JOANNA

It's been almost three months since Gabe and I parted ways. I wish I could say that I am now in a much better place and that I have come to terms with what happened.

I can't, though.

I resent Gabe for hiding things from me. I hate Nora for showing up and ruining everything. I just... I can't move on. Every time I go to bed, I say a silent prayer the baby is not his.

I can put on a brave face during the day and pretend my heart is not broken. The problem is when I'm alone at night. His caressing touch lingers on my skin, still leaving me with a warm feeling. The moments we shared feel like a song I can't get out of my head. His voice, like a gentle melody, drifts through my dreams.

That's how screwed up I am.

We still haven't talked, apart from that day on the beach. Maria had tried to keep me updated in the beginning, but I told her that was too hurtful. As she had predicted, Nora has been using this pregnancy to win Gabe. She went to three different doctors that he arranged for her, and all of them confirmed that due to a difficult pregnancy, it would be better to wait until the baby was born to do the paternity test. There's no way she's faking her health issues, but boy, is she using it to guilt trip Gabe?

With each day that passes, I try to convince myself that I did the right thing by leaving him. Just thinking about Gabe around her makes me nauseous. I wouldn't stand seeing it firsthand.

On the bright side, I finished writing my book.

I replayed Gabe's words in my mind, suggesting I should use my pent-up energy and turn it into writing energy. So, that's what I did. Although writing with a broken heart is incredibly difficult, I was determined to focus on the result rather than the process. I'm a professional, and I have the skills to get the job done.

In that aspect of my life, everything is going according to the plan. My new book is about to be released in two weeks. I've already got my first ARCS reviews and I'm blown away by the positive response. The publisher is arranging a book signing to celebrate the release day of the book. Many people already confirmed they're going.

Now, all I can do is hope for the best.

Scrolling through my emails, I see that the swag they sent me to give readers is already in my mailbox. As I walk outside, I can see the headlights of a car that I know well, slowing to a stop. My father. When I meet him halfway, I smile and his face lights up. I can sense his unease, and I feel a pang of remorse for never replying to his text about lunch.

"I was in the neighborhood..." He flashes me a quick, hesitant smile. "I thought I'd stop by to see how you're doing."

My heart warms at the lie. He has no reason to be in this area apart from visiting me.

"Would you like to come in?" I ask. "I just made some coffee."

"I would love to." He nods. "Thank you."

It's weird having him follow me to the kitchen. Even though he's the one who bought this house, he's only been here once to give me the keys.

Looking at him, I notice how older he looks. Like he's a different person, but also my father. We had such a good relationship before everything went down with him and my mother that it's been hard to let go of the resentment.

"Here," I offer him a mug, motioning for him to sit at the kitchen table as I get sugar, cream, and some cookies I bought yesterday.

"Thank you." He clears his throat, obviously feeling awkward too.

"I'm sorry I didn't get back to you-"

"It's okay," he cuts me off with a wave of his hand. "I know how busy you are."

"I wrote another book." I shrug, looking down when his eyes light up again.

"Oh, that's wonderful, honey," he says. "I'd love to get a signed copy."

Joining him at the table, I pour us some coffee. "I didn't peg you to be a romance novel fan."

"Ah..." He chuckles softly. "Well, maybe I'm just proud of my daughter's success."

I look away, my chest tight with emotion. Once upon a time, all I wanted was his approval. I wanted to make him proud. His compliments were like a gentle hug, making me feel appreciated and loved. He was my rock, my hero. But then life happened and now I can't even look him in the eye without feeling weird.

"Jo..." he starts, but I quickly cut him off.

"I can't be at your wedding." My heart races when his eyes widen. "I don't have the emotional capacity to be there, knowing you two went behind my mom's back, and..."

"Your mom and I were already separated when Linda and I got together." He shakes his head, his eyes pleading for me to understand.

"And what about me?" I raise my eyebrows and he leans back in his chair. "Have you ever thought about how the consequences of your actions affected me?"

He swallows hard, looking down. "I don't... I haven't..."

"Right." I take a deep breath.

"Hurting you was the last thing I wanted, Joanna." He meets my gaze, and for the first time after all these years, I realize how much this has affected him too.

"You didn't break only mom's heart, you know?" I feel my eyes water. "You broke mine too."

"I'm so sorry." He reaches for my hands. "I was waiting for you to start college to leave the house. I never wanted you to find out like that. You're my only daughter, Joanna. I love you more than anything in this world."

"Dad." I sigh.

"But you're right." He swallows hard, his chin trembling. "I'm your dad. I was supposed to protect you and... Honey, I'll never forgive myself for hurting you like that, but not having you in my life is killing me."

I blink fast, trying to hold the tears inside. "I'm..."

"We can start small, maybe meeting for coffee once in a while?" He rushes to speak, his hand finding mine over the table. "I made the worst mistake of my life letting you down. I should've come clean the moment I got involved with someone. But... God! I'm begging you for a chance to make things right. Please."

"There's a new coffee shop down the block..." I murmur, running my fingers under my eyes. "They have an open mic thing every Wednesday night."

His lips tremble as he nods. "I'd love to check it out with you."

"Okay..." I say, and he stands up, prompting me to stand up too.

"Uh..." He clears his throat. "I don't want to take up much of your time."

"Oh, okay." I follow him as he walks to the door.

As I open the door for him, he looks at me. "I understand you not being part of the wedding. I guess I'll see you next Wednesday, then?"

"I'll text you the details." I touch his shoulders, and he pulls me into a hug. The fact that his whole body is shaking makes me cry softly into his embrace.

"Thank you." He nods as he pulls away, turning to leave, but not in time to hide his tears.

I watch him walk to his car, and a wave of mixed feelings invades my heart. I don't remember the last time we sat down to talk like this, and it makes me miss him even though he has just left.

Will I ever be able to forgive him?

Can we fix our relationship?

A feeling of hope fills my heart, encouraging me to try. I don't want to keep evading him for the rest of my life. Even when I try to fool myself, the truth is that he's my dad and I love him.

As we sipped our coffees, the warmth of his smile made me feel like I was home again, and I realized how much I had missed him. I could still see his kind eyes looking at me with admiration, and my heart swelled with the knowledge of how much he cared for me.

Yeah... He was the one who broke it in the first place, but he's also willing to mend it now, right?

Should I punish him forever? Shouldn't I give him at least an opportunity to fix things between us?

Closing the door, I hear the beep of my phone. Grabbing it from the counter, my heart skips a bit when I see it's a text from Gabe.

GABE: The song is for you.

What? I frown, following the link he sent me.

It's an Instagram video of him sitting in a studio with his acoustic guitar on his lap. It was posted around fifteen minutes ago and already has millions of views and likes.

My fingers shake as I press play. His beautiful eyes are looking straight into the camera as if he was staring at me.

"I met the girl of my dreams a long time ago," he says, making me gasp. "I never thought she'd give me the time of the day... But then we got to spend time together and I took a leap of faith and kissed her. Best kiss of my life. Unfortunately, we didn't end up together. But I think about her every day. I just can't get her out of my mind." He closes his eyes for a second before looking back at the camera again. "I hope she can forgive me one day."

If I could turn back time

If only I could find a way

to erase your pain

to make you stay, but

I'm trying to do the right thing

To honor your wishes and to stay away, but

You took over my head, my dreams, and my life

You made me believe you could be mine

I didn't want to hear the sound of your sobbing

But I know I'm the one who caused it

I'm trying to do the right thing

To honor your wishes and to stay away, but

You took over my head, my dreams, and my life

You made me believe you could be mine

Would you forgive me if I told the world that I love you?

Would you forgive me if I told the world that I need you?

I'm trying to do the right thing

To honor your wishes and to stay away, but

You took over my head, my dreams, and my life

You made me believe you could be mine

Would you open the door if I showed up unannounced?

Would you give me a chance to make up for my mistakes?

I'm trying to do the right thing

To honor your wishes and to stay away, but

You took over my head, my dreams, and my life

You made me believe you could be mine

I've always loved you.

This won't ever change

But you know it's so much more

For me not to ask for a second chance

I'm trying to do the right thing

I'm trying

I'm trying

_______

A/N: *sighs in love*

Now what, guys? Talk to me, please!

XOXO

Celeste