"Yuh can mek it grow out and lock it, it will fit yuh." Reign says as she crochet human hair to my small cornrows.

"Think mih go try it fih true."

Mih get fed up and cut it cause the smell a dih perm a get tu mih head and even a upset mih stomach.

It starts grow out and it cause too much trouble suh mih ask Reign fih buy mih a scissor wid dih money mih save offa dih lunch money Navy give mih. First inna my life mih a save and Navy even help mih open a savings account. Shi sometimes put extra pan it tu. Mih nuh stop put money in deh and shi naw seh nothing whether or not mih have plans for it.

If a did mih mumma Lucinda, shi a borrow it fih stock har bar yet mih naw get back eh money. Shi mek it hard fih trust people or even mih self.

From mih born mih get belittled.

Mih a idiot.

Mih dunce.

Mih naw mek it outta dih ghetto.

Mih go breed, and dat did happen.

How mih fih tell people seh a Lucy mek Bandolu fuck mih fih benefit har. Him see mih a wah party and wah mih suh a Lucy him guh tu cause shi frighten fih money. All mih did a hear is Bandolu have HIV.

It's either mih duh it or shi run mih out. Mih neva have no weh fih guh cause har family live here inna Mobay and mih fada people dem a some ole cruff like mih self. Dem worst a sell out dem pickney fih money and everytime mih stay wid dem too much man and loose gyal just in and outta dih house which nuh safe. Worst when a more than one time mih get hold dung.

Fih duh the blood test while mih pregnant and si how mih nuh have nuh disease or infection, mih relieved suh till mih a thank the God mih neva believe in.

Mih neva care what life have in store fih mih cause mih deh walk roun' a call dung AIDS pah mih self and wah dead suh mih nuh agree tu the abortion or Navy help. Why waste dem time and money.

Dih depression hits mih bad.

Mih wah dead an nuh wah dead. Mih fraid a suicide and a think fih spread the AIDS weh mih nuh have, but mih could a end up get it tu how mih did a gwaan.

Mih worst fih neva deh tek care mih self cause the give up on mih self, mih just look and smell mad tu everybody.

All mih can hear inna mih head is 'Rebel' as mih mumma call mih.

It's a sin fih name yuh child affa sum'n like dat. Fih fight and refund to obey anyone cause mih think and believe dem wah control mih. But mih deh yah a learn seh a nuh everybody stay suh.

From mih come yah come stay, not once mih hear dem call mih rebel and fih even think bout the name nuh trigger mih like it use tu.

Fih hear how mih cousin dem or even little Saint deh tell each other how much dem love each other nuh mek mih feel too left out cause dem care bout mih.

How Uncle Micheal find mih is when mih deh a Gully a look ova inna dih gutta or murky river water, deh inna mih thoughts a imagine mih self inna it. How him recognized mih, mih nuh know.

Him nuh give a flying fuck about no body but himself and ask mih weh Navy dem live.

Mih remember the signs and tell him and him as mih fih follow him guh up there. More like force mih.

From mih come a Mobay and meet mih cousin dem, mih nuh know a wah happen but nuh matter wah mih duh it seems mih have guardian angel everywhere even when mih naw chat tu no body.

Should a know a Saint's doing, cause mih see few a dih man dem who save mih nuff time. Dem have mih cornered suh till mih give up and accept the help, sum'n mih nah eva regret. Even bawl guh a mih bed when mih a reminisce how mih treat dem when mih did a stay yah. Dis a paradise compare tu dih ghetto.

Internet, cable, games night, food three times a day plus the chance fih cash out mih points. Mih have mih own room and nuh affi deh sleep pah old mattress on the floor. Mih can relax inna Navy couch and watch anything with affi hear bout JPS a come and wire fih tek dung. Cyaw tell when last mih even drink soda.

Mih neva care bout dih baby or even think of it as one until mih see how much the people around mih care more than mih duh.

Mih a get the chance fih guh back a school and tu how mih learn slow, Navy help mih a evening time before the others come cause mih nuh wah dem. Mih did just embarrassed.

But mih couldn't hide forever cause the likkle Saint him inquisitive and pree certain things. Him help mih out too and from then mih nuh stop read. While everybody deh watch TV, mih inna wah corner a read and a break the big words inna syllables then research it fih know the meaning.

Then mih guh get a B+ pah mih last exam before summer starts and Little Saint tell him father suh weh guh out and celebrate. Mih enjoy mih self suh till dem seh mih did a laugh inna mih sleep.
 
  
 
Reign done mih hair and couldn't stop thank har.

Shi dung him hair on the varandah suh when wih see the gate open, wih know a sumaddy come tu Reign or Navy.

Mih even learn fih mind mih own business suh mih a get up fih guh in when Reign tell mih fih siddung.

Nuh wah truck pull up inna dih yaad wid Saint and Navy inna it.

Reign open the grill and starts mek space by moving the varandah chairs and some flowers pots.

"Ya move this tu?" I asked her.

"Siddung nuh baby mada." She teases, while the adults open the truck.

Mih start si barrel a come out and surprised. But Reign nuh look surprise at all.

"Afternoon ladies." Saint greets and we told him afternoon.

Mih still fraid a him. Always will, though mih appreciate all a wah him duh fih mih.

"Mih si dem a sell dem fine plum yah. Yuh can put salt or hot sauce pan it, whichever yuh want." Navy gave me a two bags of it and I thanked her.

Mih get both and a guh a mih room when Navy call mih.

"Yeah?"

"A weh yuh gone. Come nuh." She calls so I went out and she gestured for me to sit so I did.

Saint was bringing in barrels after barrels and opening them. Both Navy and Reign had delighted expressions on there faces as they took out the first content that shocked me.

It's a baby bag.

Content after content, and mih siddung a bawl dung the place.

Dem when mih start apologize dem nuh wah hear it. Seh mih fih stop bawl and stress, and happy up fih look pah the sum'n dem.

"Wih go put dem inna storage meantime and renovate the room when the time comes. Yuh good wid dih room colour?" Saint asks me.

"Yeah... It good."

"Yuh good?" He asks, looking at me daring me to lie.

"Yeah..." He raised a brow and I looked at Reign who was looking at the different baby items like a kid in a candy shop.

Unlike few months ago, mih wouldn't seh nothing fih shi hear but mih trust har enough. Mih trust dem.

"Mih neva...mih neva wah get pregnant but a Lucy mek Bandolu force it pah mih. Suh when him run weh from Nitro and nuh pay har the millions weh him promise, shi run mih out fih guh kill the belly or mih cyaw go back a har yard. Shi call mih last night and seh mih fih come back a town come live wid har since shi move and mih hear Bandolu inna dih background a tell har fih tell mih him want him pickney."

"Spanish Town?" He inquired and I nod.

Him tek out him phone and send a text or sum'n.

"Yuh want the baby?"

"Yes." There was no doubt that I didn't.

"Wah yuh wah mih duh bout yuh mada?" He asked confusing me.

"Yuh wah guh live wid har, see har again, have nothing fih duh wid har or anything?"Reign spoke up.

"No. Mih nuh wah none a dem inna mih life."

She grins and Saint only nods.

"Ah, later mih bring dem down Suh gwaan look through. Tell mih wife mih a guh pan dih road...."

"Get some breadfruit when ya fawud and ask yuh parents if mih cyaw get back mih boys dem." Navy told him when she came out.

"Mih mih give yuh your own." He held he, so I looked away and joined Reign where some books were amongst the maternity clothes.

"Wih still have time."

"Time wait on no man." He tells her. "Stop worry yuh self babes. A boy dem name. Dem affi deh roun' dih yutes dem fih teach dem how fih be a man. Yuh cyaw deh baby dem every day."

"Whatever..."

"This cute eh." I lift the dress to show Reign.

"Yes. Mih have wah colour dress close to dat. Wah wih wear it and guh out?"

"Go where?" I asked.

"Mih have wah restaurant fih rate next week. Wih can guh together." She offers.

Mih couldn't turn down the offer because it just fun fih deh roun' Reign and har friends.

"Yuh naw eat yuh plum?"

"Oh, yeah." I took up the bag and puts two in my mouth. Watching her as she shows me everything and we joking about some.

"Suh start think bout names yet?"

"Justice or Legacy." I told her and she looks at me surprised. "What?"

"Mih like it. It's a good affirmation tu."

Dat mih agree tu. Nah mek the same Mister Lucy mek.

Mih name Reneal, nuh Rebel.