As soon as I'm on the ground, Jim envelops me in a hug so tight the fucker might crush my bones.

"Welcome home," my brother says and takes a step back. Jim gives me a once-over, and his lips curl up into a smirk. "You look different."

"Feel different, too," I reply and focus my eyes on Jim's girl. "Hey, Beautiful."

The girl blushes. I kiss her cheek and say, "I'm Brian."

A smack on the back of my head nearly makes me fall. Jim must have been working out more than usual. 

"I'm Ava," Jim's girl says. She smiles at me but doesn't kiss me back. Instead, she wraps her arms around Jim's waist and kisses his lips. "Behave, baby."

Baby?

I chuckle. Jim tries to smack me again, but I dodge it. He tightens his hold on his girl and looks down at her with such warmth I feel as if I were back in The Ring of Fire with my bare ass next to one of the volcanoes. I've never seen my brother this way, and although the possessive fucker hit me, I am happy for him. 

"How was your flight?" Ava asks me. She's still in Jim's arms, and he doesn't let go of her for a second, grabbing her hand as we start walking toward the terminal to pick up my luggage.

"Long, but it was okay. Thanks for picking me up."

"Not at all," says Jim.

"Stop sulking," I say, punching his bicep. "I wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine. Right, Beautiful?"

I wink at Ava, who giggles and leans into Jim. He kisses her on the lips once and glares at me. "I might send you back to Indonesia."

"No more." I raise my hands and laugh when my brother rolls his green eyes at me.

After collecting my suitcases, Jim loads them into the trunk of his car and starts the engine to drive to his place.

The cityscape I observe through the car's window feels foreign to me. I forgot what it was like to see the traffic so dense. I only went to Jakarta a couple of times, not enough to get stressed by the hustle and bustle of the city. 

I have to get used to the metropolis again now. It will be my home, after all.

Jim's car slows down, and he drives into the garage.

I get out of the vehicle as soon as he parks his Audi and grab my suitcases before the three of us take the elevator to go to Jim's floor. 

When my brother unlocks the door to his place, I am hit with the realization that things changed not only for me but also for my loved ones.

Jim's condo looks different. Warmer. Ava's touch is everywhere unless Jim stopped being himself and developed an interest in potted plants, framed artworks, and scented candles. Some furniture is new as well.

"Ava has a good taste," I say and look at Jim's girlfriend, who does nothing but shrug.

"She does," Jim says, kissing Ava's temple. "I like my place better this way."

The two of them exchange smiles and a look that makes me feel like a third wheel. Luckily, the feeling doesn't last long. Ava glances at her wrist, and her eyes widen. "Damn, I'm gonna be late for class."

"Do you want me to drive you there?" asks Jim.

"I'll take my car. It was nice meeting you, Brian. See you later?"

"Sure," I reply.

Ava grabs her purse from the couch and rushes to the front door.

"Ava," Jim calls her. "You forgot something."

Laughing, Ava pivots and hurries toward Jim. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him on the lips, whispering something too low for me to hear.

"Now I have to go for real," she says louder and breaks the hug.

Ava's gone in a moment, and Jim looks at me. "Hungry?"

"Not really," I say. "But we can eat if you are."

"Let's talk first. We have a lot to catch up on."

It's four in the afternoon, but I wouldn't be able to tell the time hadn't it been for the clock on the living room wall. I might be jet-lagged because everything feels blurred.

I slump into Jim's soft couch, and my brother sits by my side.

"I'm glad you're back," Jim says.

"I'm glad you're happy. She seems to be a good girl."

Jim chuckles to himself. "She is. But she's also strong and smart. She challenges me in ways I didn't expect. It's never a dull moment with her. I'm just sad we have to be apart."

"What do you mean?" 

"I'm going on tour soon. Ava will be busy with her classes, but even when she is, we're together most of the time. I'm just calmer with her by my side."

"For how long?"

"Several months."

I whistle, and Jim sighs, resting his head against the back of the couch. "Yeah. That's my life, little fucker. What are your plans now?"

"Going home, visiting Mom and Pops, and then our grandparents. Then I have to rent an apartment on campus. I don't want to live in the dorms. The studies will be hard as fuck. I need some quiet."

"Do you need money?"

I shake my head. "I worked for almost a year and hardly spent anything. I also have savings from before, so I'm good."

"If you need anything—"

"Jim, I'm good."

"'kay. So, you'll just stay on campus until your classes start?"

"That's likely. I want to volunteer at the hospital. Alec will try to find something for me once he's settled."

"Good idea. Want a drink?"

I nod. Jim rises to his feet and goes to the kitchen to get everything ready. I observe him. Although we haven't talked much yet, I realize that he seems calmer. Happier. Probably more like himself. 

I want to ask him tons of questions. I want to know what exactly I missed while I was away, but I decide to wait.

Jim is back with our drinks and snacks. I take a small sip of my Jack and grab a handful of chips, which I shove into my mouth.

I'm still chewing when Jim says, "I was scared shitless for you."

I look at his face. "Why?"

"Maybe because you were fuck knows where, and the earthquakes in that area were on every channel."

"I'm okay. It was scary the first time. The second time, we were more prepared."

"How's your leg?"

"It was nothing." I roll my eyes at Jim's overbearing nature. "A couple of stitches, that's it."

"In case you were wondering, Mackenzie is okay."

"I know. I called doctor Morris every day. He must be fed up with me already."

"Are you gonna talk to him?"

I gulp down the rest of my drink and set the empty tumbler on the coffee table, nodding.

"I just need a couple of days to think about what to say. He will be pissed. I would be if I were him. You were right, Jim, and so was Leah."

"About you feeling guilty when it wasn't your fault?"

"About college," I say. "And my future. I never wanted more until I did. And now I regret taking so long to decide. I'm starting at the age of twenty when I could have—"

"But you are starting. It's what really matters. Our parents will be proud of you."

"Do they know?"

"It's your news to tell. I kept it secret just like you asked me. As for your other request, she is okay. Annie and Mackenzie share an apartment now. Leah has another roommate."

"She never replied."

The words leave my mouth against my initial resolve to not mention that letter. Why would she care about what I had to say when I ran away like a coward without saying goodbye? She probably burned the pages without reading them.

"Maybe she didn't get it?"

Jim is trying to make me feel better. He knows me well enough to know I hate what I did, but he doesn't know everything. There's much more to Leah and me. There are way too many important chapters in our story.

I'm scared that she might have already tried to rewrite them or erase them altogether. 

Talking to Mac won't be easy, but seeing Leah and fixing what I broke will probably be the hardest thing I've done — harder than sticking my hands into a dude's body while Alec is trying to save his life.

"It's gonna be okay," says my brother, and I want to believe him.

***

For the next couple of hours, Jim and I chat about everything and nothing. 

Ava is back at almost eight p.m. We eat dinner together. My eyelids grow heavy even before I'm done with my meal. 

I wish my brother and his girl goodnight and leave the two lovebirds in the kitchen.

Showering has never been more tiring. By the time I'm in bed, I can barely find the energy to pull the sheet over my still damp body.

And just as expected, I can't fall asleep.

The bed is too soft and comfortable. I toss and turn it in for almost an hour. It's useless. I give up and throw the pillow to the floor.

As I lie on the carpet and stare at the ceiling, I remember the past nine months. I feel detached from reality. It's as if a part of me is still there, next to the volcanoes. 

It's temporary. I will get used to my new life soon, but I won't be the same guy who traveled to the other side of the world, hoping to find himself.

I will hopefully be someone better.