Act 3

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Act 3.1

Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces

I'm lonely in this white room. Just me, myself, and I, all three stuck in my head, each fighting to take control. I suffer when I dream; I suffer when I'm awake. I want to tear down these walls, but there are pads everywhere. I bounce, I pound, but I can't get out. I used to drink to make things right. I'm sober now. I have been for quite some time. It feels like I'm dying inside, with every passing day, with every passing hour. I'm chaffing, knotted up in my straight jacket. I'm itching to breathe, to stretch. But then I stop and think, what's left of my mind? Why would I want to leave when I can just cease to be?

I think I'm dying here.

It seems like everyday's the same. I'm lost, I stopped caring. I thought there were rats all around me, but it was just shadows, tricks of the mind. I'm left to discover on my own, that there's no color, only grey. I'm left alone, lost in this white room.

I see a man before me, and I yell. Get off that cross! Save me! Stop smiling Jesus! Hate me, but don't tell me I'm better. Are you some kind of medicine man? Cut me open and let these demons out of my head!

How about a cup of tea first?

"Malcolm, talking to yourself is counterproductive to our sessions. Maybe an increase in your medication will help. Let's do a change of pace, why don't you leave your room today and take a walk?"

"I'm fine here Jesus. Leave my soul alone, I don't need no surgery today. Go fetch me some tea and leave me be," I said, turning around to face the wall.

"We've gone over this. I'm not Jesus. I'm your doctor, your friend, I -"

"You have a beard, Jesus had a beard. If I say yes to the walk will you take off this jacket?" I asked looking over my shoulder.

"You know we can't do that, you bit a nurse's ear the last time."

"Yes but my mouth is still free, my hands are tied not my mouth."

"Yes that's true. Well, if you are still able to bite the nurses with your straight jacket on, then I'll have to see about finding a way to cover your mouth. But I have faith you will behave yourself," The doctor said, taking notes down on his metal clipboard.

"I'm glad to be of service."

"How are you Malcolm? How are you today?"

"I'm fine," again, "I'm fine."

"So, no walk?"

"Not right now."

"Does that mean you're ready to talk about her?"

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Bree?"

"Malcolm, not again. Not this again. We made so much progress yesterday. You know Bree is just a figment of your imagination. She never existed. Scarlett, we are talking about Scarlett."

"No I don't want to talk about her. I think I'd like to go for my walk now."

"Okay that's a start. Maybe tomorrow we can talk about Scarlett?"

"I'm fine Jesus," again, "I'm fine," again I said, "I'm fine."

"Ricardo will walk with you," The doctor said with a sigh, looking at the doorway. A big black football player, an elephant of a man came through the door. His arms folded, sans smile, with a goatee outline on his face.

"Come on Joker, let's tour Arkham and visit the rest of the rogue's gallery," Ricardo's voice boomed.

"Can't I be the hero today?"

"You'll never be the hero."

"How will that help my mental state?"

"Fuck if I know boy, I'm not a doctor."

"Nah you're just a jackass."

"That's not very nice. I don't think I'm going to let you get to second on this date," Ricardo chuckled.

"Whatever hippo!"

Ricardo grabbed me by the sleeves and pulled me into the hallway. He walked behind me, pushing me forward, directing me now and then, here and there.

Under the big top, the rest of the crazy farm residents ranged from mild mannered to out right schizophrenics.

Twitching.

Bugging out.

Full on shouting matches with themselves. "I see you! You're looking right at me! My soul, it burns! Get your eyes out of my head!"

"Steve shut the fuck up. I think I saw a nurse with cookies." I yelled back at the Steve, who sat on the battered brown couch. His dark beady eyes never left the ceiling tiles.

"Oh," Steve got up from the couch and ran over to the nurse's station.

Walking down the hallway, we reached the game-room: a couch and matching comfy chairs, tables with board games, cards and magazines, two TV's hung from the corner walls.

"Mind if I sit down for a bit Ric?"

"Do what you want. I'll be over by the window." I sat down on the brown couch, knees up against my chest. I looked all around me, peanuts of insanity and I was the big cashew. I had lived in my head for weeks, months, and now it was time to come out. Was I ready to talk to the doctor? You never really know, but the seams must be spilt open eventually. Clean my mind, clear my conscious, clear my throat, clear it out. It might even be liberating. I stared down at the table in front of me. An old beat up copy of Alice in Wonderland sat alone; a picture of Alice chasing the Rabbit was painted on the cover. Her smile seemed to be mocking me. I haven't read it since I was a kid. I wondered how it ended? I don't remember it having much of a point. I might just read it again.

Someday....

I spent the night sleepless, staring outside, through my tiny caged window. She came to me that night, my angel, my figment, saving grace. She appeared to me, as if she was always there. Right by my side.

"Hi Bree," I said softly.

"Hi hun," she said with a gentle smile.

"I haven't seen you in a while. The Doc says you're not real. You seem real to me." I tried to reach out to her. She stood close to my bed, but out of arms reach.

"I'm not sweetie."

"Then why are you here?"

"To fuck with you," her smile turned malicious.

"I'm thirsty."

"Then let's drink. Beer? Nah let's hit the hard stuff. Gin and coke? Rye and Ginger? Doubles?" Her smile now playful.

"But I can't leave. I'm in my white room. Padded walls."

"Darling its okay, you're a candle burning at both ends."

"Which side will burn quicker?" I asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Hell should I know, I'm just hard metal cheese."

My angel.

As she faded away to nothing but her many smiles, her voice echoed off the padded walls, "You can't kill something that's already dead," and then she was gone.

I curled up in a ball and looked towards the window. Clouds were forming in the night sky, black to grey. I was sick of clouds. There's always goddamn clouds.

"I just want to die in my own body," I said to no one but myself.

The next day went by the same as before, but with a few twists: a spoon full of sugar and a side order of Pepto Bismol. The Doctor had to push our session to the afternoon. Something had come up. No matter. Today was the day, I'll tell him about Scarlett. I'll tell him what I did to her.

I went for a walk with Ricardo again. He seemed grumpier, edgier. All the animals did today. They scratched to get out.

"What's going on?" I asked Ricardo, while we walked the halls.

"New patient, a real character, came from the maximum prison up the road. Bad idea if you ask me," he said, the sound of trouble in his voice.

"Did someone ask you?"

"Shut the fuck up psycho."

I sat on the couch, rocking back and forth, when he came in.

"Hello oompa loompas! Have we all lost our marbles together. Fuck yea brothers and sisters!" His hair was wild and messy, his eyes just as crazy. His smile devilish and large. Chesire.

"Hey brother. What's your name?" He asked as he sat down across from me, holding his hand out to shake.

"Malcolm, Mal. I can't shake - straight jacket" I lifted up my bound arms to offer a visual aid, in case he missed the first time.

"Nice to meet you Mal, I'm Owen Sheperd. Sucks about the jacket, you deserve it?"

"I'm broken"

"Yea well, I have a hard time passing up an opportunity to make myself absurd. Not much different then you."

"But I'm supposed to be the sick one with a smile."

"Is that why you're not answering? Fuck Brother it's really annoying. Make it stop and answer!"

I woke up on my couch; it was raining outside, dark and grey. My apartment buzzer was going off. I jumped up, joints, muscles ached. I pressed the button, opened my door slightly and sat back down on the couch. I started to feel nauseous, sick to my stomach. Something was wrong. Everything felt wrong. Was I dreaming about being in an asylum? Am I in the Asylum now, dreaming of being in my apartment? More questions to my questions and no end in sight. Will there ever be an end?

"Jesus Mal, I've been down there for almost 10 minutes. Did you forget about our date?" Scarlett was standing in my hallway, dripping wet.

"What?" I said.

"You did, didn't you? You don't look too good."

"My head, it hurts. It always hurts," I muttered to myself.

"Okay look I'll leave you alone and I may forgive you, maybe, if you show up to my party tomorrow," Scarlett said, a concerned look on her face. It seems recently that's the only expression I've been seeing on her face.

"Party?" I looked up at her, trying to hold back my discomfort.

"Wow, yea. The costume party at my apartment," she said folding her arms in irritation.

"Right. Party." Part of me wanted her to come in, to sit down and comfort me. The other part wanted her to close the door and never come back. It was that part of me that wanted to curl up in a ball and fade away.

"Be there, okay? I really want to see you. Take care of yourself and get better," she said. All I saw in her eyes was pity.

"Okay," I mumbled. She left the way she came, leaving puddles on the wooden floor.

Had I been dreaming?

Was it all a dream?

Sing-A-Long

Calling All Gods

So alone that I can't even take it
The truth just broke through and I can't seem to fake it
Walking these crowded streets
With ‘nary a soul to be found
Just me and the moon and the stars
And a future that's bringing me down

Hello
Won't you see me?
I'm standing right here
Can't we just skip the bullshit?
And do away with the fear?

Swimming upstream,'gainst the unspoken screams
Of the faces without any names
You'd best not be asking 'bout the horrors they're masking
Behind briefcases,small talk and games
They'll think you weak and name you a freak
Claiming they don't understand
Hoping to feel something more real
Is taking your life in your hands...

Hello
Won't you see me?
I'm standing right here
Can't we just skip the bullshit?
And do away with the fear?
Calling all gods
Someone please answer my prayer
Oh lord, what was I thinking
I'd forgotten, you're probably too scared
Hello
Won't you see me?
I'm standing right here...

Act 3.2

Queen of Hearts

"You're naked!"

"Sex sells."

"Why are you naked?"

"Couldn't find pants.  What do you want?"  I really had no clue why I answered the door in my birthday suit.  It's possible I forgot I was hanging out in all my glory.  I had been stoned for most of the morning, dead brain cells a factor.  I could almost feel them dying in short bursts of extinguished life; lemmings jumping off a cliff, one after another.  

 "Dude seriously, I can't look at you like that,"  

 "Why are you looking?"

 "It moved." The guy was trying hard to keep his eyes on mine.

 "I'll slap you with it if you don't start telling me why you're here"

 "Package.  For you."  I held out my arms, he handed me a short rectangular box.

 As he disappeared around the corner I heard him say "Worst porn ever."

 I sat down on my couch and opened the box. Inside was a small piece of paper.

It read:  

Not that I don't trust you but, you've been a flake recently.  You probably forgot it's a costume party tonight.  Here is something to wear.  Can't wait to see you.

                                            Love,
                                            Scarlett

 Underneath the note, in tissue paper was a bowling shirt, half red, half black, down each side was the four symbols:  aces, hearts, clubs, and spades.  What kind of costume party was this?  Memory is cloudy. I searched the note for answers, but besides what I had already read, nothing else jumped out.  No hidden messages, DaVinci codes, or scratch and sniffs.  I tossed the shirt aside and went about my daily routine. My to do list. Channel surf.

 Around 9pm I buttoned up the shirt, chose a pair of jeans (easy enough, I was already wearing them) black sneakers and off I went.  I opted out of driving and hailed a cab: let him worry about getting lost.  I had a bad sense of direction - this being my first venture to Scarlett's apartment - I didn't want to wind up on the other end of town beating my head against a steering wheel.  

 I got into a cab, which smelt oddly of smoky cotton candy: thick and sweet.

 "Where to traveler?" The driver turned around to face me, one arm on the passenger seat.  His head was completely bald, street lights danced off of it.  Through the years, his hair seemed to have migrated south, now forming a bushy grayish-brown beard.

 "29th and Oak," I replied, leaning forward.

 "Is that your destination?"

 "Yea, that's where I want to go."

 "Do you truly know where you're going?"

 "What the hell buddy?! Who are you?"  The cabby tapped on his license, located above his door, Socrates was his name.  At least it wasn't Freud.

 "The question is: who are you? Do we really know who we are?  We follow the house rules; we are layered onions traveling down paths, lost in mind, lost in heart, thoughts like winding rivers.  We are Buddha-born stuck in special ed classes."

 "29th and Oak" I had enough. I leaned back, folded my arms and stared out the window. The cab pulled away from the curb and headed off down the street.

 "Don't you think you're down the wrong path my friend?"

 "Why do you keep asking me question after question?"

 "Why don't you answer them?"

 "I don't know."

 "Precisely, you're a Jack in the box.  You have two halves.  Enlightenment is within you but you are blind.  Want an apple?"

 "No, I had four before I left. All appled out.  It's yours, go to town."  

Socrates took a large bite out of the red apple. A perfect crater. "An apple a day," he looked at me in the rear-view mirror.

 "Keeps the doctor away," I added with a little energy

 "Does it?  Don't go to Doctors.  I was just sharing, I eat an apple a day."

 "You're strange."

 "Kettle and Pot.  Everything happens for a reason.  Universe and balance.  You shouldn't be here though.  Strings are being pulled.  Chaos."

 "I'd like to get out now."

 "That is the smartest thing you have ever said.  There is much truth in those words, mounds, spaces in between.  Here is your pit-stop, among many."  I looked outside, the taxi driver had stopped in an alleyway.

 "This is it?"

 "For now.  Have a sip,"  Socrates handed me a flask, my head was pounding from his philosophical barrage.  I had nothing to lose.

 "You have everything.  Drink it.  You are a philosopher too."  I took a sip, cool on my lips, bitter to taste, and it burned down my throat.

 "What is that?  What type of alcohol?"

 "Not alcohol.  My own special tea."  Socrates unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.  He came around to my side, opening the door. " I can't teach you anything more, you're blind, deaf, and stupid." He continued.  

I got out of the cab, paying the fair plus tip, " Don't you mean mute?"

 "I wish, too much buzzing,"  he said as he climbed on top of his trunk.  He sat erect, cross-legged, arms upwards and hands rested on his knees.  His eyes were closed now as a hum and glow seemed to surround him.  

A man in a 3 piece white tuxedo rounded the corner, running full speed into the cab. "Can't believe I slept so long. I'm late, I'm late.  She's going to kill me.  I'm late for my own wedding!" He yelled, his cries echoed through the alley.  I turned to watch.  He banged his fists repeatedly on the side of the taxi.  Socrates was unphased. "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" The man in white cried again.

 Socrates swung around to face the man and slapped him across the face, "That lioness will eat you alive little hare. It's rabbit season don't you know?"

 "I'm late you ass clown! I'm late! I'm late!" The man was panicking.

 "I'm not.  House rules. Zen meditation.  The warrior still has time left in regulation."  Socrates said calmly returning to his position.  The man continued to yell and beat the car.

 I headed upstairs to the 5th floor, apartment 509, Scarlett's.  Music boomed from inside.

 I knocked. Nothing.

 Knocked again.  Nothing.  Feeling foolish in my politeness, I knocked again.

  Knock, knock.
  Who's there? 
  Banana 
  Banana who?

  Knock, knock
  Who's there? 
  Banana
  Banana who?

  Knock, knock
  Who's there?
  Orange
  Orange who?
  Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

 I opened, slowly at first, feeling odd letting myself in.  I stepped in getting a good view of the place, a sea of bodies socializing.  The smell of alcohol, sweat, and smoke filled my senses.  Scarlett spotted me from the ocean and swam over, dodging waves.  She wrapped herself around me and gave me a long passionate kiss.  " I'm so glad you made it, the shirt looks good on you!" she exclaimed.

 "What kind of…"  but before I could finish I decided to give my surroundings a better look.  Everyone was dressed in a playing card theme, whether it was painted faces, full on "Hi, I dressed as the Jack of Clubs", to novelty outfits with the different card symbols embroidered.  The walls of the apartment were decorated in lawn ornaments: pink flamingos, roses, croquets, and fences.  "I'm confused…"  Clearly I wasn't getting it.

 "I was a fan of Alice in Wonderland when I was a kid - the Disney movie not the book.  The theme of the party is one of the last scenes in the movie, at the Queen of Heart's lawn croquet party," She said pleased with herself.

 "Of course it is.  You've never read the book?" Shocked at the idea that someone could be a fan of the movie, yet was never curious enough to read the book.

 "Never." She shook her head at me.

 "We will have to remedy that," I said looking down at her, still in my arms.

 "Definitely, but first lets go get our drink on."

Scarlett led me by the hand into the kitchen introducing me to the multitude of faces.  Scarlet was wearing black heels, a red plaid kilt and a black buttoned down t-shirt with red hearts all over it, and a tiara on top of her head.  A naughty schoolgirl with a twist.

 Scarlett served me a double rum and coke, leaned in, and whispered softly in my ear "My butterflies have butterflies"

 The night went on, drink after drink, I jumped from one conversation to the next.  During one of the exchanges, someone named Jay was talking about a trip he took with his family.  They were walking around a tourist area next to the water where there was a brewery complete with a bar, gift shop and tour.  Jay remembered getting excited and convinced his family to go have a better look.  Before they went inside his father pulled him aside and smiled,

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net