Wide eyed and up all night. This could be good but I don't want to shy away I hear them say "Romance is dead" and I don't need this modern love

It was half two when Abi finally awoke, blinking at the ceiling and grunting to herself. Her stomach gurgled and head throbbed, an arm reaching out to touch the cold sheets beside her. Her brow furrowed and she sat up, rubbing her eyes and then getting her glasses from the nightstand, slipping them on and then rolling her shoulders. She was sore, and her skin felt gross under her make up. She was in her dress still, it creased and painful around her boobs. She wondered if George had any spare clothes with him, but then last nights events came back to her.

Oh shit.

She laid back down and covered her face with her hands, groaning to herself before staring up at the ceiling. She supposed she had to get up and confront the situation she had found herself in.

Slowly, she got out of bed and went to the door. She wandered out into the hallway and poked her head into the other bedroom, Alex and Lando fast asleep under the rumpled cover. She smiled a little, then headed for the living room. She found her handbag by the front door and retrieved her phone, though found it to be out of charge. She hummed, wondering if she could sneak into the other bedroom and steal Alex's charger. She had to speak to George.

She nipped her head around the corner of the room, though couldn't see the charger anywhere. Instead of disturbing the two men, she went back to the living room and sat down on the sofa, turning on the television. She was still horrifically tired, nodding off a little as she watched the news, recapping the fireworks displays from around the world. It was a New Year, a chance for a fresh start, but she had ruined the chances of having a quiet, calm first few weeks.

"Abi," She turned her head when she heard her name, looking to the figure who stood in just a towel behind her. "I didn't wake you, did I?" Abi shook her head and sat up, moving so there was room for him on the settee.

"No, no it's okay. You didn't. Come sit," Abi said softly, giving the lad a hesitant smile. George nodded, sitting down beside her.

"Last night..." He said quietly, fiddling with the hem of his towel. "I... I don't know what I was thinking. I spoke to Seychelle because she still has stuff at mine, but she's blocked me on everything. I had no idea she was going to be there. We just chatted, I promise you I didn't kiss her. I would never do that to you. I realised what was going on, what she wanted to happen, before she should make a move or anything." He explained, eyes on his fingers as they fiddled with the towel. Abi watched on, uncomfortable yet in full knowledge that this was a conversation that they needed to have. "Your words hurt, but I needed to hear them. I am selfish, I know that. And I don't want to take it out on you. I could never want to do that. You deserve more than that. I should have thought more of you than to think you would be going off and doing whatnot with Alex. I know neither of you are like that." He continued, looking up to Abi when he realised he was rambling. He smiled shyly and placed his twitching hands in his lap.

"And I'm sorry too. I didn't mean it, I was drunk and upset and angry. I love you, George. And I didn't mean what I said about you being unable to love, I didn't mean that at all. I think last night showed me that when I saw you with someone else, when Alex and I could chat like friends, that you're the one that I do want in my life." She took his hand in hers. "But," The hopeful smile on George's face fell. "I think perhaps it shows we need time to heal," She suggested, making him furrow his brow. "You've just come out of a long relationship with someone who is clearly out to get us until she gets over her feelings for you, till you can remove her from your life as much as you wish to, and I know I have things to work through too."

She knew the extreme jealousy and panic she felt the night before was unhealthy, the distrust of George at the back of her mind. Yes, he had not been honest with her in the past, but it was not the first time such strong emotions had been caused by so little. She thought back to Mitch, how their relationship had stopped in its tracks when she broke down in tears about being unable to be in a relationship that wasn't 100% committed. She didn't want any more questioning of what their relationship was, two months and she needed all or nothing. But she had grown, she knew she had, but she still had lapses she needed to work through.

"We can work though it together, though." George frowned, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "I understand you need time to heal, I still admire how strong you are after everything that happened when you were young." A painful reminder came to Abi in the form of a lump in her throat, grip tightening on George's hand. There was something she hadn't thought of in an awfully long time. "I love you too, I truly do. The last four months of having you back in my life have been the most amazing months and I hate myself for how I have treated you." Their eyes met, and Abi couldn't stop the butterflies. "I will do whatever I can for this, for us, to work. I can give you time, I can give you space. I promise you I will never fuck up again. Last night... Last night made me realise how desperately in love with you I am. When we walked the streets looking for you, I was so scared, so angry at myself. I need to work on myself, and I will, I promise." Abi sighed, bottom lip unsteady as she bit it.

"I don't know what to do for the best, George." She said softly, looking up at him. "I regret last night so much, I didn't mean what I said... I know you didn't mean to hurt Alex, to upset me like you did. Ideas were put in my mind. and I let them run away with themselves." She swallowed and rubbed her face with her hands. "You did nothing wrong last night and neither did I. We were sensible and rational and we both just decontextualised everything and our silly drunk minds overthought it." She sighed and shook her head. "We were both as bad as each other really, weren't we." She laughed, earning a warm smile from the lad.

"We were." He agreed. He wrapped his arms around Abi and pulled her close. "We both badly interpreted innocent situations. We overreacted." He murmured into her hair, eyes shutting as he breathed in her warming scent.

"We did." She agreed, face nuzzled into the warmth of George's clean skin. "We can work through this, I know we can." She mumbled as her eyes shut, a yawn escaping her dry lips. "We mustn't brush last night under the carpet though, it's something we need to work through." She added and felt George nod against her head.

"I'll do anything, Abs." George reassured before pulling away and cupping her face with his hands. "You mean too much to me for me to let myself ruin things again. 2019, this year i'm going to grow up and become the man I know I need to be." He said, heart warming at the smile that folded onto Abi's face. "If I break that promise you can drag me 'round the Williams office by my balls." They both laughed and Abi let out a slow breath.

"I will absolutely hold you to that." She whispered as, gently and hesitantly, George's lips were pressed to hers.

Callum was yet to speak as they sat opposite each other at lunch. Abi forked at her salad, anxious for her friend's words, and shovelled it into her mouth. Callum remained still, uncharacteristically silent. Abi gave him a cautious, anxious look, and then went back to her salad.

"I really don't know what you expect me to say." Callum said eventually. "You walk in on him and his ex getting all cozy, he punches his best mate because he thinks you two were getting off, and then begs you to stay." Abi placed her fork down and scratched the back of her neck. "You're an idiot," He said firmly, leaning back in his chair. "He would be straight to the streets if I were you. He would have been after you found out about Seychelle." He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and shook his head in disbelief. "It will not end well. Okay, you're getting therapy now, and so is he, but that isn't going to change the world. He is not the only man in the world for you, Abi. There are however many billion men in the world and any of them are going to treat you better." There wasn't the usual joking tone to his voice as he spoke, Abi's eyes on her plate, head hung in shame at the situation she had found herself in.

"But things are okay! This all happened a month ago now, it's different." She said quietly and Callum sighed, angrily forking a piece of chicken. "I love him, I truly do." She whispered, looking to her best friend as he chewed his chicken, defeated.

"When he first came back you promised yourself you weren't going to fall again. That's what you told me right after you went on a fifteen minute rant about how he had fucked you over when you were at school." Callum hissed once he'd swallowed his chicken. "All it took was some smiles and some lush dinners. I have never thought this was going to be a good idea."

"That isn't true!" Abi exclaimed, Callum shaking his head. "And you know it isn't. Don't give me all that shit." Callum shot her a look and then picked up his bowl, standing up and staring at her.

"Put yourself first, Abi. I beg you." With that, he walked away and Abi sunk into her seat, pushing her bowl back and breathing out slowly as she watched her best friend walk over to one of the other tables of employees. She fished her phone from her pocket and stared at her screen, eyes running over the notifications that she had gathered during the morning. Nothing was of particular importance, so she shoved it back into her pockets and headed back to the basement to finish her work for the day.

Things were still frosty with Callum come the end of the week. She had mentioned it to her therapist who told her she just had to let him have time and that things would be fine soon. She hoped that they would be; she missed him. As she drove north late on Friday night, stomach growling in anticipation for the chippy tea she knew was waiting for her, she couldn't help but wonder if she really was making a mistake. She loved George, she truly did, but Callum had a point. He really had hurt her.

She turned on the radio and scowled to herself, chewing her dry bottom lip whilst heading up the M1, knowing that the best thing for her to do was to talk it through with her dad and see what he thought was best. After all, he had been right about all of her other relationships.

She finished singing along to the Dua Lipa song that was playing on the radio and parked up on the driveway, grabbing her handbag and then heading out into the cold, drizzly evening. It had been a long drive and she was looking forward to a weekend catching up with her family, not having seen them since the start of the month. She unlocked the front door and kicked off her trainers, handbag and coat on the hook by the door, before she heading into the lounge and smiled at her dad who was sat in his arm chair watching the television.

"Hello baby," He smiled, Abi sitting down on her father's lap and pulling him in for a tight hug. "Oh how lovely," He chuckled, squeezing her tightly. "Is everything okay my darling?" Abi's face was buried in her father's collar, glad to have the familiar, comforting arms around her. It sure wasn't the first time she had longed for her father's embrace, and she could already feel it calming her down. She hummed and nodded. "Hmm, okay. Tom has just gone to pick up Kit from his friend's house, Leigh's fast asleep. Why don't I make you a cup of tea and we can have a catch up before dinner, hmm?" He suggested, Abi finding herself sniffling. "Come on darling." Abi reluctantly stood up and followed her father through to the kitchen, sitting on the worktop as she watched her father fill up the kettle.

"What do you think of George?" Abi asked, watching her dad open the cabinets in search of the box of earl grey he kept especially for when his daughter visited. He hummed a wistful laugh and looked over to Abi, shrugging.

"He's a sweet chap, always has been. A bit of a class clown but he has a sensible head on him. Are you having second thoughts?" He asked, spooning sugar into their mugs. "Because you mustn't commit to a relationship that is going to be very long distance if your heart isn't there," Abi stared at the bubbling kettle, mulling the words over.

"Up until Abu Dhabi he had a girlfriend." Abi said quietly, eyes going to her dad to gage his reaction. "She flew out to surprise him and ended up gate crashing our date night." She laughed, though wasn't quite sure why. "She's a bit psycho... She was there at that New Years party I went to and I saw them getting all cuddly... I-" She sighed, hopping off the counter to get the milk from the fridge. "He said it was nothing, but-"

"But you can't stop thinking that it was more than nothing," Abi nodded, placing the milk down on the counter as her dad poured water into the two mugs. "My darling, men don't deserve two chances. Trust me, I have learnt that the hard way." They both smiled at each other. "Until he proves to you that he isn't going to be a serial cheater, then don't let him have any more of your heart." He said, stirring the two drinks. "It is hard, hard to admit and hard to come to terms with, but you don't want to get your heart broken again."

"I know, I know..." She sighed, defeated, as milk was added to her mug. "I do really like him though, dad."

"And I really liked Mark - I could have cut it off when I had the chance to but I didn't and look how that ended up," Abi grimaced at the memory of her Dad's ex. "Darling, I can't tell you what to do, but as I am sure you have heard before, your happiness now is worth more than what potential happiness you could have in the future. You can make next week a good week, rather than another week of being anxious that George is with somebody else." He said, placing a kiss on his daughter's forehead.

"You really think I should cut things off with him then?"

"I think you know in your heart what the right thing to do is." He said, passing her the steaming mug of tea. They could hear the front door opening, the two smiling at each other before the thump of Kit's shoes along the hallway floor interrupted their chatter. "Where's my boys?" He called, making his way out to the hallway to greet his sons. Abi stayed behind, eyes on the photograph that hung on the kitchen wall, herself and her brothers smiling down at a tiny Kit in his layers of blankets, wires feeding out from under the swaddle. Tears burnt her eyes in the realisation that, up until that very moment, she had never truly felt such deep heartbreak since the day Kit was born.

Her heart knew what she had to do, and it was to put herself first for once.