*A/N: for the video attached, I highly recommend actually watching it if you haven't already. It's incredibly powerful*

I dreamt of Ronnie when I was unconscious. It was more like a memory than anything else, because I remembered that day. Josie had just come home with his new car, and Ronnie was trying to show me the emergency release latch on the inside of the car trunk, leaning into it and grinning like an idiot.

"It's for in case Josie kidnaps someone," he explained, jumping into the empty trunk and shifting around before patting the space next to him, "Come on! I'll show you!"

I remember the face I made at him before responding, "I'm not getting myself locked in a trunk to sate your curiosity. Get out of there before Josie comes and yells at us."

"He won't yell, he loves me!" Ronnie assured, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the trunk with him.

I squeaked a little as he hugged me against his chest and slammed the trunk closed, sending us into complete darkness before giggling a little, "How long do you think we can stay in here before he finds us?"

"What?!" I shrieked a little, smacking at him, "Get us out of here! We're gonna suffocate!"

"We'll be fine, starlight!" Ronnie laughed, rolling us so we were both lying on the floor of the trunk; I couldn't see him at all and it absolutely terrified me, so I clung to his shirt and hid against his chest while he rubbed my shoulder.

"I don't like the dark," I whined, and he tensed before holding me closer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. Let me find the release latch," something buzzed and he tugged his phone from his back pocket, holding it up to see the screen and humming, "I've got great service in here."

"That's not funny!" I punched him and rolled onto my back to feel around the crease of the edges of the trunk to find the latch while he played with his phone for a bit.

"My cousin's texting me so I told him I was locked in a trunk with my boyfriend. He says that isn't an appropriate date," he rolled his head to me, "What do you think? I figure this is very romantic."

"I hate you," was all I grumbled, and he laughed as he leaned closer and kissed my cheek.

"I know. Oh, um, and you're probably going to hate me more in a second."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Why?"

"Ah, I'm not exactly sure where the release latch actually is."

The light of his phone faded and we were thrown back into darkness. For a moment, I was waiting for him to laugh, or apologize, hug me and kiss my cheek and beg for forgiveness before wussing out and calling Josie to tell him we locked ourselves in his trunk. I remember that's how it went. Josie was rubbing his temple when he opened the trunk, but he didn't yell at us, just like Ronnie assured.

Because Josie loved Ronnie so much. His little brother. The little brother I killed.

When my eyes opened, my gaze fell on the cracked ceiling of a likely abandoned house, and I was lying on a bare mattress sitting on the ground, the frame of the old bed pushed against the door leading to the room. There were several coats rolled up and propped under my head, with an even thicker coat covering my upper body like a blanket.

My left shoulder was aching and burning, I felt like utter crap, rolling my head to the side to see Beckett lying on another mattress a little way away, fast asleep and looking about as great as I felt. Orion was asleep as well, lying between the two mattresses. The only one between the three of us who didn't get hurt in some way. Well, besides being worried sick.

I carefully pulled my left arm over my stomach and held it there as I rolled onto my right side and pushed myself up, groaning a little at the way my shoulder strained. There were thick white bandages wrapped around my chest and shoulder, and there was a spot of red where I'd gotten shot, right between my shoulder and my collar bone. Fuck that was a bad place for a bullet, I needed Arthur yesterday.

"Crap," I breathed, letting the coat fall to the mattress as I struggled to push myself to my feet, stumbling a little and holding my left arm against my stomach as I wobbled my way over to the window.

The door was closed from the inside, so I automatically assumed Isa and Josie were using the window to come and go, and peering outside proved that theory correct. They were just outside, standing on the fire escape overlooking an alley, in a city I didn't recognize at all, probably the city they were talking about moments before I passed out.

I made the mistake of pushing the window open, cold air hitting me and making my shoulder ache even more so I had to brace myself against the windowsill and grit my teeth as the two men outside turned.

"What are you doing up?" Josie demanded, stepping up to the window and setting a hand on my good shoulder, "You need to be resting."

"I'm okay," I mumbled, attempting to push his hand away, but he wasn't having it as he ducked back into the room while Isa leaned against the windowsill.

"Trust me kid, you're not okay," he said grimly, "There's a pellet of metal stuck in your shoulder, you need to save your strength. If you're too weak by the time we get you to a doctor, then it'll be dangerous for them to operate and take the bullet out."

"Great," I breathed, my vision blurring a little and my legs giving out so Josie had to drag my good arm around his neck to keep me somewhat on my feet while my vision cleared up and I stood straighter, "I'm fine."

"Come on," he said, ignoring my insistence as he helped me back over to the mattress and made me sit before holding the back of my neck and easing me onto my back, taking the coat and pulling it back over me before pushing my hair from my face, "You haven't changed much, have you?"

I tensed up and rolled my head away so I didn't have to look at him, nibbling on my bottom lip as he hummed a little, "Nope, not much at all," he reached down and picked up the pendant hanging from the black cord around my neck, feeling over the constellation stamped into the metal, "I actually can't believe you still have this. Orion, huh?"

I couldn't do much more than glare at the pattern stitched into the mattress, avoiding his eyes completely. He didn't seem too upset by it as he simply stared at the necklace before wrapping his fingers over it and making a fist, remaining quiet for a few more moments before speaking.

"How do you know Beckett?"

"How do you?" I asked back, and Josie sighed a little.

"He's my cousin."

My eyes widened slowly in shock at the revelation. Beckett was Josie's cousin. Beckett was Ronnie's cousin. That... that was why their eyes... were the same... it suddenly made so much sense....

"What happened that day, Dakota?" Josie asked me softly, and I pressed my lips into a tight line, pinching my eyes closed against the question I knew was coming, "Where's my brother, Dakota?"

I didn't respond, I couldn't, and he tightened his grip on my necklace, the necklace he bought me so long ago, pulling on it so hard the cord dug into the back of my neck, forcing my head to roll back so I could finally meet his eyes. Maggie wasn't exaggerating when she said he'd changed. The look in his eyes was tortured, he looked intimidating and it made me feel small and vulnerable, choking on my ragged breathing as he pulled me up slightly off the bed just by pulling on the cord around my neck, my shoulders lifting from the mattress.

"Dakota. Where is my brother?"

"I'm sor-ry," I choked, tears burning my eyes, "I'm sorry Josie, I'm sorry, I-," he let go of the necklace and I fell back against the mattress, whimpering quietly and reaching over to grab my injured arm as Josie pushed himself away from me and stood up, "I'm sorry," I tried to apologize again, letting the tears pour down my face as he walked away from me and towards the window, "I'm sor-ry, sorry, I'm so sorry, Josie, I'm sorry."

He left, probably to go back to watching the perimeter with Isa, and I just laid there sobbing, lifting my right arm and draping it over my eyes as I grit my teeth together to somehow stop myself from making too much noise, but pathetic sobs continued to escape until I heard someone shifting around in the room, a groggy voice addressing me and making me cry a little harder.

"Dakota?" Orion mumbled my name, and I heard him shift closer before he was leaning against the mattress, raking his fingers through my hair and pulling my arm away from my face with his other hand, "What are you crying for? Are you in pain? I'm sorry, we don't have any medicine, and I couldn't get the bullet out. We won't be here much longer, I promise. Arthur will be able to fix you up."

I nodded slowly and didn't protest as Orion wiped the tears from my face with his sleeve, smiling sleepily at me as he continued to play with my hair and lie his head on the mattress, his hand still holding my arm as he promptly fell back asleep. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, shutting my eyes and biting my lip as I remembered the day of the bombing yet again.

I could have done something. I could have, but I didn't. It was my fault, because I didn't get out of the way in time, and Ronnie, damn it, he could have just run past me to avoid getting crushed, but the idiot shoved me forward instead. I was going to hyperventilate from panic unless I opened a window or got some fresh air, but I couldn't go to the window where Josie was. He'd... I didn't want to know what he'd do right now.

So, I pushed myself to sit, cringing and biting my tongue against the pain as I pulled the coat over my shoulders and stood up, swaying forward until I started to walk, and struggling almost comically to push the bedframe away from the door before easing out of the room and into the hall. The halls were a mess, the stairs leading to the first floor were crumbling, and I stumbled a few times because of it, but when I stepped outside into the cold, the air breathed into my lungs and I started to relax.

Finally, I could think clearly, enough to realize just how much my shoulder was hurting, the pain so bad it was making my stomach twist, and I leaned my good arm against a boulder of rubble as I leaned over and panted. In the end, I hacked up undigested oatmeal mush, coughing hard and wiping my hand across my mouth as I stumbled away from the mess, scowling.

When I found half of a bench, I sat myself down, reaching up to play with the pendant at my throat and twisting it around before tugging it loose and pulling it over my head to hold it in my hand and stare at it grimly. Josie had been so proud of himself when he got me this, and Ronnie had been ecstatic to give it to me, but did I have a right to even wear it?

After getting his brother killed, I still wore this, I couldn't get over him, and when I finally started to fall for someone else, it had to be a man named after the constellation I admired so greatly, and someone related to Ronnie literally by blood. Orion I didn't feel too guilty about, but Beckett... Beckett was Ronnie's cousin! And I had the fucking audacity to fall for him?! While Ronnie was rotting away, likely still pinned under the heavy concrete that fell on him in the first place!

My body curled over my knees and I started to pant again, eyes wide and filling with tears. What kind of person was I? How could I do that to Ronnie? As if he didn't even mean anything to me? And to Josie, after killing his brother? I felt I had a right to instead go after their family? As if Ronnie's death meant nothing? I couldn't do that. It didn't even matter that I cared for Beckett, it wasn't right.

So why did my heart hurt so badly?

"Dakota," Josie's voice was exasperated and made me jump before sitting up and gaping over at where he was standing, rubbing between his eyes, a habit he still had it seemed when something was irritating or making him impatient and frustrated. He would do it a lot around Ronnie especially.

"I-I'm sor-ry," I choked, and he sighed, stepping forward and sitting down beside me.

"You shouldn't have left the room like that, you're hurt. It's the middle of winter, freezing, and you're not wearing a shirt. The bandages don't count, in case you want to argue."

I shook my head, scrubbing at my eyes, "No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry about Ronnie, I'm just sorry."

"It's fine," he said simply, and I turned to snarl.

"It's not!"

"I already kind of knew he was gone," Josie admitted, his elbows on his knees and his hands folded, "He would have found me if he'd been alive, without a doubt. When I couldn't find him in town, and he never came looking for me, I already knew. I just... wanted that hope that maybe... maybe he was okay, with you, and we just got separated, that I'd find him someday. That hope kept me going."

I shook my head and grit my teeth, bowing my head, "I'm so sorry. This is my fault, I'm sorry. He d-died because of me, and I'm so, so sorry."

"Nah," Josie reached over and ruffled my hair, another habit he still had from when we were neighbors, "It's okay, because I'm certain he didn't die with any regrets. He was the kind of person who lived every day exactly how he wanted, so... he never went to bed regretting anything, like wishing he'd said hello to the lady at the store, or wishing he'd done something differently, because he always did exactly what his heart told him to do. Some people would call him irresponsible, spontaneous, reckless, but he was a good person, so I'm sure whatever he did before dying, he didn't regret it."

I dropped my face into my hands and choked as Josie squeezed the back of my neck and set his forehead against my shoulder, "I don't hate you, Dakota. I'm happy I found you again. He would have wanted us both together and safe. It's okay now. You don't have to hate yourself because of Ronnie. Just... do what he did, live each day exactly the way you want. I won't ever hate you for it."

"I shouldn't," I whimpered, "I shouldn't be happy to live when he gave his life for me."

"Why not? Who says you deserve death instead? Who has the right to govern someone else's life and death?" he pulled away from my shoulder and leaned forward to see my face better, "I have to ask, Dakota. What happened when I left you and Ronnie at your house? You were going to..."

I dropped my hands, smiling, "Gracie and dad didn't seem to care," was my soft reply, "They seemed to already know, but mom...," my bottom lip quivered and I bit it, "She told me to leave, called me... horrible names. She threw a lamp. She disowned me, and Ronnie dragged me out of the house. That's when," I covered my mouth with hand, "That's when the first bombs fell."

"I'm so sorry, Dakota," Josie apologized softly, "I knew it was a bad idea! I should have stayed for moral support!"

"You had work," I mumbled, laughing shortly, "It was interrupted pretty rudely, right?"

"Kind of," Josie chuckled, tugging me against his side and petting my hair back, setting his chin on top of my head, "It's fine now. You're part of the rebellion, huh? A sharpshooter no less."

"Yea," I laughed breathlessly, "I guess I have a good affiliation for guns is all. I don't like them much though. I met the leader of the rebellion a while after the bombs, he took me in and helped me get better. At the time, he wasn't the leader of anything, but when we moved out of that town and found what's now our base, he decided he wanted to fight back."

I couldn't help but smile at the memory of how Kailas just stood staring at that massive abandoned plantation house while everyone was exploring the area. I stayed beside him, because at the time I was fully obsessed with him, and he spoke without looking at me, "They've been in power too long. Someone needs to fight back."

"Kailas Patel, right?" Josie asked, and I looked up at him.

"Yea. How'd you know? That's... kind of confidential actually."

Josie just smiled a little and hummed, "Well, more than one person founded the Phoniks Vidroh, Dakota."

"Yea," I agreed, "I don't remember you being there though."

He just chuckled and stood up, looking down the road when the sound of an engine echoed in the air, "They're here, finally. We can get you back home now."

"Who...," I stood up slowly, holding onto my left elbow and keeping my arm against my stomach as I stepped closer to Josie to see the dust kicking up down the street, squinting just enough to see the black car speeding down the road.

They weren't far when they started swerving unexpectedly, and Josie cursed as he grabbed my good arm, yelling, "God damn it Efren!" before dragging me out of the street and pushing me against the wall of a building, shielding me as the car shrieked and crashed against the bench where we'd been sitting before.

I gaped over Josie's shoulder as he spun around, the dust settling and the two front doors popping open, the driver coughing as they hopped out and held an arm up, "I'm fine!"

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" Josie threatened, and the man from the passenger seat stumbled around to the front of the car, his face pale as he stared at the damage and held his head, Josie motioning towards him, "Why the fuck did you let him drive?!"

The man shook his head silently, piercing silver blue eyes wide. He was rather tall, with lines of age in his face, his platinum blond hair pale and almost graying from age. The man who'd been driving looked young, with lackluster black hair and dark brown eyes that reminded me of Isa's. There was a kind of light in those eyes that made me tense in discomfort, but I couldn't figure out why he would be unnerving me so much when I'd just met him.

Josie just rubbed his forehead with a tortured sigh and pointed, "Dakota, this is Isa's little brother, Efren Andrada, and Dmitri Panaiotievich."

"What."

"He's Russian, can't speak English, has a stupid name," Efren said, standing on the frame of the car door with his arms hanging over the top of the open door itself.

"That's kind of rude," I mumbled, and Josie sighed as the door to the building we were against burst open and Isa stormed out with Beckett and Orion.

"Why'd you let him drive?!" he demanded, and Dmitri held his hands up, looking frustrated, "You're supposed to be the adult!"

"Dakota what the hell?" Orion hurried over to me, "What were you thinking just leaving like that?!"

I rolled my eyes with a sigh, "Calm down, I already got a lecture," I cringed, "Can't wait to get yelled at by Kailas. That'll be fun."

"Imagine how excited we are to see Demi again," Orion said grimly, wincing, and I snickered at him before turning back to watch Isa grab Efren by the ear and twist it, pulling him away from the car while he whined.

"I'm a trained fighter, I have rights!"

"You have a right to shut up. We all decided you're not allowed to drive, you're going to get yourself, and everyone else, killed."

I shuffled forward to stand beside Josie as he watched in irritation, "So... Isagani has a younger brother? Guess it's a constant reminder..."

"Huh? Not really," Josie scoffed, "Efren is a little shit. I feel a little sorry for Isa to be honest, having to deal with that guy. At least his sister's decent."

"He's got a big family then?" Orion asked, and Josie grinned a little.

"Well, he used to. A lot of them died in the bombings, they're the only ones left," the smile broke a little, "It's kind of sad actually, but they have each other still, and the