"YOU'RE REALLY TRYING to tell me that you didn't know Hans was the bad guy until they actually revealed it?" Archer asked while wheezing and laughing, "oh my God, my stomach hurts."

"Yeah, what about it?" I said, my cheeks flushed as I glared at him.

"You know, for a straight A student, you're pretty fucking oblivious," he told me, laughing hysterically again and clutching his side. "You're a comedian, Irene."

"I literally didn't do anything," I deadpanned, moving my head to where the credits were now ending.

"Why else would he want to marry Anna?" he inquired while calming down.

"I don't know! Maybe because of Anna's sexy looks and desperate personality that can classify her as clingy. Maybe Hans is into clingy girls. They never specify those details!" I answered in a defensive and he bursted out laughing again.

"Just stop talking," he managed to get out between laughs. "I can't fucking breathe."

     Five more hours of Disney movies seemed to fly by like the snap of your fingers. I didn't mind it one bit; I didn't want to go back home. Waking up in the pitch black night to a drunken woman barely able to stay conscious wasn't on my itinerary unfortunately. However, it was a school night and I wasn't sure if I was welcomed that much to even possibly begin to ask to spend the night at his place. It was already 10:30 p.m.

     "I'll drive you home," he offered, an easy-going smile etched onto his already-beautiful face.

     "That won't be necessary," I replied, politely declining his request.

     "It's 10:30 in the nighttime and you don't have a car," he scoffed, "I'm taking you to your house."

     "Sir, I can walk just fine," I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest with a determined look on my face. I could tell that he felt the same way as I did.

     "Like hell I'm going to let you walk back to your house in the cold weather at nighttime. When your house is what? An hour walk from here? Where anything could happen?" he told me, and a million ideas of what could possibly happen flooded into my mind. My body involuntarily shuddered at the thought, and the dark-haired boy seemed to notice when he gave me a victorious smirk.

     "Fine," I murmured, the ends of my mouth tugging downward.

     "It's a win win," he smiled, standing up and leaning over to give me a small peck on my cheek. The gesture made my heart skip five beats. "You get to hang out with me and I'll even let you pick the music."

     "Ah great, even more time to spend with the infamous Archer," I replied sarcastically with a small smile etched onto my face. I couldn't deny the fact that he made me feel happy. Even with his stupid puns and his charming mannerism, he seemed to understand me. Like Oliver did. Like I thought Oliver did.

     The smile dropped from my face, but Archer was already too preoccupied on finding the keys to his car to notice. I was grateful because I still didn't know if I wanted Archer to know. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of, but I just knew I was afraid. Maybe it was because he would judge me. He'd see the weakest side of me and turn me away. Or he'd see that side of me and view me as a plaything. An easy toy to use and control, who'd follow every order just for a little bit of validation and love. Too broken to ever leave him.

     I wasn't sure if I was still broken. Would I still fall for the trap that Oliver had set up so perfectly and effortlessly? You accept the love you think you deserve. A simple phrase from one of my favorite movies. Did I deserve that?

     More and more doubts started to flood my mind, and I didn't hear Archer's worried words. I didn't hear anything. It was the sense of being underwater, so drawn away from the world. Everything was so, so far away. The words from Archer were muffled. My eyes were open, but all I could see was darkness. I felt my heart start to pound faster and harder, and it was the only thing I could consciously hear. The only thing that wasn't muffled from the surrounding water. I felt like I was suffocating and there was no way out. I was drowning.

     I turned my head to see Oliver holding me in his bed, whispering the words from a book he was reading to me. Another memory of him hugging me from behind after school, leaving small kisses on the side of my face, down to my neck. Saying he'd never leave me. That he couldn't live without me. That I was his sole purpose of living. That I was his light, and I somehow led him out of the darkness that was starting to consume him.

     I wanted to scream, but no sound came out from my mouth. When reality came back to me, my eyes were widened and I could feel my tear-stained cheeks. Even more were falling as the boy wrapped his arms around me, putting his head in the nook of my shoulder and neck as he whispered comforting nothings into my ear. But that's all they were; they were nothing.

     "I'm here, Irene, it's okay," the boy murmured, "I won't leave you."

     It reminded me so much of Oliver, and in the back of my mind, I knew I was horrible for even beginning to compare Archer to him. But how could I not when those were the same words my ex had murmured to me when I was having a panic attack over my mother? When the dark-haired boy held me the same way he did?

     Archer reminded me so much of Oliver, and every time the resemblance came to my mind, I tried to push it away. He was so similar yet so different than what I was used to; maybe this was the stage where everything would be okay. This was the honeymoon phase and after that, it all goes downhill.

     I felt bad for feeling disgusted in his arms. I felt bad for imagining him as Oliver as he held me close to him. Because even though he held me the same way my ex did, his hold was so much gentler. He held me like I was a treasure he didn't ever want to let go. I felt protected, like nobody could ever hurt me ever again. And despite all of the similarities and familiarities I could pick out between the two, I knew he was different from my ex.

     "I'm sorry," I muttered softly, closing my eyes. They slightly burned from having them open for so long. "I'm so sorry."

     "There's nothing to be sorry about," he replied gently, moving his head to be face to face with me. "You don't have to tell me why it happened, if there was a reason at all. Just know that I'm here. I'll always be here."

    At that moment, I knew he wasn't like Oliver. If he were, he'd demand me to tell him why. But all he wanted to do was to understand, so should I even be upset about it? He just wanted to help me. I didn't know what to think and I hated it.

     "My ex-boyfriend's name was Oliver," I informed the boy, willing to tell him the entire story. Something in me shouted that this was the right thing to do. So I listened to that voice. "He taught me a form of love that I'm not even sure you can call love. But it's all I had at the time, and he meant the universe to me. When my mother was getting drunk all the time, I had to learn how to take care of myself. I had to cope with not having anyone to lean on, but he was there for me, Archer. Whatever he told me to say, I did. I loved him.

"I was completely and utterly broken, and he helped build me back up, but I didn't know the words he told me were just to get me wrapped around his finger. Hell, sometimes I even question if he meant them or not because part of me still wants to believe that he did mean all of the words he said. But despite his I love you's, he would tell me that he was the only person who'd ever love and care about me in such a profound way. And was there any reason for me to not believe him? My mother didn't care, I didn't have many friends— it was just him," I murmured the last part before pausing for a moment. Archer listened to what I had to say carefully and waited for me to say more. His eyes were soft— nothing like his usual self. Nothing like Oliver either.

     "I was told he manipulated me," I went on after taking a deep breath, "the only reason it ended was because of Ayana, and it was so on and off on whether or not he actually manipulated me because you really can't tell if you're being manipulated or not, you know? And sometimes I catch myself thinking of what a future would've looked like with him. If he actually loved me. It's just so stupid. I'm so stupid for ever trusting him, aren't I?"

"You're not stupid," Archer murmured, wiping a tear from my cheek. "You couldn't have known. It's okay."

     I've heard those words before. From Ayana. So why was it that when he said it, I instantly felt at ease? His voice and his words made me truly believe that it was okay. That was enough for me.

     I sank into his arms and stayed there for a while, not wanting to let go of him. Not wanting him to let go of me. It was so calming for somebody to understand me, and I knew he could never know how I felt unless he experienced it, but at least he was trying. It's not like Ayana never tried, she just didn't know what to say or do, which is okay. Friends aren't therapists after all. I didn't expect her to be able to help me, but her being there was enough for me. Archer being here was more than enough for me whether I liked to believe it or not.

     Tobias, he was there for me when I was vulnerable. He's constantly trying to build me up to face the things that I'm too afraid to face. I don't know if he knows that, but it's something I admired about it among other things. Ayana was the epitome of perfect, and I know that I've said it multiple times, but it's true. Yeah, sometimes she'd spend time with other people when I felt like I needed her but it's my fault. I didn't ask, and I can't expect her to know. So I genuinely couldn't ask for better friends.

     Archer, Ayana, Tobias. Brandon. Oliver. They either are good or were all good to me at one point, and I'm so thankful for them. Every memory, every happy thought that's crossed my mind because of them. When I say I don't know where I'd be without them, I really do mean that. I'm not sure I'd be here without them, and part of me knows that it's self-destructive to rely on them for happiness, but what other choice do I have?

     "What are you thinking about?" he asked me softly, breaking the gentle silence between us. "Tell me what's on your mind."

     "I'm scared," I muttered, and as soon as I let those two words out, I could feel him hold me tighter. "I'm afraid that I won't ever be enough for anyone. That one day I'll disappoint you or Ayana or my mother or Tobias or anyone and they'll disappear. And once you guys do, it'll all come down like a tidal wave that I really wasn't okay to begin with. I just want to be okay."

     "Darling, you're more than enough," he whispered and something within me fluttered. "Nobody is completely perfect, and it's okay to not be okay."

     His comfort was the only thing that I put my mind at ease. He didn't say that he understood me so perfectly but he didn't need to. His actions, the way he held onto me like I was the last valuable thing to him on Earth, the way he spoke with such compassion. It was like a fairytale to have him, and I was terrified that one day, I'd open my eyes and realize that he was never really there at all.

     The thought disappeared soon after as Archer pulled away to look me in the eyes for a few moments. The boy gave me a serious look that still radiated his warmth he showed me while telling me, "I promise I won't ever leave you."

—
qotd: hi how are you

aotd: considering it's 4 am and i just now finished this chapter after like 2 weeks of trying to write it and getting writer's block, i'm tired. but alright. :D