[38]

- EDEN -

-

KELDAN HAD TEXTED me telling me that he needed to talk to me before I left. He said that there was something important he needed to talk to me about.

I sat on my bed for a minute, trying not to let the memories of what passed between us affect me. Instead, I decided to turn on a movie before everybody started to wake up. Not having anything specific to watch, I settled on the movie Five Feet Apart.

An hour or two passed and I was sobbing like crazy. My hand was pressed to my mouth to stop myself from sobbing too loud. Julia was still asleep and I didn't want to wake her up with my nonsense.

I paused the movie as the credits started to roll. My body was aching and my head hurt from how hard I was crying. When I decided that I needed a distraction, this movie shouldn't have been it.

Now I was thinking about death and how it could happen at any moment. Now I was thinking about what it would be like without his touch. Now I was thinking about how important it is to live.

I dropped my head back on my bed and let my eyes flutter shut as the tears dried on my cheeks. No matter how many times I repeat this, this time I'll do it:

I'll live.

-

We were in a car on our way to a museum. Julia, Dawson,  and Leah were sitting in the back. Julia had her head down on Leah's shoulder as she told her about her parents wanting to buy a new house. Dawson listened as Julia commented a few times here and there.

I was sitting in the row ahead of them watching the cars whizz past us. Atlas sat right next to me, my hand was in his and softly brushing my thumb over his hand. Every once in a while, he'd glance at me, a weird expression on his face. When I'd give him a questioning look he'd shake his head and look away.

As I stared out the window, my thoughts were overtaken by Keldan, Ethan, the movie I had watched a few hours ago, and back home, I'd feel this huge ache in my chest. My hold tightened around Atlas's hand and I pulled his hand into my lap.

Even though nobody in the cab really knew we were together (we'd kiss and hug and laugh and smile pretty at each other, but we weren't anything more than that... I think), I didn't care.

Atlas moved his lips to my ears, "You're being very touchy all of a sudden,"

I didn't look at him and simply nodded, softly pulling his hand closer. He sighed softly, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head. There was nothing wrong at all. It's just that the reminder of death and how close each of us have been to it was suddenly making me scared. I was scared death that was already looming over us would take us both. Or worse, one of us only.

"It's nothing," I whispered, making it a point not to look at him, "I can't just hold your hand?" He frowned softly, moving my hair back from my face and softly brushing his fingers against my jaw.
He simply nodded and dropped his hand from my jaw. He looked away and talked to Jude, his hold on my hand tightening a fraction, reassuringly.

We toured the Anne Frank Museum and it was equally depressing and beautiful. So much history and so much pain and beauty... All from a little girl. While the rest of the group were looking at the stuff in the gift shop, I decided to make a few calls. My first one was to dad.

When he answered at the first ring, we exchanged formalities. I missed hearing his voice and I didn't realize just how homesick I was. He asked me if I was having fun and if I was ready to come home. I was definitely having fun but had no idea if I was ready to go back home.

When a beat of silence washed over us, I asked him how things were back home. He let out a small laugh, "Oh, things are fine. Your mom, Lydia, and I have been having dinner every week now. It's nice."
I nodded, "That's good."

He muttered in agreement and as another beat of silence washed over us, I let out a sigh, "Dad?"

"Hmm?" He asked as he moved around in the background.

I sucked in a breath, "Is everything okay with Ethan?"

He sucked in a breath and the commotion on the other side halted to a stop. I asked my question again and that seemed to stir a proper reaction out of him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, "Of course he's fine. Why would you ask that?"

I sucked in a tired sigh, "Can you please stop lying to me? I get that enough from Mom." I said, "Can you please just tell me?"

Dad sighed and after a long while, he finally spoke up, "Ethan's been skipping sessions with his therapist and she thinks that he's falling back into old habits. Reneé hasn't been able to get through with him anymore and—"

"Who's Reneé?" I asked. His therapists' name is Kendall Mahone.

Dad sucked in a breath and I felt my insides curl in fear. I repeated my question and he blurted it out, "His wife,"

The contents of my stomach wanted to climb right back up my throat as the fresh tears stung my eyes. Pain and betrayal's strong cold hands tightened their hold around my neck, choking me until I couldn't breathe.
I hung up and stumbled back to my group of friends. Leah's eyes met mine first and her eyebrows furrowed in worry, "Eden? Babe, are you okay?"

I shook my head as the first tears started to fall. She closed the distance between us and wrapped her arm around me. I laid my head on her shoulder trying to find the will to breathe in a lungful of air. I was choking on the bitter feeling of being alone.

"He's married," I said as a lone tear escaped my eye.

Leah let out a small sigh and tightened her hold around me, "I'm so sorry, Ede. That's so shitty."

I nodded. I wanted the tears to start falling, but they wouldn't. My face felt cold and pale. I didn't know what was happening to me and whether it was natural or not.

When I finally let Leah go, she took my face in her hands, "How'd you find out?"

I helplessly looked back to the spot I was standing in when I talked to Dad, "Dad told me. He told me that Ethan isn't meeting with his therapist any more and that Reneé was getting worried."

A dry sob escaped my lips. My body was yearning to cry, but what exactly did I have to cry about? When he left all those months ago, he was making his own life, his own world. And that world didn't include me. I had to understand that.

But the twinge of bitter betrayal that was running through my veins was making it hard to swallow that dry pill.

"For all I know, he could have a fucking child. I could be a fucking aunt and would it know it, Leah!"
Leah brushed my hair back, "Baby, I'm so sorry."

My eyes met Atlas's as he emerged from behind a shelf, followed closely by Dawson. His eyebrows connected in worry and as he made his way towards us, I wanted nothing but to lose myself in his embrace.
"Eden?" He asked, his fingers twitching beside him, wanting to reach out to me in spite of the eyes of the group around us. A tear slipped from my eye, followed by a couple more.

He took his bottom lip between his teeth and as Leah placed her hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me, he ran his hand through his hair, closing the distance between us.

He wrapped his arms around my shaking body, pressing his lips to my hairline in a soft kiss. I clung to him, wanting nothing, but to disappear as the weight of the world seemed to rest on my shoulders. My vision blurred and my cheeks wet with tears.

"He's married," I whispered into his warm embrace. "Ethan got married and didn't think it would be a big deal that I wasn't there. He didn't think that it was important whether I was a part of his life anymore." I breathed into his chest as the tears falling from my eyes started to slow.

Atlas brushed my hair back and I was slightly aware of Leah pulling Dawson away from us and down the aisles.

I breathed in a sigh as I felt my phone ring in my pocket. It rang for a moment and then another. I wanted him to call me. I wanted him to explain to me why he thought I shouldn't have been at his wedding. Ilet out a shudder, "I'm silently hoping it's him."

Atlas reaches into my back pocket causing my insides to melt into goo and my limbs to tingle. I suck in a breath as he sighs, "It's Keldan."

I pull away from Atlas and frown at my phone in his hand. Since it was the fifth time he was calling me today, I plucked my phone from Atlas's hand and answered it. Atlas watches me, his hand softly caressing my face as I focus on the zipper of his jacket.

"Hello?" I whisper.

Keldan exhales in relief, "Eden, finally. I needed to ask you something."

I will myself not to roll my eyes, "What is it?"

He proceeds to tell me that after the last time he called, he texted Ethan about them meeting somewhere to catch up and said that he couldn't this week. Ethan said he might be able to meet him the following week and they set the date.

"Okay?" I asked, bitterness running through my veins, "What does this have to do with me?" I was getting angrier with each second I stood there listening to Keldan talk about how he could still text Ethan at a moment's notice and I couldn't.

Atlas pulled me closer and planted a kiss on my forehead effectively making the thoughts in my head slow and my body warm. My anger slip away for a moment as I placed my hand over his, softly brushing my thumb over his hand.

"You told me you were going to be in Italy soon." He said and I nodded, agreeing with him, "And?"

He let out a small sigh, "I want you to come with me... to see him."

The air in my lungs dissipated and the color drained from my face. "No," I choked out.

Keldan let out an annoyed sigh, "Why? I'm trying to fix this, Ede!"

I shook my head, "I don't need you to fix this, Keldan. Leave it alone."

He let out a sigh, "Please, just think about it. I think he'd love to see you."

My hand was shaking and I was feeling at the possibility of seeing Ethan again. I hated him more than I should, but I missed him too. "How do you know that?"

Keldan's voice turned soft again and all I wanted to do was punch him in the face. I hated the pity that was shining through his voice and I hated the fact that I hadn't hung up on him yet.

"He talks about you all the time, Eden." He said.

I tried to come up with the words that I could possibly say to that, but couldn't. Honestly, I thought that the moment he left the country, he wouldn't turn around or spare a moment to think about his family ever again. I think everything was better before I knew that.

"Club del Doge," He sighed. "Think about it, Eden."

When he hung up, I let my hand fall from my face. I met Atlas's eyes and he tilted my head up to his, "Everything okay?"

I wanted to tell him. He was the only person in the world that I felt like I could talk to and he wouldn't pity my situation or judge my messed up family. He was the only person I felt that I could actually open up to and not feel like I'd scare him into running for the hills.

I didn't want him to disagree with my want to see him again, but I also wanted him to tell me it was a bad idea.

"Keldan wants me to go visit Ethan with him in Italy," I breathed.

Atlas's eyebrows knit together as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. I could feel the gears turning in his head as his eyes flickered about my face. He let out a small sigh and I found myself frowning deeply, "You don't think I should do it."

He shook his head, "I—" He sighed, "Do you want my opinion?"

I hesitated for a moment, but nodded, "Yeah,"

He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. I watched him lick his lips before speaking, "I don't think you should go. You don't know what's changed in his life and it might not be safe for you to go on your own."

I frowned.

"And even if it was safe for you to go, I don't think it's a good idea to spring this up on him like this..."

My mood deflated even more because all the points he was making were right and grounded. I let out a small sigh and let him pull me into his embrace again, "Will we ever catch a break from this shit?"

Atlas let out a small laugh that seemed to bring a smile to face. I let my eyes flutter closed as I pressed my cheek against his chest. As he planted a kiss on my head, I opened my eyes, "Atlas?"

"Hmm?" He asked, pulling away from me a moment.

I stared up at him. Memorizing the straight bridge of his nose and the curve of his lips. Memorizing the arch of his dark brow and the sharp edge of his jaw. I spent time memorizing the blue and green of his eyes and the smoothness of his skin. I stared and memorized every inch of his face, hoping that effort will be enough for him to stay.

I let my hands pull him closer to me by his neck. My fingers disappeared in his dark mess of curls and his body pressed to mine; his chest against mine, his arms around my waist, and his hands pulling me even closer by my hips.

When our lips met again, a surge of emotions flowed right through me. Unbearable sadness and pain as heat rolled off my body and into the core of my body. I held onto him tighter as his lips moved against mine nice and slow.

As he hooked his fingers into the waistband of my jeans, I let out a small gasp at the coldness of his fingers against my burning skin. Atlas pulled away from me, planting a final kiss on my lips before resting his head against mine.

"I don't think I can do this," He said, causing my eyebrows to furrow and my lips to frown. I brushed my fingers against his cheek comfortingly.

"Wh—What do you mean?" I asked, hoping that the alarm in my voice wasn't too obvious to him. I felt his fingers against my warm skin and I wasn't so sure I'd be able to handle a conversation like this right now. He sucked in a breath, letting it go as a sigh.

"I don't think I can kiss you or touch you like this without having it for the rest of my life, Eden." He said and I let my eyes flutter open to meet his shining ones. "I think it's blatantly obvious that I want you far longer than eternity."

My lips pulled into a sad smile and he brushed his lips against them. I whispered softly against his lips, "I can definitely do more than an eternity with you,"

He let his lips pull at the corners into a smile, his voice a soft whisper, "God, Eden. I can't hold it back much longer and don't think I want to. I—"

Before he could finish what he wanted to say, the group emerged from inside the store and Atlas and I pulled away from each other. His hands were still softly placed on my waist, but he was much further now. I offered him an apologetic smile and he shook his head, a soft smile on his lips.

He planted one last kiss against my temple, his slow words floating into my ears, "I'll tell you later, baby."

I let the smile blooming on my face make an obvious appearance as the group stopped in front of us. Leah showed me the bags of gifts they bought, a huge smile on her face. Julia also had a small smile on her face as Jude flipped through a notebook with her, his hand gently placed on the small of her back.

When Atlas stepped next to me, his hand around my waist tightening by a fraction, I smiled. I'd be okay because no matter what happened, I'd always have them.

"Ready to have lunch?" Leah asked us, her eyes lingering appreciatively at Atlas's hand around my waist and I nodded.

Dawson let out a groan, dragging her out the store, "Thank God because I'm starved."

I let Atlas pull me out of the store as he softly rested his lips against my head. I loved this. I loved it more than I should.

Then the gears in my head started to spin faster as the statement in my head fluttered around: And maybe I loved him.

-

Hey guys. I don't remember when the last time I updated was, but it wasn't that long ago, I think. I hope you guys liked this chapter even though there wasn't much going on... kinda.

What do you think is going to happen in Italy? What do you think Eden's Mom and Dad are doing or hiding? What do you think is wrong with Ethan? Stay tuned HAHA. And what do you think of the new cover?

Also, I started to read punk57 and couldn't sit through the whole thing. I didn't like it all that much. It gave me a lot of second hand embarrassment. So, I started to red the unhoneymooners which is amazing.

And thank you from the bottom of my heart each and every one of you. We reached 59K and 960 followers! I love you all so much it hurts. THANK YOU.

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