until

The next couple of days became a kissing game. Every time Kell tried to have a serious conversation about something, she threw herself at him.

Which equaled a lot of making out. She had no problem with this, but she knew it couldn't last forever.

He was already on to her. He knew exactly what she was doing. She wasn't sure he knew why. In fact, he couldn't possibly know why.

How much longer could she hide it?

She didn't even know for sure what it was she was trying to hide. Were they mated? She didn't know how in the hell it happened, but she was very afraid they were.

At night when she couldn't sleep, she thought about it a lot.

The mark had always been there. Unnoticed for the most part. A weird birthmark she didn't give much thought to. When did it become more than that?

There was still a chance it wasn't. A small shot in the dark but she was holding on to it like her life depended on it.

After these last few nights of no sleep, she could even pinpoint when it happened. Before she had even met the bastard. A couple days before they stepped through the barricade. She had just lost her mom. The last thing she'd been worried about is a burning on her shoulder.

Her sister and her aunt had been sick and sleeping in the back of the van. Julian had been asleep in a middle seat with his legs in the seat across from him, so she'd used the time to cry for all that she had lost. Her back propped against the back tire in case someone needed her. Her fist against her mouth so no one heard her cries.

What was a little pain when you already felt like someone had ripped your heart out?

She'd never thought about it again. Had no reason to till now. How could he have the same identical mark?

That wasn't the only shitface thing going on. Like her not being able to lock lips with anyone else. Being able to feel his unease. His pain. Yesterday during his training with his guards, his arm had been sliced opened.

It might have been her own arm the way she had carried on.

Right in the middle of history, surrounded by other humans. All of them had looked at her like she had lost her mind.

Once she realized her arm wasn't split opened elbow to wrist, she thought handled it pretty well.

Denial. Claimed she pinched her arm in the desk. Anyone who didn't believe that got a mind your on damn business.

She didn't know why she was surprised when Kell showed up to lunch with no wound. With their hi-tech crap, who knew what was possible. If she was going to be surprised about something it should be that he was unaware of her whole incident.

Unless he wasn't.

God, she hoped he was unaware of it. Too many more stunts like that and she'd give herself away.

"Human Jessalynn, is there something I could help with. You seemed distressed."

Had Kellum really been like this dickweed?

Danoko never smiled. Never had any expression on his face. He might could tell she was distressed but he wasn't overly worried about it one way or the other.

Dude was only half a step away from being a robot. Tall, thin, and pale. Too damn smart. A couple days of him correcting her speech and she wanted to pull his backbone out through his mouth. If he even had a backbone. She hadn't decided yet. No matter what she said or did to the annoying ass he never stood up for himself.

One hour every Monday and Wednesday. Yeah, that hour sucked. She'd rather go back to running five miles instead.

The other one, Sinclair Torres, he wasn't much better. Most days he stood her up. Shit head.

Don't get her wrong, he was smoking hot, but he reminded her a little too much of herself. If she didn't have a Julian.

Bad attitude and a nasty snarl. That was when he wasn't wearing his I'm totally bored with this shit look.

Tomorrow was Thursday so he'd have on a grey hoodie. Tuesday was black hoodie day. No matter the day of the week, he always had on a black beanie, pulled down low over his forehead and brown stubble on his face.

Another damn thing that pissed her off. Another reason to believe that damn mark meant something. Any other time she would have already tried to climb over the table separating them to get at such delicious eye candy.

Now she usually napped that hour. She'd be napping now but Danoko had this nasty habit of waking her to tell her she was napping.

And she thought Frick was a prick.

She swore to God if he didn't have the most beautiful, feminine eyes she'd ever seen she'd deck him. Pale, almost clear purplish blue. Crazy long dark eye lashes. His white hair was just long enough to part on the side and comb over.

"Human Jessalynn, you have not answered my question."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the voice of Pee-wee Herman? It's really hard to not hit you."

"No one has ever told me that. Thank you for refraining yourself. I would not like to know what it feels like to be hit. Sounds very aggressive. Perhaps your time would be better suited to trying to get to know me better. With our numbers, we would be perfect for each other. It is not often that a government official and a medical adviser are a match, but the numbers cannot be wrong.

Wanna bet?

"What about your other matches? Any chemistry?"

"Chemistry? I am unable to comprehend this type of chemistry you speak of. Could it not be a delusion that humans cling to because they do not possess the intellect to_____."

She punched him in the mouth.

His expression never changed but he did bring his hand up to touch his lips.

Kellum arrived and reached for her hand. Seeing his look, she shrugged. "Most of it is his."

Seeing Danoko's distress at seeing Kell was humorous. He barely stopped himself from bowing.

"My future... Kellum. The human Jessalynn is most unworthy of your time. I will see to her______."

Kell caught her hand before she could hit the maggot again.

"Danoko, perhaps you should go to the infirmary and allow someone to assist you."

"As you wish. Human Jessalynn_____."

She didn't have to listen to what he was going to say because Kellum got her out of there. Smart boy.

He cleaned her small cuts them put a cream on them that healed them almost instantly. That would have come in handy that time she got it into her head that she could jump hurdles for the track team.

She'd been drunk and at Abby Crenshaw's house. Abby's dad was a carpenter so plenty of sawhorses laying around.

Why was it that when you are drunk you felt invincible and ten feet tall?

That's why she could count on one hand how many times she drank. Four out of five of those times were in the same week. Her dad's song, 'What I Gave Up' went to the top of the billboards. Not her best week. She'd done some stupid stuff. She couldn't hold her liquor and she was a bad drunk.

Her stomach churned and she pulled her hand away from Kell. "All better. Stop worrying about it. You're worse than a mother hen. Shouldn't you be with Hayden?"

Jess hated how he'd known something was bothering her. And he'd know it wasn't Danoko.

Before he could question her, she changed the subject. "Going to lecture me on punching that dweeb?"

"Not at all. I am glad for the excuse to go fetch you. We have things we need to talk about, Jessalynn."

That fucking jerkoff was going to have some pain coming his way.

She started around the counter that was between them.

He held up his hand. "I know what you are doing, I am just not sure why."

"Maybe I just like eating your face off." That's all it took. He was coming around the counter to meet her halfway. God, she loved that about him.

"Jessalynn."

She melted at the tremor in his voice and forgot any reason for kissing him except that she wanted to. With a groan, her arms went around his neck and her legs locked around his hips.

One-minute things were getting very serious, very quickly, next he turned and sat her on the counter and was gone.

She had to blink a few times to get her eyes to focus. Talk about leave a girl hanging.

Jess turned until she found him across the room.

He was taking deep breaths. His hands clasped behind his back. "This is a dangerous game we play, Jessalynn."

"True enough. Don't you like it?"

"You know I do but it is getting harder and harder to stop."

"Who said you had to?"

His growl was followed by a groan. "Rules forbid it."

"Not my rules."

After a few more deep breaths he was able to move closer. "I find I agree with you about a lot of things, most things, but on this we are not in agreement. I still want the world where people save themselves for their mates, and I still believe there should be an age limit."

"It's too late for that with me."

"Do you not wish you could go back and make that different? Knowing what you know now?"

Shit in one hand and wish in the other and you were stuck with the same in both hands. But would she? She'd never regret her first time. She felt like she'd done good making sure it meant something.

She gave her head a shake. Shit and wishes. She wasn't the one who probably wished things were different.

Suddenly, he was back at her side. His hands captured her face. "Just the thought of anyone else touching you drives me to want to hurt someone but that doesn't change the fact that you belong to me now. Nothing can change that."

His lips tasted her slowly before he pulled away. "Believe me when I say that I am thankful for all you have shown me. I never knew two people could be so close."

"We could be even closer."

Jess rolled her eyes when he was gone again.

When he spoke again his voice was unstable. "Ever since the other night, I find it hard not to dwell on some of the things you have shown me."

Smiling, she hugged her knees to her chest. "Like what?"

"Another dangerous game. Needless to say, some of the things you have shown me are vastly different than the things they taught us in class years ago."

"I can imagine. Dezrick, didn't make me think too much of your kind's ability in the sack. All about getting the job done, huh? Can you believe down here we actually do it for fun and try really hard to not get the outcome your kind want?"

"I can. Now. Perhaps I should arrange for some more classes. There is a lot to learn."

"Don't. Learn the way we did. Practice. Trial and error. You're a fast learner, the others will be too."

She kissed him when he was close enough. Just a small kiss to show that she was glad he'd come back. "I don't mind waiting. Probably for the best anyway."

No probably about it. One, no way he was getting her out of her clothes and two, there was still Hayden to think about.

It wasn't that she was trying to deceive herself about this bond between them. She really didn't see how they could be mates when she knew for a hundred percent that she couldn't be a queen. The more she thought about it the more that became clear. She punched someone for God's sakes.

Queen? When pigs fly and donkeys danced.

"Look, this needs to finally be out in the open. I've been with two guys. One right after all this crap started. That's what we do when we think the world's going to end. We find someone to get close to. We'd been dating for about two months. Nothing serious. Had fun twice. It was nice. He's probably dead now. Other than to hope that's not true, I never give him much thought."

"Did you care for him?"

"Not like you think."

"Is this what you have been hating to tell me?"

"Nope."

"Is it worse than knowing someone touched what was not his? Knowing he touched what is mine?"

"Might be yours. That's a big might be. Giant really. Hayden's a virgin, I'd bet on it."

"I do not care enough to find out."

"Dez?"

"She is."

"There you have it."

"Jessalynn, what is worse than knowing someone touched what is mine?"

She swallowed and had to look away. "Knowing and not allowed to be upset by it. Knowing and having to see us together. Because I love him and that's not going to change. You can't keep us apart and you can't hurt him. All you can do is accept it. Unless you can't. Then we'll have to go our separate ways."

She raised her chin a notch to let him know how serious she was.

As much as she thought he should be with Hayden the whole reason she'd been dreading to tell him was because she was afraid that this was going to push him right into the other girl's arms.

Shit and wishes. Would she change things if she could? Up till now, up till him, she would have sworn the answer would be no.

What was wrong with wanting your best friend to be the one to show you what happens between a man and a woman? It had been perfect and beautiful. She hadn't had one single regret. Until now. What was wrong with your first time being with your best friend?

When you must explain him to a jealous, possessive boyfriend you didn't want to scare off. When you realized that your best friend wasn't the most important guy in your life anymore.

He had said nothing could change how he felt about her, but this just might.

"I see."

Jess could see that he did. He looked like she'd just sucker punched him. Not much different than Danoko had minus the blood.

"I will need some time with this."

"Can understand that."

"You live with him. You..."

"He's family."

"Does that not go against what you just told me."

She shrugged. "Maybe but it's still true."

"Do you... " His fist tightened. He was trying hard to maintain control over his emotions.

"It's not like that." She said softly. "I was sixteen. Starting to feel differently about boys. I knew it wouldn't be long before it happened for him. I thought it was only right our first time be together. He was completely against it at first, but he's never been able to tell me no for long. After that he got a little love struck. Can't blame him for that. First taste and all that, so, there were a few times at first then we both came to our senses. As nice and as new as it was it still wasn't what we were looking for. We never did it again after that. Never even think about doing it again. He started dating someone he really cared about. I have my issues and didn't want to care for anyone that way. Everything was good."

"You were not his."

She didn't know what to say to that.

"He is still a part of your life. I have never felt comfortable with you around him. There is an intimacy, a familiarity to his touch that I have always hated but I told myself I was imagining it because he is your family." He finally looked at her. "Instead of harming him, I feel like I have been harmed."

His words nearly flayed her. "I never meant to hurt you. Like I said, you can have all the time you need."

He wasn't so upset that he didn't hear the tremor in her voice. He studied her.

"It just occurred to me that you might think that this will change how I feel about you."

"Won't it?" She asked in a whisper.

Kell caught her just above her knees and pulled her towards him. His eyes changing as if the whole conversation had never happened.

When she would have lost herself in his kiss, he eased off. His hands still holding her face as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip.

"I told you that could not happen."

"You can't know that for sure. You can't know that you'll always feel like this. Things change. People change. It happens all the time."

"I do know. Do you think I would be letting things go as far as I have been if I was not sure? If you change then I will change with you. Whatever it takes, Jessalynn. I will not lose you."

"You said you need time."

"To figure out how I am going to be able to let Julian live. Not about you and me. Never about you and me."

His lips teased hers before moving down her neck.

Sighing, she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"You cannot get rid of me, Jessalynn. I am the one person who has the right to touch you, and I do so want to touch you, my Jessalynn."

She sighed again as he nibbled on her ear. "Show me."

She felt his smile against her neck. "The day will come. I swear it will. No one could keep it from happening. You are mine and one day soon everyone including you will know how true those words are."

Letting him move away was hard. In that moment, he could have asked for the moon and she would have tried her damnest to get it for him.

She stopped him when the door opened for his exit. "If anything happened to Julian it would break my heart."

"I know. That is why I am going very far away right now. I will return when I do not want to replace his outsides with his insides.