It's been two days since we got back and things with us has been okay. I'm trying not to let anything get in the  way of our love this time. I want to work on my trust for him, I know that's something that isn't really stable and then to let go of every pending anger and hatred. I'm trying to forget but sometimes that evil part of my conscience would remind me of all the things he did. We were still both overwhelmed with guilt we still needed to work on forgiving ourselves first. Sometimes I imagine how it would have been if we hadn't broken up, if he knew and followed up with the pregnancy, if we raised Evie together, if he was there from the beginning and I know he thinks the same too and it makes me feel so sad and guilty because I know how much he wanted to be there for his child every step of the way.

"What are you thinking of this time?" He started by kissing my neck, kissing me out of my reverie.

"How things would have been if we had started differently." I answered and he sighed.

"Shay, your have to let go, that's in the past now. We just have to make our present and future better okay." He said cupping my face and I nodded.

"I love you."  I smiled, we were so close to kissing when we heard Evie making sleepy noise and turning to face us and we just chuckled.

  Evie has refused to sleep in her room which I couldn't blame her for. She really wants to get close to him and I know how Kel had been making efforts too. They spend a lot of time together and he comes home everyday with gifts for her and I. Sometimes I get slightly jealous over the way they spread a lot of time together. She's always asking for Kel and I think it's the excitement of having her father present that is getting to her and I know Kel is finding it difficult to balance his time with me, her, his work and family.

"That reminds me Shay, my family would be coming over for dinner on Friday and I would love Evie to meet them. I don't know how my mom's going to take that though." I understood his dilemma about his mom, it's not like she'd shout at him anyway. I was going to bear the brunt of it all.

"It'll be fine, what's the worst that can happen?" I chuckled and he did too.

   It was a text on my phone that woke me up the next morning.

The whole world would soon know about everything. The secret to both are keeping. If you don't want to be exposed send $15 million in the next hour. The clock is ticking.

   My heart was pounding in my chest. $15 million, how am I supposed to get that. Does the person truly knows about our secret, who could it be, what do they want? These questions kept on going through my head. I don't even know whether to tell Kel. I was really confused, different things started going through my head and I felt like my brain wasn't functioning.

  Kel brought me out of my jumbled thoughts and I screamed startled. "Hey what's wrong?" He wrapped his hands around me watching new intently.

I bit my lips nervously trying to decide whether to tell him or not. "What's wrong Shay?" I knew he could tell something was wrong by this time and I truly wanted to tell him. I decided to tell him since it concerns us both and I didn't want anything to come between us.

"Shayan..." He called prompting me to speak.

"I've been getting messages, threats. Someone knows about our secret and wants to expose it." I let out.

I was scared about how reaction, he was angry, his expression said it all. "How long have you been getting them?'' he calmly asked.

"Two... Two ...weeks ago." I stuttered.

"Two weeks ago and you're telling me about it now?" He angrily asked.

"Daddy are you guys fighting?" Evie asked waking up from sleep.

"No sweetie. It's nothing, go back to sleep." He kissed her forehead and she smiled closing her eyes.

Kel took my hands and led us outside. "Why didn't you tell me about it?" This time it was milder.

"It clearly stated not to tell you about it, I didn't want you worrying and I don't still know whether it's real or not." I was trying to justify my actions, from the look on his face, he was hurt.

''Still yet you could have told me Shayan, we're not supposed to be keeping anything from each other right now."he chastised

"I'm sorry."I said pleadingly. Who do I always have to be the one in the way of our relationship?

"How can I trust you when you're always keeping things from me?"  The hurt was evident in his tone and it broke my heart that he still doesn't find me trustworthy.

"This is the only thing I've kept from you after that and it was because I was threatened to. Believe me I'd have told you about it sooner."

"When, when the person has exposed everything?" He asked with a raised to tone.

   I didn't even know what to say to defend myself. "Kel..."I started

"Let me see it." I handed him the phone immediately.  While he was going through the previous message another pooped in.

Looks like someone isn't as obedient as I thought, I'd just have to show you what happens to disobedient girls.

   "He knows I told you." I looked around to see if anyone was watching us.

  "What exactly do you want?" Kel sent.

  Your time is up. I can taste my sweet revenge already.

"Revenge!" I exclaimed. Who could it be? What have we done?

"Fûcking bàstard." The moment Kel said that I knew right away the fûcking bàstard that  wanted revenge.

Kel called him up and he surprisingly picked.

"I thought I'd never hear from you dear friend." Carlos started his tone ironical and icy.

"What the hell are you playing at Carlos, what do you want?" Kel angrily asked.

"To humiliate you just like the way you humiliated me but yours would be public." He said then laughed like the joker.

"Why?" Kel asked.

"You're asking why? You dare come to my house and beat me up all because of that bîtch you have for a fake wife and think I'd let it go?"

  "Fvcking bastard, you call her and bîtch one more time and I wouldn't mind coming to your house to kill you." Kel threatened angrily while Carlos laughed mockingly.

"Do you know whose bîtch she'd become, mine. She was meant to be mine all along but you stole her from me and you think you can be happy? Your daughter, she's such a pretty thing isn't she? I'd make sure you'd never be happy together. I swear to you I'd have her back." He coldly threatened hanging up.

"Fvck." He said throwing the phone hard on the floor and it broke into pieces.

  I could tell how mad he was and I was scared. Scared of what Carlos was scared of doing. I just hope he doesn't hurt anyone of us. At this point I don't mind him telling the world about our marriage or anything as long as he doesn't hurt Evie.

"Kel.." I wanted to reach out to him.

"I'd get you your phone back." He said walking away.

  That's it? That's what he had to say? I don't even care about the phone right now, I wanted us to talk about the next step. For him to at least reassure me that everything will be fine but he just walked away. I sighed heavily before following him. I was deeply hurt and angry at him, Carlos, everything.

  I went back too the room to find Evie sleeping and Kel typing something furiously on his phone. I walked past him and went to the bathroom. I don't know if it was normal for me to always find solace in the bathroom. Just as I was about to enter the tub Kel walked in. Great, I forgot to lock the door.

"Shay." He called out walking close to me.

   I couldn't even answer him because I was too hurt to speak.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier." He hugged me and I tried wiggling from his grip. "I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, I was mad at it. I'm sorry."

"I'd really like to be alone now Kel."I angrily said and he stepped away from me.

"I'm not going anywhere." He folded his hands standing firm.

"Then I'm going to leave." I crossed my arms too, I meant it both ways and I'm sure he understood.

  "I'm not going to let you leave." His expression was serious, well I was serious too.
 
  "You don't trust me." I slowly said gauging his expression.

  "I feel like we still have things to work on." He answered, evading a direct answer.

"Thank God we're on the same note. Sometimes I feel like giving up, I feel like I can't do this and we can't work out."

  "That's not true. It'll take time but I promise you, we'd work things out." He sounded desperate?

"How can things work out when there's no trust?" I yelled.

"It's not like I don't trust you Shay. You're the one who doesn't trust me, you're the one who's still letting the past control and dictate your present and future, you're the one who hasn't let go and you have to or you're going to make it a problem." I know what he was saying was the truth and I have to come to terms with it.

  "I don't know what to do Kel." I felt the tears spilling and he pulled me in his arms.

"It's alright, we'd figure something out. Tell me, what do you still hate me for, what are you still holding on to, what do you still blame me for?"

"I don't hate you Kel, I guess I'm still holding on to the fact that you weren't there when I needed you the most and the reason why we broke up, because you didn't trust me and just believed Carlos. It upsets me everytime because we'd have been able to avoid all these if we had just talked."

"I know and I'm sorry." He said holding on to me.

  "I feel like I can never forget it or totally forgive myself or you and it's holding me back." I hated it but I don't know how to control it.

"Do you want to see a therapist? If you can't talk to me  then at least you should talk to someone else."

  "I don't know." I wasn't into talking about my personal issues with someone else.

"We should Shay. I don't think I can cope with you being this way, you're hurting yourself and you have to liberate yourself. It's not good for you, you're chasing away your happiness. It's like you're waiting for me to make a small mistake so your would leave. It's like your don't want to be with me. I get that you feel insecure that I'd leave, that I don't love you as much as I claim and the five years away from each other took a number on you and I understand."

"No you don't understand."I screamed cutting him off. I hate that he's right.

"Then make me understand Shay, I know you're trying to act like you're okay and everything is fine with you but I know it's not. You're really broken, like you said I broke you beyond repair and you still haven't been whole. That fvcking hurts me, it tears me to pieces Shay. I can't live knowing I hurt you the way I did, I can't cope with that. I don't like seeing you this way, it breaks me. I hate that you can't trust me, that you don't believe in my love for you, it fvcking hurts Shay. I know you're wallowing in guilt, I am too. Do you think I don't blame myself every single day for not being there, for being stupid, for the things I said and did to you? I feel goddamn guilty every fvcking time but I don't let it consume me, instead I search for ways to make it up to you and Evie, ways to prove to the love of my life that I love her beyond doubt and I'd do anything to make her love me back but you have to fight Shayan, that's what I'm doing. I'm not going to make the mistake of leaving you again nor will I allow you to leave me."

  "I'm scared Kel, I'm scared that I've used up my love for you that I don't have the heart to love you like I should, that I'd be crazy to love you but I'm crazier right now not loving you, you're driving me crazy Kel." I let out my frustration, I don't know if I can get past this.

"How crazy do I make you?" He asked staring at me deeply.

"A hundred percent. I want to be so close to you, I want you to be so close to me but when you are I get mad at myself for wanting you."

  "We'd work things out we'd see the therapist. We'd get past this okay. We'd be a loving couple and good parent to Evie."

  When he said the last part it struck me that he was scared of not being a good father to Evie. I was scared too when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't have the slightest clue of what to do and I thought I'd transfer my hatred for Kel to her but I read books and other mother's parenting journey, got advice from my mom and that affection grew.

   "You're a great dad Kel. I see the way you are with Evie, always devoting your time to her even when you are busy, showering her with gifts, telling her bed time stories and all. She likes that, she likes you. You're not your father, you're here, you're making it up to her."

  "I know and you're a great mom for raising her all these yours on your own, you're amazing Shayan. I love you, all your imperfections, everything about you although we have to work on your insecurities." He said and I chuckled.

  "I love you Shay." It was so much softer now, there's something about hearing him say he loves me, it makes me so happy and brings a big smile on my face especially when he sounds so sexy, staring at me intently, his hands around my waist, I love it. Our heads were touching and when we were about to kiss Evie came in with Kel's phone.

"Your phone has been ringing daddy." There was several calls and texts and that was when I realized what was happening. He had done it, he had exposed our secret.

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