[unedited]

     A few days passed after the sleepover I had with Lily. It was Sunday today. We still haven't found out who posted the picture of Lily's arm on Instagram, and I felt anger surge through every fiber of my body when I thought about it. Like right now.

     The entire school knew about the post and it had only been a day, which made me sick to my stomach. I wish that I could turn back time so that I could've stopped Lily from doing such a thing, but I knew that it would never happen. For now, all we can do is figure out who did this and console Lily.

     "Jackson's friend, Ashton, knows stuff about computers. He said he could try to find out who it was," Lucas informed me with his back leaned against the wall to his room. Yes, I was in his room.

I came over to his house earlier and saw this worried look. I was thankful that he didn't ask about what happened or said anything about yesterday. No one liked showing their weak side, and that included me as well.

     "Football season starts tomorrow. We start practicing for a few days then the first game is on Friday," Lucas mentioned out of the blue, his eyes connecting with mine. I was well aware of it, and I didn't want to go to it. I hate going to any social event to be quite honest.

Then I realized that we were dating. September 2nd on a Friday was when I said yes to dating Lucas King, the one person who I used to despise. So to be a good girlfriend, I'm going to have to go to the game. I shuddered at the thought.

"After the game, there's going to be a huge party at one of the football players' house. You don't have to go if you don't want to. Just wanted to tell you," Lucas informed me with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

I really hate parties, and after everything happened with Lily, I'd rather not go. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I will. I need to help Lily."

"Yeah, right. Okay," Lucas said before continuing, "You can tell me anything." He was probably referring to Lily.

I still feel horrible about everything that happened. I should have known.

"Don't stress about it. We'll figure something out," Lucas said, probably seeing the distressed look plastered on my face.

I felt several buzzes in my pocket and glanced at Lucas. He shrugged in confusion, looking over my shoulder as I opened my phone. Jackson had texted me a moment ago.

"Holy shit," Lucas murmured under his breath. As I read the text message myself, I felt my head starting to pound in rage. Everything bad was just piling up, and I didn't know what to do.

jackson: Shit.

jackson: fuckfuckfuck I don t knw wha t to fo
jackson: [screenshot]

jackson: I wasjt out yet tjeentirr schol knows now

me: i'm coming over. deep breaths, okay?

jackson: ojay

I turned my phone off and closed my eyes, trying to hold everything in. The confusion, the anger, the hatred, the sadness— everything. Who in their right mind would make an exposing account to do this? More than half the school followed this account now. I felt nauseous just thinking about it.

Lucas grabbed his keys and a jacket, then speed-walked out of the house without saying a word and with me trailing behind him. He didn't bother hiding the enraged look on his face as he started the car up. After he pulled out of his driveway, he started to speed the car up.

The picture of the post flashed in my mind. It was of Jackson kissing Ashton by the bathrooms. Both of them weren't out yet and you know how high school is— judgmental and unaccepting. Lucas was driving faster now, and I wouldn't be surprised if we were pulled over by a cop.

     He pulled up to Jackson's driveway faster than I've seen anyone do it before. Once the car was turned off, he unbuckled himself and quickly got out, slamming the door behind him. I ran after him after getting out of the car, calling out his name.

     When my hands intertwined with his, he turned his head towards me. At first, all I could see was pure anger. Then his eyes softened and put his other hand to my cheek. I stared at him as he touched his forehead to mine.

     "I don't know what to do," Lucas murmured with such hurt in his voice, it made me sad.

     "Don't worry, okay? We'll figure this out. All of it," I reassured him, not even knowing whether or not to believe the words that I just uttered.

     "Okay," he muttered out, almost inaudibly. It hurt me to see him so vulnerable and hurt. He cared about us, and he showed it blatantly.

     He pulled back rang the doorbell. A few moments later, Jackson answered. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes looked like he'd been crying up a river. He turned away from us and walked to his own room.

     Lucas and I both looked at each other worriedly before going inside to follow him. Nobody wanted to show their vulnerability in this society. A society where nobody gave any attention over whether or not you're actually okay. All that mattered was if you were skinny, pretty, popular. It infuriated me to the point where I wanted to rip my hair out.

Or maybe because nobody wanted to face anything difficult. Anything that would really make them uncomfortable. Talking about suicide, talking about self harm— all of that is bound to make somebody uncomfortable even if you never experienced it. Nobody wants to talk about mental illnesses or racism on a serious level. At least not face to face. So they make jokes about it.

Everybody experiences sadness at one point of their life. Whether or not they admit it and show it is up to them. But the people who don't are scared of judgement. Scared of what people will think about them at their vulnerable state. A world where everything depends on what people think about you. That's what this is and that's what it'll always be.

Nevertheless, we will get through this. Together, as friends. Lily, Jackson, Lucas, even Damon and Ashton— all of them are family to me. I love them all in a platonic way. I like Lucas a little more than platonically though.

We arrived at Jackson's room and memories of us playing around flashed in my mind. It made me softly smile, even though his room was an absolute mess. Clothes were all over the floor, there was trash everywhere, and his bed was an absolute disaster. I could tell he had been throwing things around, most likely out of anger. We were all hopeless, not knowing what to do next.

Ashton was next to Jackson with his head on Jackson's shoulder. Both of them looked like a wreck but I didn't blame them.

"Ashton has good news," Jackson said to us, and I swear, I couldn't detect any emotion in his voice. He was just empty.

"I traced the IP address of the account and everyone in the grade. It took a bit but I think I know who did it," Ashton said softly, looking down at his feet.

"Who was it?" Lucas asked as calmly as he could.

"Natalia," Ashton replied. Jackson's breath hitched even though I could tell he already know. He continued, "Natalia Smith."

——

i just want to say that i'm so sorry for not updating, i just haven't had motivation lately hh

anyways i was forced to write this because of my friend so u can thank her :D ty for being patient w me if u were loll ill try to write more but i can't promise anything hahah

qotd: what's the name of ur crush? or if u don't have one, what's the name of the person u last liked but don't like currently?

aotd: i like this guy named matthew um

anyways ily guys stay beautiful stay handsome and stay u

- aspen