Chapter 44

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Jason

The force of Olivia's body smashed into mine before I could finish slipping my feet into the old, black work boots I wore every shift. My heartbeat out of my chest as I stabilized myself from falling backward onto the mattress. One palm pressed against the cool gray satin bedding and the other firmly on the small of her back.

As I gazed up and examined the broad smile on her face, my shock turned to confusion. Not even ten minutes ago, she woke up crying and insisted on locking herself in the bathroom in a state of hysteria. I couldn't hold my grimace for long as I stared back up into the warmest, brown eyes I'd ever known. They were swollen and puffy from crying all night...and morning. But they looked so joyful once more. Her long, dark hair framed her heart-shaped face so perfectly as it began falling from the bun she'd put it in to sleep. Even at five in the morning with tear-stained cheeks and a baggy college T-shirt with a wine stain on it, she's so perfect.

"Well, it's nice to see you smiling, sweetheart," I half smiled, wrapping both my arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead, "You scared the hell out of me though," I added with a chuckle.

Olivia draped her arms around my neck, running her nails through the hair at the base of it, sending shivers down my spine. The pleasant kind of shivers that made my entire body feel warm.

"Guess what?" She whispered, chewing on her bottom lip adorably.

Everything she did was adorable to me. Each of her little habits or insecurities that bugged her about herself made me fall more and more in love with her.

"What, baby girl?" I asked, peering up into her giddy eyes.

She sucked in a deep breath before blurting out, "My period came! Like just now while I was in the bathroom."

I never knew it was possible to feel relief and disappointment in the same breath, but that's precisely what I felt as I let out a large puff of air that I didn't even know I was holding in. Disappointment because a part of me lit up at the idea of becoming a father. Something I never thought I'd want to become because I thought I'd fuck it up just like my own had. Falling in love with Olivia and having her help heal me changed that.

Relief because I knew in my heart that it wasn't the right time. Olivia's still in school, and we both have career goals to reach. Even more important than that, although I've healed a lot from my childhood, I still have a ways to go, and mentally, I'd love to be in a better place before having a kid. I want to give my kids everything I didn't have. They won't grow up with the same void I can never fill. Although that time is not now, it will come. When it does, I'll be ready.

"No crotch goblins just yet, huh?" I joked, watching as Olivia's expression turned to one of judgment as she laughed.

"Jason, crotch goblins?"

"Yes, crotch goblins...because you know, they have to come out of your crotch," I explained, not being able to contain my laughter as she playfully swatted my chest.

"Well, not always, Jase. I might need a c-section if we have a huge baby because I mean...look at you," she chortled, motioning toward my 6 '4 frame, "Your offspring might tear me to shreds."

I fake gasped, watching as Olivia rolled her eyes, "So you're calling me fat?"

"No, I'm calling you a giant," She corrected before leaning in slowly, too slowly, "But you're my giant," She whispered. Her warm breath teasing fanned across the sensitive skin of my lips.

I wanted the gap between her soft pink lips and mine to be nonexistent already. I wanted to taste her and feel the warmth that has yet to fail, filling my body with a sense of home whenever we kissed. The hoping didn't last long, and the gap finally closed. Our lips caressed each other, and our tongues were exploring the other's mouth as if we hadn't done this countless times.

That's one of the things I loved about Olivia. Touching her skin, kissing her lips, smelling her sweet scent, and making love to her body and spirit always felt so familiar but exciting, as if it were new every single time. She was like a craving that I could never satisfy. I'd crave for her forever. On an emotional and physical level, I'd crave her.

"Can I ask you a question, Jase?" Her sweet voice whispered as we pulled back from the kiss.

"Anything, sweetheart," I assured her, pressing my forehead against hers as she fiddled with the collar of my FDNY shirt.

Olivia sat straight so she could look into my eyes. Her warm hand rested against the surface of my cheek, "Were you a little sad that I'm not pregnant?"

"What?" I responded, her question catching me off guard, "Sad?"

"Yes," She confirmed, "I saw it flicker in your eyes when I said my period came."

The woman could see through me like a glasshouse, couldn't she? "I'll tell you exactly how I felt," I started, taking her hands into mine, "Disappointed but relieved. I want a family with you, sweetheart, and I had envisioned it happening for a moment there. The reality is that we are not ready. You know that, by the way, you cried for twenty-four hours straight, and I do too. I know we have a lot of things to accomplish first, and I know that I want to be in a better mind space with my daddy issues before I cause any for my kid."

"Jase, you wouldn't," Olivia assured me, shaking her head, but I nodded mine in retaliation.

"Right now, yes, I would. I didn't even think I was keen on bringing kids into the world until I met you and watched Russ and Cassie become parents, but...." I paused, thinking about what I wanted to say next, "But I know that I need to be healed when I do."

Olivia smiled up at me solemnly. Her hands that were firmly in mine squeezed at my fingers supportively as my eyes watered and stung as I battled to keep any tears from falling.

"I fantasize about what it'd be like to watch you love our future babies. I know you'll surpass my fantasies and be a better father than I could ever dream of to them."

I couldn't help but smile at the fact that she thought so highly of me. That is one thing that I never want to disappoint her on, "What you just said is why I'm so relieved, sweetheart. I want to surpass whatever expectations you have for me as a father. I want to be that times 100 to our kids someday, and I mean that with everything in me."

"I know you mean it, Jase," Olivia promised, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and resting her head into the crook of my neck. I could feel her light exhales tickling the skin above my collarbone as we sat together, holding each other in comforting silence.

"I have an extra free hour now since we don't have to go buy a test now. Do you want to go to get breakfast?" I asked, watching as Olivia squirmed deeper into my embrace.

"No, babe. It's too early, and I'm starting to have cramps," She whined.

"Well, how about this," I started, kissing the top of her head, "I'll go pull out your heating pad and painkillers for you and make us some coffee so we can stay in bed together for a while longer, okay?"

Olivia perked up a little, kissing the top of my nose, making me scrunch it and chuckle. I loved when she did that. It made my heart rate pick up like a teenage boy who got kissed by a popular girl in high school.

"I'd love that Jase, you're the best."

"Anything for you, sweetheart," I kissed her swiftly before carefully maneuvering her onto the bed so that I could grab her heating pad from my closet.


It was a slow day at the station. It was rare on a Friday in New York, but no one would mention it in fear of jinxing the calm. Of course, we ran typical calls like transporting an overweight patient to her doctor's appointment and changing the smoke detector batteries in the kitchen of a generous elderly couple who couldn't do so themselves. They made sure to send us off with lots of homemade pastries that were still warm from the oven. Most firefighters would be slightly annoyed by these kinds of calls in hopes of scoring a big fire, but for me, they were one of the most enjoyable parts of the job. Sure they can get repetitive, but going into the community and meeting citizens to offer help made me feel good. I'd take any of those types of calls over the ones where we're pulling people's lifeless bodies out of cars or fires.

"You look deep in thought, Boyd," Mariana's voice rang through the once silent kitchen aas she took a seat beside me on a barstool.

"Yeah? I'm not thinking about anything," I shrugged. My eyes flickered down to my phone as the screen lit up with a message from Olivia.

Seeing the notification too, Mariana asked how she was doing, to which I replied, "Good, focused on finishing nursing school and all."

"Damn, that's awesome. I'll have to hit Liv up soon and ask her how everything's going. It's been a while."

"I'm sure she'd love to hear from you," I grinned, still finding it comical how all three of us get along nicely now.

"What are you doing here alone? Everyone's in the bay hanging out," she questioned, concerned in her eyes.

There was really nothing to be concerned about. I had found myself worn out from cooking and in need of some peace and quiet.

"Just chilling. I don't feel like being out there right now. Nothing personal or crazy going on, I swear," I chuckled, holding my hands up in surrender, "You'd know."

"I better," She asserted, cocking up a brow, "Well, come out and join us if you feel like it later. Russ is out there embarrassing himself with all the corny jokes," She winked as I erupted in laughter.

Shaking my head at the mere thought of what foolishness was spewing from Russ's mouth, I opened the text from Olivia. It was a picture of her and Cassie holding up glasses of wine with baby Gray snug in Liv's free arm. She was wearing my FDNY hoodie, and her hair was in what she called space buns. Her warm smile had a slight twang to it, hinting that the glass in her hand may not have been her first and would certainly not be her last.

Before I could even begin to send a message back, telling her how beautiful she was and how much I missed and loved her, tones dropped throughout the station. The intercom called out a structure fire at a grocery store a few blocks away.

I was out in the bay within lightspeed, jumping into my bunker gear and soaring into the ladder truck. Russ was right beside me, getting his mask on as we sped out into the busy streets.

What we approached was pure devastation. Several engine companies were already on the scene, working to fight the fire, but it was still blazing as if laughing in our faces for even trying to tame it.

Everyone unloaded from the truck and listened as the Captain quickly yelled out orders. Russ and I were joining search and rescue since so many people were reported to be trapped inside. So much for that slow day we were having.

"We've got the back end of the store. You ready?" Russ called out as we rushed over to the entrance, fighting through the crowd of hysterical people who failed to be held back behind the bright yellow police tape.

Before responding to Russ, a young woman grabbed onto my arm, tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried to control her sobs.

"My baby girl!" She bellowed out, her entire body shaking, "Please find her. She's still inside, please! She's only three years old."

"What was she wearing, ma'am?" I asked, resting a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to ease a pain I knew that I never could.

"She's wearing a white dress with pink hearts all over it..a-and she's got on a big pink bow in her hair, please." The woman begged, nearly collapsing to the cement if I hadn't held her up.

"I'm going to try my best to bring your baby girl back to you," I assured her before being pulled off by Russ into the building.

The first thing that I noticed upon walking inside was that the building was absolutely ravaged in flames. I couldn't see it, but I could hear it. Everything was pitch black from the thick smoke that blew past us with fury. The heat... was one of the most intense temperatures I'd ever experienced in my three years of firefighting. Whatever happened here was terrible, and I was positive that it had claimed countless lives before anyone could have had the chance to save them.

Russ and I went up and down the Isle's, not even making out what was once on the scorched shelves. The remains of individuals who had not made it scattered here and there throughout the section we searched, sending my heart plummeting into the pit of my stomach. Some of the bodies were small. Kids were coming to the grocery store never to make it out.

My eyes focused on one of the small bodies, tucked into a dark, smoke-filled corner, laying flat on her tummy. She had on a bright pink bow that stood out in the light that my flashlight cast. I rushed over to her, remembering the woman outside. As I approached, I could tell that her dress was white with pink hearts all over it. Well, it was once white, at least. Now it was almost gray from the soot it had absorbed. I couldn't tell if she was knocked out or dead, so I reached out and shook her, watching for any type of response, and to my delight, her little eyes opened halfway. She was weak but alive. When I tried to lift her, I realized that she was stuck on something preventing me from getting her out of there.

I peered around with only the light on my headgear and noticed that a large metal shelf had fallen on her legs, crushing her. I scrambled over to lift it, failing to do so. It was enormous. So heavy that I was amazed it hadn't killed her on impact. After trying for minutes to get the shelf off of her, Captain came through on the walkie, stressing everyone to get out because the structure became unstable. I couldn't leave this little girl here to die. There had to be a way to get her from beneath this shelf.

"Hey, Jase, the roof is coming down!" Russ's voice hollered above the roaring of the fire and crackling of debris, "We've gotta get outta here. She's gone, Jase!"

"She's not fucking gone, she's alive, and she's stuck!" I yelled back, "Help me try and lift the damn thing so we can go!"

Russ quickly came to my aid without question, and together we put all of our power into lifting it, but to no avail. Moments later, a massive chunk from the ceiling fell right beside us with a loud slam.

"Boyd, Russell. I'm not going to tell your asses again to get the hell outta there! The building is about to come down on the both of ya!" Captain's panicked voice screamed into the walkie.

"One more time, we can't just let her die here alone."

"So you wanna die here with her, Jase?" Russ exclaimed, "We can't pick that fucking shelf up!" He roared, growing frustrated.

"If this were Hannah, I'd want whoever was here to try! If this were Grayson, you'd want whoever was here to try! So Let's fucking try!"

Russ looked as if he was cursing himself before rushing over to the shelf and straining to lift it once more. Both of us tried once, twice, and another time before finally being able to slide the scorching piece of metal off of the little girl.

Without even having time to examine the state of her legs, I rushed off behind Russ, hearing the hallowing sounds of the building quickly begin to crumble as we fought to exit on time.

Just as the light from the exit came into view, a large piece of debris came spirling from the ceiling, landing on top of me and knocking me off my feet. I spun to hover over the little girl, protecting her from the fall and the raining debris.

I could hear Russ frantically calling for me as he rushed to my side, "Jason, oh my god!" He panicked, trying to pry whatever was pinning me to ground off of me, but it was far too heavy. Whatever it was, it felt like a cement block, and from the moment it hit me, I knew I would be stuck.

"Russ, take her," I pleaded, sliding the little girl out from beneath me.

"Ja-Jason, what? Come on, man, you can get out of there. There has to be a way. I-I just...there has to be a way." He panicked through gritted teeth, still fighting to free me.

I could feel a sharp pain in my ankle, so I knew that was broken, "Russ, take her out and tell Cap I'm stuck. I can't move my other arm to get to my radio."

"Jason, I can't leave you here, man. You're my best friend," Russ's voice cracked as he got choked up.

"You can't stay here...this little girl needs medical attention before she dies....and you man. You have a family to get home to, your son and Cassie."

"You do too, you asshole," He cried. I could tell he was crying, "Your mom and pop, Hannah, Olivia....all of us. You're going to devastate us, man."

"Well, I'm stuck." I sighed out loud enough for him to hear, "And I can't get unstuck, so please. Take this little girl and go, Russ. You can't help me, but you can save the two of you."

Russ stood there for a moment as if he were in denial about the situation. But when another round of debris came crashing down from above he grabbed the little girl and stared down at me, "I love you, Jason, okay? It's going to be okay. I'm going to take her out, and I'm coming back for you. We all are. You're going to be okay." Russ spattered, not allowing himself to give up hope.

Feeling my body begin to grow consumed with pain, I couldn't bring myself to respond before Russ had to run out of the building to save the little girl. The worst of the pain was in my ankle, second to my head. I knew that the debris was burning my back, but the shock of the entire situation saved me from suffering that much, thank god.

Lots of things were being called out into the radio at this point. Maybe it was the captain asking for a response from me or calling a code to announce my situation. My hearing was starting to fade as my vision tunneled. The eerie beeping of my motion sensor went off as all movement seized, and my muscles relaxed totally. The heat suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a coldness that engulfed me from head to toe as my eyes shut.

They were right when they said your life flashes before your eyes when you're dying. I saw it all from being cradled in my mom's arms as a small child as I cried to being tossed into the wall by my dad when I was ten to moving to New York and being so fascinated with the big city. The moment I met Russ in the ninth grade played just as vividly as the evening my mom took me out to the park to introduce me to her new boyfriend, my pop, over some Ice cream. I remembered Hannah being born and holding her in my arms for the first time. I was elated to be her big brother. The first time I fell in love with Molly, and the first time I'd had my heart broken too. I remembered how painful it was to be cheated on but how incredible it felt to find my soulmate a year later. Olivia. It all led to her. Everything that I'd been through in life put me in exactly the right place at precisely the right time to meet her. To be called out to that apartment fire and save her...to fall in love with her.

At only twenty-three years old, I'd been through a lot. I'd seen so many things, good and evil, in just that short amount of time but experiencing Olivia made me feel content with my fate. If not for her, I'd be angry in this position. I'd feel like I wasted my life feeling empty because of my childhood and the void my father caused, but she mended it. She helped me find a part of me that I didn't know existed. She helped me

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net