Chapter 19....

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Semi-Edited! (I probably don't even have to put this here anymore :D) 

Song above is....Silhouette by Aquilo (this song is sooo good) 

Happy Reading! :)


Alex's Pov....

Fuck, I wanted to kiss her. Her soft lips were inches from mine and all I had to do was lean forward and I'd be able to feel them. But my conscious got the best of me. I couldn't kiss her.

I knew she was still getting over Lingston; it was still a fresh wound for her. It wasn't my place to push her to be ready, only she could do that. And I had to be honest with myself as well. I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to be with anyone at the moment.

There was so much going on in my life right now that having a girlfriend didn't really fit the picture; if it ever would. There were certain things about my life and my past that Riley didn't know about, what a lot of people didn't know about.

My reasons for taking Riley out today were ten-fold. When Olivia called me and said Riley hadn't answered her phone and didn't show up to class I immediately knew she was staying home, avoiding everything that happened yesterday. I didn't blame her honestly.

After hearing what Mitch did to her last night I couldn't bring myself to let her stay home by herself. Riley wore her heart on her sleeve and I could feel the pain and hurt coming off of her in waves. She needed a distraction from everything.

That was only one of the reasons though. After yesterday and last night I ended up staying up all night thinking through things. If Riley was going to stick around our friend group then there was something she needed to know about me. I had debated back and forth about telling her, but every time I said no her soft face would appear in my head.

Those green eyes wide and innocent. She may seem shy but from little cracks in her wall I could see the feisty part of her wanting to burst free. I saw it that night at the club with Marcus.

So after a lot of inner discussion I decided that I would tell her today. She deserved to know something this big, if she hadn't already figured it out.

While I was enjoying hanging out with Riley I couldn't ignore the feeling in my the back of my mind about what I was going to tell her. How would she take it? Would she be surprised, angry?

I shook my head, forcing myself not to listen to the questions swirling through my mind. Stressing over it won't change anything.

"That is 20 to 10, bad boy."

"Bad boy?" I raised my eyebrow at Riley.

"Yep, your new nickname." The teasing grin she sent my way made me clench my fists at my side. With each passing day I felt myself looking forward to that smile. Her green eyes twinkling.

Its been only recently that her smile as come back, only for it to go away once again after yesterday. I wouldn't admit it but I was worried that after what happened yesterday Riley would fall back into herself.

I knew all too well what can happens when something traumatic happens and you fall back into yourself. If you don't have anyone there to catch you things can take a bad turn. Riley's sweet nature made her more prone to heartbreak. I guess in a way I was taking it upon myself to make sure nothing like that happens to her.

"Lets see if I can kick your butt yet again."

"You do realize I won the first two right?" I raised an eyebrow at her as I went over to the rack of axes.

"Yeah but I won the last one." She boasted.

"Oh god I've created a monster." I said dramatically. I found it amusing how only forty-five minutes ago Riley didn't want to throw the axes and now here she is taunting me. There was so much to Riley that no one ever got to see.

Every idiot in high school only saw the what they thought went with the rumors. No one saw the feisty, funny, sarcastic girl I was starting to see.

"We'll see." I sent her a wink before moving up to the line on the ground.

* * * * * * * * * * *

We spent our last fifteen minutes seeing who could hit the target the most. Riley ended up winning by one. I only lost because I may have gotten distracted by her but she didn't need to know that. Seeing her dance around in victory I couldn't even find it to be mad that I lost.

"Thank you for taking me here." Riley thanked me yet again as we walked towards my motorcycle.

"A lot more fun than you thought it would be, huh?"

"Fine, I'll admit it was a lot more fun than I expected." She admitted. I knew she would like it once she tried it. Axe throwing was a great stress reliever and I figured she could use that right about now.

"Do you have anymore plans up your sleeves?" She questioned. I only had one more thing planned but that could wait.

"Want to get some ice cream?" I suggested, secretly hoping she'd say yes so I could put what I needed off for just a bit longer.

"Sure." The soft smile she sent me almost did me in. When Riley sat on the bike behind me, her arms wrapping around my middle, it took everything in me not to turn around and kiss her. The feel of her body pressing into mine was almost too much.

By time I pulled into an ice cream shop I was more than ready to get off my bike, even for just a second to get my mind back in order. It wasn't until after Riley got off and I could think clearer, that I noticed I pulled up to a familiar ice cream shop.

Lola's Ice Cream Parlor was a staple here in our small town. They were known for having the best homemade ice cream with over 100 flavors. People from towns over will come all the way here to have a scoop.

The sight of the familiar faded yellow building made my chest ache. This place held so many memories. Each one swarming my head, making my chest hurt even more. It has been well over a year since I've last come here. I haven't been able to bring myself or even Harper here since everything happened.

I wasn't sure why I brought us here. There were other ice cream places in town and yet here we are. Standing there staring at the place my breathing suddenly got heavy and my hands started shaking.

Everything around me blurred and I could feel a panic attack starting. Its been a long time since I've last had one and this one was fast approaching.

"Alex?" A soft voice spoke but I barely heard it. The walls were closing in on me and I couldn't move. "Alex."

Just as I almost felt like going over the edge a pair of hands grabbed my face. A shock went through my system at the touch. Shocking me just enough to refocus my eyes and glance down. Standing there on her tippy toes was Riley. Her green eyes wide and gazing into mine.

"Breathe." Her tone was soft but firm. "Come on, in through the nose, out through the mouth." Riley instructed.

Slowly I did as she said; breathing in sync with her. Not once did her eyes move away from mine as we breathed together. I could feel my heart race slowing down and my surroundings were coming back.

We stayed like that until my breathing got back under control and the panic attack slowly subsided. My body trembled from how fast the attack came on. It was probably the worst one that I've had in at least 7 months.

"It's okay. Just keep breathing." Riley's soothing voice echoed in my ears. My inner voice was yelling at me for being so weak, especially in front of Riley, but I didn't have it in my to listen to it.

When Riley took her hands off my face my breathing hitched; afraid she was pulling away and that I scared her. But she only pulled away to wrap her arm around my waist instead. She slowly lead us towards a bench to our side. My legs were wobbly as we walked and I was glad she had a hold of me.

Sitting down I closed my eyes and kept breathing in and out. I briefly heard Riley speaking rapidly but my ears felt clogged.

A minute later when I felt her hand on my knee I reached over and laced our fingers together. Just the feel of her made me feel better. I felt like she was keeping me grounded as my world spun.

A good five minutes passed of us just sitting there quietly. Our hands laced tightly and my eyes closed, leaning my head forward towards my knees. I felt Riley's other hand occasionally rubbing my back in soothing circles.

Hearing a car door slam shut and the thumping of shoes on the pavement, I kept my eyes closed.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure. We pulled up here and he suddenly started having a panic attack." Riley explained. "I wasn't quite sure what to do. Or who to call." 

"Glad you called. Lets get him in my car and you take him back to my house. I'll follow you with his bike." I heard the all too familiar voice say. Opening my eyes I found Noah squatting in front of me. His grey eyes filled with concern.

"Lets go." Noah spoke softly, reaching out to grab my arm. I was internally grateful out of everyone Riley could have called she called Noah. He knew about the panic attacks and has been there for me with each one.

I didn't say a single word as I slid into the passenger seat of Noah's car. I watched as Noah said something to Riley who nodded before coming around to the drivers side.

The car was silent as she started the car and left the parking lot. Not once did I look back over at Lola's. The car ride back to Noah's was quiet. I felt Riley's eyes on me every few minutes but she didn't say anything.

I wasn't sure what to say either. What do you say when one second you were fine and the next hyperventilating. It was not my finest moment I tell you. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed Riley had to see that. I've always been in control, I thrived off being in control of myself; but today it slipped.

Even though the panic attack was gone I still felt shaky and off balanced. They always left me feeling drained.

We barely pulled into Noah's driveway when I heard my motorcycle pull in beside us. Avoiding Riley's gaze I quickly got out of the car. Despite my legs feeling weak I made my way inside the house rather quickly.

I only made it to the couch before falling onto it. Laying on my back I placed my arm over my eyes. I wasn't quite I could face Riley after that. My pride was severely wounded. This was not how I thought this day would end.

Noah and Riley's voices were faint and started to grow as they neared.

"Alex." Noah spoke. Moving my arm I looked up and found Noah squatting down a glass of orange juice in his hand. "Drink up."

We've learned over the last few months that orange juice or a gatorade helped immensely. Noah sat on the coffee table in front of me, watching as I sipped the orange juice, his eyes filled with concern. From the corner of my eye I saw Riley sit down a chair to the side of us, watching me with just as much concern as Noah.

After a few minutes passed of silence and me sipping the orange juice, Noah finally spoke up.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"May I ask why the two of you aren't in school?" The way he said it was like he was a mother scolding her children. Before I could answer Riley spoke up.

"We played hooky."

"Why aren't you in class?" I shot back.

"I was until Riley called me." Noah was such the 'golden boy'. Always going to class, getting good grades, rarely ever got in trouble.

"I'm sorry I didn't think about school. I hope you didn't get in any trouble." Riley spoke, sounding worried.

"You're fine." Noah waved her off. "It was just Home Ec and the teacher loves me." I rolled my eyes. Of course they did. Although it wasn't Noah's fault for being charming. People just instantly gravitated to him.

"Do you uh mind if I use your bathroom?" Riley asked a minute later.

"Of course." As soon as Riley walked out of sight Noah turned to me, his face serious. "What happened?"

"We went to Lola's." I didn't have to say anymore for Noah to understand. "I didn't realize I drove there until I parked. As soon as I saw that building I just..." I trailed off.

"Explains why you had your first panic attack in months." Noah was quiet for a moment. "Does Riley know about the panic attacks?" I shot him an are-you-kidding-look.

"Of course not." I snapped.

"It just seems like she did a good job handling it before I got there." It wasn't until he brought it up did I actually notice that.

"I was going to tell her today." I said, my voice going into a whisper.

"You were?" His eyebrows raised at my words. "You aren't anymore?"

"After what happened, no."

"It is up to you when or if you tell her. But she will eventually find out or figure it out." I wasn't stupid enough to think Riley hasn't noticed things about me. She's smart enough to put two and two together.

I stared down into my almost empty glass thinking Noah's words over. Noah sighed from across from me.

"Just think about it. Out of everyone, Riley, would be the most understanding." Almost like Noah saying Riley's name made her appear. Her footsteps soft as she made her way towards us. 

"Feeling any better?" She asked softly.

"I am." I replied, the corner of my lip tilting up in a small smile.

"I'm going to go get you some Advil for your head." Was all Noah said before quickly walking off. I rolled my eyes, knowing he did that on purpose.

I watched as Riley took a seat back in the chair from before, fidgeting with her hands. I could tell there was something she wanted to say but clearly too nervous to ask.

"You can ask." My voice seemed loud in the quiet room.

"Huh?" Her head snapped up at my voice.

"You can ask what you want. I don't mind."

She took a deep breath and played with her hands for another minute before talking.

"Have you had panic attacks before?" Riley peeked up at me from under her lashes as she asked. I rolled the glass between my palms before I answered.

"A few, but this is the first one in a while." I replied honestly.

"Do you....do you know what brought it on?"

Do I tell her? I debated back in forth in my head for a good minute. The entire time Riley sat there patiently waiting for me to answer.

"That ice cream shop, Lola's, brought back a lot of memories. I haven't...been there in a long time and didn't realize it until I saw the building." Riley nodded in understanding. There was something that stopped me from telling her the whole truth. Not right now. 

 "Now can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." She nodded. 

"How do you know what to do for a panic attack?"

"My brother has had a few panic attacks before. I learned what to do to help." She shrugged. "I've had a few myself."

"Wait, when?" I asked, leaning forward.

"Yesterday." Avoiding my gaze, Riley looked down at her hands that were picking away at her nail polish. I watched her trying to find the best way to ask.

"Do you uh...know when they started?" I carefully picked out the words, not wanting to pry too much.

"After Mitch dumped me. Had my very first one in the parking lot that day."

I remember that day. Harper had to leave early for some field trip that morning. So for the first time in a long time I made it to school early. I was leaning against a tree near the front of the school, Olivia and Derek beside me, when everything went down.

I heard everything that Mitch said to her as well as the laughter coming from everyone else. Now that I think back I can see the signs of a panic attack on Riley that day. All I did was stand there like some jackass, watching as Mitch humiliated her in front of the entire school.

I remember staring after Riley as she ran to her car, wanting to chase after her to make sure she was okay. But she had no clue who I was at that time. Riley never once looked in my direction before that day in the parking lot when I talked to her. I don't think she even knew that I've been in the same classes as her since middle school. I noticed, but she never did.

So, I never went after her. Instead I stood still watching her drive out of the parking lot. And then later watched as students belittled her for weeks.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do." At my sharp tone she snapped her head up. "I was there that day." I shook my head at myself. "I watched what happened and I should have done something but I didn't. And for that I'm sorry."

"You still don't have to apologize for that." Riley shook her head at me. "There's nothing you could have changed anyways."

Just the thought of Mitch Lingston made my blood boil. In my mind I could still see Mitch standing there in the hallway, holding up a 'naked' picture of Riley. I knew for a fact Riley thought I was going along with whatever everyone was saying but it was the exact opposite.

I was trying my hardest to reign in my temper so I wouldn't do anything rash. I didn't want Riley to see me lose control of my anger but instead of helping like I thought it made it worse. The moment Riley ran away I lost it.

"I lied earlier." I suddenly spoke.

"About what?"

"I'm not skipping school today." Riley kept staring at me as if waiting for me to just say it. "I got suspended."

"What did you do?" She leaned towards me with wide eyes.

"I punched Mitch." I shrugged.

"You did what!" Riley exclaimed, shooting up from her chair.

"If he thought he was going to get away with what he did, he was wrong." I replied with a serious face, leaning back into the couch.

"You got suspended for it Alex!"

"Only for today." I waved her off. "I've been suspended way longer before. Plus once the principle heard what happened he had no choice but to only suspend me for a day." Riley was quiet for a moment as if thinking about something.

"What about Mitch?" Her voice was so soft I almost didn't hear it.

"Him and his lackeys got suspended too." She seemed to sigh in relief at that. "But only until Friday. They apparently have some important game Friday night." I rolled my eyes at that. Who cares that he may have ruined an innocent girls life but as long as he can play football and lead the team to the championship.

"Well at least it is something." She muttered. I nodded in agreement. At least they got some sort of punishment instead of being let off the hook.

Both of us were quiet for a moment. Lost on our own thoughts.

"Can't believe you actually hit him." Riley shook her head but there was a smile on her face.

"I do have a bad boy reputation to protect don't you know?" I teased. She rolled her eyes at my comment but I heard a small giggle escape her lips.

Sitting there smiling at one another I was glad that our perfect day wasn't ruined at all. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Surprise it's an Alex POV! It's been a little bit since we got into Alex's head and I thought this was the perfect chapter to do so. I know it isn't the longest or the greatest. I suck at writing in a guy's point of view but I am working on it. I do want to write a book in a guys pov one day!

I've left a little...easter egg in here for you guys. I want to see if anyone can predict what is going to happen in the next few chapters...mwahhhh (thats my evil laugh!) So lets see those predictions in the comments!

*Now onto a different topic for a second....if you haven't

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