Joel

I barely slept a wink last night. I stared at myself in the mirror and hardly recognised the face looking back at me. My skin looked pale, which seemed to highlight the massive bags under my eyes. My hair was a mess, but then again, that wasn't unusual.

I stepped out of the bathroom and ran right into my mum.

"Oh Joel! You look terrible! Are you feeling ok?" she said, putting her hand on my forehead in the way that mothers always do when they think their child is sick.

"Yeah I'm......" I paused as I suddenly saw the opportunity that had presented itself to me.

"...I'm feeling a bit sick." I said.

"You get yourself back to bed," my mum said. "I'll give Duncan a call. There's no way I'm letting you go to work in that condition," she said before hurrying away.

I smiled with relief, but quickly felt the guilt creeping in. I hated lying. Especially to my mum, but I suppose desperate times called for desperate measures, and I was definitely classing myself as desperate at the moment. I needed a plan, and fast.

I went back into my room and texted Mark and Lyla asking them to come over in about an hour when I knew my mum would have gone to do her usual weekly food shop.

I knew I hadn't really talked much to Lyla since we'd fallen out, but she was always great at giving advice. And Mark might also be of use, now that he was also working at the manor.

An hour later, and after several conversations with my mother assuring her that I was alright to be left on my own for a couple of hours, my mum drove away just minutes before Mark and Lyla strolled up to the front door.

I opened the door to let them in.

"Wow, you look like shit," Mark said.

"Gee, thanks!" I replied sarcastically, stepping back to let them in.

"No seriously," said Lyla, "you look really sick. Are you ok, or should we keep at least 10 feet between us."

Her mouth twitched at the corners and I suspected she was quite enjoying seeing me suffer.

"Haha, very funny," I said without humour. "I'm not sick, but my mum thinks I am."

"Wow, lying to your mum. This must be bad!" Mark said looking more intrigued now than before.

"Yeah, it's about as bad as it can get," I replied, not quite sure how to tell them without them thinking I'd gone mad.

I plopped down on the sofa, Mark sitting next to me, while Lyla sprawled out on the floor like she always did.

"Ok, so spill it then," Lyla said impatiently. "What's so bad that you had to drag us all the way over here?"

"Ok," I said, sitting forward on the sofa and clasping my hands together on my knees. "I'm just going to come out and say it, but please don't say anything until I've explained myself, ok?"

They both just looked at me blankly.

"I'm serious guys, you can't say anything until I've explained so you don't think I've gone crazy, ok?"

"Oh my god, you've seen some aliens haven't you?" Mark said grinning.

"Or was it the abominable snowman?" Lyla said, joining in the ridicule.

I sat back rather abruptly. "Ok, forget it, I'm not going to tell you then."

"Oh come on," both Lyla and Mark whined, offering apologies.

"Fine," I said leaning forward again, "but I mean it when I say no making fun of this. It's really serious."

Even as I said that, I knew there was no way they would stick by those rules.

They both nodded vigorously but stayed silent.

"Ok then." I took a deep breath in and let it out to try to calm my nerves.

"I think that Casper is my mate."

"What?"

"Eh?"

"I said let me explain," I growled at them.

Mark held his hands up as an apology so I carried on.

"Me and Casper have always had a slightly....... weird relationship," I explained. "I'm not saying that we acted like a couple or anything, but he definitely doesn't treat me like he does the other staff. I never really questioned why, but then last night something happened."

"Oh my god, he kissed you?" Lyla screamed out.

"For fuck's sake Lyla, of course he didn't," I said, annoyed that she'd interrupted me. "If he'd have kissed me, then I would definitely know that we were mates. I said that I just think he might be."

"So what happened then?" she asked after sticking her tongue out at me for my outburst.

"Well it was the end of the night and he was passed out of the sofa in the lounge, and Simon asked me to wake him up while he went to get Jamie to help carry him to his room. I tried to shake him awake but it didn't work, so I...."

I suddenly realised that touching his hand like some kind of creep was not something I particularly wanted to admit to, so I'd just have to change the story a little.

"....so I went to pat him lightly on the cheek. As my hand got close, a sort of spark of electricity shot between us. I've never felt anything like that before. But it kind of got me thinking. What if I'm his mate? And now I'm kinda freaking out a bit. Hence having not slept, hence..." I gestured to the mess that was currently pretending to be my face.

Mark and Lyla just sat there staring at me.

"Right, you can say something now," I said as the silence started to get uncomfortable.

"Okaaay." Lyla said, clearly trying to think of what to say. "Not that I don't believe you or anything, but are you sure? Could it not have just been, I don't know, static electricity that you felt?"

"From his face?" I asked in a mocking tone.

"Maybe!" she huffed back, "It's no more ridiculous than the idea of you being Casper's mate!"

She had a point but I wasn't going to back down.

"And why exactly is that? Because I'm a nobody, or because I'm male?" I shot back.

Lyla narrowed her eyes and shook her head at me. "Oh no, you're not going to draw me into your pity game. You know exactly what I mean. I know you might not have touched Casper, but surely you've been in each other's company enough to know if you're mates or not."

"How?" I almost shouted, getting frustrated. "How are you able to tell who your mate is? Can you tell me?"

"I don't know?!" Lyla said, matching my tone, "but I'm sure there would be plenty of signs."

"You mean like him not treating me like everyone else? Like when he gives me a nickname? Like when he lets me look him in the eyes when we're talking? Like when he tells me things, like he's my friend? Like when he has a cushion fight with me in his lounge?"

I trail off, suddenly realising I told them more than I ever intended to.

"Holy shit!" Lyla is now looking at me with wide eyes and her chin nearly touching the floor.

"I know, right?" I said, finally feeling all the adrenaline leave my body. I collapsed forwards onto my knees and put my head in my hands.

I felt someone slowly rub their hand up and down my back. It helped. A little.

"It still might not be true," Lyla said in a small voice.

I lifted myself up and looked at her to see the sympathy in her eyes.

"But that's not really the point is it?" I said.

"What do you mean?" Mark asked.

It was only then that I realised Mark had been very quiet up until now, which was really not like him. He was usually the first to jump in and try to make fun of me.

"You've been awfully quiet so far," I said eyeing him suspiciously.

Mark's incessant teasing usually annoyed me, but right now I really needed it. I wanted him to make me feel like I was being stupid, and that it wasn't as big of a deal that I was making it out to be.

Mark shrugged. "I think you're right. I think this is a bit too serious to make a joke about."

I stared in shock at his words. As did Lyla. Mark never missed an opportunity to make fun of me, and this just made my stomach sink further.

"Seriously?" Lyla finally said to him, "you really think it's that bad?"

Mark looked slightly guilty, like he was keeping something back and trying to decide whether he should tell me or not.

"Please just spit it out!" I said.

Mark's shoulders slumped a little in defeat. "Ok, please don't shoot the messenger, but last night I heard some of the staff talking. They didn't know that we were friends, but some of them were commenting on how Casper treats you differently and they really don't like it. In fact, some of them mentioned going to see Duncan about it."

"Oh shit," I said, running my hand through my hair.

"Oh come on!" said Lyla pleadingly, "it's not that bad..."

I looked over at Mark.

"There's something else isn't there?" I asked, not quite sure if I wanted to hear anymore.

Mark took a breath, "Well after I heard what they were saying, I decided that I would try and watch you, to see if I could see it for myself."

I looked at him a bit puzzled, "But we didn't speak to each other last night," I said, not wanting to reveal the conversation by the bins just yet.

Mark cocked his head at me. "I don't think that's entirely true, but I'll ignore that lie for now. You're right when you said that I didn't see you interacting, but I saw him looking. At you. A lot."

"What?!!" Me and Lyla shrieked at the same time.

"It's true," Mark said. "Whenever you were in the same room as him, it was like he sensed it, and his eyes would be on you in seconds. It was weird. But after what you've said today it totally makes sense."

"Aaarggghh!" I said, burying my head in my hands again. The last thing I needed was for Mark to backup my theory.

"Anyway," said Mark, "what did you mean earlier when you said that whether Casper is your mate or not is not the point?"

I sat back up and sighed while shutting my eyes and leaning back on the sofa. I really just needed to sleep.

"I mean that it doesn't matter if he is my mate or not, because now that I think he might be, I'm going to have to make sure that we never touch. I'm not stupid. I know we would never be allowed to be together, so I can't take that risk. As much as I like him now, and as much as it hurts to think of him marrying Emily, just imagine how much harder that will be if the bond is sealed. It'd probably kill me."

I felt Lyla put her hand on my knee and I looked over at her. Her eyes looked slightly glassy, like she was close to crying.

"I'm so sorry!" she said, then she threw herself on me in a full on hug.

I chuckled lightly, her hair tickling my nose. "It's ok, I'll survive," I said, "I just have to be thankful that I didn't touch him. Now I need some advice. What do you think I should do?"

Mark and Lyla looked at each other, and I could tell that they'd had another one of their telepathic moments where one knew exactly what the other was thinking.

"You need to tell Duncan," Lyla said.

Mark nodded in agreement.

----------------------------------------

The three of us sat in front of Duncan's desk, having just gone over the same conversation from earlier. I told him everything that had happened, and Mark added in his observations.

Duncan just sat there silently listening, his hands clasped together on his desk.

After we'd finished, Duncan let out a sigh.

"I don't really know what to believe," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a slight frown, wondering if he was accusing me of lying.

"It's just...." he paused and looked me right in the eyes, "....the likelihood of you being his mate........statistically, it just doesn't seem to fit."

I gritted my teeth together.

"But on the other hand," he continued, "like Mark, I've witnessed things too, and this could definitely go some way to explain the rather odd behaviour I've seen."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "Then what do I do?" I asked, praying he had some answers to help me get out of this mess.

Duncan stared at me. His expression slowly changing from being stern to one of sympathy.

Finally he gave me the answer.

"The solution is both simple and difficult. You have to stay away from him."

--------------------

How hard could it be?

After all, I had Duncan assisting me. He said he was going to do everything he could to make sure my work schedule kept me as far away from him as possible.

For the moment all I felt was relief. I was pretty sure I would have some other feelings when I spent time on my own thinking about it, but at the moment, I was just so pleased to have the support of my friends and Duncan.

As me and my friends left Duncan's office, for the first time, since that fated moment, I felt like things were going to be ok.

"Cub. A word please."

Or maybe not.

I looked round and saw that Casper was already walking down the corridor towards the stairs that would lead us to the family living area.

I probably would have stood rooted to the spot, if it wasn't for Mark giving me a hard shove in the back, propelling me forward.

I looked back at him with a glare.

Lyla's forehead was creased up in worry.

Mark smirked with rather an amused look on his face.

I turned back round and slowly followed Casper, wondering what the hell was in store for me.

Maybe this is how I would die. Maybe he'd figured out who I was and his dad was lying in wait with a dagger, waiting to plunge it into my heart.

I knew where he was taking me and my legs felt heavier with each step. Sure enough, he walked into his own personal lounge, leaving the door open for me to follow.

By the time I entered, he was stood in the middle of the room, with my coat in his hand.

I briefly felt a sense of relief, hoping that all he wanted to do was give me back my coat.

"Shut the door behind you."

Or maybe not....

I shut the door then stood still facing him, eyes on the ground, waiting for him to say what he needed to say.

"About last night..." he began.

I waited.

"I just wanted to say.....well you see I don't really remember much....and I just thought I'd better...Can you just look at me for a second?"

I looked up at him, more in shock than in response to his command.

"That's better," he said. "Now what I really wanted to say was 'I'm sorry'."

I looked at him in surprise, my head slightly tilted to one side.

"Why are you apologising?" I asked. "If anyone should be apologising it should be me."

"What? Why?" he asked looking faintly amused.

I realised too late that I had stupidly said too much. He clearly didn't remember much, so I shouldn't have said anything.

But it was too late now so I just cleared my throat and looked down before mumbling,

"I threw some ...(mumbled)"

"What?" he said.

"I threw....(mumbled)....to wake you up."

He stepped closer to me.

"Say it one more time"

"I THREW SOME CUSHIONS AT YOU TO WAKE YOU UP OK?"

The look across his face was one of surprise, but I wasn't sure if it was because of what I did, or because I yelled it into his face.

Man, I was edgy today.

I quickly looked back down, ready to feel his wrath.

I felt him step closer to me, and without thinking I took a step back.

"Hey......Hey......Look at me!" he said again sounding exasperated.

I looked up at him and was shocked to find that his beautiful eyes were staring straight at mine, with what looked like concern.

"Joel, are you ok? Was it Duncan? Did you get in trouble?"

To be honest I didn't really hear anything after my name.

My name coming off his lips, did things to my body that even I didn't understand. I felt my legs start to shake, and so I reached over and grabbed the sofa for support.

I slowly let my brain catch up with the rest of what he said.

"No, I didn't get in trouble. I've just got some stuff......you know, personal stuff going on at the moment."

His eyes flickered between uncertainty and concern.

I needed to get out of there. I felt like I was struggling to breath. Normally I felt a certain sense of calm when I looked in his eyes. Today I felt like they were raging whirlpools, just waiting to draw me in and suck me under.

"It's nothing to do with work," I lied, "so it's nothing you need to worry about."

I flashed him my best 'see I'm fine' smile.

He finally seemed to accept what I said, and I saw his body relax a little.

I realised that he was originally apologising to me, so I asked, "What was it you wanted to apologise to me for?"

"Oh," he said, waving his hand like it was no big deal, "I just wanted to say sorry for if I came across as rude yesterday, and to thank you for my present. I believe you may still have it?"

I frowned. "How do you know I have it?"

"Apparently we were being watched," he said, with a rather sheepish look on his face.

I didn't ask by who, I probably didn't want to know.

"I haven't got it on me at the moment," I said, gesturing to my lack of pockets, "but I'll bring it in tomorrow."

"Ok, thank you," he said.

There was an uneasy silence that settled in the air, and just before I had the courage to break it, he suddenly came over to me, his arm outstretched with my coat in his hand.

I tried to fight the instinct to turn and run from his close proximity, and ended up just frozen on the spot, unable to take the coat from him.

Casper sighed and threw the coat onto the sofa.

"What is it Joel? What's going on with you?"

"Sorry, it's nothing," I said, shaking my head to try to clear the fuzziness that seemed to be creeping in.

Casper took a sidestep around me and opened the door behind me.

I took this as my cue to leave.

Just as I was passing through the door, Casper reached out and grabbed my arm.

I flinched, like his touch hurt me, then cringed at what that must have looked like to Casper.

I slowly raised my gaze to meet his, to see a look of disappointment that nearly took my breath away.

He let go of my arm but said in a quiet voice, "if you ever need anything, you know where I am."

I thanked him and gave him my first genuine smile of the day.

As soon as the door closed behind me I bolted as fast as I could away from his room, away from him, away from this situation, and away from the shattered pieces of my heart that were left on the floor.

I didn't stop running till I was home and tucked up in the safety of my bed.