Chapter 55

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I don't think I'm ever going to leave my apartment again.

I have everything I need right here.

Well, not everything but if you had Jennie naked in your bed, would you leave?

See, I have every reason to stay where I am.

When I woke up this morning, Jennie was already awake. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, was her smiling face and for the second day in a row, I got up in a fantastic mood.

My mood only got better when I saw that Jennie had made breakfast for me. Ok, ok, it was more like she brought me a bowl of cereal, but it's the thought that counts. Besides, she told me she wanted to cook me a big hearty breakfast but cereal was all I had.

Regardless of the food choice, it was fun having another meal with Jennie.

In bed.

Naked.

I will admit that my body is a tad sore today.

I'll gladly deal with an ache here or there because the memories I have of yesterday will last for a very long time.

Surprisingly though, Jennie and I have not had sex.

Yet.

I'm fine with that.

No, seriously.

I'm not with Jennie only for sex.

The fact that the sex we've had has been incredible is wonderful, but I love being with her in any way.

Whether it's in the throws of passion.

Sharing a laugh.

Having a deep conversation.

Or just lying in her arms.

Which is what I'm doing now.

Any of those things brings me joy.

After breakfast we had a super scorching make out session filled with hot, intense kisses. Our hands wandered occasionally as did our lips but for the most part we just kissed. We'd break apart when oxygen was needed and during that time we'd hold each other's gaze only to start all over again seconds later.

It may seem odd that our kissing didn't lead to sex but I enjoyed it all the same. It built this tension between us and I felt so connected to Jennie that I left was more than satisfied. Feeling Jennie and being pressed against her body sent me on euphoric high that didn't need an orgasm at the end to get any better.

We tired ourselves out and ended up falling asleep with Jennie spooning me from behind. That's another feeling that I can't get enough of.

She makes it seem like nothing bad can touch me.

I hope I'm able to make her feel the just as safe when I'm holding her.

We woke up a little while ago and haven't really moved since then. I don't think I've ever been this content doing nothing.

I am so comfortable.

My eyes are closed, Jennie's naked body is behind me and her face is nuzzled in the back of my neck.

There's hardly any conversation taking place.

And that's ok.

We've done a lot of talking since she showed up at my apartment and it's nice after all the ups and downs we've been through lately to enjoy the peacefulness of this day.

The shrill ring of my phone invades the quiet sanctuary that I'm enjoying with Jennie.

I knew I shouldn't have let her convince me to put it back on the hook.

She said that someone could be trying to reach us and whatever they wanted could be important. I hated the logic she used because it made give in. I was quite happy living in a cocoon with no contact from the outside world.

But, I guess life doesn't really work that way.

Too bad!

"Are you going to answer that?" Jennie murmurs as she keeps her arms firmly around my body.

I blindly reach for the phone because the effort it would take to actually open my eyes doesn't seem worthwhile. "Hello," I mumble without checking who's calling.

"Finally!" Rosé exclaims at an extraordinarily high volume. I'm thinking she might have popped my eardrum that's how loud she was. "Do you have any idea how long I've been trying to reach you?"

"Sorry," I reply even though I'm not. "I've been busy."

Yeah I have!

Woo!

"I bet you have," Rosé says and I can picture the smirk she must be sporting very clearly. "But spare me the details please."

"No need to worry," I gleefully laugh. "I'm not one to kiss and tell."

Or experience the best sex of my life and tell.

I'll save that nugget for another time, when Jennie isn't close by.

"So you and Jennie are all good then?" Rosé asks.

"We're great," Jennie answers for me.

I told you Rosé was talking way too loud.

Jennie places tiny and gentle kisses behind my ear as Rosé screams a few profanities at me for not informing her that Jennie could overhear what she was saying.

It's not my fault.

I let her rant however because she's earned the right to some slack.

I almost hang up the phone when she won't stop yelling, but I restrain myself somehow. "Are you done yet?"

"Don't get testy with me young lady," Rosé says in what I assume is an attempt to get tough with me. "I'm just surprised that you didn't call after what's been going on regarding Jennie and her album."

Huh?

What is she talking about?

"What are you talking about?" I inquire with genuine curiosity

"Stop pulling my leg, Jis," Rosé before she puts me on hold.

I have got to tell my dad that the hold music we have at the office is just dreadful.

"I wonder what Rosé means," Jennie muses in between more kisses to the back of my neck.

"No clue," I respond as I try to keep the phone from dislodging from my ear. "She's an oddball."

"I heard that, bitch," Rosé snaps.

Oops.

Someone came back earlier than I thought they would.

"Heard what?" I'll just play dumb and hope it works. "And I honestly have no clue what you are talking about."

Rosé sighs. "You do own a computer, right? And a TV."

"Of course I do." Remember, this is the girl that helped Jennie with her plan. Be nice!

"So, you must have seen the stories," Rosé states.

I'm way too lazy to continue going in circles.

"Jennie and I haven't turned on the TV or my computer," I tell Rosé in hopes that she'll just spill whatever news I supposedly should have heard.

"Oh my god!" Rosé squeals. "You have got to be kidding me."

Sigh.

How rude would it be if I just hung up now?

Relax, I wasn't actually going to go through with it.

"I'm not kidding," I say as I start to perk up.

Something has got Rosé's knickers in a knot.

"I don't even know where to start," Rosé starts breathing heavy and I'm a bit concerned that she might be hyperventilating.

"Why don't you start at the very beginning?" A very good place to start.

"Oh my god, ok, that's a good idea." Rosé must have had too much caffeine today; I've never heard her so frazzled. "Jennie's little declaration has been playing nonstop on all the major news shows."

Say what?

"It's like a mega huge story," Rosé explains. "Someone posted the video of it on YouTube and it already has over 5 million hits."

No way!

That's insane.

Insanely awesome that is.

"Our phones haven't stopped ringing with people wanting to know more about her and to give their support to Jennie for standing up to her record label," Rosé continues and I can't even ask her any questions because I'm so ecstatic at her news. "She's getting tons of requests for interviews and calls from other record companies it's been crazy."

Wow!

Wow!

Wow!

I guess it won't be Super Jisoo to the rescue.

Not that I care really, as long as Jennie gets everything she deserves.

"Are you serious?" I ask even though I know she is.

"Of course I am," Rosé screeches.

"What's the plan?" I ask as I sit up and slip right back into work mode. "We have to mobilize and sift through..."

"Easy tiger," Rosé says before I can finish. "Your dad is putting me and Bobby in charge of organizing everything and he told me to tell you that he'll go over everything with you and Jennie on Saturday when he gets home from his trip."

That doesn't seem right to me. "But..."

"He was quite clear on his instructions," Rosé cuts in once again. "He wants you and Jennie to enjoy your time together. Plus he said that a little mystery surrounding Jennie will only fuel the public's interest in her."

And that's why my dad's company is successful.

He knows exactly how to play the game.

Better than most people I've met.

"How does he know about me and Jennie?" I ask when I realize that nobody besides Rose should have any idea we're a couple.

"When the story broke both your mom and dad tried to reach you and when they couldn't, they called me," Rosé replies.

Oh my god!

My mother!

She's going to kill me for not letting her know I'm not upset anymore.

Rosé was so distracting I forgot all about her.

Crap!

"Don't worry, I handled both of them for you," Rosé says and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. "Just another thing you owe me for."

I chuckle. "I'm really working up quite a tab with you."

"Yeah, you are," Rosé teases. "And I already know how you're going to start settling your bill. You and Jennie are coming out with me tomorrow night."

I glance over at Jennie and I think she nods ok.

I'm not sure because she's still stunned by everything Rosé just said.

"Ok, but now we're even," I joke.

I know my friend.

That won't be enough to satisfy her.

"Nice try, Jis, but that's just the tip of the iceberg," Rosé responds just like I knew she would.

I snap my fingers in front of Jennie's face but she doesn't blink.

That's strange.

"Did my dad say what time we're meeting on Saturday?" I ask as my concern for Jennie increases.

She's acting odd for someone who just found out she doesn't have to give up her dream career.

"Your parents want you and Jennie to come over for dinner on Saturday and then he'll talk to you after." Rosé explains.

Whoa.

Wait.

I'm bringing my girlfriend over for dinner at my parent's house.

Yay!

I love the sound of that.

Jennie tries to get up but I pull her back and shake my head. "I've got to go,Rosé, we'll confirm plans for tomorrow later."

"Not a problem. Don't wear yourself out too much." Rosé's teasing is lost on me as I try to figure out what is wrong with Jennie.

I say goodbye to Rosé and once I hang up the phone I notice how upset Jennie looks.

"I wasn't leaving," Jennie says before I get the chance to ask her why she's acting so strange. "It's just..."

"It's just what?" I inquire when she doesn't finish her sentence.

Jennie stares at me as I wait patiently for her to answer.

I'm not going to push Jennie.

That won't help the situation at all.

Jennie adjusts the covers over the top half of her body. She clutches the sheets around her as she drops her head. "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

I'm lost.

I reach for Jennie's hand and when it's in mine, I use my thumb to caress her skin. "What do you mean?"

After many painful seconds pass, Jennie looks up and I cringe at the tears that have begun to fall.

Why is she crying?

I thought we were done with them and had moved on to happy times.

It's killing me not to pepper Jennie with questions but her feelings and what's she going through are more important than my need to know what's in her head.

Jennie opens her mouth to talk but nothing comes out.

"Take your time, Jen," I whisper as I keep my distance from her. "I'm not going anywhere."

Jennie takes a deep breath and then another before she's ready to let me in. "That night at the bar when you sang to me..."

Uhm.

She realized what I was doing?

Ok.

That's not important.

"You have no idea how much I loved what you did," Jennie smiles at me and I return her smile despite how anxious I am right now. "Nobody has ever sung to me in front of a huge crowd like you did."

That's good.

Right?

"I'm supposed to be this rocker and I guess anyone who was ever interested in me before never thought I'd like that kind of gesture." Jennie is speaking quietly but at least she's talking. "But there you were just doing something so amazing and you did it so well."

At least she liked it.

"When I got home that night as happy as I was I couldn't figure out why you of all people would go through so much trouble for me." Her shoulders sag an that makes my heart ache.

I don't understand why Jennie thinks that way.

"I'm not explaining myself well," Jennie says as another big sigh escapes her mouth.

I give Jennie an encouraging smile. "You're doing just fine."

Jennie shakes her head but she keeps going. "Growing up as you know my parents were hardly around and I always thought in the back of my mind that the reason they weren't was because of me. That there was something wrong with me and that's why they never game me a proper home."

Oh my god!

That's so sad!

"I tried so hard to be perfect and never act out because I thought that if I was, they'd notice me once in a while but that didn't work. So when I got older I stopped caring about being perfect and went the other way completely," Jennie continues as I keep my big mouth shut.

I swear if I ever run into Jennie's mom I'm going to beat her down.

How could anyone make Jennie feels so horrible about herself?

It's awful.

"Whenever people found out I was the daughter of a rock star they almost always assumed I had such a great life. That just because I had money that fact alone meant I was happy. Everyone assumed wrong. Then when I became this rock star wannabe rebel, people assumed that all I cared about was partying or playing music or going from one girl to another because that's what rock stars are supposed to do" Jennie squeezes my hand and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she's struggling to express herself.

I squeeze back like she needs me to.

I want to hold Jennie and tell her that I'll make everything better.

But I know that isn't going to help and what she needs from me instead is just to listen.

I can do that.

"I never got asked if I wanted something more or what I ever really wanted. Girls came onto me because of my name or my supposed reputation and none of them saw the real me. The me I kept hidden because I was afraid when they saw that person, I'd get rejected just like I got rejected by my parents." Silent tears fall from Jennie's beautiful brown eyes and I want to wipe each and every one of them away.

I restrain myself and hope that when she's done I can get rid of her pain.

"And then you came along and you didn't even know who my dad was." I always thought that was a bad thing. "You knew nothing about my past and you never made one assumption about who I was."

I might have made one or two.

But nothing to the extent that Jennie felt in her past.

"I let you see more of the real me than I have anyone besides Hanbin." Jennie pauses for a bit and then she picks up right where she left off. "It was nice not pretending but at the same time it was hard to do because I've gotten so used to having my defenses up that I didn't quite know how to let them down."

I wish I would have talked to Jennie sooner about what I was feeling.

That thought hasn't changed.

But maybe in some weird way it was a good thing that we got to know each other under the guise of friendship so we wouldn't have to do that fake pretending thing people do sometimes when they first start dating.

Just an observation.

"And then you surprised me the next day, which only made me fall for you even more." Aw that's sweet of her to say. "But after telling you about my past I started getting worried all over again."

Really?

I assumed she felt better after getting that off her chest.

"I was worried that if I showed you anymore of me, you'd run the other direction," Jennie explains as her voice falters.

Oh god!

All those times I bolted from Jennie, she must have assumed the reason I did was because of her instead of the reason being me.

Hey now, this isn't about you, remember?

"When I held Yeri I couldn't fathom how anyone could look in a child's face and not love them completely. I was even more convinced that I was somehow unlovable for my parents to leave the job of raising me to the various nannies I had throughout the years." No one should be made to feel that way, no one.

Jennie is one of the most loveable people I've ever come across.

Hell, I think I loved her the first time I saw her.

"I didn't call you those days after Disney not because of you, but because of me. So much of me playing hot and cold with you was because of my own insecurities, not because I didn't know what I felt for you," Jennie says as our eyes remain on each other.

Jennie and I have a lot in common.

And it's really eye opening to finally understand why she behaved the way that she did.

Right or wrong, regardless of the hurt her actions caused me, despite Jennie ultimately being responsible for the decisions she made, years of feeling unwanted played a huge part in her interactions with me.

"I was so terrified that if I let you in anymore you'd see what my parents saw and you'd figure out what a mess I am." Jennie's tears haven't stopped falling, not even for a little while. "I just don't get why all these good things are happening to me and a big part of me is waiting for someone to realize their mistake and take it all away."

"That isn't going to happen," I assure Jennie as I remain in my spot. "You deserve every fantastic thing in your life because you are a fantastic person."

Jennie shakes her head. "No, I'm not. I'm a mess."

I know we agreed to leave everything in the past.

But I also know that it's easy in theory, hard in practice.

"No, you aren't," I tell her with a ton of conviction. "I could never fall in love with you if you were."

Jennie refuses to believe me.

I'll just have to make her.

I decide to go with my gut and move by Jennie's side. I put her head on my shoulder and give her a kiss to the forehead. "You listen to me, Jennie, and you listen good. Whatever reason your parents had in their minds for not giving you a good home have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them."

I feel my shoulder getting wetter as I speak.

"You are not to blame, they are." I lift her chin up so we're making eye contact again. "You might not believe me right now, but I will get you to believe it because it's true."

"One of the reasons why I fought my feelings for you is because I didn't understand why someone as perfect as you could ever love me back," Jennie confesses.

Uhm.

What?

Jennie has met me right?

I am so not perfect, it's not even funny.

"I love you, Jennie, because you sang along with Annie even though you probably didn't want to admit you knew all the words like I did." I get the tiniest of smiles from Jennie and that makes me happy. "I love you because you never made me feel bad about myself when I did something clumsy or embarrassing."

That's reason enough I tell you.

"I love you because when I let you see the vulnerable side of me, you made me feel like I didn't have to hide that side anymore." I really could go on forever. "I love that you wanted to give a special night and you did it like it was no big deal when it was such a big deal. That prom night was by far the most thoughtful

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