Chapter Thirty Two: Missing Callum
Josh's POV

You know how you have a great sister? When she does everything she can to make you smile because the person who normally makes you smile is mad at you.

I felt so sad and dull without Callum about. I know that sounds kinda clingy, and don't get me wrong I'd be fine if he and I left on good terms...

But we kinda didn't?

I don't think you could call it good terms anyways... we didn't have a fight nor did we have a falling out but we left each other hurting. And in my brain that sounds like leaving on bad terms...

In fact, I've seen Callum vulnerable so many times, broken or sad, upset but he's never taken a break from everyone and everything.

I wanted to text him and tell him how sorry I was and how bad I felt but I know he needs space. He needs to think. I didn't want to overwhelm him and cling onto him.

So that's why I was so sad. I was just stockpiling up with guilt.

He got hurt. I knew he did even without having to know.

"Come on Josh. Let's go bowling." Sylvia said, suddenly bursting into my room at two in the afternoon, waking me from my peaceful slumbers about being a bird and only having to dance to find a mate.

I shook my head, "Not happening. It's too early."

She looked at me with squinted eyes, "It's 2 in the after noon, Josh. Just get out of the house for today."

I groaned. The bowling alley had just opened back up. Corona was still a thing but now it seemed like nobody cared about it so everything was starting to open back up.

"No." I grumbled, throwing the blanket over my head.

I peaked through the blanket and saw her roll her eyes, "Youre acting as if he broke your heart Joshy. He'll come back, you'll hug it out and tell eachother how grateful you are for eachother and how guilty you felt. He's just taking a reality break for a bit." She paused momentarily, "That or he's with Craner getting absolutely shnockered, but I highly doubt that. So come on."

I huffed, "Wow. What a way to get me motivated." I said sarcastically.

She ripped the blanket off of me and I shivered, "I dislike every aspect of you." I mumbled in the cold air. How come every day except today it's hot in my room?

She pushed me hard until I rolled off of the bed and, very gracefully might I add, hit the floor with a groan.

"Josh. I'm serious. It's not like you two haven't been apart before."

"No but this time it's worst Sylvia because I know he got hurt."

Sylvia smiled sadly, "Yeah but... how many times do you think he's gotten hurt at home without you knowing, and he's just... never ever said anything?" She sighed, running her hand through her hair. "That's obviously not gonna do anything Sylvia-" she groaned, "Get your ass up before I tell dad I caught you looking at hot men in my magazines."

I threw a pillow at her as she left.

I guess she was right though. I was acting as if Callum had just cheated on me. But I feel like when something like that happens, or when someone you know is getting hurt, there will always be a nagging feeling deep within you until you realize they're okay with your two eyes.

What worried me more was what Callum had left to think about. If it wasn't his sexuality that meant it wasn't me, right? Or no? I wasn't sure.

But knowing Callum he'd think about it so hard until his brain practically exploded.

~~~

"Ohhhhh. Strike." Sylvia said with a grin as I sipped my sprite.

She had invited her friends with benefits guy and all was going well... until my broken ass started to hurt and I couldn't stand anymore so he started to play for both me and him.

So now I was sitting in a 'social distancing', —how does that even work? — bowling alley chair at a table, watching from a fair distance as Sylvia and her friend played.

I was being a major third wheel right now and I didn't exactly like it.

My ass hurt a lot and was sending random shooting pains up my back.

I watched as the guy fed my sister and fake gagged. Disgusting.

I'm all about cute relationships and stuff, but not when it's with my sister. Plus this guy was apparently a 'guy who is like my step bro' — quoted from my sister. Do people sleep with their step brothers? Am I missing something here?

I dunno.

I couldn't exactly do anything really. Normally I'd be taking a walk right now but... ahem... broken ass. My phone died and I couldn't bowl. Plus this guy and Sylvia seemed to be having a good time so I didn't want to interrupt.

I never had to deal with this 'third wheeling' stuff because it's always been Callum and I, so this was really very strange.

I mean, the most 'third wheeling' I'd ever done was when Callum and Craner were attacking eachother and I had to sit back and watch.

But now I feel for the people who have to deal with this constantly. It sucks.

They played for a good two hours before Sylvia finally sighed and called it quits.

"I can't win can I?" She'd asked the guy whom grabbed her wrists and pulled her towards him with a grin.

"Nope." He said.

Once again. Ew.

It was a waste of money in my opinion. Sylvia kept buying thirty minute games in hopes that she would win but NoPe.

So anyways.

It was raining now and it brought me back to the day of Callum and I's... would could you even call it? When we danced in the rain.

I sighed.

God Sylvia was right, I really do sound like he broke my heart. But I mean come on, It's somewhat understandable right? I mean, Callum and I have always been stuck together like glue and then all of sudden he's gone and he's hurt and I can't be there for him no matter how much I want to be.

~~~

Back at home I was enjoying my pizza for the millionth, but definitely not the last, time in a row.

It no wonder I was getting kinda chunky, I'd been eating so much junk and because of quarantine I'd just been lounging in my house with no reason to move.

I was self conscious but I wasn't that self conscious.

After what Callum had said before we parted... I felt... happier about myself? I'm not sure, I felt appreciated. I felt like my laziness was liked and the chunk I had put on was loved.

It felt nice, of course it didn't feel nice since the person who said it was taking a break from reality, but it still was nice.

Also, I know I'm kinda late to the party, but The Tiger King? Yeah, what the hell was that show?

Carol obviously killed her husband, no doubt.

I think it's the weirdest thing I've ever watched, besides Thirteen Reasons Why and Riverdale, which Sylvia made Callum and I watch with her.

My mom walked into the living room right as I decided to change the channel.

"What are you watching?" She asked, carrying in a few paper bags of groceries.

I shrugged, "Tiger King. Have you ever watched it?"

She shook her head, letting out a huff as she dropped the paper bags on the table.

"Well come watch it with me. I haven't watched all of it yet. And besides I can't finish this whole pizza by myself." I offered to my mom whom was looking at the groceries as if they were evil.

She hated putting away groceries so she gladly took the invite.

She sat down, pressing a kiss to my temple and wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"Ok. Walk me through it while we watch. Though I might get lost." She said, grabbing a slice of pizza.

I nodded and started the first episode, prepared to watch the few episodes I did already watch again so I could watch it with my mom.

Mother-son bonding time.

It was nice. We sat and talked about Carol and how she was literally the person my mom used to have nightmares about. She said Carol reminded her of my dads ex.

It helped me get my mind off of Callum, at least momentarily and by the time we had finished both the pizza and watching TV my dad had gotten home.

He walked over and placed a chaste kiss on my moms lips and I physically gagged.

"Oh come on, Josh. Don't act like we haven't kissed in front of you before."

I shook my head, "That's the exact reason I gagged, because it's nasty and y'all do it too much."

"We're married. It comes in the package."

"Yeah well... Cancel the subscription."

~~~

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