Y/n: BACK BITCHES

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SEASON FOUR MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
~
"Y/n? Y/n, wake up!"
Someone shook you lightly. You groaned, trying to swat them away.

"For god's sake, just put it in already and stop interrupting me."

"What?"

"WHat?" You turned your head around behind you. Midoriya stood next your bed, cheeks tinted a bright pink. "Oh, Wazowski, what's up?" Midoriya let out a hum of confusion.

"Wazow... ski?"

"You know, Mike Wazowski? Best friends with James P. Sullivan, top Scarer, then CEO of Monsters Incorporated?"

"..."

"..."

"You uncultured swine... you know who Kermit the Frog is?"
Midoriya blinked at you nervously.

"Isn't he... the... green... frog meme?"

"YOU MEAN PEPE!?!?!?!??!" Your yell made him stumble to the floor. "HoW dArE yOu!!" You pulled a gun from your ass and pointed it at him.

"AHHHHHHHJGHJHGGGGHGHGH!!!!!!" Midoriya screamed in horror.

"COMMIT BRAIN-HOLE BITCH!!!!!"

"Y/n."
You froze, gaze slowly moving towards your doorway. Aizawa stood there, expression bored.

"... yes?"

"Don't kill Midoriya."

"He confused Kermit and Pepe!!"
Aizawa just sighed.

"I'm more curious as to where you got that gun from."

"Plot armor, bitch."

"... just come into the main space when you're ready."

"Yes sir!" You shoved the gun back up your butt with a squelch and groan. Midoriya watched on in mild horror. When you were done, you smiled down at him.

"Ready to go?"
He just nodded, literally unable to form coherent words.

~
Out in the lobby, all of Class 1-A stood in front of Aizawa. Denki nudged you from the side.

"Yo... do you have a gun up your butt right now?"

"Maybe I do, why?"

"How did you fit it in there?"

"I got cakes, boy... the cactus also helped."

"What."

"What."
You and Denki broke out in snickers. When you quieted down, Aizawa calmly told you all of Class 1-A was going to be interviewed by a newspaper journalist.

"A newspaper?!" All of you exclaimed.

"Yeah. A new newspaper wants to do a feature on you all," he replied. You raised your hand slowly.

"Are they going to go into our rooms? Cause... I have a few... things that might not be... legal?"
Aizawa stared at you for a moment.

"After this is over, I would like to see your room."

"I can tell you for a fact, I most certainly do not have a bazooka hidden under my bed."
He just sighed and shook his head at you.

"A newspaper? Isn't that cool?" Denki asked you. You nodded at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Yeah! The last time I was on the news was for killing five people, becoming a villain, going to Tartarus, breaking out, and..." You paused for a second. "... and... huh... weird. I don't remember what happened after that." Kirishima placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Bro... you good?"
You blinked a few times, your mind drawing a blank.

"Yeah, but my head's kinda fuzzy... like I'm missing something important." You then shrugged. "Oh well... if I forgot, it means it wasn't important."

"Don't get too excited," Aizawa said. All of you immediately calmed down. "The article is supposed to be about how you students are doing in the dorms you just moved into."

"Bunch of perverts."

"The principal thought it would be good for your parents and guardians to see you all living happily in the dorms, so he gave special permission," he added on.

"Ha! Jokes on them! My parents are dead!"
From behind you, you could hear Mineta talking to Sero. It was a hushed whisper.

"Do you think the reporter'll be a woman? A woman newscaster?" He asked. Your brow twitched.

"He said it was for a newspaper," Sero replied.

"If you think about it, 'announcer' sounds like 'bouncer', which sounds like bouncy boo—"

"RESPEK WAHMEN, YOU COMMUNIST!!!!"

"Now, now, please tell your student to calm themselves, Mr. Aizawa."

"HA!?!? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING TO CALM DOWN?!?!?!?"
Aizawa used his capture weapon to restrain you from killing the reporter. Everyone sweat dropped at you. The man walked out from the wall of the building, slouched, and hands in his pockets.

"I want to report on the U.A. students in their natural state in the dorms."

"Mr. Tokuda, I didn't say you could come in, yet—"

"I was told I could be here from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m." Tokuda pointed at his watch. "It's already time." Aizawa finally dropped the bonds and released you. Your body slapped against the floor. Tokuda turned to face your group.

"Hello, everyone. I'm Tokuda, a reporter. Thanks for having me here today." He bowed to you.

"PFFFFFTTTTTT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! DUDE, WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR CROOKED ASS HAIRLINE?!?! YOU LOOK LIKE MY PUBES AFTER I ONLY SHAVE HALF THE HAIR OFF!!!!!!!!!" You rolled on the floor, unable to contain your laughter. Everyone looked on. It was a normal occurrence to them. You, being an idiot and all. Tokuda was extremely confused, but went along with it.

"You don't have to do anything special. Please just show the camera how you normally live," Tokuda said, "I'll probably ask you questions occasionally, so I'll be counting on you then." He smiled at all of you. You crossed your arms and stared at him. Very obviously, too. Your eyes squinted tighter than a virgin's asshole. Something was off about him. It was very, very subtle, but you felt it.

"Okay, then, um... what would you usually be doing now?"
Your eyes lit up in sparkles.

"DEEP THROATING SOME GLORIOUS ANIMALS AND PLANTS!!!!!!!!!"

"... eh...?"

"She means breakfast," Aizawa translated. Tokuda laughed nervously.

"Oh, I see... just pretend I'm not here..."

So all of you went to go eat breakfast like normal. Tokuda took some pictures of everyone. He aimed the camera at you, but when he saw you shove a whole rotisserie chicken in your mouth, he reconsidered.
You were walking to your room, going to get dressed to go to school, when Tokuda ran up to you.

"Excuse me, Miss Y/n!" He called. You let out a sigh.

"God kill me now." You turned and plastered on a smile. "Yes?"

"Is it alright if I ask you a question?"

"You're going to have to pay me to fuck me, no takesies backsies."
He blinked.

"... what?"

"Nothing, what's your question?" You clasped your hands behind your back.

"Oh, alright. What's it like transitioning from a villain to a hero?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Pussy Hair." You turned and went into your bedroom, leaving him out in the hallway, alone.

"... huh...?"

The rest of the day went on with him shadowing 1-A. He consistently took pictures of everyone, including you, but he stopped when you kept making strange faces and raising your middle finger... and other things.

"You wanna see my magnum dong?"

"Uh... no thank you."

"Your loss, Dick Cheese."

As a whole, the day went on as normal. Tokuda wasn't as big of a problem as you thought he would be. What you noticed, however, was his slight favoritism towards Midoriya. Perhaps it was because he had the closest relationship with All Might. He's done nothing to make you attack him. Not yet, actually.
At the end of class, you were relaxing on the couch with the rest of the girls. You had no idea where Tokuda was, or what he was doing, but quite frankly you didn't care.

"Everyone, it's about time for dinner—" You zoomed past Yaoyorozu before she could finish her sentence. You sat yourself at the table, smiling widely.

"Geez, Y/n, you're always hungry, aren't you?" Kirishima said with a small smile.

"Eating food helps me forget my woes, depression, and the sinking feeling of the fact we only have limited time on this earth and everything we work so hard to do may lead to nothing because there's still a chance the world could end in a catastrophic accident leading to humanities end." Everyone present was taken aback by how serious you were. You took a glass filled with water and dramatically drank it for a few seconds. Everyone was silent.

"... and finally, my internalized suffering will end..."
Kirishima put a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"... do you need a hug?"

"... yes."
You and the Wholesome™️Soft™️Caring™️boy hugged for a few minutes until Ochaco and Midoriya walked through the door.

"Are they okay?" The green bean asked.

"They're fine," Denki said, "Kirishima's helping her get over her early-life identity crisis."
Your head popped up from the red head's shoulder.

"Yo, chill your outlets, I'm not Trisha Paytas."
Kirishima patted your back and lightly shh'd you. That prompted to rest your head back on his shoulder. You almost fell asleep when you had a startling revelation.

"... I PUT MY JAR OF PUBIC HAIR IN TOKUDA'S JACKET!!!!!!"
That's how you ran out of the dorms to try and track him down. It was quiet and awkward back with the others.

"... I hope it was at least her hairs," Denki spoke.

"I noticed the hair I shaved off was gone from my bathroom floor," Sero said. Everyone sat down and in silence.

"... wait... we don't have any brooms... how did she pick it up?"











I'M BACK BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ja ne!

{Ruby Red}

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