Yes. I had said yes.

And nobody can blame me for stepping into a marriage that's not for love, because I'm pretty sure nobody has ever been in my shoes. It's not like I was going to marry for love in anyway. My parents would've gotten someone suitable and I would've accepted. In fact, they did get someone suitable, but with their death all that is lost now.

And the only bit of hope I can cling onto is that maybe, just maybe, I can learn to live and love. With time, maybe I can be really happy with Blake. He does love me. Or care for me at least. He will learn how to deal with me.

"Blake," I say when we stop at the mansion in Blue Jay, "Don't tell anyone yet. I first have to make things right..."

Blake looks at me and smiles. He couldn't stop smiling since I said yes. It's actually scary. "Don't worry, Fiance, I'll wait for when you're ready," Blake says before sliding out of Blue Jay and coming to open my door for me. I step out and make my way to the front door.

The ring Blake gave me - a giant monstrosity of one, is in my pocket.

The ring Owen gave me - a toe-ring that was an earing, is on my toe.

I get inside and Lynch is already sprinting for me. "WherehaveyoubeenIwassoworried!" he yells before grabbing me in a tight hug.

Normally, I'd feel all happy and warm.

"I was out. I'll explain later. Where's Owen?" I ask.

"Upstairs," Lynch answers and before he can explain anything about shampoos, I move to get to Owen's room. If anyone deserves to know I'm engaged, it's Owen. I owe him that much. Especially for what I am about to do...

Slowly, I walk up the stairs and then knock on Owen's door. In a heart beat, he opens it, smiles and then lets me in. I go sit on the bed.

"Goldy, what's wrong?" Owen asks.

"Me," I reply.

Owen sits next to me, his heavy frame making a dent in the bed and I use the moment to just take him in. His fancy coat that will always remain his signature style. His copper hair that grows more brown by the day. His wide shoulders. His dark, dark eyes. His lips. Those lips that once made me feel electricity, but now I can't even feel a knife if it was to stab me in the heart.

I sigh. Work on my breathing for a bit. And then look back into Owen's dark eyes. "I made a choice today. And if circumstances were different, maybe that choice would've been different, but I have to think about my gang. The North is pressuring me for marriage. The South can't be completely trusted yet. And I don't even know if my own gang is telling me the truth sometimes. I can't sit and watch everything burn around me. I need to make decisions. They might be right, they might be wrong, but at least I'm doing something,l right?" I ask.

Owen frowns. His dark eyes looking into mine like he wants to see the reason I'm here. "I don't understand what you're getting at?" he admits.

With the numb feeling all over, I say: "Blake proposed an idea to fix most of my problems. To get rid of the North and make Sterling strong from within."

When Owen is still looking at me for answers, I say: "Blake Bowmen asked for my hand in marriage."

Owen's whole existence seems to come to a narrow point as his expression turns to shock and worry. He moves closer to me and grasps my hands in his like he's afraid I'll float away. His eyes try capturing mine. Tries searching for the girl he wants back.

"Don't tell me you said yes," Owen begs - his voice going a little high pitched.

I don't feel the girl inside break. I don't feel her beg me not to do this. I don't feel shattering sadness inside. I only feel obliged to do whatever it takes to make my gang strong again. Remembering what Owen told me last year, I reach down and remove my boots.

"No..." Owen whispers.

I remove the left boot.

"No." Owen says louder.

I remove the right boot.

"No!" Owen yells.

I reach to remove my socks, but Owen pushes me away and has me flat on the bed. His hands are pressing down on my arms and I don't fight him. I know this can't be easy. Hell, if I wasn't the safe monster I am now, I would've probably started bawling my eyes out. So, I let Owen look into my ruined soul.

"Goldy, please. Think this through. This can't end now. This can't end here. This can't end like this," Owen begs while his voice is cracking. His eyes have a glistening to it as tears threaten to approach.

"Don't make this harder than it already is," I whisper.

Owen clenches his jaw. His eyes narrowing together in concentration as he tries figuring out how to solve this. "You felt it. I know you felt the electricity. Don't you feel it now?" Owen asks as his hands slowly slide up and down my side.

He's so gentle. Trying desperately to let me see how much he cares.

And when Owen Rhodes comes down to kiss me, I let him. One last time.

The kiss is softer than a feather. I feel a warm, wet tear slide from Owen's face, to mine. I feel how scared he is. Scared of losing the girl he learned to care for. if only he could understand that he already lost her the day she died.

I just lay there while Owen kisses me. The kiss deepens as Owen's frustration and desperation starts to show. He pulls at my top and I bring my hand up to stop him. He pulls back and I notice how his cheeks are completely wet from tears.

An ex gang leader who kills people, does boxing and breaks girls hearts, cries at the idea of me marrying Blake.

"Owen... I already made the decision..." I whisper.

Owen's lip quivers and he looks up - trying and failing at blinking tears away before he's back at staring into me. "But I love you. I really do," Owen says.

"Why?" I ask, "Give me three good reasons why you can say that."

The ex East-side gang leader takes a moment to get his thoughts together before he says: "One, you made me look at people. You made me open my eyes to not judge and instead to see everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has reasons for how they are. Two, I pledged my life to Sterling's heir, not because you're a great leader - which you are, or because it was the smart choice. I pledged my life to Sterling's heir, because I believe that the girl in front of me can change the world. Make it better like you made me better. And three, you're my only shot at getting the love my parents have. It was stupid for a gang leader to crave someone that looks at him the way my mother looks at my father. I want that so bad and when you shoved up, I knew I might have something even better." Owen is thumbing through his words at this point.

"Please, Goldy," Owen begs, "Don't take that toe-ring off..."

I look at Owen for a long time. I actually wish that girl inside would start blabbing and tell me I can't do this. But that spot she was at - that dark, cold well, is now empty. Hollow and silent.

"Owen, I do believe that you care for me. You care for me, respect me and maybe even envy me," I say, "but you don't love me. At least not in the way you think you do. You just love the idea of me."

Owen doesn't know how to respond. I can tell that by the way his eyes have gone wide and his lips struggle to form a good response.

So, I start removing my socks.

"Goldy, don't do this," Owen whispers.

I remove the left sock.

"You're right. It's not a boxing robe. It's a bathrobe," Owen continues - his voice breaking all over again.

I remove the right sock.

"You won't be happy with Blake," Owen tries again.

I look up and more tears are streaming from Owen's eyes. He looks flimsy. Breakable.

"My happiness was never an important matter," I reply before removing the toe-ring Owen gave me.

In silence, Owen lets his head fall into his hands. He stays like that for longer than I like and I worry if this means he won't want to be in my gang anymore. When I can't stand the sight of Owen's body raking with sobs, I let my hand brush over his back. I feel the muscles and tension in him and I start thinking about how such a strong guy can break at the sight of a toe-ring.

"You will find someone worthy of you. You will find a girl that is good for you. You will be happy," I tell Owen when his dark eyes find mine again.

And then I place the toe-ring in front of him before getting up and leaving.

Where are you? I ask myself. Why aren't you crying and begging?

When no answer comes, I head back downstairs and call everyone to the living room. Everyone follows without question. Lynch, The Twins, Blake, Sean, Gareth, Falco and even Nixon who recently got back in town. The viking-like man is still rocking his beard and looking mean as ever as he finds a spot on a couch like everyone else.

I take a seat as well. Gareth, my second in command is on my right side and Blake, my fiance on my left.

"I have something to tell everyone," I start with.

Nixon kicks his feat up and says: "It's weird having a leader that tells us things in person. Trebor always resorted to messages."

I look at Gareth for explanation and the dark man has kind eyes when he says: "I told you about Trebor wanting his identity secret. Our orders were given by messages. Or his 'second in command' Robert, who we all know was actually him."

I nod in understanding before looking back at my gang. "Sterling was once the greatest gang there ever was. But we've gone weak. With my father dead, we're not the best and other gangs know that. The North is still obsessed with having us. The South can't be reliable until we know if we can trust them. And there's a masquerade coming with every gang attending it. If we don't make bold decisions now, we'll be sitting ducks," I explain.

Everyone murmurs in agreement.

"So," I start again, "I decided it's wise to find strength within ourselves before we ask help from a gang who would want us destroyed."

"That's a wise decision," Gareth comments next to me.

"Now, I know," I continue, "That I'm not as strong as I can be. We are not as strong. Gareth, you will help train me. Bring me to the level I need to be if I want to kill someone in hand combat. Nixon, you will find me new recruits. We have sources all over the country for that. Ryan and Bryan, you will be my eyes in Tygerwell High. Sean, you can... you can make sure we get our shipments. Lynch, I don't want you more evolved that you are and Blake-"

"Wait what?" Lynch protests.

I send the curly head boy a look that says we'll talk about this later.

"And now, for the announcement you all have to hear," I say while standing up tall. This is it. No turning back now.

"To get rid of the North and ultimately, send a message out to the other gangs that we are strong within, I've decided to marry Blake Bowmen," I announce and take the ring from my pocket before slipping it onto my finger.

It's safe to say that everyone is surprised. From gawking, to staring, to silence, nobody saw this one coming. If this is my own gangs reaction, I can just imagine what the North will think of this.

What follows is a mixture of agreements and protests. People like Lynch do the protesting and people like Gareth, Falco and Nixon do the agreeing. What it comes down to though, is Blake taking my hand and telling everyone we will have another meeting soon before taking me to my room. I'm honestly grateful, because I haven't paused to catch my breath ever since I was announced Sterling's new leader.

When we're in my room, Blake switches the lights on, closes the door and hands me the world's biggest grin. "I can't believe this is happening," he says.

"Neither can I," I admit honestly.

Blake takes three long strides to me and says: "You're actually mine... I get to have you all to myself..."

"Yeah," I reply.

"I know the actual marriage is only in a while, but I'm beyond ecstatic. After everything. After you picking Owen at Isabella's last year. After you actually dying. After everything, you finally pick me..." Blake smiles.

I want to tell him it wasn't me picking between two boys, but just picking between my gang and Amber. But because I've made enough people miserable, I fake my most convincing smile yet and say: "Yes. It's you."

Blake scoops me up in his arms and kisses me. I've never felt electricity from Blake's kisses to begin with, so at least the familiarity of kissing without anything stirring inside, is somewhat comforting. It's something that didn't change.

I kiss Blake back, because it's what a fiance would do.

When Blake's kisses get deeper and I try keeping up, he carries me to the bed and lays me down. I hold on to him, because I'm hoping that the more I kiss him, the more I can feel something. Anything.

I feel a sense of dèja vu since Owen was kissing me just minutes ago, but try getting the memory out of my mind. Blake. Blake. Blake, I repeat in my head. You'll spend the rest of your life with Blake. You will marry Blake. He will make you happy. At some point. Blake. Blake. Blake.

For a split second I get an image of Xavier reading Harry Potter to me.

Blake puts a bit of his weight on me while we're kissing on the bed - his tongue tracing the inside of my mouth like he knows and he wants to get the taste of Owen away. When his hand starts sliding up my side, I'm surprised to feel uncomfortable. We're engaged after all.

"Blake," I say.

His hand tugs at my top while his other moves down to my skirt.

"Blake, can we wait?" I ask.

"We're engaged, Darling. What are we waiting for?" Blake replies with his lips still against mine. His one hand cups my boob and I start lightly pushing against him.

"But can't we wait until we're actually married?" I ask.

Blake doesn't answer and instead kisses me more. His other hand traces the inside of my leg and moves up higher and higher. I want to tell him I'm not ready for any of that, but then I let it go. We're engaged. Maybe I'll never be ready. Just relax. Maybe this won't be as bad.

I let my hands fall to my sides while Blake's hands move to pull off my skirt. I close my eyes and think of the time my parents bought me ice cream on a Sunday afternoon.

"Uhem, we have news," I hear someone say.

Immediately, Blake and I jump at the noise and tug our clothes back the way they were. It's Gareth. He's looking amused, but also serious. "If you won't mind joining us downstairs, there's been a revelation," he explains.

"We'll be there in a second," I reply and find myself a little relieved that we got interrupted.

"Until next time," Blake whispers into my ear and leaves a kiss on my cheek.

Realizing I've been without shoes since I was at Owen's I go to my closet and grab a pair of heels before running downstairs. Blake is right behind me and my gang is in the living room. Exactly how I left them.

Nixon and Falco are on their phones while Gareth hands me his. "Turns out things aren't as simple as we thought," Gareth says, "The dead are waking up from their graves." I look down at the screen and can't help the gasp that leaves my mouth.

My... My father is still alive?

Heya goldies!

This little plot twist we have will be our starters. I'm pretty sure you're all excited for the Masquerade, am I right?

FIRSTLY, shout out to BraedenJones45 who found me Xavier's actual name. I'm not revealing it, because well, it's not really Xavier. I used the model and made his eyes green and hair auburn. Here's a few pictures of how the model actually looks:

SECONDLY, and the matter I'm most stressed about. TGAAGG needs something more. A new title, a new cover, I don't know. PLEASE email me ideas you have. My email is: [email protected]

I have a few of my own rough ideas. Tell me what you think. (I personally love the idea of using chess pieces).

Tell me what you prefer and pleaseeee email more options. Pinterest is great for getting good pictures. Things and images I like,