/THIRD PERSON POV/

The brunette stirred up slightly and her senses slowly started functioning. She felt a hand wrapped around her waist, a warm palm pressing onto her belly. She smiled at the feeling of Lisa's steady breathing behind her and she considered going back to sleep since she didn't have any class for today.

Lisa's warm breath blew on her neck constantly, leaving goosebumps on her skin. She then turned around slowly, careful not to wake up the blonde.

It was a known fact that Lisa was handsome, she did not have any flaw in her physical appearance. Her body was toned all in the right place, it made Jennie's stomach flutter when she realized that Lisa was hers, her body, her mind, her heart, even her soul—all of Lisa was hers.

Jennie brought her hand to trace Lisa's perfect eyebrows, down to her cheekbone and then her sharp jawline.

Yes, all of Lisa was hers, including her insecurities, her flaws, her imperfections—all of it.

It's crazy to think that in such a brief period of time, Jennie could love someone this much. Six months ago, Jennie didn't know Lisa exist. She didn't know what was waiting for her in the near future. She had no idea that she would be gifted the greatest power of all in the presence of Lisa—she had no idea she was even capable of being loved this greatly.

All her life Jennie was used to people leaving. Starting from her dad, leaving Jennie, her mother, and Ella, to her friends in middle school leaving her just because she didn't have a dad. They left her because she's flawed, even when it's nothing under her control. In high school, Jennie once fell in love. She adored someone, her best friend, Chahee, more than she should have.

But she was afraid Chahee would leave her if she told her how she felt. She couldn't afford to lose her best friend, the only friend she had, to leave her just because of her stupid, uncalled feelings. So, Jennie kept it a secret.

And then it all changed when Chahee kissed her one Saturday night on their tutor night schedule. Jennie was shocked, but she was afraid Chahee would also leave her if she didn't reciprocate her feelings, so Jennie kissed her back—albeit still being confused over her own feelings. But still, Chahee chose to leave. Jennie still remembered her reason, "You deserve someone better and I can't be that for you, we can't be happy together. I'm sorry."

Jennie started to think she was designed to be used for a short while before eventually, people leave with their own separate reasons. Her life in New Zealand was so painful to remember, hence why she chose to move to Busan in the first place. Yes, now, Jennie was the one who left. 5 years ago, she left both her mother and Ella, albeit them being fiercely against it. There's a reason why Jennie never brought up her mother nor Ella in front of Lisa. She knew how family-oriented Lisa was, and Jennie was scared of her reaction once she knew Jennie's selfish choice to leave her family behind.

Jennie lived with her aunt, Dara, for the first two years until she finished senior high school. She started working in a nearby café when she was 17 up until several months ago where that accident took place. Even when Jennie left her, Chaerin, her mother, still send Jennie enough money to pay for her needs other than academic wise—she had a full scholarship. It made Jennie feel more and more guilty and ashamed, how her mother still loves her dearly despite everything Jennie had done to her.

Jennie sighed, still staring fixedly at Lisa.

She then leaned forward to plant a kiss in between Lisa's thick eyebrows before she slipped out of her hold, putting on Lisa's big t-shirt and tight black shorts. Jennie glanced at Lisa one more time, leaving her peacefully sleeping girlfriend to go to the only place she had in mind at the time.

"Now tell me why did I know you'd be here,"

A voice startled her from her daze but Jennie didn't need to turn around to recognize the voice. It was Lisa's. Not long after, Lisa sat down on the empty space beside her, also dipping her feet in the lake.

Lisa knew something was up when Jennie didn't budge, not even glancing at her once. "Hey," Lisa said softly, tilting Jennie's chin so she faced her. "A kiss for your thoughts?"

Jennie exhaled contentedly to see Lisa's reassuring smile, then she leaned forward to let Lisa kiss her. Lisa's lips were soft, but her kiss was softer. It was as if she's promising Jennie that she wasn't going anywhere. It made Jennie's heart ached a little, so she pulled back.

Jennie had left for a walk around the estate's backyard, not even surprised to see herself ended up on the lake. She completely understood why Lisa always goes here whenever she needed peace of mind. The environment was just quiet and it gave Jennie all the space she needed. So Jennie wasn't surprised that Lisa knew something was wrong with her. They both seek peace and solitude from the same place when their minds were too loud.

When Jennie opened her eyes, she felt a lump in her throat at the intensity of Lisa's golden gaze. Her mind reprimanded her of how family-oriented Lisa was, how protective she was of her siblings, how she loved and respected her parents even when her relationship with her dad was complicated. Lisa had never given up on her family, and it made Jennie felt ashamed of herself. She was a coward compared to Lisa.

Would Lisa still look at her the same after this?

"Hey, Nini, look at me," Lisa whispered, scooting closer. "Whatever it is, whether you're going to tell me or not, I'll always be here, okay? You've been there on my lowest and you know I'll do the same, please don't think that I'll ever go away."

Jennie chuckled, leaning her head on Lisa's shoulder.

"How did you know?"

Lisa put her hand around Jennie's shoulder and kissed her hair, "Know what?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Jennie said, lifting up her head so she could look at Lisa. "It's like you were reading my mind."

"Well, I'm not Chaeng, but I know you," Lisa caressed her cheek and offered a small smile.

Jennie smiled at her, offering a quiet 'thank you' from her eyes, which Lisa accepted with placing a kiss on her forehead. Then Jennie sighed, it's now or never.

"How often do you miss your mom?" Jennie asked, staring at Lisa with careful eyes.

Lisa chuckled at the question. "Every day, I guess. But I miss her the most when I'm with Jace and Chaeyoung, and with dad before he passed away. There's just this ... hole, empty space I can't ignore that used to be her place ..."

Lisa averted her eyes towards the vast, peaceful lake. "... and sometimes when I look at you."

Jennie raised her eyebrows at the statement. "Me?"

"You resemble her way more than you'd think, Nini," Lisa smiled sadly. "Your sassiness, the sarcasm, your boldness, and how you're so honest about your feelings, too. Mom was ... an open book. She didn't hide anything from anyone, if she cared about you, she'd show it. If she's disappointed at you, she'd tell you. She's brave, honest, and beautiful. She was exactly the standard of how I want my woman to be. And that woman happens to be you."

"In some ways, you remind me of my dad, too," Jennie said, playing with Lisa's hand and avoided her stare. "He was stubborn and protective. He put other people first, always. And he made me feel the safest. Just like you."

Lisa chuckled and brought Jennie's hand to her lips and kiss it. "Our difference is, I'll never leave you,"

Jennie didn't answer.

"I'm sorry, I—"

"I haven't talked to my mom in years," Jennie finally dropped the bomb and she could feel Lisa froze. "Well, technically we still text each other here and there, but I haven't ... talked to her in years. I've even ... forgotten how she sounds like."

Lisa sensed how sensitive Jennie was being around this topic, so Lisa tried to be as understanding as possible—even when it went against all of her beliefs. She had wondered before why Jennie had never brought up her mother, she had several speculations, but she never pushed it. She thought Jennie would tell her when she's ready, and there must be a reason why Jennie didn't want to talk about it in the first place.

"Why?"

Jennie tightened her grip on Lisa's hand as if pleading Lisa not to go away—not when she's being openly vulnerable like now. So, Jennie told Lisa her story from the start, not leaving out any details because Lisa deserved to know all of them. Even when it would affect how Lisa would see her later, she was just too tired of hiding it all.

Along the way, Jennie cried. She cried because now that she was telling Lisa the truth, it was becoming more real. She realized what a horrible daughter she'd been, what a horrible sister, what a horrible person she was. She also cried because she was ashamed, and she stopped telling the story several times to take a grip on herself before she had the strength to continue.

Lisa never said a word, but she kept on holding Jennie's hand, not wanting Jennie to think that she'd pull away. She was surprised and disappointed too, but it would never change the way she loved Jennie. Jennie was opening up to her and Lisa knew she would be the biggest asshole alive if she didn't try to understand Jennie's reasoning first.

When Jennie finally finished telling the story, Lisa pulled her into a hug and planted a lingering kiss on her head. Her heart ached at how Jennie was shaking in her arms, how scared and small Jennie felt right now.

Jennie was flawed, but Lisa didn't mind. They were both flawed, true, but when two flawed people accept each other for who they are and try to complete each other, it's love. And Lisa didn't mind loving Jennie more to help her subdue her flaws.

"Jennie ... you should come home," Lisa said after Jennie had calmed down. "She must've missed you, Nini, and Ella too. You've been away for too long and you can't do anything to change the past, but you still can shape the future. It might be hard, you might rather run away from it again than to face it, but you can't run forever. And after all, they're your family. They're the only ones you have left."

"I'm scared, Lili," Jennie sobbed. "What if I'm too late? W-what if I can't fix it?"

"What if's won't bring you anywhere, baby," Lisa said and smiled at her. "I'll come with you if you need me to."

Jennie pulled back and stared at Lisa with wide eyes, "Really? B-but what about the company? The embassy?"

"You're my priority now, Nini," Lisa cupped her face pressed a kiss to her nose. "Just promise me you'll come back home to fix things with your mom and Ella, then I'll take care of everything else."

Jennie put her hand on top of Lisa's and closed her eyes, breathing out to finalize her decision.

"I promise."

Lisa stayed true to her words, she was working overtime just to get ahead of her work so she wouldn't be missing much on her little holiday at Jennie's homeland. She squeezed her possible meetings to her available days, and she got off work late around 1 AM. Jennie felt bad, but Lisa reassured her that she didn't mind, that even if Jennie prohibited her to, she wouldn't have done otherwise.

Jennie sat on the couch in the Manoban Estate's living room, her phone pressed to her ear as she waited for Lisa's voice to greet her.

"Hey, Nini," Lisa's voice came through, rough and raspy from fatigue, Jennie guessed.

"Hi, baby," Jennie smiled instantly. "You sound tired, have you had dinner yet?"

"I'm okay, better now that I've heard your voice," Lisa said and Jennie knew she was smiling. "I missed you, can we have dinner together later?"

"I miss you too," Jennie felt her heart fluttered. "Yeah, of course, we can. You know I always wait up for you to come home."

Lisa chuckled, "I know. Um, what do you want to eat? Chinese, maybe?"

"Babe, just come home, okay? I'll cook, I kind of missed cooking and I know you love it best when I do."

"You're the best,"

"I know, can you believe how lucky you are?" Jennie said, grinning.

"I don't know, but maybe less lucky than you?"

"Shut up, asshole," Jennie laughed and Lisa joined. A string of silence engulfed them for a while, long enough for Jennie to feel bad keeping Lisa off of her pile of work. But at the same time, she didn't want Lisa to hang up. She wanted to hear her voice still.

"Nini, can I ask something?"

"Hmm, what is it?"

"Have you contacted your mom yet?"

Jennie paused and held back a sigh. She was desperate to avoid this topic but of course, Lisa wouldn't let her. Not like Lisa's wrong—she shouldn't have avoided her mom any longer. She should be done running away.

"No, I haven't," Jennie said guiltily.

"Nini ..." Lisa sighed deeply. "Call her. Check up on her. Ask how she's been. Just talk to her, Nini. Trust me, it'll make everything less awkward when we finally got there."

When Jennie prolonged the silence, Lisa tried again. "I know you're scared, babe, but you need to do this sooner rather than later. You can't avoid her forever."

"I know, Lili, I know," Jennie sighed and bit her lip. "It's just—I don't think I can do this. I know that when I hear her voice, I'll break down first thing first. That, if she decides not to ignore the call. What if she's given up on me? I can't—"

"Jennie," Lisa stopped her harshly. "You've avoided her for years, don't you think that's enough? Don't you think it's time you make it up for her? You're a grown woman, Jen, you know better than to treat your own mother this way."

Jennie felt a lump blocking all the air on her throat, her eyes stung with uncalled tears. God, that hurt. The way Lisa threw all of that in her face felt like a hard slap on her cheek. She should've known better, of course, Lisa would be reacting this way. Lisa probably held it inside her ever since she confessed at the lake some days ago.

She knew she was a horrible person and also a coward, but hearing Lisa said it indirectly made the hurt a hundred times worse.

"Jennie, I'm sorry. I—"

"You're right, I—I should s-stop running away—"

"Nini? Are you crying?"

"No, Lili, I'm not crying," Jennie lied, forcing out a smile even when Lisa couldn't see it. "I'll just—I'm going to make dinner now. Come home safe, okay? I love you."

"Nini, I'm—"

Jennie ended the call and threw her phone to the empty space beside her. She leaned her elbows on her knees, face in her hands, and cried. She felt so ashamed and guiltier than she'd ever been. God, why did the truth hurt so much? Why did it have to be Lisa who said it out loud? What—

No.

No, please, no, Jennie thought to herself.

Had Lisa looked at her differently now? Will Lisa ever look at her the same way again? Will Lisa ever look at her as if she's not the daughter who ignores her own mother for five years like before?

Could she fix this?

Did she have the strength to?

Jennie's eyes then lingered on her phone, contemplating calling her mother right away. But then she realized she would probably cry harder than she had right now, so she slipped her phone inside her pocket and walked towards the kitchen. The kitchen was empty because it's past dinner time, 9 PM, so Jennie basically had all the kitchen to herself.

Even though she's never been there before, she managed to find all the ingredients she needed to make dinner. She focused all her attention on the dish she was making, not wanting to worsen the situation by adding too much salt into the soup. She didn't want Lisa to be disappointed at that, too.

Jennie was on autopilot and she seemed to have a whole bubble around her, blocking her from anything outside of it. Jennie wasn't sure if it's been thirty minutes or one hour, but suddenly the soup was done. She just needed to—

"Nini,"

She froze. Lisa was here already?

She heard a few steps approaching from behind her before she sensed Lisa's particular warmth radiating just behind her. They were both quiet until Jennie decided to turn around and put on the best fake smile she could muster. She didn't want Lisa to see her broken like she was at the moment.

Can we pretend I'm still the same Jennie in your eyes?

"Hey, baby," Jennie said and pulled Lisa in for a kiss.

But Lisa stopped her wrist and pulled back slightly. Jennie's lower lip trembled and she turned around immediately, not having the strength to look at Lisa anymore. She wiped her first drop of tears quickly and grabbed the bowl of soup to bring it to the table she had set up earlier.

"Nini, look at me," Lisa called, walking cautiously behind Jennie.

"I made soup, I thought that maybe you'd want something warm because it's cold outside and you probably haven't moved your muscle so it'll be good to make you relax," Jennie rambled and Lisa felt her heart aching.

Was Jennie avoiding her too now?

"Jennie, please ..."

Jennie flinched when Lisa touched her hand and she felt worse right away. She mustered up the courage left in her and smiled up at Lisa, "Let's eat first, I know you're tired."

Lisa sighed defeatedly and took a seat. They both ate in silence and Lisa had never hated anything more. She didn't like how they felt so far away despite being only across each other. She mentally kicked herself for pushing Jennie way too hard earlier because she felt her heart clenching at the fact that now, Jennie was avoiding her eyes. She's slipping from her grasp and Lisa wanted nothing more than to fix it right there and now, but she didn't want to push Jennie more.

"It's delicious. Thank you for this, Nini," Lisa said in a low voice and smiled at the woman across her. "I just realized I've missed your cooking more than I thought."

Jennie nodded and faked a smile, "Really? Then I'll cook for you whenever you like, don't worry,"

Lisa nodded and went back to her almost-finished dinner. The bowl was slowly emptying and Lisa itched to just wrap Jennie in her arms and apologize. But Jennie wasn't done, so Lisa had to wait a tad bit longer—she knew Jennie was prolonging it on purpose.

When Jennie's done and she went to pick up Lisa's empty bowl, Lisa caught her wrist. Jennie almost dropped her bowl at the contact and her breath hitched. Lisa clenched her jaw and stood up, putting Jennie's white bowl away.

"Nini," Lisa whispered, holding Jennie's hand in hers. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you too hard, I should've understood you better. I mean, I do think you need to check up on her, but I should've given you the time to prepare yourself. I—I was stressed at work and it's not fair of me to lash it out on you, Nini.