Even with the poison numbing me completely, I know for sure I'll go to hell for already knowing which boy needs to live more.

Blake is so sweet and kind and deserves more time to redeem himself after everything he's done because of his father and brother's death. I completely understand where he is at, because I'm on my way. He's so alone and tortured and deserves to be saved.

But that's just the point. Blake is alone while Owen still has a family. People who will miss him. I know first hand how hard it is to lose your family. How will the Rhodes family cope with the father in a wheel chair and Owen's death?

The toe-ring I still have on starts to feel heavy. The one Owen gave me.

I can see myself falling in love with both boys. To color in Blake's bleak house or to be part of Owen's loving family. Blake can keep me out of the darkness, but Owen can make me forget about it...

Do I pick Blake because he's been through so much or do I pick Owen because so many people will miss him?

One thing that I know is that I will miss both boys. The way Blake plays the piano... The way Owen makes me feel electricity...

"Someone needs to die, Amber Marigold," Xavier urges.

I glare at the devil. And then I feel it. When Xavier cocks his gun. I feel my soul rip at the decision I make. No more nice, kind Amber. No more selfless golden girl. I'll probably never paint again either... I'm just as bad as Xavier for this decision...

"I... I think Owen s-should l-live," I cry out.

Owen looks at me surprised while Blake looks like I've literally just stabbed him in the front. Not even the back.

Poison mixed with guilt and grief takes hold of my body and earth-quaking shudders shake through me. I'm crying like a baby and I hate that Xavier can see this. That everyone can see this. I'm suppose to be strong. Sterling's badass secret heir, not a crying mess because I'm damned to go to hell.

"Not that gold after all," Xavier says and aims the gun at Blake.

Blake looks at me with these heartbreaking eyes. The color of his eyes aren't silver like tinfoil, but silver like a cheap medal. Second best. Never picked...

I lose my sight again and this time I let my body take over when I realize how beyond repair I am. How selfish and awful I am for playing god in who's life matters most. And in this moment, through blurry thoughts, I realize just how little I'm worth.

I think about how I'll never get to see Blake play the piano again. How his house will always be bleak and Lynch won't have his friend when he wakes up. I think about how safe I've felt with Blake, because I know he'd catch me if I'm ever to fall to the darkness. And then I realize just how little I'm willing to let him go.

I get my sight back just in time to see that I'm jumping for Xavier - blocking Blake as the trigger gets squeezed. A powerful shot echoes through the house when Xavier and I fall to the floor. With the ringing in my ears, I suddenly feel light. Like I've finally done the right thing. I'm finally out from under that bed. 

Xavier pushes me off of him and then holds me in a burning grip. Everyone's too shocked to move and I can't describe the look Xavier has. Good, the Devil's plan isn't going to work.

"What have you done, Amber Marigold?" the devil asks. His green eyes turn a shade I can't point out and suddenly his hair doesn't look neat at all. Like dark fire is ready to burn the whole world.

"You said someone... has to die. I pick... me..." I breathe.

Time starts to slow. Xavier pushes me away - scrambling to put distance between us like he feels the burn as well. "You idiot," Xavier mumbles before getting up and leaving.

I don't feel pain. I don't really feel anything. I can touch the growing hole in my chest - right by my heart, but I can't feel it. I can only see how dark my blood is. Now everybody can see that I'm not really made of gold. I'm made of blood and flesh and faults and pain.

Blake is the first to run over to me. Owen is crawling his way over - his leg seems to be broken. I'm not sure if it's poison or the blood-loss that's making black and silver spots dance in my vision.

"No, no, no, Darling. You hold on. We're getting you to the mansion. Just hold on," Blake cries. I can't feel Blake's fat tears that fall to my face, but I know they are there. 

Owen finally gets to us and clutches my hand that's smeared with blood. "Goldy, you better fucking stay alive. Why the hell did you do that? You picked me, why did you save Blake?" Owen begs and his own tears start to stream from his eyes.

"She fucking knew she made a mistake," Blake growls at Owen.

I feel myself slip further into my body. Like I'm slowly sliding down a tunnel. "Shhh, please... don't fight..."

"But-"

"Please just be... friends... Do it... for... me..." I mumble.

Blake and Owen look at each other and I feel my failing heart beat at that. They will live, I tell myself. They will live and be friends and unite and ultimately beat the North at the end. 

Before I know what's happening, I notice someone scooping me up. I can't feel them, but I know I'm being taken to a car. I spot Jessy bawling her eyes out at one point. Faces blur and it's hard to see who is who. With my feeling gone, and my vision nearly as well, I start relying on my smell.

The smell of blood and petrol as a car speeds away. The smell of sulty tears as Blake and Owen sit with me at the back of some car. When I can't smell anything anymore, I rely on my hearing.

The sound of a door opening and closing. Uncle Anton's voice as he orders everyone to take me to the hospital room. The sound of everyone begging me to stay. But I know if I stay, I'll fall to darkness. I don't want to be that girl. 

I hear machines spring to life. The beep-beep-beep of a heart monitor awakens. Should it sound so slow?

"The metal-tiny grazed her thump-thump. She doesn't have long," Uncle Anton says.

"You mean the bullet got her heart?" someone else asks.

My hearing starts to fail me. The beep-beep-beep disappearing further and further. It's so dark and numb and still in here. I feel so empty and full. So alone and crowded. Like my flesh and organs and thoughts don't have any room for me anymore. And as my blood trickles out of my body, so do I.

The last thing I hear is the... high pitched beep coming from the heart monitor. How it... is longer than the others. How it... doesn't stop... How it... just stays... in an... infinite... loop... 

Beeeeeeeeeep...

I guess the only way for men to crawl and dig and look and strive, is when gold falls. 

Hey goldies!

FIRSTLY, DON'T STOP READING! THERE'S ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT. IN FACT, I MIGHT HAVE A BONUS CHAPTER NEXT. I know most of the comments will be like: I'm not reading this book if the main character dies. Please, just trust in me. Everything I do is for a reason. Besides, y'all still need to know who Mysterious Fucker is!

SECONDLY, props to AprilfortheWyn who made some awesome aesthetics and quote banners (As seen above). Please go follow her!!!

PS: Remember to VOTE!

~ Holly Shmit