While Amber goes up to her room, I call in another meeting with the East. Only this time, just Rhodes.

He stands there with his ridiculous coat while I load all the guns on my desk. There's something we have to discus. Something without Amber or the other guys.

"Rhodes, you do realize Xavier wants Amber dead," I start.

"Because her Dad was a Sterling member? Yeah, I know," Rhodes replies.

I grit my teeth because I usually never have to deal with this kind of attitude. Especially since I'm busy loading guns while he stands there without a care.

"If we make that trade, Amber will most likely die-"

"Then lets not make the trade!" Rhodes interrupts.

I want to agree with the bastard. I want to tell him fine and just leave the North's request. I really don't want Amber anywhere near the devil himself, but... 

"We have to get Lynch back," I say, because he's just 15 and good and kind and maybe dead if we don't do the trade. He doesn't deserve any of this. His mom is a drug-addict, because of my business and Amber... As much as I want the girl... she was born into this...

"You can't be serious," Rhodes says.

"Don't you want your second in command back?" I ask, because Matt's been at Isabella for a while now and I can't imagine him being alive for too long. That's if he's alive at all.

"Of course I do, but we can't risk Amber," Rhodes says.

I hand him a sneer. "Don't pretend to care about Amber. You're the one that has this bet going," I growl.

"Only because I need you out of this town if I can truly have Amber. You won't let me just have her and be fine with that," Rhodes points out and the bastard has a point. I definitely won't settle for Amber picking Rhodes.

"Then what do you suggest we do about Amber getting traded tomorrow? Because trust me, with that girl, it's going to happen. She's too stubborn to pick another plan," I point out.

Rhodes nods and walks over to my desk - picking up one of the hand guns and examining it. I'm not stupid, so I keep the one I just loaded, in my hand. 

"I suggest we have our own plan," Rhodes says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I say, we come up with another plan. A mission impossible just for us that nobody knows about. To get Amber back safely," Rhodes says. 

I nod at the idea, because I'd do anything to get both Lynch and Amber back safely. "I can agree to that," I say.

And we form a plan. 

We talk about it for a while before Rhodes heads back upstairs and I leave for my own room. I shower, dress into my boxers and climb under the dark covers before staring up at my ceiling and falling asleep. My sleep is filled with nightmares and everything that can possibly go wrong. How I save Amber at the cost of my own life and then Rhodes gets to keep her. 

At 1 AM, I can't sleep anymore. Stressed and seriously craving a cigarette, I pull on some pants and decide to stroll down to the cold entertainment room instead. I slump down onto the stool in front of the grand black piano before I let my hand slide over its top.

The room is only lit by the moonlight that peaks through the giant windows at the side of the room - giving everything a blue kind of tone in the black and white room. I don't immediately cringe at the bit of color - which is a miracle on its own.

Remembering a familiar tune my brother always liked to listen me play, I set my hands on the ivory keys and take a breath before playing the notes.

I wrote the song myself and even though it doesn't have lyrics, it still kind of speaks to me with how it flows.

I play like this for a while - knowing everyone is asleep upstairs and can't hear me.

I play the song for my brother and dad. For my mother that become someone she really isn't. For Lynch that's taken. For who knows what will happen to Amber tomorrow. And I play it for myself. For the person I can't be because I'm a gang leader.

I hate everything about being a leader, but I don't have a choice. The West-side gang has so many members, all spread across the country. That's a lot of people depending on my ability to be ruthless. To be there for the shipments. To trade, deal and spread drugs.

I start getting into the intense part of the song and let the music move me.

When I feel another presence, I turn and spot Amber standing at the door in her short shorts and over-sized sweater. Her hair is messy from a restless sleep.

I turn back to the piano and immediately stop playing. "Sorry, Darling. Did I wake you?" I ask.

I hear Amber's foot steps walking towards me as she says: "No, not at all. I was actually just coming back from a midnight snack."

"What did you have?" I ask.

"Everything that was in the fridge."

I nod, "Fair enough". And then I go back to staring down at the ivory keys. "Couldn't sleep?" I ask.

"Yeah, you?"

"Same."

I sit there as she stands staring. The silence is a little awkward so I ask: "you want to play something before you try to sleep again?" I ask.

"Uh, no. I will probably break the piano," Amber chuckles.

"Darling, you can't break the piano by simple touching one of the keys," I laugh.

She gives me this dead serious look and says: "You underestimate my lack of musical capability."

"And you underestimate my musical capability to teach you," I counter and grab her arm to tug her closer. Giving in, she rolls her eyes and sits next to me by the piano. I put her hands on the keys as gently as I can - afraid she might jump up and walk away any moment.

"So, you get and A, B, C, D, E, F and G note," I start off with.

Amber quirks her eyebrow and says: "Firstly, I'm glad to know you have somewhat improved your knowledge on the alphabet. Secondly, please don't make a G-spot joke."

I laugh at her for a second before saying: "Don't worry, Darling. I won't make a G-spot joke."

I go back to showing her the notes. And then I show her the tune I was just playing. The tiny pattern that you can pick up. She nods through it all, but when she attempts at playing 4 notes, she miraculously makes it sound terrible.

"Oh, God, I told you," she laughs.

"That, that was impressively horrible," I chuckle.

"I think it's better if I just watch," Amber says.

"Amber Marigold, I will teach you how to play a song, even if it's the last thing I do," I declare.

So, I take her left hand, the one closest to me, and gently place it on the piano - a little afraid she might pull back or walk away. She feels so delicate and because everyone I ever loved has been taken from me, I'm afraid she might break under my touch.

When I have our fingers aligned above the keys, I whisper in her ear: "press a key where I press down on your fingers."

She nods, and when I'm sure she's ready, I let my ring finger push down onto hers. She presses down and a single, lonely B note rings through the cold room. Making sure she's not confused, I press down with my pointer finger and Amber lets a D note fill the empty air. 

Feeling like she's finally getting the hang of it, I play a tad bit faster. A let her press down onto notes and she finally doesn't sound half-bad. It's a easy, basic tune, but it somehow sounds better with her playing it (even through the many mistakes) and when she finally feels the rhythm she looks back at me with these awe-filled eyes.

"It's not breaking!" Amber exclaims.

I chuckle before slipping my right arm around her shoulder. "Let's pick it up a little, then," I say and let both my hands align with hers above the keys. Being taller than Amber, makes the gesture a lot easier. When she's ready, I press down and let her play the song I wrote. 

Sensing where I want her with my hands leading hers, she moves her hands around and presses on all the right notes I want her to press. The song gets to a very emotional part, and I try my very best to be gently, because at this point in the song I usually press down hard onto the keys - so hard, my fingers usually hurt.

Now, I have to play it agonizingly soft, but with Amber finally getting a hold of everything, I know it's worth it.

When the song gets to it's end, I can't help, but think of everyone that's been taken from me. Everything about myself I had to lose or change to be where I am now. How blue was my favorite color, but now I feel like vomiting my guts up when I see it because my brother once painted me this blue panting that I burned after his funeral.

If anything is to happen to Amber tomorrow, I wonder what I'd burn.

Maybe myself.

I suddenly realize the song has already ended, but my hands are still rested above hers and she hands me a weary look. "I do that too, sometimes," she confesses.

"Do what?"

"Go blank. Lose myself in my thoughts," she says.

I shake my head before taking my hands of hers. "I don't lose myself, Darling. I'm already lost..."

"No, you're not," she says.

Amber sighs before turning her body a little more towards me. There's real emotion in her eyes and the annoying look of sympathy as well. I hate being felt sorry for, but because her parents are dead like my father and brother, I don't mind the look as much as I normally would.

"What does that mean?" I ask, because of course I'm lost and already in the darkest part of myself. I've killed people. People who didn't even need to die. I spread drugs and problems and hate.

"The lost don't play music like that," Amber whispers.

I look back at Amber and hate myself for feeling my eyes burn. I love my inner-gang, but I can't talk to them. Calvin is always quiet. Liam is always thinking about Jessica. Lynch is too happy-go-lucky and Jack has his own problems regarding his lack in parents.

My brother was the only person I could talk to if I had problems and he was the only person that saw me.

Now, Amber Marigold is the only person that can truly see me.

Seeing the look in my eyes, Amber leans in a little closer. I want to kiss her. To lose myself in the taste of gold and everything good and bright in this world, but an annoying feeling at the pit of my stomach stops me.

"No, Darling, please don't kiss me," I say.

Amber is blushing like a tomato and says: "I wasn't planning on it..." 

I can feel it being a lie.

"I don't care if you want to kiss me or not. But please, not tonight. If you kiss me now, I might fall in love. And I can't fall in love with the possibility of you getting hurt or dying tomorrow. Not because I will finally be broken beyond repair, but because I might take the world down with me. And if you exist, there must still be good out there," I say.

Amber doesn't say anything back. 

Instead, she smiles and lets me teach her a few more songs on the pain. Only after hours have passed and she finally feels tired enough to head back to bed, do I leave as well. I wave her goodbye and climb into my dark bed once again.

Before I can drift off to sleep, I open a message that just came through from the unknown number that's been messaging me.

I put down my phone and get back to staring at my ceiling.

The unknown number can be anyone in here and even though it's annoying not to know who they are, at least we're getting help.

And then the unknown number's question starts tugging at me.

Yes, I think to myself. I'd be more than willing to pledge my life to Amber Marigold. I'd pledge everything I have to that girl. And I'd do anything for her and Lynch to be safe - hence the impossible plan Rhodes and I came up with. The plan where one of us could surely die.

And what an honor it would be to sacrifice yourself for gold.

Hey goldies!!!

I'm worried that she ships aren't evenly spread so let me just check the Blamber and Amwen shippers. Just say 'ship' next to the text so I can do some counting. (Mysterious Amber shippers please hold on to your panties)

Blamber

Amwen

Both

Thank y'all so much for all the support! I've officially decided we'll have 60 chapters, so it's not long now! Less than two weeks left! The count down starts when we have 10 chapters left!

Love y'all!

~ Holly Shmit