¤Chapter 5¤

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¤Chapter 5¤

"Are you sure you mind being seen with me?" I asked crossing my arms.

"Well I'm not necessarily being seen with you now, am I?" Owen answered rhetorically.

He's right.

After he asked to speak with me privately, I grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the cafeteria. The mood there had switched from anticipation to curiosity and although I don't mind my English class watching the melodrama which is my life; I have a problem with the rest of the school finding out. Everyone has lunch at different times because our cafeteria is not large and fancy like big city schools —it's small and modest. The bad part about that is: no one knows how to keep their mouth shut. To my peers, lunch is a time to eat and gossip simultaneously. The last thing I want to be is the talk of the town —again.

So, I dragged him to a hidden staircase in the gym.

Our school's gymnasium has two floors. Downstairs is the main open area with rows of bleachers for spectators to watch when we play indoor sports, while upstairs is lined with classrooms and a meeting room. The stairwell itself isn't hidden but there's a spandrel between the first floor where we stood and the second floor on top of the stairs. If they added a door here, it could've been a small closet. The only way for someone to see us would be if they deliberately looked underneath the stairs. Not even the cameras can spot us here.

We faced each other, hidden in the shadows.

"I don't remember you being this bold this morning" I said as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light.

He leaned against the wall, putting more distance between us. "And I don't remember you being so aggressive"

Two steps.

That's all it took for him to be completely pressed against the wall instead of leisurely resting on it.

I placed my hand above his shoulder and leaned in close. "I thought you weren't scared?"

"So, this is what you do to push people away." He let out a breath I didn't realize he was holding.

I might seem like I'm on top of everything around him but I'm not. His rigid body is my only indication that he might be afraid of me. Normally I'd be able to sense it —like I did with everyone in the Cafeteria. For some reason I'm more aware of his physical state than his emotional state.

This is bad.

Physically your opponent might seem strong but if he's emotionally weak then you've won both the battle and the war. Owen is stiff on the outside; this could mean fear. Yet, when I look in his eyes, I can't see fear —in fact, I don't know what I see. If I could only sense what he was thinking right now, I would know if this was all a bluff. But I can't.

I must be broken.

"What do you mean?" My brows scrunched up in confusion.

"On the outside you're Madi, but inside you're—"

"You don't know anything about me" I snapped. This time I was the one to put distance between us. Once again, not good. By moving back, I'm giving him the upperhand.

I need to schedule a refresher course with my dad. Fast.

Owen glanced at his feet, not able to challenge the ferocity of my gaze. "People talk about you, you know"

I didn't respond.

Of course, people talk about me. They always do. They talked when I was Madison and they talk now that I'm Madi, but they won't dare say anything to me personally. Phonies.

"They say you're mean because of something that happened to you a long time ago, they say you're scary now and possibly even dangerous. But you want to know what I think?" He finally worked up the courage to look at me again. His eyes seemed more green this time; barely a trace of grey.

Determined, he said. "I think you're just hurt"

I began speaking with malice, suddenly becoming defensive. "I think you should get to class before—" 

"Why," He walked towards me. "I'm already late. I decided to skip the moment you dragged me here when the bell rang"

"Do you normally skip class?" I fiddled with a loose thread hanging from my shirt. There's no way a goody two shoes like him is okay with missing out on taking notes and asking the teacher unnecessary questions. What exactly is he doing right now? More importantly, what the heck am I doing?

"Do you normally change the subject?" He flashed a triumphant grin. It's obvious that I'm at a disadvantage.

I just lost the battle.

I might not know exactly how he's feeling right now but I definitely know how I feel: confused. How did his body language change from tense to confident? And what happened so suddenly to change it? What's wrong with me? There's no way I'm letting him win. I'm Madi. Madi doesn't get cornered by anyone —especially guys. What's worse is I'm supposed to be cornering him.

"Fine," I balled my fists at my sides. "You think I'm hurt? Weak? Soft? Well you better think again because—"

He shook his head urgently. "No, no I don't think you're weak or soft or —honestly, you're probably stronger than me" 

"So, what's your fucking point?" I stood tall, no longer trying to be nice. Actually, he's taller than me so I have to look up a little bit but the fact that he didn't slouch in fear from my fiery glare —like most would at this point— gained my respect. I'm used to taller opponents.

Specifically, I'm used to taller opponents unintentionally lowering to my level.

Is he doing this on purpose?

"My point is," He took a deep shaky breath. "Most people might be scared of Madi but I'm not. I'm not afraid because although yes, you're strong and fierce —you're also gentle and kind—" He placed a hand on my shoulder to help him focus more directly on my eyes, thus forcing me to focus on his. "People see Madi, but I see a little bit of Madi and a little bit of..."

He trailed off when my eyes narrowed, warning him not to say my full name. After a pause he continued, "When your friend gave me your number I was shocked at first, since I figured you would rather approach me in person; but I'm glad she did because I've always been curious about you...now I know" He smiled shyly. "I'm still very much intimidated don't get me wrong, but it's been a pleasure finally talking to you Madi. Just you and me."

A pleasure? Talking to me? My throat dried at the thought.

He shoved his hands in his pocket awkwardly. "I hope we can talk again sometime? You don't have to text me back it's fine but... hopefully we can be friends maybe?"

Still nothing.

Say something Madi what the—

Satisfaction.

That's the only thing I could sense. Wait —are my senses working again?!

"Madi?" His eyes looked worried.

I want to say something. I want to ask who the hell he thinks he is. I want to ask if he's a freaking psychic. I want to know if all the things he said about me are true. Yes, obviously I'm Madison but personality wise; I'm Madi. I've been Madi for a year now. Is he saying that naïve girl I once was is still there, still apart of me? Is that why I'm still able to have something so innocent as a crush? Is the fact that he's the only guy I'm slightly attracted to in this school the reason I couldn't be myself when I'm alone with him? Or, maybe I am my real self when I'm alone with him?

I grabbed my head in exasperation.

So many questions. So many things that I thought I already knew. Everything hurts.

"I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of looking at your bike myself," He shrugged, unaware that I'm losing my mind. He probably thinks I'm just annoyed or irritated right now. Good, so he doesn't know everything. "Not a scratch —just like it was this morning"

I can't take it anymore.

"B-But feel free to send me pictures of any damage and I'll pay" His expression was wary, but resolute. Cautious, but unafraid.

I looked away from his eyes. I don't know what's happened. It feels like he's just read me like a book but I have no idea if what he said is fact or fiction. Okay he doesn't see what everyone else sees when they look at me, but not even my friends would call me kind and gentle. Ha! not to mention his nonsense about Madison still being apart of me is complete garbage. I'm nothing like her. She's weak.

"Well, um...I guess I can't skip all my classes, huh?" He laughed nervously and slid his hand through his hair.

My fingers twitched.

"I can't believe I'm just talking to myself now," He muttered. "Oh, and I apologize for my girlfriend's rude behavior this morning, hopefully you can forgive her...and me" 

Still nothing, just silence and my wayward thoughts —with a possibly intense glare in his direction.

The final class bell rang. No way we were here for ninety minutes...

Owen sighed. "I-I guess this is goodbye then"

I couldn't help it, I had to look one last time. His face is filled with an emotion I can't decode.

When he walked backwards into the light, his fixed eyes gleamed at me with its soft green-grey combination that I'm used to.

"Bye" I don't know if I said this, thought this or even if he heard me. But as I watched the lines on the back of his shirt contort as he retreated, one this was clear:

I lost the battle and the war.

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A/N: So far so good?



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