⊰86⊱

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The Mature Version of Chapter 86 and can be found in Transgression: Private Chapters which is on my profile. I have quite a few works, so you may need to scroll through to find it.

The beginning of Chapter 87 will hint at the overview without going into detail, so you are not missing any important story information by opting out of this chapter.

Cover by euphyrys


I won't be responding to comments I'm still very sick.
Vici0usWhisper will be updating chapters for me.

💫

Acacia/Ciarán - Age 18

When Lailoken meant that I couldn't leave...it also came with the unspoken boundaries of that I can't reach out to anyone...not even my parents.

I'd asked Glofish and Brilite, many times to use a phone. They told me each time that it was against their alpha's orders. Orders that may have been put in place when I originally arrived, even after the stunt I pulled...

...but this might change. It might change something, but I don't know if it's for the best.

What cruel jokes fate plays...

"Please..." I'm begging Glofish against, sitting on the patio steps with her as the snow falls. Brilite's wolf is leaping into the air and catching snowflakes with her muzzle.

"Acacia, I can't," I've heard this many times since Lailoken has left...

...it's been longer than he anticipated.

Three weeks.

Three weeks of not knowing when he'd come back...when I'd feel his arms around me. I never thought I'd ever want to feel this way, but the way he cares for me...it's impossible not to.

Brilite's wolf jumps forward, a mischievous glint reflecting off her golden irises. She wags her tail, yipping as she attempts to get me to play with her.

"Can't you call him? Ask him? Please!" I break down next to Glofish, her eyes finding mine.

"I've already tried to call him and his phone's either dead or turned off," Glofish informs me. She releases a sigh and states, "We can't do anything other than wait."

Frustration builds within me and I suddenly rise to my feet. Glofish trails my movements and asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to take a long bath because I'm about to lose my mind," I shake my head, fighting back the tears as I storm into the pack house. Taking to the stairs, I climb them until I reach Lailoken's bedroom door. I'm quick to throw the door open, closing it behind me as I release a slightly angered scream of frustration.

The warmth bubbles up within the center of my chest and I exhale calmly when I see the way white wisps encircle around my hands.

It started after Lailoken left...

...the colors change, the strength manipulated.

The wisps slowly fade away as I release a quick breath and make my way to the bathroom. I turn the water on, closing the door behind me as I strip out of my heavy clothes from keeping warm outside in the snow. The water feels good against my skin when I sink beneath the surface, allowing for just my head to remain above it.

It's calm...quiet.

Warmth tugs at the edges of my mind briefly and I allow myself to relax...

...it's not something I should have done.

A split second later, any warmth I've learned how to harness and relish in...it's gone. The warmth in my chest? it's extinguished with an icy bucket of water where only shards of ice remain. They creep closer and closer to my heart, my eyelids snapping shut when I feel that I'm about to lose my breath.

When I exhale sharply...I see it...

My hands grasp the grass in front of me. Black wisps with purple flecks encircle my hands and up my arms, encasing my entire being in a flurry.

Hopeless.

It's a draining feeling that encompasses my body.

I...

...I did something.

I see boots before me, just out of my vision. Slowly, I lift my chin and my gaze before I see Lars. His amethyst eyes bore into me, his voice slipping easily, "When all hope fades, you made the right choice."

Hope...?

Did I lose it?

Lars raises his hand, the pads of his middle finger and thumb coming together as he states, "Freedom."

I'm gasping, breathing hard as I shake violently in the bathtub. Blinking my eyelids rapidly, my heart stops in my chest as I'm sitting in dark purplish liquid...spider webs clinging to the edges of the tub. My heart begins to race, seeing the tendrils creeping from the edge of my vision.

I glance all around me, my heart rate escalating as I panic. Searching...I can't find it...I know it's there.

When I finally look directly ahead, an inaudible scream can't escape from my lips as it feels like my chest is compressing. Fear, unimaginable fear circulates through me when I glimpse two soulless, solid black eyes staring at me from the weaving webs that form at the edge of the tub.

It's sharp and nearly splits my skull in two when I feel the words etch into them...

Your soul will be mine as you can't win a game when there's nothing left to play. Your endgame, is my beginning.

My breathing comes quick, gasping as for a brief moment, the webs flicker to that of an image...dad?

The terror is no more...

...the next moment creates an ambience that reflects that nothing of what just happened ever truly existed. The water is clear, the warmth from the steamy rising dissipate the image is seen. My heart races as I try to calm down ever so slowly, my hands grasping the center of my chest.

Wh...what was that?

I've never felt so immobilized by fear.

If this has anything to do with the witches and warlocks, then they're the one trace that consistently never surfaces in my blood memories. Even with my true mates...nothing, no one has said anything about Lars and Nimue. It's what happened with dad and his mates, so if I don't say anything, this remains with myself.

Lailoken...

I'm frightened.

I wrap my arms around my legs when I bring my chin to rest on my knees. There is knocking from the outside of Lailoken's bedroom door and I catch Glofish asking, "You up for pizza tonight?"

When am I not?

I grip the edges of the tub and reply, not allowing for my voice to crack so show any doubt, "Yes."

"Alright, come on down when you're done," she pauses and I can almost hear the dread in her voice, "Brilite is making the pizza."

Oh dear.

What is she going to put in it?

Last time she attempted to sneak in something 'special', but Lailoken caught her and she was put on Elysium duty for two weeks. I still don't know what she tried to do, but it brought mixed reactions from the pack.

Rising from the tub, I allow for the water to drain. Grabbing a towel and drying off, I take it with me into the bedroom while finding new clothes. Warm, puffy sweat pants and a heavy long sleeve shirt I throw on after getting new underwear. After getting ready, I walk out into the hallway and to the stairs.

I can smell the cheese of the pizza cooking, the dough making my mouth water. Glofish sits at the table with an amused look on her features, but the second she glances in my direction, I can visibly see the way she samples the air.

What...?

"Brilite put on thirteen different toppings," Glofish releases a laugh, "you'd think she was pregnant."

"Don't say that!" Brilite pops her head back through the archway into the kitchen, a morbid look on her face, "Besides, who would the baby daddy be?"

Glofish raises her brows as if she isn't going to get drawn into this trap, but Brilite giggles, "I'm too young to have a baby...even if I found my mate and it's a man...he better put a fucking glove on it or I'll do it for him."

My eyes widen at how brazen she is, laughing when she goes back to checking on the pizza. I'm starting to get cramps...mother nature on the horizon any day to ruin my life, but it's not as painful at the moment, my skin only getting slightly warm.

Glofish taps her chin and nods while motioning for me to come join her. As I ease down into the sit beside her, she states, "Brilite isn't wrong. There's so much of an old world feeling to mates where it's not as intimate when they claim one another for the first time unless it's natural. That's not the case, at least with werewolves and hybrids, they're most of the time already in heat so they're at a high risk for conceiving an heir."

Sophia and her rogue mate?

I'm glad I'm not a wolf and have to deal with that. I've had enough anxiety over being raped multiple times by...all of them, I'm thankful for Niles and setting me on birth control.

I don't want to be a mom.

Not after seeing my mom 'raise' me.

"Dinner is served!" Brilite throws down a pizza on the table, hearing the sizzling of the cheese as it still is cooking after removing it from the oven.

Glofish arches a brow and asks, "It's a family friendly pizza...?"

"Psh, what do you take me for?" She waves her hands in the air.

"Uh huh," Glofish isn't entirely convinced, sniffing the pizza before stating, "alright, it's clean."

Brilite rolls her eyes, "And you thought," she places a hand on her chest with such hurt, "can't trust me, can you?"

"Hush up you," Glofish rolls her eyes and grabs a slice after cutting the pizza up. I'm also devouring a slice, a comfort food that makes me feel happy. We're laughing and joking about how Brilite and Glofish have it easy watching me while others are out there hunting and searching.

Glofish rises to her feet and says, "Bathroom..."

Brilite giggles as Glofish heads out of the room and to the bathroom. She eyes me before almost falling out of her seat to get into the kitchen quickly. A few moments later, she's back with a plate of cookies, asking me, "Dessert?"

Of course I can't say no.

Nodding my head, I take one from the plate, taking a bite before I chew and scrunch my nose up asking, "What type of chocolate is this?"

Brilite waves her hand and she also munches on one, "Exotic, you like?"

"It's not horrible," I laugh after another bite, the both of us finishing off the cookies before Glofish makes her way into the room.

She stands stalk still, looking from Brilite and then to me as she sniffs the air. Glofish turns to her and asks, "Are those...?"

Brilite grins mischievously, "Yupppp."

Glofish's eyes grow wide as she turns to me and asks, "Acacia? Are you okay?"

"Ummm...yes?" I question her with confusion. Brilite and Glofish go at it a second later and I feel like I'm watching from the sidelines.

There's a lot of Glofish growling, "Alpha Loki put his trust in us to protect her!"

"We are! Doesn't mean we can't have fun," Brilite snaps right back.

It's a good fifteen minutes that they are arguing back and forth, and when I shift on my seat, I feel that it takes my vision a second to catch up. I place a hand on my forehead, my breathing uneven as Glofish is beside me asking, "Acacia?"

"You're so worried over nothing! She's just high! Calm down," Brilite rolls her eyes.

"Wh-What?" I ask as my skin feels...it's weird it's like I can feel the air touching it. Shaking my head, Glofish wraps her arm around me and I groan when she helps me to my feet.

I don't want to get up.

I just want to sit here forever and feel the air.

"Can't we just sleep here?" I ask her and Glofish immediately shoots Brilite a look.

"What? She's relaxed finally," she's giggling with amusement as she almost falls over a chair. Brilite snaps her fingers as if she's got a bright idea and a second later, she's shifted into her white fur.

Glofish tries to keep her away from me, but Brilite's fur rubs against my hand and I gasp. I slip down through Glofish's arms and grasp Brilite's wolf's fur while murmuring, "Softness..."

I snuggle my face into her neck and smile, but I'm pulled a moment later from her by Glofish. My vision doesn't keep up as I say, "Heeeeeey, noooo...I want the soft Brilite."

"Brilite, serious?!" Glofish chastises her as she eventually just ends up throwing me over her shoulder.

"Heeeey!" I'm trying to squirm away to play with the softness, but she won't let me go.

"You are going to be in so much trouble if Alpha Loki finds out!" She's grumbling while climbing the stairs with me.

Brilite shifts back, the softness gone and I exclaim, "Heeeeeey, she's naked......"

Brilite laughs so hard and has to catch herself from falling over. I can hear her calling up to us as Glofish reaches Lailoken's bedroom, "Aww ruin the fun Glofish! Alpha isn't gonna find o-" a split second later, I hear, "oh shit," leave her lips.

Glofish sets me down on the edge of the bed, her eyes meeting with mine for a second before they darken slightly. Tilting my head to the side, I tell her, "I wanna play with the wolf and snuggle the softness."

Glofish's eyes are back to normal when she breathes out and says, "I..." though she shakes her head before she stands to her feet and leaves the room.

Furrowing my brows, she's just about to shut the door as I get to my feet. I wobble though, not remembering the floor being that far away from me. Another moment later and I fall forward, catching myself before I decide to just roll onto my back.

I release a sigh, reaching up with one hand as I try and play with the light from overhead. I giggle when I feel it against my skin, encompassing my body...only a few minutes later, there's a dark shadow over head.

"Heeeeey, you're in my liiiiight," I grumble and worm my way around till I see the bright lights again.

Just like that, the shadow is back and this time, I know who it is when they ask, "What...?" I feel my eyelids being pulled a little wider, seeing Lailoken's features as he checks me before he releases a sigh, "What did she give you?"

"A cooooookie!" I exclaim, reaching and touching his face with my fingertips. It's so warm...I gasp, pulling my fingers away and exclaiming, "My fingers are melting!"

Lailoken takes both of my hands into his and kisses my knuckles. He chuckles and says, "No, they're right here."

"It's so hot!" I shake my head, our touch making me feel like a blazing inferno is raking through my body, "You're so hot!"

"Thank you?" He questions and he asks, "Are you even aware right now?"

"Yes...maaaaaybe" my voice trails off as he helps me sit up, wincing slightly as I wrap an arm around my abdomen.

Lailoken's eyes trial over me and there's something in them I can't discern. He lifts me up into his arms, setting me back down on the bed before tucking me in. He kisses my forehead and whispers, "I'm going to take a shower. Try and rest a bit."

"It hurts..." whatever's causing my mind to fuzzel in and out is slowly going away, but it doesn't help the way my body feels.

"Did you ask Glofish for pain medication?" He asks me while furrowing his brows, the back of his hand touching my forehead and then my cheek.

It's nice.

I whisper, "No...it didn't start this bad until now..."

Lailoken's eyes glance away for a moment before he brings his lips closer to my ear, "I'll help you, Acacia...just give me a moment."

When his touch leaves me, I'm practically crying when I beg him, "Don't leave me! Not again! Please!"

"Shh," he calms me, his hand cupping my cheek before his lips press against mine. I'm kissing him back, breathing becoming harder as it turns passionate.

Lailoken's fangs nip at my lower lip, drawing it in between his teeth as I moan in response. He is suddenly hovering above me, his knees on either side of my waist as he releases my lip. His lips kiss down my neck gently, my body vibrating with a need I've never felt...

I moan in response, feel his hands on my sides before he finally moves back up and kisses me once more on the lips. His eyes dance with a fire in them, but his voice betrays his actions when he says, "Not like this, Acacia."

"I-"

Lailoken kisses me again before he lifts off the bed, pulling the covers over me as he says, "I'm going to shower and I'll come cuddle with you after."

My eyes are wide open and I know I cry a little, unsure of the way I feel, not understanding what he means.

I hardly remember when I fell asleep, but I woke up cradled into Lailoken's body, his arm wrapped tightly around me.

Lailoken kisses the back of my neck, whispering, "Did you sleep well?"

I remember a little, not all of it. As I turn around in his arms, I look up into his eyes and ask, "You don't want me?"

My heart stops for a moment, the way a serious look of confusion crosses his features causes my heart to drop into the pit of my stomach. Lailoken shakes his head and says, "Acacia...I didn't want your first real experience to be that under an influence."

"What?" I'm still confused.

"Brilite have you a cookie that...well she thought it would be funny to see you high..." his voice trails off as he sighs, "anyway, I want you to be completely aware. I want you to remember and understand what sex is supposed to be and how much you mean to me. I want you to cherish that moment, remembering it instead of just bits and pieces..." he pauses a moment and says, "...I didn't want you to wake up not remembering or not knowing what happened to you."

He puts me above all else...

...even himself.

My voice is quiet when I whisper, "Lailoken...I didn't understand how much I've grown toward you...until you were gone," there is an edge to my voice and he holds me close, "I don't want to feel like that again..." my eyes are teary this time and I choke out, "...I'm in love with you."

"I love you more than the fate that tied us together," Lailoken smiles, the pad of his thumb brushing away the stray tears that roll down my cheek.

"I...I..." I've never wanted this more than I do now and it's for that reason alone that it's almost impossible for me to say on an almost inaudible whisper, "...I want you to claim me....but I can't claim you...I want to be yours...but you can't be mine..."

He brings his lips closer to mine and says, "I will love you. I will protect you. I will listen to you and understand everything that you do has a meaning and purpose. I will cherish you until the end of days and far beyond that our souls will remain tied as one..." he pauses a moment as his eyes meet with mine, his forehead pressing against mine, "...you just have to say yes."

My eyes flicker down to his lips briefly before I glance back up to whisper, "Yes."

My Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru

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