TODAY WAS THE day of the blind date, though I wasn't really up for it. My head was pounding as I recalled what had happened at the party. Most of it was a big blur, but the memories of me getting drunk and kissing a random boy seemed clearer than day. What was his name again?

Right, and the fact that Archer saw the kiss.

Everything after that was vague, and I was surprised that I even made it into my bed. I couldn't even remember Archer's reaction or if he even reacted at all. Did he even have any reason to react? He and I were only friends, so why did I feel partially guilty about it? Besides, he did the exact same thing to me, so it doesn't matter. None of this mattered. I had to get ready for this blind date that Ayana set up.

"Wear something cute and cozy, we're going to a winter festival," I read her text aloud before laughing. The last time I went to a festival was when I was in elementary school.

I was less than excited about the date than I should've been, but nobody can really blame me for that. Part of the reason I don't socialize more is because I don't trust people easily. I couldn't, not after what he did.

"You're a fucking whore." The venom he spat out with the words was enough to burn into my heart. "Stop talking to other guys. I'm the only one you need, Irene."

I was only talking to Brandon, one of my closest friends. I'd known him since kindergarten, so it was only common sense that I would talk to him. Why would I try to make a move on my best childhood friend when I was with you? I love you. I love you so much.

"I'm sorry," I muttered through the phone, "I'll stop talking to him. I love you."

He hung up without a word after that. No "I love you" back, no anything. But it was okay because I said it was okay. He loves me— I just know it. If there was a higher power in the world, why would they put me in love with somebody if they don't love me back as much as I loved them? If they didn't love me back at all? I refuse to believe that there was somebody cruel enough to do that.

The memory ended when I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I hated flashbacks like that. I always had them when I first broke up with him, but now I was able to suppress them most of the time. I hated thinking about him, so I blocked that part of my mind out. I wanted to forget about him.

That was the last time I talked to Brandon. Why am I like this? Once I realized how manipulative he was, it was already too late. I lost my childhood best friend, and for what? Some validation? A sense of worth from someone who only used me in the end? I felt dirty even though it happened two years ago. I was so naïve. I let him has his way with me so he'd be happy because if he was happy, I was happy. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around my body.

I was so bitter. So, so bitter. I didn't realize how many more tears were rolling down my face. Despite it all, no sound came out of my mouth. I didn't bother to wipe the tears away as I got ready for the winter festival. The birds were chirping outside in the dry, cold air and I could see them huddled up in a messy nest near a tree in the small yard. They reminded me of Archer.

     In the bathroom, it was much quieter. It was everything my life was— my mom's clothes bundled up in the corner, trash on top of the counters and in one of the sinks. There was a pink towel crumbled up near the bathtub; it was my mom's favorite one. Whether it was because of the color of the embroidery of flowers that made it so wonderful beats me. I didn't care either.

     The water from the sink was ice cold but I left my hands cupped underneath it. After I splashed my face with the freezing water, I took a long look at myself in the mirror. There was no mistaking that it was me. My hair was everywhere, there were dark bags underneath my eyes, and there wasn't an ounce of emotion I could detect in my own eyes. They were lifeless.

After showering and brushing my teeth, I changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater along with a coat I found in a local Goodwill. I threw a beanie on along with with the outfit and put some makeup from the dollar store on. None of the things I had on were above twenty dollars, and I found myself wondering if the person I was meeting would notice.

Not that I cared. Or mattered.

The walk to the festival was longer than I expected. My breath was visible when I exhaled, and it reminded me of the times when Brandon and I would always pretend to smoke with pretzel sticks. I stared down at the cigarette between my index and middle finger, watching as the snow crunched underneath each step.

I took one last hit of the cigarette before smooshing it with my shoe. Despite it being a Saturday, the festival wasn't as crowded as I imagined it to be. Maybe it was because of how cold it was, especially compared to last night. I shoved my hands in the pockets of the coat and walked towards Ayana and the boy next to her.

He looked oddly familiar. Most of his dirty blonde hair was neatly slicked back, though a few locks of hair fell near his blue-ish gray right eye. His other one was a light brown color, and I felt myself mesmerized by both of them. I'm sure many people were— you don't get to meet a lot of people with heterochromia.

     He stared back at me with a small smile on his face. It was so familiar, but I couldn't place how or why. I thought of ways I could possibly know this guy. Perhaps he was someone I met a few years ago and forgot about. However, there was no denying how handsome he was. Though his face seemed like it was chiseled by a sculptor and had sharp features, there was a soft look to him. Maybe it was in his eyes.

    "Irene Anderson, meet Tobias Walker. Tobias Walker, meet Irene Anderson," Ayana introduced us to each other. The moment his name rolled off of her tongue, memories from last night flooded into my head.

     He was the guy I kissed last night. Holy shit, what the actual fu—

     My thoughts were cut off my Tobias speaking, "Pleasure to meet you, Irene as in Irene."

     "You too Tobias as in Toby Ass," I replied after a moment, still shocked. Did he remember the kiss? Of course he did, who am I kidding? The black-haired girl beside us gave us weird look before clasping her hands together.

     "Time to party!" she exclaimed with a jovial grin on her face. We made eye contact with each other and there was a glint in her eyes that I haven'f seen much lately.

     After many of those stall games, we finally got a break when we had to wait in line to get some donuts that Tobias had never tried before. We had a lot of things in common, and he a very easy person to talk to. I found myself growing fond of the boy. Despite being the captain of the baseball team, he never hung out much with his teammates. He was somebody who seemed untouchable on the surface. Most of the time, he kept to himself.

     He only cared about what people close to him thought of him, but I couldn't think of a time where I saw him with somebody else. The boy was a mystery to the public eye, and many girls saw this as a reason to swoon over him. To try to capture his attention. To be quite honest, he wasn't very popular. Especially compared to Archer.

     More and more of the information about him flooded into my mind like a tsunami. I was too caught up with Archer to really care about anything else, but now I was on a date with a boy who I kissed while being intoxicated. On that topic, it was time to address the big ass elephant in the room.

     "I'm sorry," I apologized as I shifted my weight to my other foot, "for last night. I didn't mean to kiss you. It's not like me to do that kind of shit. And I know I was drunk, but I still did it and I'm stupid for it."

     "Don't be sorry," he responded sincerely, "it was my fault as well. I mean, I was the one who kissed you back. And I'm pretty sure drunk me liked it."

     I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He had a smirk on his face as I cleared my throat and turned away from him. I changed the subject, "Where is Ayana? Is there a line for the bathroom or something?"

     "Probably," he replied with a shrug. I just knew that he still had the smirk plastered onto his stupidly handsome face.

     A few moments later, it was our time to order. The scent of donuts. The dry, cold air. The sound of laughter as people danced around as music played. It was like the time in the car with Archer— all of it seemed surreal. Like I was dreaming, and all of this would end as soon as I woke up.

     Three apple fritter donuts later, we were sitting down on a cold, wooden bench that was way too small for the three of us. I offered to stand but Tobias was already getting up and sitting down on the snow-covered ground. He was insane.

     "Isn't your ass cold?" I asked with a laugh, biting into the apple fritter with a moan. I forgot how good these were.

     "Nah," he responded before he took the last bite of the donut. "Shit, these really do taste good. I can see why you moaned."

     "Right?" I replied with excitement, choosing to blatantly ignore his last sentence, "it's one of my favorite things in the world."

     He laughed before falling onto his back as his eyes fluttered closed. Ayana and I looked at each other before bursting out in laughter. Just a random guy laying on his back in the snow. Nothing to worry about. It looked as if he was sleeping, and his lips were curled up into a smile. Abruptly, he started to move his arms up and down and his legs back and forth until a snow angel was created.

     "Come make an angel with me, Star," he spoke, his eyes still closed.

     "Star?" Aya whispered to me with a you-better-tell-me-the-details-later look. I let out a chuckle before nodding. I looked at the boy in front of me, and he looked content as he laid flat on the cold ground. I shook my head before laying down next to him.

     "We probably look crazy," I stated as I started to create the snow angel.

     "Ah, well, you know what they say. Fuck it," he breathed out, laughing again.

     Before I knew it, there were other children making snow angels around us. Even some adults joined in on it while others had their phones out to take pictures and videos of their kids. To capture the moment forever.

     "You see, Star? Not everyone is going to judge you for doing fun things," he told me, turning his head to face towards me with his and legs arms still spread out and a content smile on his face. "You just gotta live."

     "This isn't high school," I replied while shaking my head again.

     "You're right. It's worse. Full of brutally honest kids and overprotective parents," he responded with a fake shudder.

     "You know what I mean," I rolled my eyes and sat up, rubbing my hands together for warmth. Around us were multiple kids giggling and rolling around in the snow.

     "'Be yourself. No one can say you're doing it wrong,'" he responded and paused for a moment, looking into my eyes. He had the same easy-going smile on his face as he looked at me. "Charlie Brown."

—

qotd: what's your favorite anime if you watch anime? if not, what's your favorite tv show?

aotd: i really love your lie in april and yes i got the thing at the end of that anime LOL