chapter two

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uncontrollable

       Boy, she hated it when she was right.  No, really.  She was a pessimistic bitch.  The day she started being right all the time, believe her, we're screwed. 

       In the next three days, they lost Mrs. Cross and now Rue was sick.  Aunt Sarah wasn't handling it well.  First her son and now her baby.  Her husband was barely hanging on.  Her grief was uncontrollable, and they were having to take care of her as much as they were having to take care of the sick. 

       Julian was here, he was helping, but he wasn't really here.  He was lost in his own grief.

       News no longer stayed on the air continually.  Now they only received reports every few days.  The last they heard the president was dead.  The vice president was dead.  She didn't know who was in control now, but she hoped someone did.

       With no tv, no radio, they were completely on their own.

       Mom said they should be thankful the lights were still working.  They should be thankful the kitchen was stocked.  When they ran out, they even had Julian's house they could ransack.

       Police no longer came around trying to keep the peace.  There was no one around causing trouble.  At least not around here.

       Everything was quiet.  Too quiet.

       That was freaking driving her insane.

       Julian looking so lost and holding that damn remote was driving her insane.

       She looked away from him before she could do something bad and hit him.

       Mel was watching her.  They were sitting at the coffee table in the living room coloring pictures.  Her sister was pretty good at drawing.  She had a nice sunny day with flowers and a rainbow.

       Jess looked at her own picture, a backyard full of graves.

       Which one of them needed mental help?  She'd say the one who still thought there were rainbows in the sky.

       She could be wrong though.

       She tucked her picture under some other papers and hoped her sister hadn't noticed it.  "What's up, Booger?"

       "Can we go outside today?  I don't like being inside all the time."

       Mel was a tomboy.  She was happiest covered in dirt or up a tree, but outside wasn't a place to play anymore.  There were graves, not only in their yard but others as well.  There were fires everywhere because some chose not to bury their dead.

       Old man Carson was across the street right now burning someone.  His wife or the grandson he was raising.  That's the kind of world they lived in now.  Someone's body burning on the front lawn.

       "Jess, can we go out?"

       "We can play a game."  She would rather not but she offered, anyway.  It was one thing for all of them to sit around in a haze of fear and loss, but Mel still thought things could get better. 

       It was only right that someone was still left who clung to hope.

       "I have a better idea."  Her mom was leaning in the doorway watching them.  "You three come with me."

       She and her mom shared the same brown hair, her mom just wore it a little shorter.  Now she had beautiful eyes.  Dark green and full of life.  She was even shorter than her eldest daughter, not even much bigger than her seven-year-old.

       Danny and Mel were blessed with long legs.  Thanks to dear ole dad.  They could also thank him for the gorgeous dark complexion to go with their dark hair.  Coupled with mom's dark green eyes made Jess the odd duck out. Short, pale and fleshy.  She didn't even have a bubbly personality to go with it.

       Not that she wasn't okay in her own skin.  She was, it's just that she couldn't stop thinking that Danny should be here.  Michael should be here.  Mel was smart and talented.  Her mom was always thinking of others.  Julian was good.  Rue was just a baby.  Aunt Sarah had once been the happiest person she knew.  Uncle Chad spoiled her.  He tried to spoil all of them. 

       She was just Jess.  What did the world need with another smart ass?

       "Jess, you too.  You and Julian get up right now.  "

       Happily, Mel followed her.  Jess looked at Julian.    "We might as well go."

       He didn't even seem to hear.  He was still playing with that damn remote.  She didn't like to see him like this, but she wasn't the most sympathetic person.  If he wanted to cuddle, he needed to go to goody two shoes.

       She kicked at his leg and dragged him to his feet.  She knew him.  If she wanted him out of this mood, then she needed to kick him out of it.

       With a handful of his shirt, she dragged him into the kitchen and out into the garage.

       "About time.  Julian, I need you.  Get those paint buckets down from the top shelf.  Remember when I was on the decoration committee for the fall festival at the elementary?  There's red, orange, yellow and brown."

       "What are we painting, mama?"

       The smile she gave Mel was soft and full of love, but it was dim. 

       "Whatever you want, baby.  When you were small, you always wanted to draw on the walls.  You remember that?"

       "I always got in trouble.  You didn't like it."

       "No, I didn't, but that was then, and this is now.  You can paint whatever you want."
    "Are you sure, mama?"

       Still smiling, her mom waited for Julian to open one of the cans then she dipped both hands into the red paint.  With a wicked grin, she pressed them to the back of her white minivan.

       Mel giggled, but all Jess could think about was how they still owed three years on it.

       Her mom was signing her name above her handprints when she caught her oldest daughter staring at her like she'd lost her mind. 

       "They're just things, Jess."

       Freaking out, she reached out to feel of her mom's forehead. 

       Her mother caught her hand then proceeded to slap some paint on each of her cheeks.  "There that's much better.  You worry too much.  When did that start happening?"

       Jess wiped some of the paint off her cheek then rubbed it into her mom's hair.  "Maybe about the same time you decided you were funny."

       Hearing Mel laugh, Jess went after her, but her mom caught her at the back of the neck.

       Her little sister danced away and grabbed the yellow paint and a paintbrush.

       That one happy and taken care of, her mom turned to Julian.  "I know what you're thinking.  That you don't belong anywhere anymore.  That you don't belong to anyone anymore.  You're wrong.  You've belonged to us ever since you were seven and took on those three ten-year-old boys who were picking on Jess."

       He smiled a little.  "Did she tell you they were only picking on her because she called them fat headed dumbasses?"

       "Sounds about right.  Have some fun.  They wouldn't want you to give up.  Okay, kid?"

       "Okay, Charlie."             

       She wasn't prone to displays of affections but before she even realized what she was doing; she launched herself at her mom.

       After half a second of being shocked her mom was squeezing her back.  "I love you too.  Never change, Jess."

       "I won't if you won't."

       "Deal."

       Jess waited for her mom to leave before she balled her hand into a fist and punched Julian in the arm as hard as she could.  "That's for being an idiot, you jerk."

       Normally, he would have laughed.  Instead, he opened his arms for her.

       "You big jerk." 

       He held her close. 

       "What I have, you have.  You should already know that.  We will get through this."

       "I know you, babe.  You don't really believe that."

       Looking up at him, she let him see the part of herself that she let no one see.  Truth is, she was a phony.  Maybe it was crazy, but she was holding onto hope as much as the next person.  She prayed.  She was waiting for a miracle too.

       He whispered.  "No matter what's coming, we do it together.  Okay?" 

       "Okay."

       What was coming?  At least they knew it came down to two choices.  One, they kept losing until there was nothing left to lose or two, somehow, they survived.

       Two-thirds of the world gone, and we still haven't learned that just when you think you have it all figured out, the world got even more fucked up.

       In times like this, you'd think that wasn't possible.

       If she had her choice, she would have gone with the zombies.


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