¤Chapter Thirteen¤ 

«One Year Ago«

"Madison, I said stop damn it!" Todd's voice is sharp and authoritative. It rings in my ears and commands my body to listen. 

I freeze on the spot, tears brimming my eyes. For how long will I allow him to have so much power over me? Better yet, how long has he had this much control?

I turn to face him. His midnight hair is tussled from his activity with Brittney and he forgot to pull up his zipper in his haste to stop me from leaving. His boxers are on the floor, crumbled in a way that tells me this was supposed to be quick. Too bad their timing was off or they probably would have accomplished their goal. Well, I think, technically they did accomplish their goal. I look away, disgusted.

 My so-called BFF is lying in her queen-sized bed, her face ghostly pale and eyes wide in shock. She clings on to the silk sheet like it's a life jacket or an invisibility cloak. Has she forgotten that she forced me to go skinny dipping with her in the lake by our school? There's nothing beneath the covers that I haven't seen before.

 I glare in her direction, wishing she would disappear. Her lips quiver as if she's about to start crying. When Todd shifts so his back is facing her, the embarrassment disappears and she glares right back. What? I stumble backwards, astonished. Was this planned? There's no 'I didn't mean for it to happen' excuse? She wanted him and took him, like she takes everyone else. 

Brittney always gets what she wants. I used to envy her, hell, I even looked up to her for being so confident and bold but this is too much. This is wrong. A smirk plays on her lips as she watches me as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking. The covers slide below her flushed chest, showing me that she's still aroused even though they just got caught.

She's sick.

"Madison, baby" Todd grabs my hand and brings it up towards his lips. I pull away before he could kiss me. They're tinted with traces of her lipstick. I don't wear makeup because I'm no good at it but that should be my lipstick, not hers. Mine. He betrayed my trust, they both did.

"Don't touch me!" I clutch the door frame, feeling faint. My whole world...

I gave him my whole world and he gave me... this.

I stare into his golden eyes, wondering what I did wrong? Did I deserve this? "How long have you been fucking my best friend?" 

"Watch your mouth Madison," He chastises then slides the back of his hand gently against my cheek to soften the blow. This used to make my body tremble in want but now I feel numb. "I've always been captivated by your innocence and swearing isn't innocent now, is it baby?"

I want to leave.

I want to scream.

I want to—

He grabs my neck with one hand and tilt my chin up to look at him with the other. I can still breathe but my heart thumps rapidly in my chest. "Answer me." His voice is a low growl in my ear. The last time he did this to me, we were under much better circumstances and I was ready to comply to his every demand. Now, I just feel nauseated.

I shake out of his physical and emotional grasp, "How could you?" My voice cracks and I look towards the window, not wanting to see either of them.

Brittney answers first, her loud voice taunting. "What? Aren't friends supposed to share? How about you join us today and we'll all pretend nothing happened tomorrow?"

Todd smirks, glancing at her in amusement over his shoulder before contorting his face into something more somber and turning back to face me. "Baby this won't ever happen again. You believe me, don't you?"

"No" My voice sounds sad and weak to my own ears. This whole situation is unbelievable and crazy. Even now I feel as if I'll wake up from a bad dream and Todd will be there to kiss away my worries or make me forget everything through deep passion.

I will not let myself cry, not here, not now. Not in front of them.

I stare down at my bright sundress. Just yesterday Brittney and I joked about how much he would want to peel this off me when he saw it. Has she been doing this the whole time? Lying to me and being...fake? Have they been together for a while or is this their first time? Last time I checked they weren't that close.

"How long?" I wrap my arms around myself, wanting to escape this misery. Wanting to rip this dress off and toss it in the trash. Maybe I should give it to her since she liked it so much.

"Madison stop this nonsense now" Todd sighs in frustration. "Let's move on from this"

"Okay. I'll return your hoodies to you tomorrow." I turn on my heels then pause. "Oh, and I guess she'll be needing this now —since I'm no longer your Little Butterfly" I remove my necklace and throw it at his feet. It's sliver with gold flames engraved around its wings. 

Butterflies represent change, hope and beauty. Everything I thought I was to him. I'm not a social person but I hang out with the cheer team sometimes when Brittney and Todd aren't around and got to know a lot of different people. They approached me first when I was eating lunch alone. There are three girls in particular from the team that are really nice to me but Brittney warned me to not talk to them too much because they're toxic. 

The irony is not lost on me. Those girls and the rest of the team aren't scared to be seen with me unlike the other ninety-nine percent of the student body. Todd joked I'm his semi-social butterfly and he's the flame that keeps me grounded so I don't fly too high. Now I'm thinking those flames were suffocating and using me all this time without me noticing.

Todd opens his mouth to talk but it's too late. I'm done. We're done.

The dam brakes as soon as I walk outside Brittney's house. Tremors rock my body violently as I let it all out on the sidewalk. A few joggers and pedestrians send weird looks in my direction as I walk down the street but say nothing. He thinks I'm his butterfly? Sweet and delicate and innocent? 

No. 

I refuse to be a weak creature trapped beneath his encompassing flame.

Right now I want to be strong, bold, brave. I want people to run when they see me in the hallways not because of who my boyfriend is but because of who I am. I want them to fear me, to hate me, to beware of me. That way they won't get close enough to hurt me, close enough to rip my heart out and stomp on it. Yeah, I'll cry about it for a while, breakdown a bit. But this is the last time I will allow someone to hurt me. I can feel the walls building around my heart already, creating a barrier so strong it's nearly impossible to penetrate.

I pass a bus stop and glance at the glass surrounding it. My eyes are red —from my tears no doubt. I dyed my hair auburn a couple months ago because Brittney suggested I look too emo next to her with my dark hair. I didn't want to do it but Todd said it made my appearance more gentle so I went along with it. I was being manipulated by both of them I'm sure of it. My fingers tug at the loose curls I struggled to create with my curling iron this morning. I texted Brittney I wasn't going to come over today but I wanted to show off my styling skills. I figured she would laugh but commend me for trying anyway.

I'm going to change it back to my natural color, I decide. Then, I'll add red streaks so I'll never forget this day. I'll never forget how my eyes look or how my heart feels. I'll never forget the pain or the internal rage building within me even now. I ball my hands into fists at my sides as another sob escapes my lips.

"I'm gonna kill her."

I'm gonna kill Madison and I'm gonna become someone less weak. Next year I'll be different —better. I stare at my dress again and bite my lip as anger starts to take over. I hate butterflies, I hate Brittney but most importantly,

I hate Todd Anderson.

»End Of Memory»

I'm panting.

Damn, this is bad. It's been over a year since all this happened and the flashbacks are still happening? Why? I clutched my chest feeling lingering traces of the heartbreak I experienced that day. I was so hurt and miserable. I still am.

A hand grabbed my shoulder and I reflexively turn away from the person's grip and spun so I'm standing behind them with their arm twisted at their back.

"Ow!" Owen cried out.

I started to release him then stopped, still shaken up from that memory. It felt like I was reliving the moment altogether. "If you ever call me that again, you'll have to start worrying about your own safety instead of Brendon —I'm serious."

"I told you I'm more worried about you and annoyed I didn't find out sooner" He shakes his head but his hair doesn't move. I'd really like to run my fingers through—

I twist harder and he hisses. "Did you hear what I just said?" I sneered, tightening my grip around his arms. If him calling me Madison triggered my flashback just now, I can't have him doing that again. Imagine if the whole school started calling me that. I shuddered at the thought. I'd have to make an example out of someone but I already did that when I first started going by Madi so lets hope it stuck.

He nodded and I released him. "You really don't like being called that do you?"

I exhaled, not realizing I was holding my breath. "Yeah."

"Hmm," He swung his arms in a circular motion a few times to loosen his muscles. "You're kinda like a firefly" His eyes twinkled with an emotion I can't pin. This irritates me.

"A what?" I snapped, preparing to detain him again if I need to even though being so close to his body feels...strange.

Rather than respond right away, he stood in my personal space and placed a hand on his chin to analyze me. I stepped back wondering if he can see actually through the depths of my soul. Its a dark and scary place. He'll hate me. My brows furrowed at that thought, isn't him hating me or fearing me a good thing? I want that. So why—

"Madi doesn't suit you right now, it's too..." He walked in a full circle around me then stopped to gaze into my eyes with scrutiny. "Tough"

"Excuse me?" I placed my hands on my hips with a glare. He doesn't get to change me, no one does. Never again.

 I'm put off from saying more because he's grinning like an idiot.

"How about I call you Firefly?" He jerked his eyebrows suggestively. "Fireflies stand out in the darkness —much like the red streaks in your hair. They appear dark and gloomy in the day, but—" He leaned in and lowered his voice. "If you look closely, you will see that they're really beautiful —even more so at night."

This knocks the air out of me.

Firefly. Unlike butterfly it doesn't sound too bad and his explanation... his explanation would make me blush if I was still capable of doing that. The nickname embraces all my qualities instead of snuffing them out. I'm not forced to change my hair or act more reserved, I'm encouraged to be myself because no matter what, I'll always shine. Whether it's day or night.

I'll admit he's pretty good at making nicknames. Maybe it's because he's able to read me so well —once he forgets about the intimidation part that is.

I tried to speak but he held his index finger in front of my lips to prevent me from doing so. It scarcely brushed against me and my skin tingled as if something was just ignited within me. I stepped back, again. Distance, you need distance! I'm all calm on the outside but my subconscious is freaking out on the inside. I'm always moving away from him and this is a sign of weakness. He should be moving away from me, like everyone else.

"And they can be pretty domineering sometimes," He continued, sending me a knowing look. "People try to dodge them all the time. The whole purpose of their 'fire' is to protect themselves and others. Fireflies might not look it, but they're actually very fragile" He let his finger slide across my lips then added, "And badass at the same time." 

I fought to keep my face neutral to show I'm unfazed by his pretty words. The words that prove he understands me more deeply than myself sometimes. "Don't call me Firefly and that's final."

"Come on," He groaned. "Haven't you heard what I just said?"

"Yeah I heard," I tilted my head and watched him as if he's a whole new species. I'm beginning to think our meeting was fate and that's not a good thing because it means one of us will get destroyed in the end. My darkness will consume him. "You called me fragile."

"And badass" He appended with a pout.

"You wanna see badass?" I poked his chest with enough force to make him step back this time. It's time to end this conversation, things are already getting out of hand.

The bell rang at that moment and his lips part releasing a sigh of relief —I'm assuming.

"Y-You know what?" He glances in every direction but mine. "I have to go, but we can hang next time, okay?"

I arched a brow quizzically. He's audacious I'll give him that.

"You always make me miss class." His voice is tender and endearing, all traces of nervousness disappearing.  "See you later, Firefly!"

"Hey don't—!"

He ran off before I could fully reprimand him.

So childish. My mouth twisted and I brought my hand up to smack my lips, preventing a smile from forming. Firefly has a fierce ring to it —that doesn't mean he's allowed to call my that though.

"Owen, who are you and what game are you playing at?" I stared after his retreating figure running between cars in the parking lot with wonder.

»

A/N: Thoughts about Todd? What about Owen?