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U N I V E R S E

The universe is all of space and time and their contents, including planets, stars, galaxies, and all other forms of matter and energy.

T O T H E
M O O N & B A C K

MY VISION BLURRED as my friends shouted at me repeatedly to do the next shot. I stumbled, grasping the counter in attempts to keep myself up but I was fucked. I physically felt the life slipping away from me. It was hard to explain, I just felt. . .detached.

As people, some who I know and some who I don't, shouted do it! do it! do it! repeatedly, over and over, I grabbed the small shot glass and bought it to my lips, preparing for the vodka to slide down my throat but it was snatched from my fingertips.

"He's had enough." Alula growls at the countless people crowding around me. "Take him upstairs. Now." she growls at someone as my eyelids droop, concealing my vision.

I force my eyes open, seeing Pandora and Alula watching me, both with equally worried expressions. It felt as though I was visually impairedโ€”well, temporarilyโ€”I couldn't see properly, everything appeared glassy and unclear.

I shake my head, stumbling back. "Fuck off." I spit, walking away from them, but I fall.

Fucking hell.

Someone holds a hand out to me, short nails painted black, chipped. Their long, porcelain fingers holding silver rings and black ink. "Watch your step." she jokes and I follow the soft voice as I crane my neck.

I see her. Pale and piercingly sweet and innocent, her glossy lips holding a sinful smile.

Aurora.

I reach for her hand and I am stunned by the coldness that her skin holds. London is freezing, especially this time of year, but this house was crammed with people and had been for hours, therefore the temperature isn't exactly as cold in here as it was out there.

She attempts to pull me up, but she isn't very strong, so I use the bench next to me to pull myself up.

I lean against the cupboard, folding my arms across my chest as I give her body a once over. She is petite, though, from a distance, she didn't look an inch below five-eight. Her straight, black hair is tucked behind her red ears, that thick red strip of hair peeking through. Her long eyelashes were thick and black, rimming glassy brown eyes. Thick lines of black travelled from her inner corner and pointed at the ends, lifting her face whilst her plump lips puckered.

Something about that fucking winged eyeliner. Fuck.

She wore a navy-blue shirt with a black turtle neck beneath it, the long sleeves covering the tattoos I know that she has. Over the turtle neck, layers of silver chains dangled over it, one holding a lock, the other a cross, and one having stars. Then on her legs were black jeans, ripped at the knees, and combat boots on her feet.

Even in all those layers, she looked on the verge of catching hypothermia.

"You're cold." I state dryly, my voice a slur.

Aurora Kingsley nods and then she laughs. "I am." she admits. "And you're idiotic. How many drinks have you had?"

I shrug. "A few." a few too many.

She laughs and rolls her eyes and I step forward. My veins were fueled by cheap vodka and expensive cocaine, the deadly combination giving me an awful lot of confidenceโ€”confidence which I wouldn't have much of if I wasn't high. If I were standing before any other girl, I would be fine, but her. . .I don't know her, I can't read her very well yet. I have only seen her three times, this being the third, and she's intimidating, nonetheless.

I lift my hands, caging her between my body and the wall but even then, she knows no signs of anxiousness, in fact, she doesn't seem phased at all.

"So," I drawl, removing one hand from the wall to toy with her soft, thick hair and she narrows her eyes at me. "what is a pretty little high school girl doing here?"

Her brown eyes roll back as she wraps her fingers around my wrist and pries my hand away from her hair. "First of all, don't touch me," she seethes, her tone sharp and fierce. "and secondly, your friend invited me."

My friend? Fucking Rion.

"Rion?" I ask.

He's fucking winning already. Fuck off.

She nods, staring at me as though I have just grown a second head. "Yeah, well who else?" she asks stupidly. "Lay off the drugs, you may be pretty but that means nothing if you're brain dead."

I scoff, chuckling as I stare down at her. "Watch yourself with that mouth." I growl. "Otherwise, I may have to put it to use elsewhere."

Aurora presses her hand against my chest in an attempt to put some distance between us and despite her having no strength to push me away, I respect her wishes and I step back. I want to fuck her but I'm not going to force her to let me do anything if she isn't comfortable. She doesn't seem uncomfortable, more so just. . .unsure.

She doesn't trust me, which is understandable, no one does. I don't have the patience to build trust with her but I refuse to allow Rion to win.

"No thank you."

She takes a step to the side, moving past me when she trips on her own feet and gasps. Her arms fly out on either side of her to grab something, but nothing is there, so I quickly dart out, my reflexes not quite as fast due to my current state, but I manage to grasp her arm just before she reaches the floor and I tug her back up.

"Watch your step." I smirk.

She simply rolls her eyes. "Fuck off." she retorts, her pale cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson as she walks away, and I let her.

I consider following after her but I couldn't be bothered and before I could think too hard about it, Pandora appeared next to me, slipping her head beneath my arm as she held a water bottle out to me but I shake my head.

"What were you doing speaking to her?" she sneers. "Why is she even here?"

I remove my arm from her. "Why are you?" I divert the question back to her.

I don't really like her all that much either but seriously, what is her problem? She fucking hates everyone that merely looks at her the wrong fucking way. See, the thing is, Pandora acts tough, like she's all hard and strong, but truthfully, she's just some insecure, pathetic little fucking girl.

All through secondary school, she would bully people, specifically girlsโ€”skinny ones, ones with blonde hair and blue eyes, ones with dainty soft skin and freckles, the pretty ones.

When I first met her, she wasn't anything special herself. But she aged and she grew into her skin, she dyed her hair and found her sense of style and now she is, without a doubt, one of the sexiest fucking girls I've ever laid my eyes on. There is just something about her beauty that is unmatched. Maybe it's the way those platinum blonde strands of hair frame her face and he rest is dark, or maybe it's the way she doesn't have a single physical flaw.

But her personality ruins what beauty she does have. She used to be bearable to be around but now she tries too hard.

"Because I was invited." she declares. "Who on earth would invite her?"

I watch in the distance as she stands next to Rion. Rion's talking, in fact, he looks as though he can't stop but Aurora seems bored, almost as though she's just being polite. A girl is next to her, she has blonde hair and big blue eyes, I recognized her from the diner, but I don't know if I'm thinking of the right person, she looks like more than half of the girls from campus. They all look the same.

"Rion." I answer her.

She groans, tugging at the sleeves of her hoodie. "Of course, he did." she rolls her eyes.

I turn to face her through half-closed eyes, my mouth dry and my veins flooded by this temporary adrenaline. I felt spontaneous, like I could run out the back and dive into the hypothermic pool, or jump from the balcony and endure no pain at all. Fuck, I want to run to the ends of the universe and then again if that means feeling this way forever. But even forever has an expiration date. This concept of forever will run out in the morning.

I always know that.

Pandora stares at me with the same bloodshot eyes as me. Her lips curl into a smile and I can tell in her eyes that she too is drowning in this faux sense of happiness. I can physically feel my entire body tingling, I feel on cloud nine, I have all night.

I'm still fucking wasted but I don't care. I'll keep going and going. If something happens, then so be it.

"Meet you upstairs?"

I shake my head, using the back of my hand to wipe the thin layer of sweat which had formed on my forehead. "Later."

It was only, like, ten. I still had a few hours to go before I'm out for the night.

A mischievous smile places itself upon her lips and I quirk an eyebrow. What the bloody hell is she thinking?

My thoughts were answered as she grabs the hem of her jumper and begins to slowly pull it up and off her body, discarding it on the floor and my eyes widen. What the fuck. The people around us gawk and I shake my head as I turn my attention back to her standing in just her fucking bra and panties.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" I growl, shaking my head.

Pandora merely giggles, reaching for the back of her bra and I chuckle, taking few strides toward her and she squeals, sprinting for the stairs and I chase after her, enjoying the intoxicating sound of her laugh as I follow her up the stairs, ravishing in her stolen glances as she looks at me over her shoulder multiple times, them squeals yet again when she sees how close I am getting.

Feeling as though I am moving even quicker than usual, I chase after her as she opens a door down the hall, closing it after she enters and I purposely wait a few moments before entering, just so that she thinks that I lost her.

My hand darts out for the doorknob and I twist it slowly, entering, before closing it behind me.

My tired eyes scan the room. It is small, the windows covered by thin, grey curtains. A double bed places in the centre of the room and nightstands on each side, other than that, the room remained mostly empty.

Pandora lies on top of the mattress, leaning on her elbows. She was wearing a dusty pink, lacey bra and matching panties and she looked incredibly fucking sexy. Her bronzed skin glimmered beneath the moonlight which beamed through the crack between the curtains.

She moves closer, pulling at the hem of my jumper like a needy child wanting something from their parent and I stare down at her tentatively, tugging my jumper over my head, leaving me in my collared shirt and black chinos.

She moans in delight and if I had been any higher right now, her sounds of distraught would bring me to believe that I was already fucking her. But I wasn't even inside of her yet, in fact, I haven't even touched her.

I allow her to touch me as she reaches up and slowly unbuttons my white shirt. She was quick and swift with her fingers, not getting caught up once and as she undid the last button, she sighs in relief.

Impatient little thing.

She places her hands on my hips and stares at me with pure adoration. She looks at me as though I put all the fucking stars in the sky, in fact, I can see them glimmering in her dark irises when she watches me. I see the galaxies in her eyes, I see the whole fucking universe, and it's fucked because I don't look at her that way. What I see in her eyes is a reflection of what she sees. She looks at me and she sees everything that I don't.

I think that when she looks into my eyes, she sees the black hole that consumes them. But I also think that she sees the bloodshot veins that conceal the white in my eyes and she calls it love. I know that she loves me and sometimes I think that I love her too.

But she loves the high version of me and though that is the majority of me, at the end of the day, that isn't the real me. The intoxicated version of myself is so far from the real me, that he may as well be a different person.

The soft feeling of her lips pressing against my stomach pulls me from my thoughts and my head falls back as she kisses her way right down to the bottom of my stomach and then she stops, the ghost of her longing lips lingering on my hot skin.

I gaze down at her, cupping the side of her cheek as my thumb sweeps over her lips which part at my touch, her hot breath fanning against my fingertip.

As her eyelids flutter shut, I realize how tired she is. I am too. My hand slowly slides from the side of her face and to the back of her head, my fingers threading in between her silky hair when I then pull roughly and she moans.

I lean down, bringing my face to hers. "Lie down." I rasp, tightening my hold on her hair and she gasps, nodding.

She obeys by my words and leans back, her back pressing against the duvet and I reach into my pocket to find something. Seconds later, I retrieve a small, transparent bag. Before opening it, I grab Pandora's knees and tug her to the edge of the beg, placing myself between her legs, I now open the bag and create a long, thin line which travels up the centre of her stomach.

Her eyes light up with excitement as I use my index finger to close one nostril and then in one swift motion, the salt-like substance goes straight into my body and hits me like a ton of bricks. My face began to numb as this overwhelming sense of euphoria washed over me like a wave, taking me under and not allowing me to the surface where reality awaits.

I physically feel all of my problemsโ€”all of me, peeling away like old paint from a canvas, leaving me blank. Bipolar, gone. Depression, gone. Bad grades, gone. Fucked up life, gone. I am nothing right now but me and this temporary happiness.

"Haven't you been drinking?" Pandora asks. I nod, placing the little bag back in my pocket. "You shouldn't be doing bloody coke, then. You'll die, Atlas."

I shake my head. "That's the point."

During secondary school, we didn't learn shit about the effects of drugs. Yeah, they showed us those fucking horrifying pictures of men and women before and after heroin use and they have scabs everywhere and they look inhuman. They told us that drugs were bad and that anyone who does them is stupid, basically.

But never did they tell us about the positives of drug use. I find it rather entertaining how the education system teaches students about how drugs are the worst thing in the world and if you do them, you may as well rot in hell, but never once did they teach us about why people do it, about how for some people, they see no other option.

Yeah, drugs can kill you, but what can't? Everything on this fucking planet can kill you, it is whether you give it the ability to kill you or not. Some do, some do not. But I am reckless, but for a purpose, that purpose being that I simply don't care.

People can say whatever the fuck they want but the truth is, drugs are pretty fucking cool.

I know that mixing cocaine with alcohol is deadly but it's so addictive. There is something so fucking addicting about it. Maybe it's the dripโ€”the way that for the next thirty minutes to an hour, I can taste the substance drip down the back of my throat and it gets me going againโ€”or maybe it's knowing that I'm doing something bad. It's like being a fucking scientist. You take substance A and substance B and you mix them together, and together that makes an entirely different substance.

Obviously, you shouldn't do it because you can quite literally die at any time, most people don't make it, in fact, I've seen many people die from it and it's fucked. But I've built up a tolerance and, as aforementioned, I could not care less whether I end up enjoying the high or choking on my own vomit until the point of death. It sounds sadistic, but that's only because it is.

Fucked up but at least I'm honest.

"You told me that you wouldn't do this anymore." I tell everyone that. "You said you wouldn't mix those two, Atlas. It scares me."

She is really acting like she's never fucking done this before. In this entire house of drug-fucked kids dancing around on some sort of high, she is easily in second like for being the worst when it comes to substance abuse, me being the first, clearly, and I need no prior knowledge of the people here to know that. I just know.

I crawl on top of her and her worries slowly fade away, I watch it happen. "I tell you a lot of things that I don't mean." I smirk, slurring my words as I bring my lips down to the nape of her neck, pressing them against her warm skin.

"Like when I say that you're the only one I want." I say, placing another kiss. "Or when I say that I need you." another kiss.

And I save the most important for last as I remove my lips from hers, smiling at the pink little bruise. Staring down at her, I see her eyes water. "Like when I say I love you." her skins visibly pales and I continue to watch her as she freezes.

Snapping out of it, she presses her hands to my chest and shoves me, but I don't move. "Fuck you, Atlas." she spits. "You're a fucking wanker."

"Mm," I hum, nuzzling my face into her neck. She smells so good, like lavender and vanilla. "I can."

Her hands pressed flat against my chest as I pull her skin between my teeth and suck. "G-God, Atlas." her moans turn me on. So fucking much. "P-Please, oh myโ€”fuck." she squeals.

I grin against her skin as my hand slips beneath the thin material of her bra. "You want me?"

Panting, she nods. "Say it again." she whispers and I continue to massage her skin beneath my hand, running my thumb over her hard peak. "Please. . .Please say it. Just once."

"Say what?" I ask, confused.

Amidst the booming music from downstairs, she whispers and I only just hear her as she says: "Tell me you love me."

I pull away and I stare into her eyes. "I love you." the words fall from my lips, leaving a bitter taste on my tongue. I didn't say it with sincerity nor affection, there was no depth in my tone, it was just bland and forced.

I don't love her. I love that she loves me. I love that no matter how many times I fuck up and hurt her, she comes back. And she'll keep coming back because she loves me too much to leave and I know that scares her, but at the end of the day, she'd rather lie beneath me as she is now, and listen to my false words, rather than to admit the fact that I don't love her and we aren't right for each other.

"I love you too."

A U T H O R Sย  N O T E
hi everyone! update for those asking, i think i have a job haha but i'm not sure yet so let's manifest it lmao. also ik this chapters fucked but pandora and atlas are โœจtoxicโœจ and i want to portray that more because they're so hard and draining, i also think it'll be helpful for atlas' development. anyways please remember to vote, comment, and follow me. i love

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