zoom call

...
Niko : August

Niko: Omg, bitch, what are you doing?

August: What does it look like I'm doing?

Niko: It looks like you're on the toilet

August: Then, you are absolutely right! I am on the toilet!

Niko: You're disgusting

August: It's not my fault you called while I was peeing!

Niko: Well, I would have waited a minute, you know!

August: Okay, zoomer!

Niko: YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAME, GOD!

August: Okay wait, I'm washing my hands

[Niko watched with a straight face, blinking at the screen as August washed her hands, listening to the water running. Finally, August turned the tap off and grabbed her phone again.]

August: I'm going to switch to my laptop

Niko: YOU COULD HAVE JUST NOT JOINED THE MEETING AND WAITED A MINUTE BEFORE JOINING ON YOUR LAPTOP

August: Jeez, stop yelling!

[August was removed from the meeting]

[August James Joined the meeting]

August: THE AUDACITY!

Niko: You were gonna leave anyway

August: BUT THE AUDACITY!

Niko: Wait— I'm gonna change my background

[Niko changed his background, using a picture with penguins in the arctic behind him]

August: Pengies!

August: I'm gonna change mine too

[August changed her background to Shrek's swamp and Niko burst out laughing]

Niko: IS THAT FROM SHREK?

August: YEAH, HAHAHAHA

Niko: We need to Netflix Party that movie

August: oh my god, let's do it tonight!

[Niko changed his name to shrek]

shrek: I'm down!

August: You idiot

[August changed her name to donkey]

shrek: YOU'RE THE IDIOT

.........

[new message from MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT]

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
I'm booooooooored

August James
Don't you have any celebrity friends to talk to?

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
No they're all lame 🙄

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
And surprisingly too many of them are being real shitty and not so careful with covid so I'm cancelling them 😤

August James
Omg so true queen 👏

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
What are YOU doing

August James
just chatting with Niko

August James
OMG I HAVE THE BEST IDEA

August James
Meeting ID: 283 1378 1187
password: 137566

August James
JOIN THE ZOOM MEETING

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
Uhmmmmm

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
It's just you and Niko?

August James
Yes, I promise! No creepy interviewers or crazy fans!

MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
aww but I thought you and niko were both crazy swifties 💔

August James
JUST JOIN THE MEETING WILL YOU?

.........

zoom

[Taylor Swift joined the meeting]

shrek: [in his best attempt at a Scottish accent and in Shrek's voice] DONKEY! YOU BASTARD!

donkey: [in her best attempt imitating Eddie Murphy] SHREK?!

Taylor Swift: Oh my god, what did I just walk into?

[Niko finally realised there was a new comer into the meeting and his eyes widened as August burst out laughing. Taylor could only sit there awkwardly waving.]

Taylor Swift: Hold on, are guys acting out shrek?

donkey: Yes, change your name to Fiona!

shrek: OH MY FUCKING GOD

shrek: YOU DICK, AUGUST! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE

Fiona: Aw, don't be! This is actually hilarious.

shrek: TAYLOR MOTHER FRICKEN SWIFT

Fiona: It's nice to meet you too, Niko!

shrek: SHE KNOWS MY NAME

donkey: anyway, we're gonna watch Shrek later on Netflix Party, if you wanna join!

Fiona: Oh sure! I'd love to— is Niko breathing?

donkey:  he'll be fine!

Fiona: He's rocking back and forth, muttering unintelligibly...

donkey: give him a second!

Fiona: Oh! That's Benji. Wanna say hi Benjamin?

shrek: [wheezing] Hi Benjamin!

Fiona: Oh, by the way, Niko! Like a month ago, I offered to send you free merch but August didn't let me, so you gotta fight her or something

donkey: JEEZ, ARE YOU TRYINA GET ME KILLED?

Fiona: Oops?

shrek: YOU— FU— WHAT?

Fiona: and he's hyperventilating...

donkey: told you this was going to be fun!

Fiona: August, you are actually crazy

donkey: and how has your day been, miss Swift?

Fiona: Oh, you know, one phone call meeting after another. Answering emails. Watching a whole season of Friends. The usual.

donkey: Oh, sounds fun!

shrek: [whispering] Taylor Swift... it's— [he let out a small scream]