Note: sorry for the delay!

The simple color scheme and minimal design aesthetic could be classy and clean, but the image in the center is unclear--especially when the cover is shrunk down to wattpad thumbnail size. A great deal of squinting reveals a pen barely visible against a gravel background. Even when the image is identified, we are unsure what it is meant to convey in terms of genre or connection with the story. If we had to guess, this looks like a gothic mystery.

The two title fonts are not cohesive, the letters are not centered well and the bottom text is difficult to read. "Written by" is not necessary, and the author's name would look better if centered and large enough to actually read.

Rather obscure, but intriguing--though we are not sure how it fits the genre or the image portrayed. 

It was only supposed to be a quick visit to her office and back. The last thing Dr. Michelle Baker envisioned for her day was to be hanging from a skyscraper and being rescued by an actual vampire. One whose handsome and pained faced made the psychologist within her ache to unravel his mind as she tries to understand the clandestine world he comes from.

He was supposed to be searching for his brother yet Valmond De Valencia found his fated love reincarnated instead. Somehow agreeing to be a guinea pig for the doctors Archive- an immersive memory recollection machine- Valmond wonders if he could use his new circumstance to his advantage in order to make Michelle remember her past lives with him.

But even if he could get her to remember their fated ties to each other, would he be willing to turn her into his kind, or would he allow her to live out the rest of her mortal life with someone else in hopes that she would be reborn one last time?

___

Oliver: "The first paragraph makes me want to jump from the said building's top."

Whatever Oliver may think, the first paragraph delivered a good plot point---even if a bit cliche with the questionable message "I'm the damsel in distress---broody vampire, please come and rescue me".

However, after that first paragraph, things get confusing. What guinea pig, what archives, and how are they related to her trying to unravel his mind? And why even mention the brother? He doesn't seem really important enough to get mentioned in the blurb. A much clearer connection between the paragraphs and stronger stakes/conflict would improve the blurb a lot.

Not switching PoV within the blurb would also be a good idea. The way it's done here doesn't work. Considering the whole, it should have been Valmont's PoV all along.

"pained faced": typo

The ending question is, like in most blurbs, a rhetorical one---more of a style killer than a hook.

Verdict: The idea of using an ancient being's memories might be cool, but the way it's presented is jumbled and convoluted. Furthermore, the "Interview with a Vampire" mixed with Coppola's "Dracula" plot feels recycled.

Oliver: That said, it's good to get a classical vampire story on Wattpad.

The first paragraph had us torn. It is heavily worded in places and moody. A few poetic words woven into simple description would work better than weighing down every single line like this. But, it is better than expected after such a blurb and there are some well written intriguing bits as well. The sentence about sunlight is something that sticks out (in a good way). 

The first line here is just trying too hard. Why would he say something like that? And why out loud if not for the benefit of the reader only?

Stylistically, "his gravelly voice spits out" sounds like a dialogue tag, so there should be a comma. Furthermore his "gravelly voice" reads as if it's some independently moving body part. It would work better if it said "he spit out in a gravelly voice". There should also be a comma after teeth.

The fact that he intends to commit suicide is intriguing, but it's getting even heavier and reads overly dramatic, like a bad play. Why does Valmond speak out aloud and not just in his mind? He seems to be starving and suffering, so wasting more energy might not be a good idea. His voice doesn't sound authentic, even for an immortal being. We just can't picture a guy talking that way. "No more Valmond," seems to be a sneaky way to tell readers his name and it doesn't really work. 

The grammar is fine, but the style is too melodramatic and heavy (the repetitions in speech are one of the many examples). Furthermore, you need to use more commas instead of periods. It creates too many fragments. The intention may be to sound poetic, but it just sounds weird. Dialogue tags are also too often incorrect.

"He announced to no one": he has been doing that the whole time. Stating this now feels unnecessary.

"He feared it was all too familiar": This doesn't make much sense. Things are either familiar or they're not. Here, it sounds as if he isn't sure if it's familiar or not. However, it could be familiar, but he can't place it, for example. Furthermore, as Valmont's name is dropped into the middle of the dialogue, it's no longer clear who speaks the next part.

At this point, with so much over-the-top whining from the MC, the whole thing feels like a parody. 

Chrysoar is chuckling. Doesn't being sucked dry hurt?

As a confirmed vampire has just thrown him across the cave and into a stone wall, only for him to be just fine, this may be a good spot to tell readers a bit more about Chrysoar's identity. Is he a vampire too? We're not sure because he call Valmond "vampire" as in "you're different from me". This is confusing. A mere hint would make this intriguing.

"Colors began to glimmer" should start a new paragraph. As is, this reads as if it's Chrysoar's PoV instead of Valmond.

The exclamation point isn't needed in the dialogue tag.

"Mans forearm" should be "man's forearm".

Some commas and periods are missing throughout.

The furious listing is a good attempt, but it falls short. Add one iteration as three is the magic number. 

Calapsed: typo

"There, there" reads childish. Or is it meant to be mocking, sarcasm?

We can't tell if Valmond uses "boar" as an insult or if Chrysoar is some sort of boar shifter. The shifter idea could be interesting and unique, but unfortunately it's one of the rare things of interest in the chapter (with the attempted suicide).

We're all for a flawed main character, but Valmond is over dramatic, whining and yelling, and it didn't work for us. The voice of the character turned us off and he gave us a bad first impression.

Valmond: Suicidal vampire drama queen.

Chrysoar: Mythic of some sort, here to rescue Valmond for brother related reasons.

Classic vampires, maybe an array of mythical beings, decent grammar, and intriguing hook, but it is way too heavy and overly dramatic, to the point of reading like an Anne Rice parody.