a/n: Alright, so I'm finally back, and I did a shit ton of writing last night (like more than I've done in one sitting in years) so I have come back with a triple update, only partially because I felt bad about leaving you guys hanging the past few weeks. Anyways, I hope you enjoy these next few chapters, they are going to be a rollercoaster, so buckle up and grab some popcorn.

Kayden took a long breath in, exhaling whispy gray smoke before he passed the cigarette back to Elias. They'd started sharing one cigarette at a time when they sat on the steps, they usually smoked five or so in a sitting together. Maybe they were turning their lungs black, but Kayden thought to himself that there was something entirely poetic about ruining himself with someone else.

"Straightwashing and The Bisexuality of Gilgamesh," Elias stated, holding Kayden's book report in one hand while he took the cigarette with the other, a brief chuckle passing his lips as he shook his head a bit. "You wrote a five-page essay in Times New Roman twelve-point font, double spaced and indented about why Gilgamesh was gay?" He asked, looking at him with an incredulous little grin as if he couldn't believe it.

"Bi technically, but yeah, why the hell not?" Kayden shrugged, taking the cigarette back, holding it up to his lips. "You told me if I picked something that got me talking it'd be easier to write it, so I did, and it worked." He glanced at Elias. "What'd you write yours on?"

Elias set down Kayden's paper, adjusting his glasses before he rested his palm against the stone, and took one last drag, stamping out the cigarette, throwing the remains into the bushes. "The terrifying notion of immortality."

"A safe option," Kayden said, giving him a little teasing smile.

"At least mine didn't spend a solid page and a half veering off into tangential references of Sappho and Ginsberg," Elias said and Kayden ran a hand through his hair, his face tinting pink.

"Hey, a page and a half is a page and a half, at least I cited my sources." He said, looking out into the darkness. Nobody was coming to look for them. Sometimes Walker didn't do his rounds, it was only on occasion, but it was half an hour past when he usually would, so maybe this was an occasion. "Do you wanna go for a walk?"

"We could get caught, curfew was an hour ago."

"It's past Walker's bedtime, and it's dark, no one would see us. We could go out into the woods or something, or to the overlook," Kayden said, and his eyes flickered over Elias's face which was slightly tensed in thought. He noticed the way his eyebrows furrowed when he was considering something.

"Alright, but we should get back before twelve," Elias said, standing to his feet and tucking the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. "The later we stay out, the worse the consequences will be if we get caught, and stay on guard, we need to have a place to hide if someone is up and walking around."

"Yes, sir," Kayden said in a playful tone and Elias just gave him the raise of an eyebrow. "Nobody is out here, everything will be perfectly fine, you'll see." He said, getting up too. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked off toward the forest with Elias.

---

They spent almost two hours walking around the darkest parts of campus, talking about anything that came up. It was unspoken that neither of them asked about their families, they didn't bring up their own secrets, in truth, they hardly talked directly about themselves at all. They spoke about life in a general sense, philosophy, poetry, love, music (of which Kayden had to admit that Elias had pretty good taste), all the things that brought purpose to existence, or so Elias said anyway, he was the one that believed in purpose.

"Alright, favorite quote from a poem," Elias said, walking at a slow pace down the sidewalk as he stared up at the stars. They were glistening like snow against the endless void of blackness, little white dots a million miles away. Kayden always felt so small when he thought about the galaxy.

Kayden thought for a while and then took a soft breath in. "I'm sorry about the blood in your mouth, I wish it was mine. I couldn't get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time. Richard Siken. I'd repeat the whole poem if I could remember it, but that verse is the one that's stuck around, nothing has ever felt the same as the first time I read it." He said, then looked up. "What about you?"

"Yet none could better know than I, how much of act at human hands, the sense of human will demands, by which we dare to live or die. Alfred Lord Tennyson. It's a good one, but it's long. Maybe I'll read it to you sometime and you can read me yours." Elias said with a small smile, though it faded when they both stopped and the sound of footsteps echoed across the pavement.

Kayden ducked down behind a bush, quickly grabbing Elias's arm to pull him over too.

"Is this really the best you could do?" Elias whispered into his ear, barely audible.

"Fuck off, I didn't have much to work with," Kayden whispered back.

They both quieted as the footsteps grew louder, coming closer. Who was up walking around campus at one in the morning?

"Well, I'll probably work here until I die, retirement seems like a scam." Mr. Heimann said and Mr. Adler's laugh sounded quiet in the late-night air.

"Have you ever thought about settling down?" Adler asked.

"Tom, I'll tell you something. When you've married and divorced four times to four different women, you realize 'settling down' is bullshit. I've got a house, a job, a dog, and that's all I need. It's quieter anyway, you know, I never liked much how loud women are." Heimann said and Adler's response faded into the distance.

Kayden glanced at Elias who was so close they were practically pressed against each other laying on the ground behind the bush. "We should probably get back to the dorms." He said softly and Elias nodded.

"Come on, they'll probably be walking around for a while, but we shouldn't take the chance." He said, getting out of the bushes, dusting leaves and dirt off his pants. "You know, I was planning on wearing these tomorrow."

"Hey man, you wanted to go on a walk," Kayden said quietly, holding his hands up in defense.

"I distinctly remember that you were the one to suggest we go out on a walk around campus after curfew," Elias said with a small smile.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Kayden said without looking at him, though he had a grin tugging at his own lips. "We won't get caught, trust me. I'll take the fall for it if we do."

"That's chivalrous, but you don't have to take the fall for something I did," Elias said, walking back toward the dorm building with Kayden.

They walked in silence for the rest of the way. Maybe there was something to be said, it felt like there was. Unspoken words hung thick in the air, questions and answers, confessions, statements, apologies, all of them swallowed up by the night. Kayden knew that neither of them would speak about this in the morning, that was how it worked. Maybe they were friends, maybe they were something else, something quieter than that, more bitter. They had moments like this, ones where they talked and laughed, but it didn't change the outcome of the next day. In the morning, the game would start over, any progress would be lost, the ice would freeze over again. Kayden knew this, he tried to understand it, but Elias was not a puzzle to be deciphered. There weren't clues to solve, there was no map because he didn't want to be found, so Kayden took his crumbs and didn't try to follow them. He didn't make sense of it all, some things didn't need to be analyzed, they could just exist, and this was one of those things.

When they reached the door, Elias twisted the knob but it wouldn't open. He sighed softly, running his fingers through his hair. "We're locked out."

"Do you think they locked the windows too?" Kayden asked, glancing to one of the large glass windows that would take some maneuvering to get to, but it wouldn't be impossible.

"Probably, it's pretty rare that they're left op-" but Kayden was already hoisting himself up on the railing and reaching up to push the window open.

"I guess we're in luck then." The redhead said with a grin. He tried his best to grab onto the sill and pull himself in, but lo and behold, never lifting a weight or doing a push-up in his life was proving to be a bit detrimental.

Elias laughed quietly. "Need some help?"

"Fuck off, I'm fine."

"You're right, I'm sure you and your twig arms are fully capable."

Kayden was still trying to get up into the window when he heard the sound of Elias stepping up onto the stone railing. He didn't expect to feel hands around his waist, strong and firm, pushing him up until he could pull himself the rest of the way into the window. He could feel his face burning as he finally stood, watching at Elias easily jumped up and used his arms for support to boost himself in, hardly missing a beat. Oh, the benefits of being tall.

Elias dusted off his pants and set his hands in his pocket, glancing at Kayden who cleared his throat a bit awkwardly.

"I guess that's goodnight then?"

"I guess it is," Elias said with a curt little nod. "See you in English then."

"Yeah," Kayden said, offering a brief nod himself before he started off.

"Oh, and Kayden," Elias said and the boy spun on his heels to look back at the blond.

"I had fun tonight."

"Me too," Kayden said, a small smile tugging at his lips.

Elias was so damn confusing, and Kayden kept telling himself that he didn't need to understand him, he didn't, he was perfectly fine knowing just as much as he did and not more, but hell if he didn't wonder what every word out of the blond's mouth meant. He told himself he didn't care, that one night was just one night, and a conversation was just a conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Caring about someone like Elias was futile, he was unavailable, and the thing was, Kayden didn't want him to be available, he was shit at caring about people, he fucked it up every time, and whatever he had with Elias, he didn't want to fuck it up. Still, he smiled to himself when he thought about it, retracing the moments over again in his head, he could almost feel the blond's hands against his waist, could almost feel his breath against his ear, the rustle of the bushes, the night air. It was beautiful, the whole thing, every bit of it, but it didn't mean anything, it was just a night.