Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

Nobody knows my sorrow.

Boo!

Hiss!

I'm sad!

It feels like a lifetime ago since I last saw Jennie or spoke to her.

Ages really.

I wonder if she changed her hair color.

I wonder if she looks different.

What?

It could happen.

Who cares that it's only been 52 hours and 44 minutes since we parted ways.

Not that I'm obsessively counting or anything.

Jennie has probably moved on already.

Forgotten all about little old me.

Yup.

I bet she met some girl who wouldn't mind staying in the closet and I also bet they're off having sex right now.

Oh god!

Jennie's having sex with some hottie while I'm at home, on the couch, stuffing my face in hopes of getting over her.

Oh, right, I should probably mention that I've moved out of the "non-stop crying" stage and onto the "my life sucks and I'm going to die alone" stage.

I'm not sure which stage is worse.

There was actually someone in my apartment when I arrived home Sunday night.

Rosé.

She found me on the floor, crying hysterically and stayed until morning.

Jennie called her because Rosé has a key and she didn't want to leave my place unlocked.

I know!

Even though I want to be so mad at Jennie, I still find her thoughtful.

We stayed on the couch throughout the night because I refused to go back to my bed.

Too many good memories for me to deal with when I felt like utter crap.

And that's where I've been ever since.

Sigh.

So Rosé listened to me and held me like any best friend would.

I was a blubbering mess but she managed to calm me down somehow. I asked Rosé if she thought I made a mistake leaving Jennie.

She refused to answer that question.

Rosé told me that it was my decision to make and she'd support me any way she could.

I wish she would have given me her thoughts on the situation though.

I really, really do.

Because all I've done since Rosé left yesterday morning was second guess myself.

I've gone back and forth on the issue.

And reached the following conclusions:

I'm madly and deeply in love with Jennie.

I want to be with her.

I want this gut wrenching pain to go away.

I want to be in Jennie's arms.

I want to have the kind of relationship with Jennie that my parents have.

I want all of those things.

If I go back to her now when she isn't ready, we'll never work out.

But I want to be with her.

So I'm no better off and I'm regretting my decision.

It was the correct decision.

It was the smart decision.

It was the worst decision of my life.

How could I just leave her like that?

How?

Someone explain it to me!

Because you thought you were doing the right thing.

Hey!

I told you, voice, to never come back!

It's because of you that I'm all by myself, in my Piglet pajamas, wallowing in self pity.

I wait a few beats but the voice doesn't say anything.

Damn right you won't!

I've picked up the phone like a million times to call Jennie but I never hit the call button.

I also checked my phone a million more times to see if somehow I had missed her calling me. It was such a ridiculous thought because my phone has been right by my side the whole time but that didn't stop me from looking at it every couple of seconds.

One time...

I don't even want to admit this.

Anyway, one time, I called myself from my landline just to make sure my phone was actually working.

Loser!

I'm so pathetic.

I've cut off all communication with the outside world.

Well, not all communication.

I email my mom and Rosé.

But that's about it.

I'm not speaking to anyone else.

My dad found out what happened and told my mom to tell me that I could take the week off work.

Thank god!

I'm in no position to manage anyone's career when I'm barely functioning.

Plus, there's that other reason.

The one that shall go unspoken about for the time being.

I've been camping out on my couch day and night.

I'm barely sleeping.

But I did polish off my mom's care package and then some.

I felt so gross.

I didn't even shower until a few hours ago.

I wasn't going to but I was getting pretty funky and I thought maybe, just maybe a shower would make me feel semi-human again.

It didn't.

I've watched every, sappy, romantic movie I own.

At least it feels that way.

And I cried at the end of every one because the couples in whatever movie it was I was watching got a happy ending.

Unlike me.

I got the kicked-you-in-the-crotch-twist-your-nipple-and-throw-dirt-on-you ending.

Boo!

Hiss!

If my life was a movie, it would flop at the box office because nobody would pay to see that kind of conclusion to what they thought would be an epic love story.

I also watched Annie six times.

I told you I wasn't sleeping much.

I even sang along in some crazy belief that Jennie would magically appear beside me and sing her parts like she did that first movie night of ours.

We'd kiss, make-up and never be apart again.

The credits would roll as we kissed and then the audience would stand up and cheer.

I think I might be a tad delirious.

I haven't stopped pouting.

I haven't stopped sulking.

And I haven't stopped believing that I'll get my own happy ending.

Crazy, right?

You'd think I'd have given up on that at this point.

And believe me, I've come close, but some part of me still thinks that there's a way for us to work things out.

I just need Jennie to show me she's willing to give a little.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking I should as well, but it's not like I asked Jennie to forgo her career her completely.

I didn't.

I was very careful not to do that.

I only want her to realize that the kind of career she's headed for is one that won't make her happy.

Even if I wasn't in the picture.

Living under the strain of that lie will end up destroying her.

I've seen it before.

I've seen it with my very own eyes.

You know, you could have explained that to Jennie, made her realize why you were so adamant about your side of things.

God, I hate that voice.

Even though it's right.

But I was upset.

And angry.

And hurt.

And thrown for a loop.

It's hard to act rational when you feel like your dreams are being crushed.

That's why I want to call Jennie, to explain things to her, but I can't bring myself to do it.

I need to know she's willing to listen.

As much as I stood my ground, she did to.

Argh!

I wish I knew what the right thing to do was!

The other reason I didn't want to go to work is because today is the day of Jennie's press conference.

Where the world will be introduced to her.

And Hanbin.

Jennie's "boyfriend."

Barf.

The thought of watching them make nice for the cameras makes me sick to my stomach.

Literally.

In my fantasy world, I would be at the press conference, cheering her on and giving her all my support.

It would have been nice if I found a way to turn my fantasy world into the real one. I'm avoiding watching any of those entertainment news programs because they might show a clip from it.

That isn't likely because Jennie's not really famous.

Yet.

But there's always a chance and I don't know how I would react if I saw them together.

I'll have to find a way to deal with them eventually because pretty soon Jennie is going to be big and their faces will be plastered everywhere.

Maybe I'll become a hermit or something.

Before I can upset myself further, I decide it's time for another movie.

I think I'll choose a violent one where everybody dies.

Yeah, that'll make me feel better.

I'm almost off the couch when some asshole pounds on my front door like a lunatic.

"Jisoo, open up," Rosé shouts as she bangs harder.

I told her I didn't want to see anyone!

Gah!

She's so pushy.

"No, leave me alone," I yell over that persistent thumping of hers.

"I swear to god if you don't open this door I will knock it down," Rosé warns.

Geeze, what the hell is her problem?

Maybe she needs the bathroom.

Hey, when you have to go, you have to go.

"Jisoo!" Rosé shouts louder. "I'm giving you exactly five seconds to open the door or else."

I contemplate asking her, or else what?

But I don't have the energy to fight with Rosé.

I stomp my feet like a child all the way to the door and then I fling it open in a huff. "What is wrong with..."

"You, stop talking," Rosé commands as she pushes past me.

Rude, much?

She grabs my hand just as I'm shutting the door.

Perhaps she's mad at me because I ignored the last ten emails she sent.

And her calls.

Whatever.

It's my heartbreak and I'll sulk if I want to.

I'm yanked all the way back to the couch and then Rosé shoves me on it.

Ow!

What a bitch!

"Who the fuck pissed in your cornflakes this morning?" I sarcastically ask my friend.

Rosé leans over me and points her finger in my face. "I said stop talking. And if you don't, I'll gag that mouth of yours."

Whoa.

I've never seen Rosé so forceful.

If I wasn't in love with Jennie I might find her behavior a turn on.

I pretend to zip my lips shut and wait for Rosé to explain her psychoticness.

Rosé explains nothing.

What she does instead is walk over to my entertainment center to put in a DVD before she sits down.

She grabs the remote out of my hand and then she narrows her eyes at me. "Now, you are going to watch what I have to show you and you're not going to ask any questions until it's over. Do you understand?"

I nod my head furiously because, honestly, I'm kind of scared of Rosé right now.

It's almost like she's possessed or something.

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

The power of Christ compels you!

Ok, I think I need to stop watching so many movies.

After this one of course.

Rosé presses play and I almost make a comment about the blue screen that appears for a few seconds but I think better of it.

I do roll my eyes at Rosé when I'm confident she's not looking.

But the sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can kick Rosé out and go back to stewing in my own juices.

Hey!

I wasn't making any kind of sexual joke for once.

That's just an expression people use when...

"Jisoo," Rosé snaps as she elbows my side. "Pay attention."

Oh man, she is really skating on thin ice.

I sigh dramatically as I get more comfortable.

My eyes widen and my stomach drops when the first image appears on my screen.

It's Jennie at her press conference.

And Hanbin is sitting beside her.

Boo!

Hiss!

Rosé sucks!

I'm going to post an ad tomorrow so I can find a new best friend.

"Is this your idea of a sick joke?" I hiss.

Rosé presses pause as she keeps me in place. "I will tie you up if you even think of moving."

Kinky!

"Fuck, fine, I'll watch this fucking thing," I respond eloquently.

I'm so not a Rosé fan at this moment.

Rosé smiles triumphantly as she presses the pause button again.

Jennie is so beautiful.

I've said that a lot but it doesn't make the statement any less true.

But she looks sad.

Like me.

And it pangs my heart to see her upset.

Rosé clears her throat a few times as flashes go off all around her.

I should have been there.

I should have been the one calming her fears.

I should have been her support when she probably felt like she had none.

I promised her that.

I suck!

"Thank you all very much for coming today," Jennie begins with a shaky voice.

Oh god!

I'm an idiot.

"I know most of you are expecting me to talk about my new album, but that's not going to happen," she continues with a tad more confidence.

Wait.

What?

I'm so confused.

"Keep watching," Rosé says before I can ask her any questions.

A murmur of discontent filters through the gallery of reporters.

Jennie waits for the noise to die down and I see D.B squeeze her hand. "As of half an hour ago, I no longer have a record deal and my album isn't going to be released."

What?

What?

What?

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

I clench my hands together out of nerves.

I forget about Rosé's presence as I concentrate fully on Jennie.

I don't dare speculate about what this all means.

The camera flashes get more frequent and Jennie stops for a second to take a sip of water.

"When I signed my record deal, I thought all my dreams had come true, but I was wrong." Jennie stops again to compose herself. "I was asked to lie about who I am in order to get what I thought I wanted and it wasn't until recently that I realized what a mistake I made."

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

The crowd gets louder and I nearly shout at them to shut up because I'm so on edge.

"I compromised my beliefs because I wanted this so badly." Jennie's voice wavers and I can only imagine how emotional she must feel. "I never thought of the consequences of my decision until now." She drops her head for a second and when she looks back at the camera it's almost like she's looking directly into my eyes. "Until I lost the best thing that ever came into my life."

Oh my god!

I want to stand up and shout because I'm fairly sure she's referring to me but I can't be happy when Jennie isn't.

"I hurt the one person I never wanted to and I asked other people to lie because I was too afraid to do the right thing." Jennie starts to cry and I think I am as well. "I'm sorry for lying to everyone but that stops right now."

Oh my god!

I'm not even blinking-that's how focused I am.

Jennie glances over at Hanbin and then she glances back at the camera. "Hanbin isn't my boyfriend." The gaggle of reporters reacts strongly to that statement and I plan on finding out who is making so much noise so I can ban them from any future press conferences I hold. "In fact, I've never had a boyfriend because I'm gay."

Holy shit!

Oh my god!

Holy shit!

My jaw drops as my heart swells.

She did it!

Holy shit!

"I don't want to lie about my sexuality anymore and frankly I shouldn't have to." Hell yeah! That's right, Jennie, show them your pride! "There's nothing wrong with me and who I want to love shouldn't matter."

Jennie is so brave!

The first order of business is finding her a new record deal.

She so deserves one!

"I know some of you are wondering if I'm doing this for publicity, but I assure you I'm not," Jennie says despondently. "I no longer wish to pursue a career in the music business."

I gasp in shock and so does the audience that is hanging onto Jennie's every word.

What?

No!

I never wanted her to give up her career completely!

No!

This is all my fault.

"I lost someone who means everything to me and nothing is worth that, nothing." Jennie shakes her head at something Hanbin whispers in her hear. "Thank you for listening."

She gets up and walks away, completely ignoring the multitude of questions being shouted at her.

Rosé turns off the TV and I'm already on my feet.

I have to find Jennie and change her mind.

I didn't want her to give up everything she worked for because of me.

I just wanted her to stop lying.

And she has.

I frantically run around my apartment in search of my keys.

Where the fuck are they?

I hope I'm not too late.

I don't know how, but I'm going to fix this.

Even if I have to bang down the door of every recorder producer in Los Angeles.

I won't let Jennie down.

Not again.

Fuck!

I can't find them.

Rosé is shouting something at me but I'm too busy looking for my keys to pay attention.

Yes!

I snatch my keys off the hook I always keep them on.

I probably should have looked there first.

"Jisoo, stop!" Rosé calls out just as I'm about to leave.

"No, I need to find Jennie," I reply as I look back at her. "I have to!"

I get the door open and fling myself in the direction of the elevator.

There's just one problem.

I didn't notice that someone was standing right outside my apartment and I sent them flying to the ground.

Along with me.

I'll have to apologize later because I can't stop for any reason.

I'm about to take off again when I catch a glimpse of the person I knocked over.

Oh my god!

Jennie!

Jennie's here!

Oh my god!

I nearly killed Jennie!

I don't even offer to help her to her feet because I'm so surprised.

I have no idea what to do with myself.

Breathe!

Breathe!

Breathe!

Jennie stands up and the hairs on the back of my neck do as well.

We stare at each other for a few seconds.

Our eyes connect.

My heart goes crazy.

It feels like it's beating again.

I have to tell Jennie how sorry I am.

I have so much to say to her.

I open my mouth to speak, but Jennie beats me to the punch.

"No, Jisoo, I came here to talk and I need you to listen," she says like she's gone over this very scenario a few times. "Whatever you want to say, you're going to say it after I'm done."

Uh.

Ok.

And wow, how aggressive of her.

I wonder if it's a coincidence that both Rosé and Jennie want me to listen instead of talk.

Interesting.

"Ok," I whisper as I fiddle with my hands.

I honestly don't want to get my hopes up but that's near impossible.

Jennie takes a deep breath before she pulls my hands apart and takes them in hers. "I'm sorry for lying." Her eyes are so expressive that I could drown in them. "It doesn't matter what the reason, I should have been honest with you and for that I'm truly sorry."

I don't let my mind wander.

This is too important.

"As much as I was scared of losing my record deal, the thought of losing you scares me even more." I nearly let go of Jennie's hands so I can pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. "I am an out of work musician that never finished high school and I have no idea what the future holds for me."

I love Jennie so much!

I want to tell her that but I bite my tongue to avoid cutting her off.

"I don't have anything to offer you, except myself." She takes a step closer to me and my breathing hitches. "All of me and despite the uncertainty of my future, I do see one thing in it that makes me feel better." I squeeze her hand and she squeezes mine right back. "You."

Oh my god!

I don't...

She is...

Jennie has rendered me speechless again.

"I know I hurt you and I know that saying I'm sorry won't make it better," Jennie whispers sincerely. "I don't deserve a second chance but I'm asking for