of my jeans, and grip my gun, and it's nothing I can do.
"I don't have the time to find out at this moment, I'll get back to you. Okay, go on. Once you finish this, I need you to do something else, so hurry up." She says, standing up and walking away with her security. I stand there for a minute, staring at the wall, tryna find my way back to myself. When I do, the grip around my gun softens. The timing saved her, and me. Shit could never go to plan.
I leave, get into one of the cars parked out in the back, and make my way to the address. I would think my mind would be racing right now after having to up and leave, taking my son with me, arguing with Cameron, letting my daughter down, the white bitch, everything on the news, the fact that I was bout to kill her—I would think I have shit to figure out. Apologies to plan on. But I zone out completely. My mind is blank, like I'm on autopilot. Sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes that's a bad thing.
_____________
Aj POV
I'm woken up by my daddy at 6:55 in the morning. I had five more minutes until my alarm rang. I think this nigga is obsessed with fucking shit up. First our visit back home, now my sleep.
I heard him coming in at like 5am this morning. I was mad confused when he told me to go inside. I seriously thought he was bout to go on the run again and leave me behind. I don't know if that was the original plan in the first place, or if he decided to stay because the police don't know yet that it's him who killed those people, or if that nigga is still cheating on papa and went to see whoever it is that quick, but whatever it is he needs to get his shit together. I'm not gon be the next one going around the whole world with him because he tryna run from some cops.
And he made papa mad too. I know he usually gives into my daddy's excuses, but nigga was really mad over the fact that he couldn't stay till morning. I just now found out that he found out who did that to Taleah and killed them. I don't know when nothing is happening in this family. So much so that I'm shocked I found out that papa's pregnant at the same time as Taleah. That's definitely something they woulda told her first.
When they asked me if I wanted another sibling, I said yes. I lied. I don't want no fucking sibling. I said yes as a part of Zyier's advice that I been living by, 'Fake it till you make it'. I know they weren't expecting a yes from me, so I decided to make them think I was happy about it so that they could be more convinced that I'm changing. My real opinion? Another kid is the last thing they fucking need. Look at what the fuck is going on, and they want to have another child on top of that? Niggas not even living in the same house. We got niggas trying to kill themselves. We got a high ass mentally ill dad and a fragile ass, mentally unstable other dad, and they think it's time for another child? So, all this gonna be figured out in 9 months? This the shit I'm talking about. How could you be that irresponsible. On top of that, papa just had a stroke not too long ago, and he high risk when being pregnant for obvious reasons. How is that smart? That nigga gonna die and that's the crazy part. Everybody happy about a child that's gon kill the man, but what can I do about that? He already said nothing is gonna make him give the child up, then so be it.
I don't know why I couldn't just be born to a normal family bro. Everything going on is stressful. Plus I'm dealing with my own shit. Fucking Zyier texting me corny ass subs about Raheem all day yesterday that's supposedly a 'joke', but it's not funny to me at all. For instance I'll ask him something and he'll say: "Go ask Mr.Virginia" or some corny shit like: "Idk I don't talk to niggas who tell they boyfriend another boy is cute."
I get it's supposed to be making a joke out the situation, and I guess I can't really blame Zyier for making the jokes, especially since we kinda back on the terms we were on before we started fighting, and he always makes jokes like that, so of course he's going to now. But on my end it's kind of annoying. I would never admit it out loud, but it's annoying because trying to distract myself from Raheem is a real internal battle I been having. I hate that I can't force myself to say some playful dismissive shit when Zyier makes those comments mentioning him. I just change the subject.
It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. I be tryna tell myself 'All this for somebody that's just cute?' Like, I be tryna dumb shit down. But I can't lie to myself. It's about more than him just looking good. I know what it's about. It's about feelings I ain't never felt before.
I never had a nigga make me feel certain things. I ain't talking bout being in love, or feeling close to somebody, because I feel all those things with Zyier. But with Raheem, I can't even explain the things he make me feel and that's why it's so hard to act like he don't exist—which is exactly what I gotta do today. And every other day. Like I promised Zyier, and myself. Nigga I'm dreading going to school. I really hope none of them is here today, or at least don't notice me.
But 7:45am we in the car, and from the moment we got in, daddy's been calling papa non stop, getting madder each time he don't pick up. I'm ready to call him myself and tell him to answer the phone before this nigga gets violent, and I'm the only person in the car with him so imagine.
"Aj. Call your papa." Daddy says. Aight now, it was a joke. "Give me your phone." Even though I really don't want to, I hand him my phone since I know he woulda found a way to get it anyway. He calls papa's number and waits while it rings on speaker. I don't know if I want him to pick up or not, because either way, I know my daddy is gonna be mad.
"Hello?" Damn, that's crazy. This nigga bout to crash the car.
"You serious?" Daddy says back. He mad as shit.
Papa sighs on the other end, "Anthony, leave me alone. I'm trying to get ready for work."
"That's how you gon' fucking act?" He hits the breaks hard at a red light, forcing me to put my seatbelt on when my head hit the top of the car. I think he on a mission to kill me. "One fucking—"
"Anthony, I don't have time. If you're not bringing our son back home, do not call me today. I am very mad at you." He says.
"Mad for what? You acting stupid as fuck. I didn't have a choice. You really making me explain this to you?"
"You're actually not explaining anything. You're talking in circles. And I told you to leave Aj, and you didn't. You yelled at me. And I'm trying to get ready, and go to work, and distract my mind but," Okay, there go his tears, "You keep calling me and making me more worried when I'm trying to just focus on what I have to do because you don't listen to me anyways. Stop calling me if it's not about Aj. Just for today. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."
"It don't work like that, Cameron. Fuck you think this is."
"Yes, it does work like that! Because I said so! You're the one who's calling, not me! Like, seriously?!" Papa yells on the other line. Damn. This gotta be from that baby in him. Or maybe daddy really just got him that mad.
We pull up to the school right at that moment and daddy stops right at the side. "Who the fuck you talking to?"
Papa goes silent. This is awkward. Lemme get out this car. Wait, but he has my phone.
"Huh?" He asks again in the silence.
Papa sighs on the other end. Then cries more.
While papa is crying, it's like daddy is just getting more and more angry. "Cus you said so? You think I got time for your bullshit? I got bigger things to worry about than you having a attitude cus I left. You being annoying as fuck. Acting real fucking stupid."
There's a silence, then a sob on the other end, then I hear papa hang up the phone. Damn. This is so awkward. I just want my phone back so I can leave and act like I didn't hear them argue like that. I know my daddy be blunt and stuff, even with papa, but that nigga was actually saying shit he know gonna make papa cry. That's crazy. I thought he woulda just sweet talked papa and eventually apologized or something.
Daddy starts mumbling to himself in frustration, throwing my phone over to the passenger seat. Um.
I slowly reach over and grab it, then get out the car saying a quick bye to him. He ain't even respond because he too busy blankly staring at the steering wheel. I forgot how much I hate hearing them argue. Since I was a kid I hated that shit. And even now, even when I really don't fuck with either of them, it's just awkward. I'm used to them being mad affectionate and shit. It's weird.
So, thanks to them for giving me something else heavy on my mind as if I didn't have enough already. I put my hoodie on, and pull the strings tight as an attempt to conceal my face. Man, they gonna know it's me either way. Hoodie or not. But imma push my luck.
A text from the new group chat they made comes through.
Ivy: who's in school??
Kyra: me bby
Raheem: Me
Ivy: same, its a half day today 😛
Raheem: We know
Ivy: can u let me be excited? damn. where's aj?
Kyra: he don't fuck with us rmm
Ivy: *inserts picture*
This nigga sent a picture of me standing by my first period class, staring at my phone. Then within a couple seconds, he's next to me, staring at me with an attitude.
"Hey." He starts.
"Hi." I say back.
"So why you blocked everybody?" He asks. Damn, just like that? I don't have an answer for him, so I shrug.
"I'm being playful about it, but if you for real want us to leave you alone, we will. I don't wanna seem like we all in your space. That's what you want? Like, all jokes aside."
"Nah." I meant to say yeah. I really did.
"So why you blocked us boo?" He playfully pushes my shoulder, "Don't be like that just cus you went back home. Or was it your boyfriend?.....Waiiiit," he gasps cus he just figured it out. He grabs my arm and pulls me over to the side.
"Tell me the truth, I won't tell nobody. Did your boyfriend make you block us?"
I nod. It's the truth. Still don't change much.
"Why though?"
I shrug. I don't want to explain why. He could say he won't tell nobody all he wants, but Raheem is still his friend and this got a lot to do with him, so obviously he would tell him.
"Tell your boyfriend to chill out bro," Ivy smiles at me in confusion. "Anyways. It's a half day today. We going to Kyra's house. You, Rah, Ky, Sienna, me, Hwang, and then two of me and Ky's other friends. You can't say no."
"No."
"Well, you can say no, but it's not gonna mean much."
At that moment, Raheem comes walking around the corner, not noticing us at first until Ivy waves at him. He smiles, and at that moment I feel myself start getting nervous.
"Ivy you a creep." He says when he's gets close. Ivy shrugs and points to me.
"Tell Aj he coming with us to Kyra's house. He blocked us by accident by the way." He says as an excuse, which is a bad excuse because how you block three people by accident.
Raheem and I make eye contact.
"Wassup Aj?" He smiles at me.
"Hey."
"You coming with us to Kyra's house," he says, repeating what Ivy said which Ivy co-signs with a 'Mmhm'
"I can't." I say. I also meant to just say no, but Zyier was on my mind. And because of him, I really can't do that.
"Stay for a hour or two?" Raheem asks.
I shake my head no. I'm not getting caught up. Imagine if Zyier decided to call me while I was with them? Raheem nods in understanding. I can't spend any more time with him. "Aight, another time." He says. I took it as it is, but Ivy looks at Raheem quickly.
"Aj, I bet your dad don't even know it's a half day." Ivy says.
He don't.
"So, come with us! It's nothing crazy! We're just gonna
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