Josh's POV
Confused
*edited*

When I woke up I was more freaked out than ever before.

What the hell?

The dream haunted my brain, every detail of it still stuck in my head.

Unknowingly, I brought my lip into my mouth as I recalled the dream. Chewing on it before catching myself and shaking my head.

What was I supposed to do? What did this mean? I mean surely it couldn't be normal. There was always an underlying reason for dreams, was I just... hormonal and since Callum was attractive he somehow entered my dreams? That sounded so stupid.

"Crap." I murmured to myself feeling myself beginning to panic.

Suddenly, my phone went off, making me jump so far I might as well have become a planet in the solar system.

Calcumber - Mom wants to talk, I'm not heading to school. Wanna skip?

My stomach had dropped when he said he wasn't going to school, I felt oddly disappointed. Yeah, I mean, before whenever he said he wasn't coming to school, of course I always felt somewhat disappointed. He was my best friend. But this time, it was like I really wanted to hang out with him or to just talk to him.

Like it was less that I wanted to hang out with him, it was more that I just wanted to be in his presence. I was still concerned about his wounds too, that was playing a part in my feelings.

My fingers moved faster than my brain.

Me- I'm down.

Calcumber- Good 👍 I'll pick you up for Scottie's in a few hours. 10:00?

My heart clenched at the thought of skipping school and hanging with Callum instead.

Why was it suddenly like this? I mean, it never had been before. There was no 'good morning, what's up' realization in real life, right? This was almost comical. 

What if I'm gay?

I practically vomited at the thought. Not because there's anything wrong with gay people, but if I told Callum... his parents are the most homophobic people out there, what if he was the same way? What if he stopped being my friend? I trusted Callum with my life, but, even though Callum's parents knew that Callum and I have been friends since the womb, they still went as far to call us slurs if we pat each other on the shoulder.

I couldn't be gay... could I?

I shook my head.

"That's not how it works." I told myself. "You can't just wake up one day and suddenly you're gay." I try to comfort myself. But telling myself that I wasn't attracted to girls wasn't settling right with me...

When was the last time I looked at a pretty girl? Had a crush on a girl? 

Not to mention the fiasco with Callum and the towel and my face which decided to betray me.

"No, you're just stressing yourself out." I say, trying to calm down.

But my brain wasn't having any of it.

It ran over all the time I caught myself staring at Callum or admiring his eyes, or even the time I felt the slightest bit of jealousy as kids when he would play with someone else or how I would throw a tantrum whenever he got a 'girlfriend' as a kid.

Now that I thought of it, there was so many instances where I was more attracted to Callum than any attractive girl.

I put my head in my hands, shaking it.

I didn't act gay, did I? I didn't walk around prissy and use a high pitched voice. But those were just stereotypes... I couldn't base a sexuality off of stereotypes...

I was freaking out, if I was, what if Callum left me?

"You're not gay." I said to myself, but it felt weird and that scared the shit out of me. Everything felt weird. Putting a label on myself when I had known the same one for so long... doubting that same exact label. 

A knock on my door made me jump into orbit for the second time this morning.

I calmed myself down, deep breaths.

"Yeah?" I yelled towards the door.

"Are you going to school today?" My mom asks, I could see she was leaning against the door.

"Callum texted me. He said he needed a day off and he just wanted to relax. I was hoping that was okay." I scrunched up my face waiting for the 'no, you can't just skip' instead I was greeted with a short silence before she answered.

"Yeah. It's fine, just make sure you get caught up."

My mom was cool about a lot of things, especially when it came to Callum. She felt sorry for him, she used to tell me that if there was anybody who needed me most, it was him - but she'd also say that I needed him as well. 

Speaking of which...

I nodded my head, should I talk to her? She was my mom and I trusted her more than anyone ever. We were close, really close.

I trusted her not to tell my dad or to tell Sylvia, or even Callum.

I let out a breath and yelled out before I could stop myself.

"You can come in, I need to talk to you."

I winced at my own voice, feeling myself begin to shake in fear as to what she would say.

She opened the door, a soft smile on her face.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asks, stalking towards me.

I glanced around the room, avoiding her eye contact.

God, I was 16 and freaking out to my mom about if I was gay or not, shouldn't this have happened earlier when I was like 12 or something?

I bit my lip.

"Do I- Do you think I could be- Callum-" I retried constantly, but the words fumbled in my mouth.

"Okay, slow down." My mom says, walking towards the door and closing it before sitting down on the bed with me. "Take a deep breath and just tell me what's on your mind." She says, placing a soothing hand on my shoulder.

"Well I didn't notice it before, but, I don't know. I've been... thinking." I say, avoiding her gaze and biting my lip hard. "Not even thinking for long- I mean- this stupid." I caved.

"Thinking about what?" She asks.

I take a giant breath of air in before letting it out.

I could trust my mom, I could trust her with anything, but I felt like such a child for talking to her. I was a junior in high school, asking my mom for relationship advice.

Pathetic much?

"I had a, uh, a weird dream last night."

"What kind of weird?" My mom asks, eyebrows scrunched.

"It wasn't like- It was- well it wasn't like that kind of weird.. ya know? But it was... there was someone in it and I... well we were being friendly? Overly friendly?"

Listen, it wasn't a wet dream, if it was, my mom wouldn't even be seeing my eyes, let alone be in my room and listening to me talk about it. But there was... I dunno, intimate moments?

"Okay..." She trailed, "Who was it?"

I groan, wanting to bury my face into a pillow and disappear. I shouldn't have let her in, I should've just gone without telling her and kept it to myself. Honestly I'd rather live all stressed out then talking to my mom about this stuff.

"Honey, whatever this is about, you can tell me, however embarrassing it is." My mom says, smiling softly at me, "I was a kid once too, and I know how painful it is to admit stuff."

"I had a dream... with Callum in it." I say, picking at my comforter my heart pounding.

"Okay..." My mom drawls out, not seeing where this is going.

I felt like crying from the frustration, but I didn't even know why I was so frustrated. 

"...and, I started thinking about how much I enjoyed... staring at him? That's weird never mind, it's more so... being around him?" I grumble, my cheeks heating up at how embarrassing it sounded not to mention incredibly creepy.

"Oh." My mom says, her face softening, eyebrows raising. "And you think you might have feelings for him?" She asks, no sugar coating.

I shake my head, "No... yes? I dunno, I just think that I might be- ya know, that I might- I-"

"You might be attracted to boys?" She asks, her hand still on my shoulder.

I sighed, nodding my head yes, uncomfortable with the conversation.

She's quiet for a second before smiling.

"Well, you said you were hanging out today, so I want you to try something. Be very known about what you are doing. Who you are looking at, and if you'd rather be spending the day with anybody else doing anything else. After that, you won't know for sure, but maybe it'll help clear it up slightly." She smiles sympathetically at me.

I sigh, "This is really incredibly awkward. Thanks though, I feel a little better." I say, wrapping my arms around her. I desperately wanted her out so I didn't have to think about the embarrassing conversation.

She follows suite, holding me close. "And if you are, remember that your father, sister and I will always support you." She whispers, "There's nothing wrong with who you love. There never is." 

I let out a breath of air, shivering slightly at the thought of losing Callum.

And almost as if she could read my mind she says, "And I'm sure Callum would still love you too."

~~~

"God, you take longer than any girl I've ever met." Callum says, smiling slightly as I come out of my house.

I rolled my eyes, "At least I don't say ten but actually mean 3 hours before ten." I shoot back.

Callum makes a 'psh' noise and waves me off, "The conversation went a hell of a lot quicker than I thought." He says, unlocking the car as I quickly hurry to avoid the cold air.

"God." Callum shakes his head, "Do you want me to bring a warm blanket next time? Bundle you up like parents do to their babies?"

"The fact that you just compared me to a baby..."

"You act like one." 

"Shut up you ageist donut, you act like a cow, always eating and idling around like your only chore is to clean the world of it's food supply. Without you, we wouldn't have to be afraid of a food shortage." 

"Okay first of all, the world would still have to worry about a food shortage, you ass. Just because I eat a lot doesn't mean I eat that much. I mean, have you ever watched a single mukbang? Secondly, did you just compare me to a damn cow?"

"Did I? You tell me, did your mom ever have sex with a cow?" I ask, watching as his lips tilt back up into a smile.

"Now that sounds like a fun sex position." Callum says.

"No, that's sounds awful and horrendous and I wanna move on from this conversations." I said, watching as he rolls his eyes before glancing at me.

"Never know unless you try." Callum says as I glance at his bruised knuckles that no longer were wrapped in pink horse wrap.

"You want me to have sex with a cow?"

Callum laughs loudly, "Wow. You really have a way of knowing exactly what I'm thinking." He says, shaking his head as we continue to drive.

"Hey, where are we even going anyway?" I ask, watching as he takes his right hand off the wheel and puts it down next to him.

"Scotties?" He glanced at me, confused as to how the hell I forgot.

I roll my eyes, "Jeez. Sorry." I raise my hands up in defense.

"It's alright, being small minded isn't unknown Josh, I don't blame you." He huffed and I didn't bother to reply knowing he'd just make this about brain size. 

Callum sang quietly to the song on the radio for the last of the drive.

His hand twitched slightly at his side.

I wonder if his knuckles are okay?

They didn't look okay, blue and purple and they looked like they hurt.

I open my mouth to ask him, when he cuts me off.

"We have arrived, my highness." He says, quickly getting out of the car and leaving me rolling my eyes at how dramatic he is.

I follow behind him, quickly rushing to the door.

What? It was cold.

Callum shakes his head, laughing as he comes in.

"Wuss." He says, as we walk up to the counter.

"I'm sorry I'm not the son of Satan and have the ability to control the air around me by admitting pure heat."

"Son of Satan? Yeah, that's actually really accurate." He snickers.

Callum's phone starts to go off and he puts his hand on my arm, the contact was unexpected but warm and slightly satisfying. It was a nice feeling in the cold, frosty air.

"Order for me, I have to take this." He says, placing the phone to his ear and walking towards the bathroom.

I ordered what he always got and got him a mixture of both sprite and lemonade for a drink. 

Don't ask why he even likes that, I don't even know myself. Sprite is basically carbonated lemonade, I never tried it myself, I doubt it tasted any different than normal sprite.

When he came back he plopped down dramatically in the booth, kicking his feet up and sipping his drink.

"I create masterpieces." He says to the cup before bringing it up against his lips.

And then I caught myself...

Staring at his damn lips.

~~~

Did you enjoy? 

Comment/Vote <3