[31]

- EDEN -

-

MY HEAD WAS booming in my head and I just wanted it to stop. I wanted everything to stop even if it was just for a minute.

Our group was getting ready to go to the Louvre Museum per my consistent begging. I was sitting on the floor of Leah and Dawson's room. They both had separate beds, but it didn't seem like Leah's bed was even slept on. Her flushed cheeks when I gave her a knowing look was telling enough.

I was sitting on the floor next to Julia and Jude who were sitting on the couch. Leah was in the shower, you could hear her shouting profanities as the shampoo and conditioner bottles slipped out of her hands. Dawson had already showered and was slipping his socks and shoes on. Jude had said Atlas finished his shower when he was walking out.

"Nobody wants to go to a dumb museum," Dawson groaned making Julia and I's eyes to snap to his.

"It's the Louvre!" Julia said, giving him an incredulous look.

I rolled my eyes, "You need to learn to appreciate the fine arts,"

Jude laughed, "Just ignore him. His version of fine arts was his macaroni plate from the second grade."

At that Julia and I let out a laugh and Dawson rolled his eyes, "I don't care what you think, Jude. Macaroni is very aesthetically pleasing."

Julia snorted and Jude smiled, "Mhm, sure."

After a while of us sitting and talking, Dawson yelled at Leah to hurry up. She didn't respond for a second, but then let out a small growl, "Halifax, if you don't shut the hell up, I will beat you up and I don't care if I'm naked."

Dawson's cheeks burned red and the rest of us doubled over in laughter. Dawson, unable to say anything else, picked up the remote and turned on the TV, tuning us out.

Then, a knock sounded at the door.

I moved to get up and open the door. On the way there, I glanced at myself in the mirror nodding proudly at my outfit today. I was dressed in a black skirt that ended at my mid-thigh and a beige and brown sweater vest over a white tee. 3 gold necklaces were layered atop the other around my neck and rings to match. For shoes, I had decided to wear my Doc Martens.

Running my fingers through my hair, I walked over to the door and swung it open. Atlas stood on the other side of the doorway, staring down at his phone. When the door was fully open, he looked up, his eyes meeting mine.

The hand that was holding his phone lowered as his eyes skimmed up and down my body. His eyes fell to my lips and trailed down my neck and skimmed past my torso and took his time staring at my thighs before meeting my eyes again.

"Uh, hi," I smiled, my cheeks burning red as his eyes on mine stayed unwavering. I took in a breath as I waited for him to say something.

He was dressed simply in a pair of black cargo pants and a graphic tee that had a picture of the Backstreet Boys. His hair was still damp from his shower and a loose curl fell onto his forehead. Around his neck, he had on a thin chain and the beaded necklace I had given him a few hours ago.

He cracked a smile, "Hey,"

I took in a breath and widened the door, stepping out of the way a little. He walked through the door and Jude exclaimed, "Oi, you're finally out."

Atlas let out a small laugh, "I didn't take that long,"

I closed the door and turned around, smiling to myself softly. Atlas took a seat on the bed across from Jude and Julai's couch. I walked over and sat back on my seat on the floor, stretching my legs out in front of me to keep my skirt from riding up.

I took a breath and let my eyes wander to Atlas's. His eyes met mine for a second before he looked around, "Leah's not ready yet?"

Dawson snorted behind him, his eyes not leaving the TV, "Don't let her catch you saying that,"

Julia laughed and I smiled softly as I stared at the rings on my finger. I gently twisted the ring around my ring finger as my mind wandered back to home. Right now, they were probably in the middle of packing up the house; they were packing the living room, and the kitchen, and the basement, and the bedrooms.

Since it was almost mid-July, we'd be going back home August 1st and we'd be leaving August 16th. I didn't have enough time to tell them and I didn't have enough time to tell—

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Julia placed her hand on my shoulder, "Ede, baby, are you okay?"

I looked back at her, a startled expression on my face, "I—I'm okay. I promise,"

She nodded, offering me a small smile. I smiled back at her and turned around, making a move to get up, "I forgot something in my room. I'll be right back,"

My eyes briefly met Atlas's and I quickly looked away, hoping that he couldn't see all the troubled thoughts going through my head right now.

I made my way to the door, my heart hammering in my chest and tears welling in my eyes. When I finally made it into the hallway and heard the door click shut behind me, the tears started to fall and my breathing came out harder and faster.

I pressed my hand to my chest, holding back the fear that was creeping into every inch of my body. As I neared my room, fumbled around for the key card in my pocket, cursing to myself as I didn't find it in my right pocket.

When I finally found it, I watched as a tear drop fell onto my wrist. I angrily wiped my tears away and inserted the card into the the slot. The button blinked red and I let out a groan.

"Fucking hell!" I cried, bumping my head onto the wooden door.

"Need some help?" Atlas asked from behind me causing me to flinch. I slowly turned around and let out a sigh as my eyes met his.

"I— uh, I forgot something." I said, my voice breaking halfway through my sentence.

Atlas took my hand and pulled me away from the door. I stumbled towards him and he held my face in his hands, wiping the tears off my face.

"Don't cry," He breathed, pulling my head into his chest and holding me to him, shushing me softly as he brushed my hair back. I wrapped my arms around his torso, clutching onto his shirt.

"They're all I have," I shivered as I cried into his chest, his comforting hands holding me to him.

Atlas sighed and pulled me away from him, holding my head in his hands as he brushed my tears away, "Eden, it'll be okay. They're your friends, they'll understand."

I shook my head, "That's not the problem, Atlas! I don't want to leave them."

He let out a sigh and I looked away, "I wanna stay here forever."

I looked back up to him and as I stared at him, his hands on my face, and his fingers in my hair, I really did. I really wanted to stay in Europe with them for the rest of my life.

But we couldn't.

"You know we only have three more stops, right?" I asked, a small smile on my lips.

He nodded, "I'm painfully aware,"

I cracked a smile, wiping the last of my tears away. Atlas's hands slowly fell from my face till they were holding both my hands in his. I glanced down at our entwined hands, my cheeks burning slightly at the feeling that I was growing comfortable to.

"Good," I smiled and stared at him, waiting for something— to see if he would say anything. After a while, he smiled, "Are you rushing me, firecracker?"

My cheeks flamed red and I rolled my eyes, "Nope, I'm perfectly fine at this speed."

He laughed as I dragged him back towards Leah and Dawson's room. He took his hand back and placed it over my shoulder, pulling me towards him as we walked back. I smiled up at him.

"Cause we could go faster, y'know?" He whispered in my ear causing heat to creep up my neck and burn my cheeks. I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. He let out a small laugh at that and as we reached their door, he slid his arm off my shoulders— much to my dismay.

Before he knocked, he glanced back at me, "I don't think I've told you, but you look beautiful."

A smile erupted on my face causing him to let out a small laugh. He reached his hand up and brushed my hair back and behind my ear.

"Thank you, Atlas." I breathed to which he nodded, taking his hand back.

"Of course,"

With that, he turned around, a small smile on his face, and knocked on the door. I watched him as he looked down at the floor before he looked back at me for a brief second.

As the door clicked open, he winked at me and turned around walk-in through the door leaving me breathless and a complete hot mess. I took in a breath and wondered if anything would change between Atlas and I in Paris.

When I finally made it back to the hotel, my hands weighed down with bags and bags of gifts and clothes, I was dead tired. Julia, Dawson, Jude, and Atlas were downstairs at the shop across the street. They sold little lamps, jewelry, some clothing, and antique-looking eves of furniture like mirrors and small desks.

Leah was downstairs in the lobby talking to this girl she met at the museum. Her name was Genevieve and her and Leah became incredibly fast friends. Leah invited her to our hotel in hopes that they could talk longer and she accepted. When we arrived, Genevieve told us that her and her friends were throwing a party tonight and that we could come if we weren't busy. Leah accepted on our behalf.

I placed my bags down by my bed and took a seat, letting out a sigh of relief. As I moved to kick my shoe off, my phone rang in my purse. I let out a groan and rifled through my purse, looking for my phone in the mess of loose dollar bills, gum packets, and cards.

When I finally found my phone, I glanced at the screen, my face instantly paling.

The phone rang and rang and all I could do was stare as his name lit up my screen.

Keldan.

I declined the call and went back to our messages. As I stared at his latest texts that consisted of Call me back and I know where Ethan is, my finger slipped, scrolling all the way back to our text messages from our breakup.

——

March 3, 2020
8:32 PM

Keldan: Baby, I'm sorry. I know I had no right to do that shit to you, but it's what I thought was right. I'm sorry.

Me: Fuck you, Keldan. I don't care what you thought was right. You had no fucking right to tell him, you had no right to say anything.

Keldan: Eden, I didn't mean it. You scared me when I saw what was happening and I had no one to talk to about it. He was my best friend before you were my girlfriend.

Me: I hate you so much.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
Go fuck yourself, Keldan.

——

An angry tear slipped down my cheek and I swiped it away. Another call from Keldan lit up my screen and I angrily accepted it, pulling the phone to my ear.

"What the fuck do you want, Keldan?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself in a protective manner.

He let out a sigh of relief, "I just want to talk to you, Fitz."

"Don't call me that," I said, curtly to which he let out a sigh.

"When will you forgive me, Eden? I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." He sighed to which I bit my lip angrily.

"I told you I never would," I whispered, my voice rising with each word, "You are the sole reason he is gone and you are the sole reason why I can't function like a fucking regular human being."

"I told you I was fucking sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing talking to him for you. You were hurting and I didn't know who else to go to."

I huffed, "It's too late for that,"

It was quiet for a few seconds. He didn't say anything and I didn't want to say anything else to him.

After a while, he let out a breath, "I want to see you again,"

I shook my head, my eyebrows furrowing deeply, "Fuck what you want, Keldan. I don't want to see you,"

He sighed, staying quiet for a moment, "Well, do you want to see him at least?"

At that, my heart stopped and my breathing hitched. I shook my head even though everything I wanted to say was the complete opposite.

"I know where he is," He said and I shook my head, growing angrier and angrier at him.

"No, you don't. Stop lying to me." I bit out, dropping my head in my hands. On the other side of the phone, Keldan sighed.

"I'm not lying to you, baby. I swear it, you know how much he liked Italy." He said, causing my face to pale.

"No," I said, shaking my head, "Stop,"

He sighed, "Eden, I love you so much and I don't—"

"Keldan," I said, cutting him off, "Please don't do this,"

He sucke his teeth in annoyance, "No, Eden, listen to me. I fucking loved you and still do, okay? I'm sorry with how things ended between us, but I never meant to hurt you. When I saw you and you begged me not to make it a big deal, I panicked. I couldn't process it and I couldn't help but feel it was my fault."

"Keldan, please shut up before I hate you even more than I already do." I said, my hands balling up into fists.

"Eden—" He started, but I caught him off with a huff. I was getting sick of this. I was getting sick and tired of him thinking that what he did was alright. I didn't think it was okay.

"Keldan, I loved you more than anything in the world. I love you way too much for a person who couldn't even love themself. Getting into a relationship with you wasn't a smart move from my side. I was hurting and I was stressed."

"Well, why didn't you tell me?" He pleaded and I closed my eyes, shaking my head.

"Would that have done any good?" I asked, my voice raising in anger. "What would you have done? Tell me that it'll be alright and that you'd get me some help?"

He let out an exasperated sigh, "I— Eden, I'm sorry."

I let out an exhausted sigh, "Sorry for what exactly, huh? Sorry for treating me like shit before? Or were you sorry for treating me like a person after you found me?"

He sighed, "I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you,"

At that, all the words died in my throat. I hated him so much for this. I hated the fact that he could say a few words and make me reconsider ever hating him in the first place.

I sighed as we sat there for what felt like an eternity, but might have actually been a few seconds.

"Is Ethan actually in Italy?" I asked, hoping so bad that it was a lie. I didn't want to know that I'd be in the same country as him. I didn't want to see his face after so many years. I didn't want to see the face that left me all those years ago— the face that was filled with guilt whenever he looked into my eyes.

Keldan sighed, "Yeah, he— uh, he's been living there for the past two years with—"

I shook my head vigorously, "I don't want to know. Don't tell me."

Keldan sighed, "Eden, I'm so sorry and I know you don't want to hear that from me, but I am. I just hope you're doing better now."

I blinked back a few tears, "Yeah, I'm better. Much better,"

Keldan let out a small laugh, but not as if he was entertained. He laughed to fill in the large abyss of emptiness between us. "That's good,"

I nodded, "Hey, I gotta go. I don't think we should—"

"Talk any longer?" He asked, taking the words right out of my mouth. "Yeah, I know. I just wanted to hear your voice for a few seconds longer."

I nodded, pausing for a second, "Goodbye, Keldan."

He let out one final sigh, "Goodbye, Ede."

With that, I pulled the phone away from me and hung up. I stared at the screen of my phone for a few seconds waiting for something—anything!— to happen, but it didn't.

I dropped my phone on the bed and laid down on my back, the lack of sleep and stress finally catching up with me. As my eyes slowly fluttered close, I found myself thinking about the painful past.

The days Ethan and I sat in the backyard, two spoons and one bucket of ice cream to share. The times Keldan would take me out to the movies at noon to watch every movie playing in the theater till it was well into the night. The day we found out Mom was pregnant with Lydia. The times Julia, Leah, and I watched movies that Ethan set up for us in the yard and the neighborhood kids would join us with popcorn.

I missed it all. I missed the pain, I missed the people, and I missed the times I took advantage of my youth. I wanted it all back, I wanted the time I didn't know I'd miss back.

I wanted to stay here for the rest of the summer, but I also wanted to spend time at home longer. I didn't want to move and I didn't want to change. I wanted to be the same old Eden who had her family and her friends; The Eden who lived in the past and relished in the present; The Eden who was always sure that things would never change.

No matter how wrong I was, I fell asleep wishing for everything to stop.

-

^ linked is the song i was listening to while writing this lol

Hey guys, I hope you guys liked this chapter. It was very telling and I hope you picked up on the things I was putting down lmao. Thank you so much for all the reads and the sweet comments. You guys mean the world to me, no joke.

Atlas is so sweet and I love the way he makes Eden feel better without even trying. It's hella cute. Next chapter is the party that Genevieve invited them to, I hope you guys are looking forward to that because let me tell you... WHEW. Also, what'd you think about Keldan?

Anyway, have the absolute best day and drink some water and tell o one you love them. If you love this book, go check out my new one, the end of all things beautiful. I'll drop the link in the comment section. Love you all so much.

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