Olivia

My mind raced with grave thoughts throughout the night, making it impossible to sleep more than two or three hours at a time. I was worried, scared even due to what I had witnessed from Jason tonight. Not scared of him, but for him. I was afraid of what he might do next, how badly he might hurt himself.

My fingers ran through my tangled hair as I let out a sigh, turning to check on Jason for what had to be the tenth time tonight. However, what I was left to stare at was an empty space beside me. My heart nearly leaped out of my chest as I swung my arm across the bed in his place, testing to see if my eyes were fooling me at this early hour, but they weren't. He was gone, long gone because the bedsheets no longer held warmth from his body. Instead, the satin fabric was chilled from the AC blowing directly over them.

Immediately I reached for my phone and dialed Jason's number, one time, two times, three times, and a fourth before giving up. Each time I got sent straight voicemail meaning his phone had been turned off. In the moments of speculation as to where he might have gone and what he might have done, I was filled with anxiety. Since I didn't know who else to call, I dialed Cassie's number, praying that she would pick up. My clammy hand shook against the cool glass of my phone as it rang, praying every second for an answer.

"Babes?" Cassie called out from the other end of the line.

A massive sigh of relief escaped me as her voice filled my ears, but it was short-lived as the gravity of the situation I was in came crashing back down.

"Babes, it's like four in the morning. Why are you up?"

"C-Cassie, Jason's gone."

There was a pause before she spoke, her voice filled with confusion, "What do you mean Jason's gone, Olivia? Did you break up?"

"No," My voice cracked as I shook my head. "You remember how I told you about his dad being in town?" I asked, trying my hardest to keep my composure.

Cassie let out a soft "mhm" before I continued, "I-I guess his step-mom came too because she showed up at our apartment during the night...and dropped a huge bomb on him...she told him his dad only has a couple of months left to live basically, and he took it hard."

I could hear Grayson babbling in the background as Cassie excused herself while she adjusted him.

"His step-mom showed up?" Cassie asked to clarify what she had just heard. "His step-mom, who he's never met, never knew existed, just showed up and told him all of that?" She asked, completely bewildered. "I still don't understand why he left though."

"I don't know either, Cassie. I just need help. I have to find him. He wasn't in his right mind all night...he punched the mirror in our bedroom and shattered it, damn near broke his hand."

"What?!" Cassie explained, "Hold on, Russ and I are going to come over there. I need to understand what's going on, babes."

"I'm so sorry, Cass, I know it's a crazy hour, but-"

"Liv, we've been up all night with your Godson anyway. We'll be right over."

"Okay," I whispered before ending the call and tumbling out of bed.

I flicked on the lights to the bedroom and looked around, carefully scanning to see if I could pick up on anything out of the ordinary. Surely enough, my eyes landed on Jason's leather wallet and cellphone, which was facedown on the mahogany dresser. Not only was his phone off, but he had left it. The impending feeling of helplessness washed over me as it dawned on me that we likely had no way of getting in contact with him now.

He was never one to leave his phone or his wallet. He was never one to just get up and go, period. The thoughts racing through my mind were all but joyous as tears began to trickle from my eyes.

Before I could even process anything more, knocks at the front door snapped me out of my thoughts. I forced myself over to it and let a very concerned Cassie and Russ inside. Cassie cradled a now asleep Grayson in her arms as Russ pushed her chair into the living room.

Immediately Russ embraced me into a hug, shooting questions at me that not even I had the answers to.

I didn't know what was going on in Jason's head. I didn't know exactly why he just up and left. His phone was there. His wallet was there. It was as if he'd disappeared into thin air.

"Russ, let her breathe." Cassie insisted, rocking Grayson in her arms. "For god's sake, she woke up, and he was gone. She knows as much as we do."

"I'm sorry," He sighed out, pacing the living area with his hands tucked into his sweat pockets. "I'm just worried, okay? And I know you are too, Liv, but I know Jason...the last time he did something like this he...."

"He what?" I asked, stopping him from pacing by grabbing ahold of his forearm.

"It just wasn't good, okay?" Russ stressed, glancing between Cassie and I. "Maybe I can call him. He might answer me."

"His phone's here," I interjected, holding my face in my hands. "I don't know what to do, you guys. I'm so scared." My voice shook.

Cassie reached out her hand for me to come and sit beside her, which I obliged, resting my head on her shoulder.

"I don't know where he's gone or if he's okay....you had to have seen the state he was in last night. He wasn't himself."

Don't get all worked up babes, I know this is scary, but we're going to figure out where he went...and then I'm going to kick his ass with one leg when we do." She assured me, holding me tightly.

"Oh, I'm going to join you." I huffed, shaking my head. "I know he's going through a lot right now, and the encounter with his stepmom was some sort of trigger for him, but he can't do this to us. To me. It's just not fair."

"Hold on," Russ called out, holding up a finger. "I think I know where he could be." He uttered, digging in his pocket for his keys. "I think I know exactly where he's at."

"Where?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the sofa, hoping and praying that whatever Russ was getting at would lead us to a perfectly intact Jason.

"There's this place he and I would go to when we were teenagers. It's like an abandoned subway tunnel or something...we'd always meet up there when one of us needed to get away from the world."

"Do you think he could be there?" I asked."I asked, feeling Cassie's arm tighten around my shoulders.

As Russ walked toward the front door, he nodded. "I, do Liv, I'm hoping so..." He trailed off for a moment, his own eyes growing watery. "I'll keep you guys posted."

Cassie and I both nodded as Russ shut the door behind himself, leaving just Cassie and I sitting in an eerie silence.

Jason

I tapped my fingers against the half-empty beer can that dangled from my hand. My back was pressed against the jagged, cold walls of sand-colored stone of the old sub-way I used to run to years ago. I couldn't think of anywhere else to go, but I had to get the hell away, away from the apartment, the city...everything. My head felt as if it was spinning in circles, and there was nothing I could do to slow it down...except getting a little drunk. Or completely shift-faced...same thing, right?

Maybe this was why the old bastard was so addicted to drinking. I had to admit, feeling nothing was better than feeling so deeply sad and then angry with myself for even feeling sad. I didn't understand it, and I didn't understand what set off my emotions like that because I feel as if I should be celebrating, throwing a party even.

It should be a huge relief that the asshole was dying, and in some ways, it was. Knowing that the man who made my life a living hell for my entire childhood would no longer be here was comforting, but it was even more so...hurtful, agonizing if I'm honest.

I thought all this time, up until this very moment, that I'd wish nothing but the worst for that man, that him dying a painful death was exactly what he deserved, and to some point, I still agree with that. But what I felt, even more so, was grief, grief for the father that I would certainly never have now because he would be dead in a matter of months, weeks even. Hell, I had no idea how long it had been since his diagnosis.

The fantasies I had as a child of him loving me one day were ultimately coming to an end. He would never be able to do that. And of course, my step-dad has been the best father figure that I could have ever asked for, and the grown man in me appreciates him for everything he has done. The little boy in me still longed for the man who made me to give me his love, the one with the same smile as mine to cheer me on through my proudest and most challenging moments alike.

That was what every kid wanted from their dad. It's certainly what I had begged and cried for from mine for the first thirteen years of my life. Instead of him changing for me and doing that, I got hit with the news that he made a whole new life, had a completely new son, and was being everything I had ever wanted from him to that kid. Then I get hit with the news of him being terminally ill.

It was as if all of my childhood trauma had come rushing back to me from whatever place I kept it locked in all this time and consumed me completely. The little boy who yearned for his father's affection had come to the forefront once more, and the only thing I could do to keep him away was drink.

My eyes scanned the floor before me to see the diary concrete with Michelob cans scattered across it. There had to be at least seven or eight cans that I had downed in the last two hours. However many it was.

"Jase?" I heard a voice echo through the tunnel.

I turned my head in the direction it came from but saw no one. Maybe I just heard things. I was undoubtedly wasted enough to be doing so.

"Jason!" The familiar voice called out again, and this time Russ came jogging toward me from one of the various dark tunnels. "What the hell, man?" he asked, dropping to his knees in front of me.

His eyes were filled with worry as he pushed away some of the beer cans to sit.

"What's going on?" He asked, turning to look at me, but I refused to look him in the eyes, instead just shrugging my shoulders and taking a large swig of beer from another almost empty can.

"You've had enough." Russ asserted, attempting to snatch the beer away from me, but I jolted my arm back, pulling my brows together in irritation.

"Don't touch my beer," I stated flatly, this time looking him directly in the eyes.

"Jason, what the fuck are you talking about? Don't touch your beer? How many of these damn things did you drink?!" He exclaimed, motioning to all the cans in front of us. "You don't drink like this, and you're going to be sick! And look at your hand!"

"Fuck off, Russ." I spat, attempting to stand up to get away from him but stumbling back down to the ground.

"Jason...what's going on with you, man?" He asked, shaking his head. "You got up and left your girl in the middle of the night and got all of us worried. Why would you do that?"

I ignored him, attempting to finish off the rest of my beer when Russ swatted it out of my hand angrily.

"I'm here trying to fucking help you!" He shouted, getting in my face as a sly smirk tugged at my lips as I grew more and more bothered by him.

"I don't want your help." I slurred beneath my breather. "I want you to get the hell out of my face."

"Jason, I'm trying not to lose my shit with you because I get it okay, I get that you-"

"But that's exactly the thing!" I cut him off, feeling myself reach a boiling point. "You don't get it! None of you fucking get what I'm dealing with right now!"

"Jase-"

"No!" I cut him off, holding my hand up. "Every last one of you comes from loving families! You don't know what it's like to go through what I did and still am going through with my shit-show of a life."

Russ let out a deep breath before dropping his defensive stance and settling down beside me once more.

"No one understands me...I feel like I just burden everyone that's around me. No wonder everyone leaves me."

"Jason, you know that's not true. Have I ever left you?" Russ asked, resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're my best friend, man, the brother I've always wished I had. And Liv, the only woman on this earth that loves you more than her is your mother. We aren't leaving you."

When I didn't respond, he continued, "And regardless, drinking this much fixes nothing, Jase. You, of all people on this earth, should know that. You witnessed it not work, so why are you doing this?" He questioned, care filling his town. "Alcohol is what ruined the first half of your life, don't let it ruin the rest by starting this shit."

All I could do was nod my head in agreement. He was right, I knew I shouldn't have drank as much as I did, especially with alcoholism running in my family, but I didn't care. I just needed an escape so severely it pained me.

"I just wanted my mind to stop," I whispered, glancing over at him with tear-filled eyes. "I needed it to stop." My voice cracked as I fought to keep myself from crying.

I was so sick of falling apart, that's all I seemed to do lately, and it was taking a toll on the way I viewed myself. I thought I was so much stronger than I am.

"I know, man, come here." Russ nodded, pulling me into a tight hug.

I let my arms wrap around my best friend as he comforted me as I began to weep into his shoulder. We exchanged no more words as he sat with me, waiting for me to calm down. It could have been minutes or hours. I had no idea at this point.

"I think we should get you to a doctor." Russ's voice broke the silence as we were both sitting calmly, backs against the wall at this point.

"It's fine. I'll just wrap it later."

Russ shook his head, standing up from his spot on the ground and offering me his hand to help me up.

"It's not fine, it needs to be checked out, and you probably need some fluids or something."

Sighing, I grabbed onto Russ's hand, allowing him to help me up as the room swirled around me.

"Let's get out of here." He muttered, giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze and leading us back to the unsettling reality that had become my life. 

A/N: So sorry for the extra-long wait but here's chapter 40! I've really been dragging poor Jason through the mud y'all, and it's not even over yet...

Thank y'all for reading & see you next week (: