Sapnap

heyy jenni right??

jenni

hi :0!!! and yes that's me, what can I help u with :)

Sapnap

like you're the baking streamer who's in love with Quackity right??

jenni

??? Quackity is my soulmate :D what did you need again?

Sapnap

oh, okay just making sure I got the right one, anyways would you like to come over and do one of your baking streams at my house??

jenni

wow!! really?? wait you live in Texas as well right??

Sapnap

yep!! My fans have been begging for a Sapnap and George cooking stream but I'm not allowed to travel atm :( 

jenni

so I'm your last option? T.T we barely talked and you already want me to replace your best friend

Sapnap

you won't be able to replace George...maybe 

jenni

I'm telling him right now. you're about to get an ass whooping from the tea-drinking lad B)

Sapnap

just come over so I can show you my baking skills LOL I'll definitely show you up LLLL

jenni

we're done. Don't come over to my house anymore.  

I softly laughed at myself looking over the texts and silently went downstairs. I had already made dinner earlier and saved it in the fridge. I walked over to the front door and tried my best to ignore my mother who was eyeing me the whole time I walked by. I hurriedly made my way to the grocery store near me. I could've gone with my car but I wanted to be a little resourceful at the moment. 

I skimmed over the ideas that were popping up in my head, there were so many options I could for the baking stream. A thought came through and I quickly went to the isles and grabbed the items off the shelf, a tres leches cake it is. 

I made my way home and quickly stored the items in the fridge and looked over at the time, it read 6:30 pm, but it seemed a bit late. I shot a quick text to Sapnap asking when he would want me to come down and go to his house. I was a little bit nervous. 

I started getting anxious over the dumb things.

What if he finds me annoying?

Will he find me irritating?

Wait, will he think I'm weird because of the lack of intimacy? Friends hug all the time, shit. 

Karl was understanding and we even became even closer than I thought, what if Sapnap doesn't?

Will he go and tell Karl that I'm a big wei-

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" A loud voice ruptured my thoughts I recognized it as my mother's. I looked up at her as she was standing at the doorframe of the small kitchen and held a cold look. 

"I'm heading down to see one of my streaming friends and doing a small baking stream, it should be fun but I should be home tonight," I spoke in a quiet tone and tried not to look timid in front of her. 

"Crees que soy estupida o que?"(You think I'm stupid or what?) She shouted at me. I was taken aback and slightly flinched at her words. Did I say something wrong?

"You're leaving the house awfully a lot. What the fuck are you actually doing, jenni?" She asked in a stern voice. I looked into her eyes with the same look that she gave me. Me becoming a streamer isn't new to her but it always found a way to bug her, even if it didn't affect her at all.

"Ma. I'm going out to see my friends, not my fault you want to stay inside and suffer by yourself." I replied in a voice that spoke venom. I honestly didn't mean to speak so harshly but it's always been like this. I can't keep running into corners for her. 

She let her arms droop to her sides and walked away from the kitchen door frame and made her way to the couch. She sat there and grabbed her phone and started chatting away with one of her gossip friends as if she didn't just try to fight me about leaving the house. It's so suffocating in here. 

I heard someone leave their room from upstairs and saw my brother make eye contact with me.

"Hey sis, congrats on 20k on twitch. I also saw you peaked at 4k views at one time when you found out about this 'Quackity' guy. I'm never home but I sometimes stop and watch some of your streams. Love you. I won't be home till tomorrow morning." He spoke in a hushed but comfortable voice level. As he spoke I couldn't bring myself to respond as I was just stuck in my spot in front of the fridge. Before I could say anything I heard him open the front door.

"T-T-Thanks bro!" I quickly called after him as he softly closed the front door behind me signaling that he had heard me. I ripped my eyes away from the front door and stared inside of my fridge staring at anything in particular. 

What the fuck. 

I felt hot tears fall down my cheeks as I rushed to wipe them away. I quietly laughed at myself as I felt my head starting to hurt as the tears just kept going. I never felt like this, I felt so overwhelmed. First the baking stream schedule then finally having a decent conversation with my brother. We used to be so close but my mother was the reason we became so distant from each other. The abuse he had to deal with made him slightly arrogant but seeing how we had this small conversation, made me change my mind. I missed my brother so much.

I glanced at my phone and checked the time, a few texts from Sapnap texting me his direction and telling me right now would be a good time to come over. I smiled and quickly wiped my tears and gathered the items from the fridge. I double-checked everything before heading to the front door and going inside my car. 

I glanced at the house and found my mother on the couch laughing with her friend while still on the phone. She didn't even try to talk to him, again. 

I arrived at Sapnap's location and made my way toward the door. I softly knocked twice and leaned away from the door. I saw someone with shaggy hair and a black Nike cap answer it. I glanced around and made my assumptions. 

"You're Sapnap right?" I asked in a small voice, not to scare him off with my somewhat stern voice. 

I saw him chuckle to himself and nod nonetheless and lead me inside his house. His house was almost the same size as mine so I'm guessing we both have the same living conditions. That thought made me feel a little more comfortable being near him. 

I set down my ingredients on his small kitchen counter and glanced around at all of the streaming equipment he had set up. It looked straight up from a movie set, all professional and neat. "You set all of this by yourself?" I asked him in disbelief. 

"Yeah, you're impressed right?" He said jokingly as he gathered his own stuff and set them up next to mine but not too close as to confuse them. 

"I like it also what are your plans for the item you'll be baking?" I asked curiously. I was slightly curious as to why he wanted to bake something not cook. 

He leaned over to his setup and started the stream, he had a starting soon screen so we just had to wait for the five minutes to end. "Honestly, I have no idea, but I do have this simple cake batter I have so I'm just going for decoration-wise." He replied as he shrugged his shoulders. He sat down at one of the stools in front of his products and I followed after him.

I nodded and smiled softly at him. I looked over at the camera and readied myself and made sure I wasn't too close to him to accidentally make skin contact in any way. I seem paranoid any time I'm physical with anyone but my anxious thoughts make it impossible to just ignore the thought of making anyone unknowingly uncomfortable. 

Before we went live with the camera I quickly texted Lily and Karl

jenni

hey, lily sorry for missing your call earlier was busy T.T I'm doing a small baking stream rn as well talk to you soon okay <3

lily

its okay jen, have fun lol

jenni 

okay, thanks lily :)

lily

sure

I looked at the texts and it made me curious as to why she was so dry with me, it wasn't new that I would miss her calls from time to time. Her only reason to call me was to gossip about boys and college life. I was sure she had other normal friends to talk to. I nervously bit my lip. 

jenni

hey karlos, dont be mad when you see Sapnap's stream lol!!

karl

wdym D: !!

jenni

totally not doing a texas old baking stream with him at this right moment

karl

oh, really? that's cool. why would I be mad?

jenni

karlos, this isn't you. please. talk to me. mi amor. 

karl

IM CONFUSED JEN WHAT

jenni

I'm fucking with you, love u, also make sure to watch the stream, or else I'll watch adventure time all over again but without you.

karl

you wouldn't dare. D:< 

I laughed to myself and put my phone down as I heard Sapnap start his stream with his small little intro. I sat up and came into the frame and said, "Hey chat! I'm JenJenni!!" I held my hands up and lightly shook them around. I was glad I had worn something comfortable, mom jeans with an oversize jumper. Something easy but curse my brain for going simple. 

Sapnap looked over at me and silently chuckled. I felt myself feel better and I sat down as he calmly answered a few questions on his chat I could see everyone was panicking. 

"Why is jenni there with Sap? She's a bit weird and quiet." Sapnap's donation voice came out from the setup and I quickly tried not to get emotional over it. They were semi-right. I'm known to be that quiet streamer who does baking streams and occasionally gets loud and cheery whenever she talks in Spanish or with her friends. It's not new that people always find something to bug me about. 

I whisked my eggs into my batter and looked over at Sapnap and made eye contact with him. He stifled a laugh and raised his hand to cover his face. "I'm not laughing at you! I just find it funny that you're literally just standing there making your special baking whatever thing and people still find something to hate about you. I just find it hilarious." He spoke in a gentle but stern voice, mostly directed toward his chat. 

I looked down at my bowl and smiled softly. Thank you Sapnap. 

I laid out my batter on a baking tin and sprayed the tin to make sure it wouldn't stick to the sides. I made sure to soak the bread with a sufficient amount of milk, you can never be sure if it will fail and make it dry. I looked over as I put my cake to bake in the oven and saw Sapnap struggling to lay his cake batter in the tin. 

I snorted quietly and went over to help him. I held the tin with both of my hands and gestured for him to continue laying the batter down. I heard him scoff jokingly before continuing. From the view of the camera, it looked funny because I was leaning over to help but I was in an awkward position. 

"Jenni looks so good in this angle." The donation voice read out again and I instantly hurried to help and turned around and leaned back normally. I coughed into my hand and went back to my spot and started dicing my strawberries for the decoration. 

I saw Sapnap place his cake into the oven and quickly headed to his setup before announcing something to the stream, "Alright no more donations for the rest of the stream. You guys ruined it. Jenni is my guest and you guys just made it worse by making her uncomfortable." I saw his eyes slightly glare at the camera before turning over to me. 

I looked down at my knife as I slowly diced the strawberry, "Sorry. I didn't mean to." My voice became a little soft, afraid that he would yell at me or do anything of that sort. I heard him make a small noise of confusion.

"Why are you apologizing? It wasn't your fault. It was theirs. They shouldn't be acting like they know you and shit you know?" He said with a concerned look on his face and I just gave him a warm smile in return. 

"Thank you Sapnap. Now I'm just saying but I'm slicing these strawberries and it's not looking so good for you right now." I joked softly as I saw him scurry around his ingredients and started his prep. I giggled quietly in response. 

Before I made another joke my phone buzzed indicating someone was calling me. My face had a confused look because I already notified both Karl and Lily that I would be on a stream. My face slowly fell. How did I forget that-

"Jenni! Mi amor! Por que estas en un stream con el Nicholas?! Tu eres la amor de mi vida! No mames!" (Jenni! My love! Why are you on a stream with Nick?! You're the love of my life!) I heard loud yelling coming from my phone as I tried to take it off the speakerphone. I failed miserably as I saw Sapnap from the corner of my eye laughing to himself. 

"Quackity! I'm sorry I forgot to text you about this. It was really last minute. I guess I was just so irresistible that Sapnap needed me to come over." I said jokingly to Sapnap. Sapnap looked at me with a look of disgust and raised his palm to face me. 

"As if." He said in a sassy tone. 

I held the phone in my hand before laughing loudly and held my stomach to try to stop myself from any more pain from the laughter. A loud voice laughed as well with me. Us three continued streaming as normal and just chatting as both me and Sapnap waited for the cakes. Quackity practically begged to stay on stream with us so I let him. 

"Okay! Chat this is what I made. If you're Hispanic you'll love me even more." I presented my cake to the streaming camera and I felt so proud of myself. I've done this cake so many times but every time I present I feel like a proud mother. 

"Ugh. This wasn't fair jenni! You know how to present shit. I don't." I heard Sapnap complain next to me and I quickly glared at him before sticking my tongue out to him. I placed my cake down in front of me and he made his way toward the camera as well. 

He had to lean over to show it and before I even had time to process his body slightly made contact with my arm as he bent over. My breath hitched silently and I hoped I wasn't going to do something stupid. I stood still as a board and quietly fidgeted with my fingers anxiously. I could've moved to the side but with the camera watching me, I knew what people were gonna say about me and I couldn't tolerate more hate. 

I bared with it for the whole 15 seconds that Sapnap held his cake towards the camera. As he moved back I released a small breath that I was unknowingly holding. I saw Sapnap's eyes look at me as I mentally cursed at myself. I hoped he didn't bring it up and to my luck, he didn't. 

It was well over 3 hours we were streaming and we decided to end the stream. I sighed happily before packing the rest of my cake in a container that Sapnap let me borrow. 

"Thanks, Sapnap, if we didn't do this I would've just stayed at home and died of boredom," I said jokingly. I heard him chuckle from beside me before he coughed to alert my attention. 

"Jenni can I ask you a question?" I heard him ask in a soft tone. But not soft enough for me to miss it. I fiddled with the container top and glanced at him and gave him the look to continue. 

"Why did you look uncomfortable when I came over towards the camera?" He said in a concerned tone. He seemed a little upset. Fuck. 

I brought a hand towards my hair and messed with some of the strands as I tried to explain, "I have an issue with physical contact, even if it's a quick high five or a long hug. I-I-I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way. I really didn't mean to." I quickly apologized and looked into his eyes, "I see you as a potential best friend and I don't want to lose any of you." I said in a soft tone. 

"Who's 'any of you'?" He asked in a gentle way.

"You, Quackity, the other people I have met through Minecraft and streaming. Especially Karl." I let go of my hair strands and leaned over to the counter top and fidgeted with my fingers. "I already rejected one of Karl's hugs when I participated in one of the Last to Leave challenges from Mr. Beast. I felt terrible, like so terrible but I have a bad history with physical intimacy with my family and even my own 'best friend'." I rambled on as I glanced over at him and saw him standing near me but not too close and nodding his head to signal for me to continue. 

I took a small breath, "Karl already knows but Quakcity doesn't, my life at home is horrible and growing up I wasn't allowed to show intimacy with my family, even something small like a hug. And Lily, she's my best friend, or at least I think she has but there was a moment when I need a hug and she specifically told me she felt uncomfortable and I never had tried doing anything like that anymore with her. But Karl is something different. His love language is physical touch, and I feel horrible when I can't reciprocate, you know?" I finished in a rushed tone as I started to pick at the skin on my fingers. 

"I didn't know, Jenni, I see you as one of my new potential best friends too. I know if Quackity was in my position we both would do the same things and accept you as how you are. You shouldn't apologize for your childhood trauma. You are not your trauma. You are Jenni. And you should do whatever the fuck Jenni wants to do." He said as he looked over at me and smiled softly. 

Tears softly ran down my cheeks as I looked down and tried not to sob on his kitchen counter. "Fuck you. You're dumb and your kitchen sucks." I managed to say before I started to softly sob into my arms. I heard him laugh quietly next to me.

"Jenni, why do you care so much that you can't hug Karl back?" I heard him ask and I felt my face heat up. I didn't want to admit but what else could I say? 

"I think I'm growing a soft spot for that boy," I spoke softly. 

"Thought so."

I looked over at him and wiped my face clear, "What?" I asked in a hushed voice. How does he know? 

"The way you spoke about him just now tells me all I needed to know. Your secret is safe with me tho, on one condition." He responded and held a finger in the air. I rolled my eyes at him before cocking my head sideways.

"You have to be in the next Mr. Beast hide and seek videos. I got invited to join the upcoming one and I want you to come with me." He said in a serious tone. 

"You think I don't see what you're trying to do ass wipe?" I responded in a joking tone. Nonetheless, I agreed. 

We both laughed it out before I headed out and the moment I opened his front door I heard him call my name. I turned around and he stood there holding his palm upward with a tiny smile. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to but, high five?" I heard him ask in a small voice. 

I stood there looking at his hand and shut my eyes, I quickly placed my palm against him in a high-five motion before retreating my hand back quickly. 

I smiled and waved him goodbye. I got in my car and silently drove home. I had so many thoughts running through my head. But one thing stood out from the other. 

If I could high-five Sapnap, I could hug Karl. I didn't panic either. It's possible.