The cover is far from ugly, but it's very girly, with the fashion magazine-style silhouette. This is not a problem in itself, as it reflects chicklit / light romance / teen fiction and matches the blurb.

As a design, it's cute, but messy and cluttered. Apart from the lovely female silhouette in unlikely heels and the guitar, it's hard to figure out what's going on and it looks as though the artist went a wee bit mental with vector PNGs. The positioning of the title, the font (typical swooshy brush fitting the genre), and how it blends in with the girl's silhouette is a nice touch, but the author name is cramped and almost impossible to read. Stickers all over the place only add to the visual confusion.

Verdict: Overall, promising but rather chaotic and rushed looking.

The title inspires no real emotion or reaction. It is short, as some industry standard recommend, but kind of fits the story described in the blurb.

Verdict: Reserved judgment.

Ember Delaney wants to be a singer. She lives on an island that is very confined to only its culture, but she wants to escape. Everyone knows she cannot be a singer. But she holds on, despite all the impossiblities. She believes she can be whatever she likes-- once she goes to the city.

But there's just one problem-- she's mute.

_____

The burb starts out promising, with a clear statement of name and motive for the MC, but quickly becomes wishy-washy, a bit repetitive and cliché.

The line about 'an island' is vague and makes little impact. Is this story taking place on earth? Giving a name to the island would help provide some cultural or geographical context at least.

It's unclear from this blurb why the MC wants to escape. There isn't enough information to draw any conclusions, and it's a pity as some hint could hook readers in. Stating that 'everyone knows' something feels out of PoV since this blurb is centered on Ember. The part about her wanting to run away to the city and chase her dream of becoming a famous singer is pretty cliché.

'Impossibilities' is a typo.

Then comes the hook: Ember is mute. The reviewers' reactions to this are as follows:

Sal: On one hand, I'm really intrigued how in God's name the author wants to pull off a story with a mute singer (and I would probably at least check out the first chapter to see where this goes), but on the other hand, I'm like "Come on, this is just too much of a stretch from reality. Singing and voice go together."

Oliver: Call me dream-killer if you want, but a mute wanting to be a singer? Really?

Fay: That's... well all I can say is I'm dubious about the likelihood of her success at this point.

Verdict: Unconvincing.

NOT A CHAPTER

This kind of extra content is most often skipped by readers eager to get to the actual story. They're usually just a delay, even if resulting in a few more reads.

Here, the only salvageable part in all this "chapter" is the dedications. The Note is unnecessary, the repeat of the blurb is redundant (we've already read it, why place it here again?) and the Timeline doesn't add anything.

~

CHAPTER ONE

"Ember's PoV" is labeled at the top of the chapter. And yet, it appears that Ember is the only PoV present throughout the entire book thus far, so why label it? Furthermore, the very first word of the story is the MC's name, so why bother stating the PoV at all? It's obvious this is Ember from line one.

As an opening, the first line has nothing of interest. It's a weak beginning, with no hook.

Why mention that Ember hold her backpack firm? There is no explanation for this behavior and it's not an sufficient intro to the following exposition.

The following paragraphs are heavy with info dumping and expositional narration that breaks the reader's first person PoV immersion before it has even begun.

'Here in such and such a place' seems to be speaking directly to readers. We are inside Ember's head, there is no reason for her to think this.

'The city lights...' where did that come from? And why does a self-proclaimed introvert who apparently can't handle dealing with a small village think she'll fair better in a city with an even denser population?

This is all info dumping. Telling us how her home island is small, how she's a loner, etc. is clunky and breaks PoV again. Ember has no reason to evoke all of that, no context. She knows all of that, it's her life. In first person (even more than in third), every line of text is inner thought from the narrator, so every piece of information needs a reason, context, to be stated. It needs to come from memory, feelings, senses. As soon as it becomes cold fact, just meant for readers to know things about the characters or the universe, it creates distance and pushes readers away. For instance, introducing Uncle Aron and his strictness could have waited until we actually met the character. As for the information about the island, it could have been exposed through Ember admiring the scenery, thinking about the City hidden behind the horizon when interrupted by Alice.

All of this is STRIKE worthy, as these are basic issues that must be addressed. We have no reason to care about all this yet anyway. We only just learned Ember's name.

Even if there is a strange trend pushing its use, the recurring '!?' tends to look amateur and is generally not used in published fiction. Pick one punctuation mark that best expresses your sentiment and use that alone.

The conversation which follows is peppered with forced description. There is no real reason to describe Alice's hair or to say she is beautiful. It doesn't come from Ember's perspective, it's just more info. Their conversation itself is mundane and holds little interest. Since readers don't know any of the characters yet, they have no reason to care. And how, exactly, did this further the plot? It may be an attempt to establish some normal status quo for the MC, but it doesn't seem to be working. This is your opening scene, you want readers to be hooked in, enthralled--and to do that, usually you want something a tad more exciting or interesting than two friends walking home from school and discussing a test.

From "It wasn't easy being mute" to "I was different", it's info dropped on the reader again. Furthermore, because of lack of context, readers don't know if the story happens in our world or a fantasy one. So far nothing points toward fantasy, so being mute is just one disability. Not easy, maybe, but "bad omen"? And if it is bad omen that the people of this island view with fear or negativity, why does Ember have a "normal" life, going to school, or have any friends at all? Why would people bother to learn sign language? And if they are so isolated as a community, hostile to outsiders and resistant to cultural norms from other regions, how would they learn it at all? All this does not need to be explained right away, but it should make sense within the world you are presenting.

Ember's apparent hostile rejection by the villagers based on her disability seems to be a central plot point, yet there is no clear motivation behind this. Why would a mute person be treated so poorly? Calling her a 'bad omen' hints it might be superstition, but that needs to be explored more. The whole concept is difficult to grasp as it stands. There is no subtext woven into the narrative to build it up and make this feel believable. 'Everyone hates Ember because she has no voice' isn't enough to feel realistic.

That being said, the idea of a mute MC is a good one. It may create writing difficulties, but done well, could be refreshing. However, it requires knowledge of the handicap and of all the means to go past it (sign language, or writing--which seems more practical when people around the MC don't know sign language). Careful research is needed when you start playing with this sort of subject matter. Disabled main characters open up a lot of interesting possibilities and would be a great way to show readers a new perspective, but it must be presented properly, with nuance and accuracy. And on that particular point, so far so good.

It's not clear what you mean by "clinic" but two of them seems like a lot for a remote and completely isolated island village. Many remote rural mainland communities, even in the west, have only one or two medical clinics, or local doctor, if any.

"I disagreed" - shaking her head is less telling. In any case, action tags are often better than dialogue tags to draw readers in and show them what is happening instead of telling them.

"Ceased walking": stopped works well and would flow better. Sometimes, the simpler the better.

Oliver: "The simpler is always the better. Go to the point anytime you can. "

Ember describing Alice as 'a hyperactive little girl' was jarring for a number of reasons. Firstly, the tone of it is condescending, especially when only moments ago Ember was praising Alice as an angel and one of her only friends in the world--this is inconsistent. Secondly, the wording feels out of character for a youth (either a kid or a teen). And thirdly, are not Ember and Alice the same age, since it was mentioned that they had the same test in school? How old are these girls? It's unclear, and that's an issue.

'As I mentioned...' reads as blatant self narration through Ember's PoV. Usually, unless you're going for a Deadpool style of humor, or deliberately choose for your MC to address the reader for some reason (which needs to be rock solid), breaking the fourth wall only serves to break the PoV. Here, it simply doesn't work.

We now have a mini tour of the village as Ember walks along, with more information being fed to readers and many awkwardly phrased lines. For instance, the connection between "the street are almost empty" and "there were small villas" is unclear: the connecting "but" isn't working as there isn't any opposition between these ideas.

"clothes" and "villas" are repeated.

"you could see": is both telling, and filter. 'I see/smell/feel/etc.' statements should be kept to a minimum, especially in first person, where it is almost always entirely unnecessary.

"Neice": Typo, should be 'niece'. Additionally, the use of "Speak" here is not correct as a dialogue tag, and where they stand has been said in the previous paragraph. One thing that stood out most about this paragraph is the last line, where Ember says one of these women looks 'healthier than she must have intended'. It appears that she's calling this woman fat, and in a rather nasty tone to boot. The following line seems to confirm this.

This whole passage feels like the MC is making snide judgments about the bodies of these two women for no reason. This isn't something that would endear Ember to many readers. It could be a character trait, however--but in any case, make sure the MC's personality comes through clearly.

What is the purpose of Ember's reflection about inviting the 'Skinny Lady' inside (and the "Oh, well"). Why does she care? How is this relevant? Ember stating that the second woman is an 'unwelcome guest' feels out of PoV. She hasn't observed enough to come to such a conclusion. How could she know their dynamic? It is not stated in the text that she knows them in any capacity, despite the village apparently being very small and tight-knit. What was the point of her eavesdropping on their conversation? If it is to have later plot significance, overhearing a random conversation that later becomes relevant feels unlikely and like a lazy Deus Ex Machina type device. Ember has no reason to stand there and stare.

What does 'Unwanted beings' mean? Not only does it seem odd to refer to Ember in plural, but the phrase itself is strange and awkward. And, again, why is Ember so despised simply for lacking a voice?

Describing how Ember can't ignore the color rising in her own face is out of PoV. She can feel heat rising, but not see the color of her own face.

This scene receives another STRIKE for all of the reasons stated.

'Villas and villas. And some more villas': The intended repetition doesn't add anything. And the rest of the paragraph is very heavy. 'Two-legged beings, also known as humans'--again with the 'beings'.

Why mention this mysterious dome at this point? Is this some type of futuristic setting a la Michael Grant? Why are kids not allowed alone in the forest? Will it be important for the plot later? All this needs a much stronger foundation. Once again, if this is supposed to be Fantasy or SciFi, it lacks clear background.

'Apparently, that was the only lane present I could walk on'--the impression is that Ember knows perfectly well where she's going, so why 'apparently'? Also, again, blatant self narration breaking the fourth wall. Furthermore "until the trees were somewhat more in number" is heavy, passive and unnecessarily paraphrasal. Go to the point.

We then get Ember's motive and the backstory of the plot in a chunk of text. The 'tell' and info dumping here is heavy and could be trimmed for flow (the shed, the bicycles, Ember's wish to 'ride cars'...).

Now, about Ember's 'plan'. It appears she intends to take action and get corrective surgery. This is understandable. However, why the drive to become a singer? Having a medical procedure to help with her disability? That can happen, and that alone would be a great driving motive for Ember's character. But there is no way to know if she can sing. Just having a voice does not automatically mean you can sing well. If being the next Adele is some kind of fixation Ember has as a result of her being mute, that seems rather simplistic in terms of characterization. 'I can't do it so I want it' is a very blunt way of depicting psychology. It feels realistic for Ember to wish she could sing, but to strive for a career in singing? If she were to gain her voice only to discover that she does, in fact, have a gift for singing, perhaps she may go that rout--but at the moment, it feels like Ember has no grasp on reality.

Another thing that does not make much sense in Ember's plan: Secretly knitting sweaters (and she can't even knit well) in the woods, hoping to make enough cash to pay for a trip to the city, and a major surgery? Not to mention living expenses? This 'plan' feels childish and impractical. Additionally, the wool she's using would be full of bugs in a matter of hours if left in a dilapidated shed in a forest, and possibly dragged off by an animal or rodents to be used as bedding.

Ember says she is an introvert. Would an introvert dream about being the center of attention from millions of fans? Another point about Ember's character, which seems to contradict the 'introvert' label, is her reason for wanting to become a singer. Not to bring joy or convey great messages to the world, or something of that nature--she seems to only want recognition of her voice as a