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/JENNIE/

What do you do when you're catching feelings for someone whom you're not even sure will be there to catch you?

While there's someone who's already spreading his arms wide open to welcome you whenever you decide to fall into his embrace?

What do I do?

Lisa, for the hundreds time, consumed my mind and lingered inside it for a very long period of time. She constantly entered, yet scarcely exit. 

Something about her was addicting, but I didn't know exactly what it was. Maybe it's somewhere between her eyes, her smile, her intoxicating scent, or her freaking warmth. I didn't know which one. Or maybe simply all of them.

She's like the earth while I'm the rain. I didn't choose to fall for her, yet here I am, falling all over again and again. 

Jesus, it must be the novel, I had never talked about anyone like this ever before. I've never been this cheesy, ever. 

Or maybe it's just her.

One part for me ached to get to know her, to dig inside her mysterious cover, to know her deeper, to understand her, and maybe find out the source of her warmth. And no, I'm not only talking about bodily warmth here, because every time she entered a room it got warm instantly. It's just something inside her, and I'm more than curious about it. 

But the other part basically slapped me for thinking like that. Why? Simple, thinking so intensely about another person while you're having a boyfriend was just wrong. 

Yes, boyfriend. 

As in Kim Jongin, my boyfriend. 

Kai was such a perfect man every woman would love to be with. He was patient, kind, loving, and all a woman could ever ask for in a man. And I should've been grateful for being his girlfriend of two respectable months. 

Two months, and I was growing more unsure as days passed by. I knew I'm being unfair because all he ever gave me was comfort and love, but I just couldn't help the sound of the heart from voicing out loud.

"How's your day?" Kai asked on the other end of the line. He sounded tired, yet still, spare his time to call me late at night like this. 

"Exhausting, really. I think I failed Mr. Smith's exam, but what's new," I chuckled, not bothering to hide the obvious exhaustion in my tone. 

"Oh, do you want to go to bed now?"  Kai picked up my tone perfectly and strangely succeeded at making me feel guilty. He's tired too, but he could bare holding on for a few moments for talking to me, so why couldn't I?

"No, not yet. Tell me about yours," I answered instead. I smiled when I felt him smiling on the phone. 

"Nothing much, really. But today's rehearsal was insane. My body's all sore, I'm positive," Kai answered, sighing. 

"Honestly, Jen, I miss you so much," he continued after a brief pause. 

My heart couldn't help but flutter at his confession. 

"I miss you too," I answered automatically. 

He had been away for a week, rehearsing for a dancing competition. I wouldn't lie, but I missed his presence. I missed his affection and all the cute things he usually did for me. 

"Do you got plans tomorrow night?" 

I thought for a moment before answering. "No," 

"Let's have a night out," 


/JENNIE/

"God, I miss you like crazy," 

Kai picked me up and held me tight, spinning me in his arms. I laughed at his childish act. When he put me down, I immediately tiptoed to capture his pink lips in mine. 

His hands automatically went to my waist as mine wrapped themselves around his neck. My heart fluttered at the sound of his moans and I sighed in return.

Every time we kiss, and I got to be honest, there weren't any fireworks or butterflies. Nothing more except for the strange yet comforting feeling of his lips being one with mine. 

Weird, wasn't it? 

We pulled back when we heard a cough from beside us. I opened my eyes and turned around to find Jisoo and Chaeyoung staring at us amusedly. 

"Get a room, won't you?" Jisoo rolled her eyes playfully. 

Kai blushed. 

My eyes wandered to Chaeyoung, who looked a little less entertained. She forced a smile and then looked somewhere else. 

"So, Jendeuk, Chaeng and I will watch a movie in the cinema tonight, join us?" Jisoo offered.

"Ah, sorry, Chu. I can't. We're going out," I smiled apologetically at the two. 

"We can join them if you'd like," Kai said as he put his arm around me. 

"Yeah, why don't both of you join us?" Chaeyoung finally joined the conversation. Seemed like she had had her feet on the ground. But still, something in her eyes was off. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes nor as bright as it usually was. 

"Alright then, what time?" 

"7," Jisoo said, beaming with her brightest smile. 

"We'll be there," Kai answered for me. 

We then separated ways, Jisoo and Chaeyoung both went somewhere, while Kai and I went to his car. We decided to have lunch at one of his favorite restaurants.

The day went quite fast, but I felt like something was missing. 

Then I realized that I had not, even once, thought about Lisa. Until now, of course. I couldn't help but smile, it's a good sign, wasn't it? Now that I could finally focus on Kai and our relationship, to finally appreciate him more. 

Kai had been so touchy with me today. Every chance he got, he kissed me, or just simply put his hand randomly on me. Either on my thigh, my shoulder, my hair, just anywhere he had the courage to reach. 

At 7, Kai and I met Jisoo and Chaeyoung on the spot we had agreed. Turned out that they had bought our tickets, and we immediately went inside the cinema. The movie genre was romance, and I must say, I was dragged along the flow. Kai being with me was no help at all, because he kept on holding my hand, and refused to let go. Once he did, he moved it to my thigh, just casually resting it there. 

Once the movie ended, Kai dragged me impatiently to one of the restrooms in the back of the cinema, which I didn't even acknowledge was there. He then heatedly kissed me with his hands all over me. 

Hungry.

Lustful.

Impatient.

Rough.

Pretty much explained what Kai was doing to me. His hands roamed all over my body, touching parts he had never touched before while his mouth kept me busy. He pressed me up against a wall, his front grinding onto me unsteadily. 

He managed to cup my breast as he kept on kissing me. I winced, he was too rough. I didn't like it one bit, not even turned on. 

"God, Jennie. I- you're so fucking hot," Kai pushed my skirt upwards, rubbing the skin of my thigh. 

My mind flashed back at the memory of months ago. I panicked as his big hands traveled around my body, suddenly feeling traumatized. 

His lips found my neck, leaving wet kisses on it openly. Biting softly, panting, sucking, basically everything he was able to do with his lips. 

"Kai, stop-" I put a hand on his chest weakly. 

He didn't stop, even his touches became hungrier than before, his breathing quickening. 

My mind went dizzy, my throat hitched, and I felt every skin he touched burned. The dim lighting and the cold night air reminded me of the night on the empty street. 

"Relax, Jen," Kai whispered, unbuckling his belt.

I panicked at the familiar scene. 

No, no, no.

What the fuck was I thinking? Kai was my boyfriend! That guy wasn't! I shouldn't be corresponding the two of them. No, I shouldn't. 

Kai pulled my skirt higher, his lips muting mine.

But still, something didn't feel right. 

His lips went back to my neck. 

"Kai, stop-" 

"Shh, babe," Kai pecked my lips. His hand was crucially close to my center right now.

His palm cupped my center and my breath hitched painfully. I instantly shoved him away with all of my strength left. "No, stop!"

He fell back a couple of steps, looking at me with such disbelief and fury inside his eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouted, making me jump. My heart rate picked up, from the panic and now worsen by his tone of speaking.

I felt tears burning inside my eyes, threatening to fall in any second. 

His features now don't look as ethereal as they used to, his eyes shone with fury instead of the usual adoration, his lips were angry red instead of baby pink, and his hair was uncoordinated. 

"We've been dating for months and you don't even let me touch you?" He asked again, his anger swelling up. 

"Are you fucking kidding me, Jennie?!" He screamed in frustration. 

He's definitely mad. I had never seen this side of him. I never even thought this side of him existed. 

I was horrified. 

"You can't give me your heart, now not your body too?" My heart ached at his question. Was I that terrible as a girlfriend? I couldn't even trust my boyfriend with my body? God, I'm so pathetic.

"Kai, I'm so-" 

"Fine," He scoffed, rebuttoning his shirt and buckling his belt. He ran a hand through his hair, then stared at me angrily. 

"I thought you'll let me in more as time goes by, but guess I'm wrong," he sighed, not moving even an inch towards me. 

"I can't do this anymore, Jennie," Kai confessed, his head kept up straight, his eyes glaring into mine, while I stayed silent and still.

I knew it.

I knew where this was going.

"I'm done."

With that, he left me all alone in the cubicle of the cold restroom.  




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