Sitting at the table in our tent, I'm scrolling through thousands of pictures I've taken since I came here.

It feels surreal. After that first earthquake, everything changed. I certainly did.

Something about the fear of dying and not getting another chance at it makes you reconsider everything. It made me rethink the decisions of the last years of my life.

Alec dropped the bomb about me being a surgeon and didn't say a word about it to me for a week.

I sought him out and clung to him like a kid, bugging him with so many questions he told me to fuck off.

I didn't.

A dude can't just say that shit and pretend nothing happened. At least, not with me. 

Luckily, Alec needed my help. I stood next to him in the OR three more times. The second time, I was as scared as the first one, but then, it changed.

I realized that no surgeon was born ready. Everyone's hands shook as mine did, and the only way to get rid of the fear was by being prepared. I wasn't. Medicine was never a path I considered. There were no doctors in my family. I didn't grow up hearing stories about how great it was to save someone's life.

All my life, I've been terribly misguided, considering my intelligence a curse. I was an immature fucker, afraid of showing the rest that I was different, and scared of admitting that to myself. For someone who said he gave no fucks, I sure as hell gave too many about wrong things.

One evening, we were chilling next to the bonfire. Alec sat down on the log next to me, saying nothing.

And for the first time since I was sixteen, I opened up to someone willingly, confessing every fear of mine.

I told Alec I was terrified of not having what it took. I said I wasn't sure I really was cut out for medicine. I confessed that I was afraid of finding out that everything was too easy and getting depressed.

Alec didn't reassure me or say it was okay. He asked me three medicine-related questions, and I knew the answers to none.

Laughing, the guy slapped my back and said it was stuff you learned your first year. Basic stuff. Something every medical school student knew.

Jim was right, after all. College wasn't school. The more Alec and I talked, the more I realized that I wouldn't be happy doing the same stuff I did before the trip that changed it all for me. Sure, I loved bikes and fixing them, but what if I clung to that job out of fear of not being good at anything else?

What I did was settle. I settled for meaningless sex, afraid to have a deep connection with someone.

I settled for working at my dad's business, too big of a coward to carve my own path.

It took me one accident, one lost love, and more than a hundred days to see things in a different light.

By the end of that night by the fire, I made several decisions. Nobody pushed me. If anything, Alec goaded me, saying that I wasn't that smart, and he was kidding about the whole surgery thing.

And there was nothing I wanted more than to prove him wrong.

I asked him what I could do. We discussed options, and I decided on a combined BS/MD six-year program that would allow me to access medical school and spend fewer years studying, forgoing the dreaded MCAT. Alec warned me it was going to be hard. I would have to keep a high GPA score at all times and wouldn't probably have vacations like other students.

The admission criteria were no joke, but I met the requirements. Nine months of working for the organization were a huge point in my favor, and so was the letter of recommendation Alec wrote for me.

But the places on the program were limited, especially at the only college where I really wanted to study. Now, all I could do was wait. It was nerve-wracking.
Everything depended on their answer. If they said yes, I would study where Jim lives. I love the city, but that's not why I set all my hopes on that college in particular. Despite what happened — or didn't happen— I wasn't ready to give up. 

I didn't deserve her before. Not with my issues and childishness. Not when I didn't know what to do and what direction to choose. Leah was determined to succeed and knew what she wanted. I, on the other hand, drifted in the sea of self-doubt and later, self-loathing, too much of an immature fucker to admit I was scared to face my issues and become someone I would be proud to look at in the mirror each morning.

I didn't deserve her before, but that might change once I have all my goddamned ducks in a row.

It's funny how I owe the fact that I didn't drown in guilt to the earth shaking.

I'd rather it didn't shake for the last twenty-something days here. I would hate to waste them.

I spend the next hour organizing all the images and copying them into their respective folders. I will probably make several photo books with the best photographs to remember the time I spent in Indonesia.

The door to the tent opens. Diego walks inside and sits at the table next to me. He peers at the screen over my shoulder and smiles. "Bien hecho. (Well done.)"

"Gracias (Thanks)," I reply. "All good?"

Diego nods. "Good and calm. Got news about the letter?"

"No." I sigh. "I hope they tell me something before I go back home. I would love to tell the news to my family, and I need a plan B if they don't choose me."

"And the other thing?"

I shake my head and pretend to be unaffected. "I told you it was a horrible idea."

"It was more personal than a text. Showed her that you care. You shouldn't regret telling how you feel, Brian. Lots of hearts get broken because people keep quiet."

"You know it was what I did, and now… I honestly don't know anymore. It's a gamble."

"But worth the risk."

"I guess. Maybe it got lost. I have to keep telling myself that. Pathetic, right?"

"Amor, amor (love, love)," Diego mutters and leans back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head.

We keep quiet for a while. Then, Diego makes some coffee for the two of us. We're about to drink it when Alec strolls into the tent. 

"No coffee for me?" he asks Diego.

"We have some left, muchacho. Help yourself."

Alec nods and pours the drink into a mug. He leans against the wall and surveys his surroundings. 

I observe him and notice something uncommon in my moody mentor — there's a glimmer of satisfaction in his dark brown eyes.

"Spill it," I say.

Diego looks at me and then at Alec. "Spill what?"

I nod toward the surgeon. "He's hiding some shit. That smug look means he's up to something."

"You're not as dumb as I thought," Alec says, wiggling his brows, and laughs when he fails to dodge the cloth I throw at him.

"Okay, okay." Alec raises his hands, still holding the mug. "Just let me drink this first cause we might need something stronger."

"For real?" asks Diego, and Alec nods with a barely-concealed grin.

He sips his coffee deliberately slowly, enjoying making us wait. When he's done, he plops onto a chair next to Diego and looks at both of us.

"I was on the phone with the HR people."

"From the headquarters?" I frown.

Alec shakes his head. "From Harris Memorial. They offered me a job."

Alec's words make my lips stretch in a grin. It's the hospital in the city where Jim lives. I was too embarrassed to admit it, but I was worried about what would happen once this mission was over, and we had to part ways. Over the last months, Alec became my friend apart from being my mentor, who answered my neverending questions and helped me with college stuff. Having him near would be comforting. 

"Are you going to accept?" I ask, knowing that my tone sounds hopeful.

"Hell yeah. It's a lot of money and an excellent hospital. They are in need of a thoracic surgeon."

"Your thing." I smile.

Alec nods and accepts a hug from Diego. Then, he shoves his hand into the front pocket of his white shirt, and my palms turn clammy at the sight of an envelope.

"Wait. Is that…?"

I jump off my chair and reach for the white rectangle. Alec doesn't let me take it, making sure it's out of my reach.

"Dude, not cool," I snap.

Both guys laugh at my scowl. Finally, Alec holds the letter out for me to take. "Good luck, Brian. I mean it."

My fingers are shaking as I open the letter. I would never have thought I'd be this nervous about college. Me of all people. The guy who kept on saying he would never do it, but here I am, pulling out a white piece of paper with my stomach in knots.

I read it three times. There are many words, but through the moisture in my eyes, I can only see one.

Accepted.

I know, I know. It's not Friday yet, but I had a couple of quiet hours and here you are.

Thoughts about Brian's decision? Guesses?

Only a couple of chapters left in Part One... I know it'll be angsty and certainly not easy, but bear with me. ❤By the way, I don't know if you pay attention to the songs in the chapters. I always choose something that fits or reflects the mood, at least in my head. If you have any song suggestions, let me know here or on my Instagram alwynk_author

Thanks for all the love you give my characters and me ❤

A special shoutout in this chapter goes to Goldinas, eClarebooks and Herondalevibes for all the love in both Brian's and Jimmy's stories.

Love,
Alwyn