¤Chapter 24¤

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¤Chapter Twenty-four¤

I gasped, clutching at my throat as if something is suffocating me from within. So much smiling. Reliving all that gooey shit makes me sick. I was too blinded by his charms and too desperate to be wanted by someone I thought would never notice me. I didn't realize that it's better to not  gain recognition from anyone than to accept it from the wrong person. 

Deep down I knew something was strange and it turns out I was right. He was fascinated by me because I mostly kept to myself, the only person who knew me well was Brittney since we were childhood friends. A person like me only satiated his boredom for a short while. Once that curiosity was gone and he realized I was just like any other girl he—

My eyes widened as I stared at my knees resting on the blurry ground. Thinking about this —about him— will only trigger more memories and that's the last thing I want. Not after this one. 

A part of my brain wants to think about the guy with the grey-green eyes. Those eyes that made me feel visible for the first time. If only those eyes never fell from my priority list then maybe things would have been different. Madison is perfect for Owen. 

She's friendly, cute, and she was just as naïve about certain things as he is. The new version of myself is not worthy, I'm too dark on the inside, too fucked up. I'd drain all his light and eventually treat him just like Todd treated me. Hurt him just like I was hurt; so slow I couldn't see the signs until it was too late.

I'll die before I let myself hurt him —or anyone else for that matter.

Truth or dare. That stupid game started all this. The bastard challenged me to take a risk and for once in my life, I did. Look where that got me; miserably kneeling on the floor as if I'm waiting for someone to walk in and save me. I wish I could go back and tell myself that taking risks shouldn't be forced, it should happen when you feel comfortable. It should happen once you've made the decision that no matter what, you won't regret your choice. Now, I'm filled with regret and anger and rage. I hate him for manipulating me and lying in a way that felt so real. 

Although Brittney was shielding me for her own selfish reasons, she protected me a bit —then came back and made sure I knew she was superior. She prevented a lot of people from reaching out to me, good and bad. Once I started dating Todd, he became my only friend and I never saw much of anyone else. My vision was clouded, I was completely infatuated with him. 

His personality never bothered me much because I got to see different sides of him. In private he was sweet and funny —gentle even. Publicly, he was unnecessarily rude to everyone and whenever people looked at me it was either from pity or fear. I can see it all clearly now but I was blinded back then. That's why I've changed. That's why I'm relying on strength and training instead of my emotions. 

I can no longer trust myself. 

I grabbed phone and texted Jace to send me his location. A few moments later, the device dings with the address of an apartment across from his college. I'm done running away from things, from now on I'm facing them head on. My phone vibrated from Jace's call but I pressed ignore. We'll talk face to face when I see him. No more playing around. After taking a few shaky breaths, I went upstairs to change before heading outside.

◊◊◊

My bike raced through the streets, slipping between cars so fast they probably thought I was trying to escape the cops. Heck, they might even think I'm a cop considering my dark clothes, dark helmet, and of course dark motorcycle. I assume I look like a secret agent or some kind of spy. Everything is a bleary spectrum around me, only the path straight ahead is focused and visible. I gripped the handles tighter than I had to as I fought to maintain my inner composure since these flashbacks tend to ruin my composure.

After a while I turned into the apartment complex and parked close to the building from the address I received. I noticed instantly that this place looked pretty dull for a location brimming with young students. The building itself is grey with white accents and apart from a couple flower bushes lined in front of windows, there's not much decoration on the outside.

 I took my helmet off, frowning at the eerie silence as I got off my bike. Jace's pearl white door is branded with a bootprint and the silver knob looks like it's about ready to go on life support. Clearly the delivery man didn't want to leave the package outside. The door squeaks open before I could knock.

"You shouldn't have come here." A grim face greeted me, not quite as friendly as I remembered. 

I crossed my arms. "Shouldn't have given me your address then —it's common sense"

Jace's eyes shifted to the side briefly and my body tensed from that slight movement. Suspiciously, I began to study his demeanor. Hair that was once slicked back is now ruffled and unkept like a mad scientist. Either he decided to change his style today or someone did it for him. I tried to peek behind him but his broad shoulders blocked my view. 

His jaw clenched from anger that appeared too great for him to contain and his brows are furrowed. It seems an uninvited visitor is here that he doesn't want me to meet. In fact, from the looks of it, I don't think he wanted to meet them either. 

I was able to conclude that before I noticed the slight crack on his bottom lip. Blood pooled on the cut but didn't slide down. While his eyes held mine, his shoulders slumped making it obvious he's dropped all his defenses. He wanted me to read him easily. He wanted me to solve this puzzle in a split second then make a decision while I have the chance. Considering that my luck has been running out lately, I think I can guess who's waiting behind the door.

"I tried calling you" His voice was low and concise but a hidden warning stood out. You need to leave.

"Let me in," I urged, raising both brows. "I can handle the mess, my room is worse so it's fine." A shadow passed behind him as he read my expression. I won't let an opportunity like this pass.  

"You heard her Jason," A familiar voice sneered. "She said it's fine, step aside."

"Hello Todd," I pushed past a hesitant Jace to come face to face with my biggest enemy. "back from your trip to hell so soon?"

He stood a foot away from me. Giving your prey less space can cloud their judgment and make them unable to think straight —typical manipulator move. In the shadows his black hair looked less ethereal from how I last remembered him and more dull. 

Clothes can say a lot about a person but his attire is the same as always so there's nothing new for me to learn. He wore a pair of black ripped jeans —similar to mine unfortunately— with a white oversized shirt and a black jean jacket over it. Dark lines from his shoulder tattoo was slightly visible above his collar. 

Golden eyes similar to the ones in my memories pulled me in like a magnet but now they look cold and calculating instead of the warm and tender looks he would give me in private. Either this is how he's always looked at me or I can finally see through his façade.  

He grinned, exuding an aura of confidence. It's disgusting how that use to make me even more attracted to him. Now I find it repulsive. "I wanted to bring you with me, baby"

"And what makes you think I'm going to hell?" I glared, trying to contain my growing anger.

He leaned closer so we are at eye level and I couldn't help but glance at the silver piercing on his brow. It brought back a nostalgic feeling that made me wonder why I briefly wished to feel something again when it only ends like this. "Because you're just like me Madison, we're the same —you and me"

I gasped and took a step back, falling right into his trap. "No we're not. You're a monster, a jerk, a manipulator. You hurt people."

 "And you're better?" He smirked before walking around me in a circle. "Tell me, how's school? Been to any parties lately? Met any new... friends?"

My body stiffened. "You've been spying on me, how?"

I looked over at Jace who is sitting in an armchair with an expression I can only compare to concern. He holds his hands up in surrender. "I can't say I didn't tell him a few things about you but I'm nobody's spy"

I crossed my arms. "Sure sound like one."

 Of course I found his sudden appearance in my life strange and I never completely trusted him to being with but hearing him admit it brings back the same feeling of betrayal I felt back at the beach.

"Look around Madison!" Todd drew my attention back to him and stretched his arms out in a big gesture. "I don't want to defend the traitor but he's clearly on your side, he can drop dead for all I care. In fact, I was in the middle of doing just that until you texted." His humorless laugh filled the living room. "You know, I actually believed the asshole when he said he's the last person you would ever reach out to but here you are anyway"

He's right, at least partially. A broken glass bottle is on the wooden floor with traces of blood but neither of them look seriously injured. Todd doesn't even have a scratch on him. Did Jace fight someone else before I got here? The sliding door in the back is wide open but only slight movements from the thick curtain being swayed by the wind makes that evident. I didn't see anyone outside but I was too focused on analyzing Jace and his vandalized front door.

"And what about me?" I sit on the arm of a sofa since Todd has conveniently blocked the closest exit —not that I planned on running.  "You know, since I'm also on my side."

He let his eyes travel across my body at a pace that shows he doesn't care if anyone notices. "You're my woman, like I said, I'm here to take you with me."

Just then Jace stood and approached me. "Madi you should—"

He was cut off by the air leaving his lungs from the punch Todd launched at his stomach. Blood leaked from his mouth in a small stream as he dropped down to his knees. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, maybe he was more injured than I thought. If I rush to help him now it'll only get worse for him. I have to play my cards right.

Todd clenched his jaw as he watched Jace on the ground. "You're always trying to take what's mine," He grabbed Jace's hair, pulling it so his head will tilt upwards. "I'll deal with you later."

I noticed Jace's hand reaching for something on the floor and stood abruptly. "If you boys just want to play around then I'll leave you to it"

Todd shoved Jace's head away and followed me. In one swift movement I'm pressed against the front door. His wild scent mixed with eccentric cologne filled my nose, causing me to turn away. Memories that involve me giggling and wearing his shirt flood my mind like it  just happened yesterday. The recollection made my eyes disobediently travel to his lips, those lips I've tasted plenty of times, then I met his stare.

"Madison," He breathed, blowing a warm stream of air in my face and making my eyes flutter. I pressed my lips together in an attempt to hide them from his. "Stop trying to resist me, Little Butterfly"

 I hate him but the past keeps creeping up on me. It creates an illusion that it'll be okay if I give in. I'll feel the happiness that I once knew If I close the small gap between us and rekindle the flame that died last year.

 I thought I was ready to face him but how can I when being pressed against the door like this actually makes me feel safe. He always protected me. Always shielded me from the harshness of the world and was so passionate...

"Madi snap out of it!" Jace wobbled to his feet. "He's a manipulator remember? Kick his sorry ass or get out of here"

 Todd grabbed my chin with his free hand, completely ignoring Jace. His features look gentle as if he knows I need to be comforted. "Wanna see something cool?"

I don't answer because I can't speak.

He flashed a smoldering look then stepped back an inch. In one swift movement he slid out of his jacket and removed his shirt.  "I got a few more"

I stared wistfully at the sculpted body in front of me. His arm is coated with the same large tattoo he had when we dated —some kind of symbol. Some new designs were added to his chest including a rose with way too many thorns and a butterfly being weighed down by an anchor. 

In the past, whenever he got a new tattoo he would smile at me just like he's doing now and I would reach out and touch him then pick his brain about the symbolism of each one. Part of me wants to do that now.

When most people call me Madison it triggers harsh memories from my past that I don't want to recall but it seems Todd only stimulates the fond moments of our relationship while others remind me of the wounds that were secretly inflicted.

 I think it's his overall presence that causes this or a combination of my name and the fact it's being said by him. He says it like a challenge, similar to when we first me. It's not just a name from his lips, it's provocative and daring. It terrifies me but feels thrilling at the same time. 

My eyes studied the butterfly ink again. Although it seemed to be in a helpless situation, the infrared color made the insect look determined to keep flying no matter what. The longer I stared at it, the more vibrant it appears. My brows furrowed in confusion, if it gets any brighter the poor creature is going catch on fire— 

   Firefly

It reminds me of a firefly. My eyes snapped back to Todd's face and the gentle expression I thought I saw transformed into controlled rage. He's trying to lure me in but it's taking too long and he's becoming impatient. 

His butterfly is being weighed down by chains but even weak things possess the ability to survive amidst difficulty. If it can do it, so can I. I glanced at his abdomen again feeling nothing but the urge to gag this time. He might be toned but I know someone who's better, I've felt it —although that's not important.

"Oh Todd" I let my voice come out soft and hesitant.

"Little Butterfly" He opened his arms, welcoming a hug. Good, I thought to myself, his guard is completely down. What a dumbass.

I swung my foot forward making a small pocket knife I slipped in my boot fly into my hand which swiftly found itself pressed against his throat. He gulped silently. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Jace smiling in our direction from relief before slipping into a different room. I can't follow his movements because I need to focus on this punk first.

"Madison you—"

I pressed the knife further. "Madi is preferred —highly preferred."

"M-Madi," He gasped. "You don't want to do this"

"I don't want to what?" I stared in mock fascination. "Slit your throat? I hate to break it to you but I've been dreaming about this day since you left"

His eyes widened but he didn't speak so he doesn't irritate me more. I stared into his frightened eyes and let all those memories that taunted me to this day resurface. Maybe he's right, maybe I am a monster because right now I want to kill him. I want to torture him like he's tortured me except this time it'll be physical instead of emotional. Dad made me promise to only use my skills for self defense but this is self defense right?

The door behind me opened and a middle aged woman dressed in a grey pantsuit with short blond hair and gentle eyes glanced at the situation curiously. "It's nice seeing you Madison, er, Madi"

I kicked the back of Todd's knees with my heel, bringing him down to the ground in front of me. He landed on some shattered glass and cried out in pain. I gripped his hair like he did with Jace and kept the sharp metal on his jugular so he knows I can kill him even if I'm looking elsewhere.

"Hi Mrs. Carson," I acknowledged the woman. It's my first time speaking to her but she smiles as if we're close. She takes in the situation like it's just a typical weekday for her. Maybe this has happened before? "Your son should be in one of those rooms"

Parents visit their kids all the time so I'm not surprised Jace's mom is here but her indifference is chilling. Her features aren't as sharp as his but they look exactly alike apart from his hair being a few shades darker. I remember her vaguely from the past. Todd loved her turkey sandwiches so she used to make them for him all the time. Back then, Jace's hair was way shorter and we barley talked but I can see him in my memories now. I wonder who else I had interactions with that I completely overlooked?

"I know he's a jerk sweetie but try not to splatter his blood in Jason's apartment," She walked past us to the kitchen. "I'm the one who made a down payment on this place and I want my deposit back."

I couldn't help but laugh at her remark although it wasn't a joke. "I agree that would be tragic"

"Would you like some tea, honey?" She asked whilst digging through the cupboard and frowning at the lack of utensils.

I watched her carefully before letting myself relax. She's not a threat —not to me at least. "That would be fantastic, I'm parched"

"Mrs. C help me! Madi is a crazy Bi—"

Jason's mom twirled and gave Todd a disapproving look. With hands on her hips she advised, "Try not to speak out of turn dear or I might actually let Madi do as she intended" She glanced at me then. "The police will arrive for him shortly, we can have some tea while we wait."

I nod. "Wouldn't have it any other way ma'am"

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