"HEEEEEYYY Y'ALL!!!!! GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?" You popped up on the screen, violently shaking the camera back and forth. "WE'RE AT 69 CHAPTERS!!!!!!"

"NICE!!!" Denki yelled from the back. You jumped away from the camera with a smile.

"Not only that, we reached over 500k reads!! Thank you so much for sticking around this mess of a book. So, as a celebration of both of these awesome milestones, this chapter will be EXTRA vulgar and inappropriate! Hope you enjoy!"

"WAIT A MOMENT!!!!" Denki drop kicked you. "YOU FORGOT TO SHOW THEM!!!"
You blinked up at him for a moment before a wide grin came across your face.

"Hehe... you got the stuff?"
Denki unzipped his massive trench coat.

"Oh yeah... I got the stuff..." He whipped something out from his inner pocket. "What's this?"

"//DRAMATIC GASP//" Said Denki, "MERCH?!?!?!"
You just put your finger to your lips.

"Shhhhhhh..."

~
You were sitting back in class. In between the hot cheeto girl and the Target sign.

"Oh shit..." You leaned towards Yaoyorozu. "What's the bitche's name up there?" She blinked at you quickly.

"Mr. Ectoplasm?"
You slapped your hand loudly onto the desk.

"THAT'S THE BITCH!!!!"

"Miss Y/n, please try to be less disruptive while in class," Ectoplasm scolded.

"I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO PRODUCES WEED FUMES FROM HIS MOUTH!! YOU COULD BE ON A CONSTANT 420 HIGH!!"
Ectoplasm sighed.

"Everyone knows that spot is reserved only for you, Miss Y/n."

"... AAAAWWWWWWWWEEEEEEE!!!!!!" You were suddenly attached to his side, hugging him with all four of your limbs. "THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU!!!!!"

"Please unattach yourself."

"... fine..." You slowly slid yourself off of him and slugged your way back over to your seat.

"How did..."

"Shh, don't question it," Denki interrupted Jirou.

~
Class over, it was now time for lunch. Your favorite time of the day.

"Hey, you got any legs?" You asked. Lunch Rush stared at you for a moment.

"Legs...?" He repeated. You nodded.

"Yep. Legs. Or embryos, even. I like my children undercooked."
Lunch Rush slowly moved away from you.

"We... we have rice..."
You thought for a moment.

"Okay, that'll do."
Once you got your food, you stepped away from the counter where Denki greeted you.

"Yo! Look what I got," he said, holding something up. You tilted your head at it.

"... and egg?"

He turned it on.

"... oh... OH." You swiped it out of his hand and cradled it like a newborn baby. "Where did you get this?"

"It was stuck inside my ass all this time."

"Did you wash it?"

"Nope. It came out when I pooped."

"..."

"..."

"Dude, that's sick!"
You and him chest bumped.

~
Later at night you were sleeping in your bed. The large window that led out to your balcony was exposed. The weed curtains were pulled back, exposing the night sky. You were snoring quite loudly, a mysterious white powder over your clothes. A silhouette appeared on your balcony, placing a hand on the glass and staring in. You shifted in your sleep and groaned lightly, feeling something off deep in your wet dreams.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE PENGUIN BACK!!!" You awoke with a startle, grabbing the giant mallet from thin air and holding it towards the window. The presence was gone. You blinked. You ran towards your balcony and shoved your doors open. You looked left and right, but didn't see the person you sensed.

"Hm... guess I won't be fucked tonight..." You slowly turned back around and headed back in.

~
The next morning you were sitting in class, obnoxiously chewing and blowing gum.

"I want you to blow me like that--"
You took your mallet and smashed Mineta right into the ground like a whack-a-mole.

"HOLE IN ONE!!!" Denki called from the back.

"I'll smash your hole in one."

"..."

"..."

You and Denki reached for his belt at the same time, but got interrupted by Midnight stepping into the classroom.

"Goddammit, WHY CAN'T I EAT SOMEONE'S ASS JUST ONE TIME WITHOUT GETTING INTERRUPTED?!?!"

"Maybe it's because you shouldn't do that in school...?" Kirishima suggested carefully. You scoffed and crossed your arms.

"I should go to a whore house and go wham, blam, goodnight ma'am over there."

While Midnight was teaching your class, you noticed Midoriya in front of you, seemingly nervous. More nervous than normal. You narrowed your eyes at him.

'Shit...' You thought.

'Did he find my hidden stash of Polish vodka under the floorboards?' You tightened your grip on your frying pan under the desk.

'MUST ELIMINATE.'

~
When class was over, most of them were already leaving the room, leaving Midoriya still at his desk. You gingerly tapped him on his shoulder.

"Uh... yes?" He turned around.

"MUST ELIMINATE YOU!!!" You jumped over him, dual-wielding frying pans in each of your hands.

"WAITWHATWHATDIDIDO?!?!?!?" He cried, curling up into a ball.

"YOU FOUND MY POLISH VODKA HIDDEN UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS YOU TRESPASSER!!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!? I NEVER SAW ANY OF THAT I SWEAR!!!"

"Oh..." You stopped in mid air. You threw the pans over your shoulder, not caring when they hit someone. "Then why do you seem so damn nervous? More nervous than usual."
Midoriya swallowed and averted his gaze.

"Um... it's nothing. I just didn't get a good night's sleep, is all," he replied. You rose a brow at him.

"Hm... fine, but I'm watching you." You popped your eyes out of their sockets.
Midoriya let out an ear piercing shriek.

~
All of you were at Gym Gamma, getting ready to train your ULTIMATE MOVES.

"Now, let's work on improving your ultimate moves today, too!" Cementoss said, "If you haven't completed the assignment to have at least two, work on that. If you already have two, then continue developing them."
You raised your hand.

"L/n."

"Yeah, so I can literally warp reality to my will and make anything and everything appear with a mere thought... what should I work on?"
Cementoss looked at you, not really sure how to answer.

"Uh... just try to conjure up something to help aid you in battle."

"Two hundred tons of crack cocaine coming right up."

"WAIT NO."

Kirishima activated his Unbreakable.

"Bakugo, Sato, Midoriya, Y/n! Please beat me up to your heart's content!" Kirishima said.

"People are going to misunderstand!" Sato exclaimed.

"Sorry, I'm working on my own today..." Midoriya apologized.

"OHHHH HELL YEAHHH!!!" You swung your mallet and sent him straight into one of the built rock pillars. The others just stared on at you.

"What? He asked me to."

"... Y/n's going to hurt herself one of these days..." Jirou said.

"SHE'S SO COOL!!" Denki exclaimed. Mineta stared at you.

"Boobs--"
A boomerang came and hit him square in the head, knocking him out instantly.

"Thanks, Y/n!" Tsu called out.

"NO PROBLEM!!" You yelled, stomping your foot on Kirishima.

Ja ne!

{Ruby Red}