I was never what you might call an "expert" in social situations. When Ronnie first asked me out, I hid from him and ignored his texts and calls for two full days before he just broke into my room at one in the morning and demanded I stop being so childish and just say yes or no. The situation I was in now because of Orion was similar, and I was doing my very best to avoid him at all costs.

Whatever shock he'd been in faded overnight, and he seemed to be back to normal when I caught sight of him in the halls the next morning, chatting with Maggie, but I had no intention of staying to say hello, and I did not want to wait and find out if he remembered that whole grabbing me by the neck and kissing me while he was looped up thing.

So, I turned tail and limped my sorry ass the other way, leaving through the back to take a walk through the settlement. My brace was banged up with scuffs and dents, but luckily it wasn't so screwed up I couldn't wear it. Normally Arthur would have yelled at me to stay in bed, because my hip was aching from the distant memory of that snake leaning against it, but staying in bed meant having to deal with Orion, and as was previously established, I wanted to avoid him like the plague.

Ian and Demi were already awake, training in that same area above the settlement where we'd gotten captured after the raid. It made my nerves stretch being there again, but spending time with those two was the better option, so I made my way over and sat down on a fallen log to watch Demi train Ian with careful, meticulous movements.

"Should you be up?" Demi called over to me, helping Ian into position before stepping away and dropping into the same stance, "Your hip was bothering you, wasn't it?"

"You try staying in bed and not doing anything for once," I argued, and Demi shrugged, lifting his forearm to block a rather wimpy punch from Ian.

"I can't do that."

"That's obvious, considering you didn't rest more than a day when you got back," Ian stated, and Demi gave him a narrow-eyed look as the older man took a step back, fists raised in a defensive position, "The only time you rest is when Kailas makes you."

"What about you?" Demi asked, throwing a high kick that Ian leaned away from, "Do you even sleep?"

"It's kind of hard to," Ian admitted with a soft laugh, "Everything is dark now, so my body doesn't really understand when it's night time and when it's day. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm closing my eyes."

"How's your training going, then?" I decided to ask, not really enjoying the tense expression on Ian's face.

He brightened up, smiling, "I don't know. Good?"

"Very good," Demi agreed, a small smile gracing his lips as he stood straighter, "He can essentially predict when an attack is coming, thanks in great part to the meditation," he spun on his heel and threw another high kick at Ian, who seemed to grow rigid before turning and grabbing Demi's ankle mid swing, grinning.

"It's like everything is clearer now," he admitted, pulling on Demi's ankle to make him hop on one foot, looking frustrated, "Funny how being blind has opened my eyes."

Demi scoffed and dropped down to his back, pulling Ian down with him and throwing him over his head so the blond hit the dirt with a grunt, "You've still got a ways to go," Demi chided, and Ian laughed as he got to his knees, brushing the dirt away from his shirt.

"Demi's one hell of a teacher," he said, and I smiled, propping my elbows onto my knees as Demi stood up and held his hand down in front of Ian.

"You've gotten stronger," I observed, and Ian seemed pleased to hear that as he took Demi's offered hand and stood up, walking over to where his staff was leaning against a tree.

"I've been training nonstop. When you and Demi were taken I just worked on my own. I wanted to help find you, but no one would let me leave like this," he motioned to his face, and I hummed.

"Cass didn't help you any?" I asked, and Ian frowned, leaning against his staff.

"Why would he have? He still treats me like I'm delicate. I could probably beat him again in a spar from all the training I've had with Demi."

"You're not ready," Demi argued, "Not yet, and I don't think you can go out on patrols either. You can defend yourself, walk around without anyone's aid, you can take care of yourself independently, but the world is governed by firearms, not hand to hand combat."

Ian sighed in utter frustration and tipped his head back, "I'm not incapable, Demi."

"Far from it, but it's still too early in your training to be working with guns," Demi argued easily, "Give it a few more sessions, alright?"

Ian shrugged his shoulders and leaned against his staff, pouting heavily in frustration as Demi stretched his arms into the air above his head and I leaned back, curiosity getting the best of me.

"How's everything going with Cass?" I asked, and Ian tipped his head towards me, looking confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you guys had that thing, but after you were blinded it basically faded off like a dying fire. He really liked you."

Ian just winced a little and stood straighter, "You shouldn't force yourself into unhealthy relationships," he said simply, "I'm not the kind of man who wants to be treated like a sick penguin simply because I have a disability. I understand it was hard for Cass when this happened to me, but he treats me differently now and I can't handle that. Being in a legitimate relationship with him would have made us both miserable. I still care about him, but it can't happen if I want him to be happy."

Demi had his arms folded with a heavy frown on his lips, "Doesn't seem fair to you," he said, and Ian chuckled, making his way over and sitting beside me on the log.

"Think of it this way, Demi. Would you be okay with it if Kailas started to dote on you like you were made of glass? If he forbade you from doing things you've always done, like fight and protect people, simply because you appeared a little weaker than those around you?"

Demi considered it before scratching his head, "No. I'd get pissed off."

"Then you know how I feel whenever Cass tries to baby me," Ian held a hand out, "Even if I really love him, neither of us would be happy in a relationship."

"So, you expect to find a partner who's super chill with your blind ass flopping around with a gun and a stick?" I asked, and I'm positive Ian was trying to glare at me.

"I would prefer to find someone who isn't constantly panicked about me dying or getting killed. Someone who believes in me and trusts in my abilities. Cass doesn't because he's never seen me like this before and it scares him," he dropped his head back with a sigh, "I do get it, if this shit happened to him I'd probably be the same way, but I still don't like it."

"It's not your fault," Demi assured, leaning off on one leg and propping a hand on his hip, "It's just how you are. I'd be the same way."

I held an exaggerated fist up and shook it, "Damn you independent sons a bitches."

Ian laughed loudly and leaned back, punching my shoulder playfully, "As if you're not the same as us, Mister Hard-to-Get."

"What? Where did that come from?"

"Carina is actually not too terrible," Ian chuckled, "We talk sometimes and he's mentioned a few things."

I held my hands up, "I have so many questions but let's start with what the fuck is that little prick saying about me?"

"Dakota he's four years older than you, you're the little one," Ian chided, and I bristled.

"I'm going to be nineteen in like a month, cut me some slack!"

"The most he's been talking about," Ian poked my forehead with his finger, "Is that his brother is somewhat infatuated with you."

I snarled and turned away, folding my arms, "Orion can eat a cactus and leave me the fuck alone."

Demi mumbled, "If he's smart he'll back off."

"Don't be like that, Demi," Ian waved a hand, "We're all very protective of Dakota here, but Orion seems like a nice guy."

"No thank you," I bit out, bristling, and Ian hummed.

"What about Beckett then? He's a nice guy, and he's good with kids. Carina mentioned he had a thing for you too."

"They both better fuck off," Demi grumbled, and I stood up.

"They're both idiots who need to leave me alone! They made a stupid bet that I would fall in love with one of them in the next three months, but that's obviously not going to fucking happen! I don't need them pining after me, I just want to be left alone!" I spun around started storming away, hands curled into tight fists, "Stupid fucking pieces of crap. They should just fuck each other and leave me out of it!"

Josie used to tease Ronnie and I by constantly saying "youth breeds overreaction" and it always, without fail, pissed me off. Only now do I realize he was kind of right, because I just blew up on Ian and Demi for no clear reason other than the fact I completely overreacted.

It was irritating how sensitive I was concerning those two fucking idiots, but one of them just kissed me without permission and the other pisses me off because of how uncommonly nice and nonchalant he is. Fuck, why can't they just screw off and leave me alone?! I didn't need or want any romance, maybe friendship would have been possible, but they're being fucking stupid and trying to win me over!

My anger and frustration wasn't doing me any favors, and the brace on my leg was making it worse, especially if you add on the fact there was snow and ice on the ground. I slipped on my way to the house, and would have hurt myself if Beckett hadn't of caught me by the arm and pulled me upright so fast I didn't realize I slipped at first.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, dusting snow from my shoulder, and I stared blankly at him before I realized he just saved my dumb ass again.

I punched him hard in the shoulder and he shuffled a few inches away, pouting in dejection as he rubbed his arm, "I'm fucking fine, jackass!"

"You're welcome I guess."

I threw my hands up and turned, folding my arms, "At least you didn't try to give me some fucking stupid pick-up line when you caught me."

"I've never been the best at using those," Beckett admitted, and I looked over my shoulder to glare at him as he rubbed the back of his neck like he just revealed something embarrassing.

"Good, I fucking hate them."

That made him smile crookedly, "I heard there was a bit of a fight the other day when you went to check the market."

"A bit," I mumbled, "I think everyone's fine, though."

"How was Orion?" Beckett asked, heavy concern weighing in his eyes, "Carina told me what happened. I probably freak out more often than he does, punching walls like a psycho, but whenever Orion snaps like that it's terrifying on a whole other level. More so for him than the people around him. He's probably having a pretty bad time of it."

"Why don't you go find him and have a chat then, I'm sure he'd love it," I growled, and Beckett arched an eyebrow.

"Are you mad at him?" he asked unexpectedly, "I know it must have been uncomfortable to watch him kill someone like that, but-."

"I've seen Demi when he changes to his Bakunawa alter ego, watching Orion bludgeon the enemy with a pry bar wasn't that shocking," I waved my hands for emphasis before setting my hands on my hips, "He was in shock and looped the fuck up, so it was annoying."

Beckett just arched his other eyebrow, unamused, "You were worried about him, weren't you?"

I bristled, "Why the fuck would I be?!"

He just smiled and shook his head at me, "Because it was so unexpected. I was worried when I first saw him like that. He scared me, not because he was so brutal, but because he was so unlike himself. I was worried he was hurting because of it," he rubbed his head, "Orion isn't a violent man, but he'll do despicable things to protect people he cares about."

My fingers were twitching at my sides as I ground my teeth, but the more I thought about it the more I realized Beckett was right. It freaked me out to see Orion like that, not because I was scared, but because I hadn't been expecting him to drop so low just to protect us. Even though Carina already warned me Orion had these violent outbursts, it still hit me hard to see him like that.

The aftermath was even worse, how vulnerable, and strange Orion was acting was painful to watch, at the time I really did want to comfort him, I wanted to run out of the infirmary as fast as I could to avoid that horrible feeling of empathy, and kissing me like he'd done just confused me even more, my anxiety spiking just from the thought of it.

"He looked scared," I said, staring down at the snow at our feet, "Staring at his hands like he couldn't figure out if the blood was his, or mine, or Carina's, and it was freaking him out. The past three weeks he's been the same, nonchalant, calm, and generally happy, so... it was... eye opening to see him like that."

Beckett's smile appeared forced, "I did say if he opened up that you'd like him better."

"I don't like him," I snapped, "I still don't trust him."

"But you trust me?" Beckett asked, pushing his hands into his pockets, "What makes me different?"

I didn't respond at first, drawing my brows and staring at him like I couldn't think of anything to say. Why did I trust him? Why was Beckett so different? Maybe I didn't trust him at all, and he was just more tolerable than Orion was. It was hard enough for me to trust anyone, but Beckett was shockingly easy to be around.

Maybe because he had Ronnie's eyes...

"I don't think you are," I admitted, feeling utterly confused, "I mean, I don't think you're different compared to Orion, but I don't think you can be compared to him at all at the same time. I guess you both have qualities I admire and qualities that piss me off, but you're not somehow special compared to him, and he's not special compared to you. I don't know."

Beckett was smiling at my answer, appearing pleased, "You really are a remarkable human," he said, and I felt my cheeks burn as my eyes widened.

"What? I'm not really. Ask anyone here, I'm just a punk kid with trust issues and bad sarcasm."

He just laughed and reached out, making me cringe as he brushed more snow from my hair, a soft smile on his lips as he curled my hair behind my ear, "I don't want to step past boundaries, but could I maybe kiss you?"

I jerked away from him, lifting a hand to my hair to pull it back over my ear, "What?" I bit, and Beckett winced a little, lifting the same hand he'd used to brush the snow from my hair to awkwardly rub his neck.

"Sorry. That was forward, I shouldn't have asked."

"What? No, I just... why would you want to?" I asked, still utterly stunned that anyone would be interested in me the way Orion and Beckett were.

Beckett just looked confused at my question, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not attractive at all!" I tried to explain, "I'm not a catch, I'm kind of a prick! I don't understand why you and Orion keep pining for me! Didn't you and he have a relationship? Just marry each other and leave me alone!"

Now he just seemed shocked, before the expression softened and he took a careful step closer, leaning towards me. I cringed and pinched my eyes closed, expecting him to grab my neck like Orion had done, but he just placed his lips against my cheek for a chaste kiss, before pulling back and cupping his hand on my cheek, smiling.

"You shouldn't think so lowly of yourself. Why would Orion or I be even remotely interested in you if we didn't see something we were drawn to?"

I didn't try to pull away as I simply stared at him, frowning, "What are you drawn to, then? What makes me so special?"

Beckett seemed to be thinking about what to say before he finally answered me, "The first time we talked on the roof, you said you were tired," he said, "Hearing you say that one thing made me more comfortable around you, because I knew you would understand the way I felt as well. It's why I told you so much so soon after meeting you. I felt connected to you instantly. I feel comfortable around you, safe. I think that makes you special."

He pulled his hand away from my face and took a step back, "I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable," he apologized, "I don't think it's right for someone so inherently beautiful to think so lowly of themselves simply because of negative life circumstances," he smiled, "Maybe the reason you're fighting so hard against Orion and myself is because you're afraid, and you don't think you deserve to love or be loved."

I tensed up at his comment, my jaw clenching, "What's you're excuse then?"

"I don't have one," he shrugged, "I'm scared of caring about people, but I won't fight it."

I shook my head, "Even after what happened to your fiancé?"

Beckett's soft smile dropped, and I instantly felt like punching myself for reminding him of that, "Yes," he answered finally, looking down, "For a few days after the attack we had to stay in the hotel we were supposed to meet my cousin at. He knew he wasn't going to last long, but before he died he made me promise not to let his death break my heart forever. He told me to mourn as much as I had to, but if there was ever a chance I could fall in love and heal again, to take it. I'll always love my fiancé, that will never change, but I'm willing to love again if it means I can be happy and honor his life."

I tore my gaze away from him, swallowing thickly. It reminded me of what Ronnie said before dying, the heartbreaking smile he gave me, and the whispered words. It's okay to go falling in love again, okay? I want you to go and fall in love with someone.

"Thanks," I said, looking up at Beckett before turning, "Um... I should probably go lie down and rest before I screw my hip up more. Arthur might yell at me if I don't."

"Yea, probably," Beckett smiled, "I'm sorry if I scared you just now."

"You didn't scare me," I scoffed, looking over my shoulder at him, "Just keep asking and acting like a gentleman and we'll get along fine."

He chuckled, "Understood."