[20]

- ATLAS -

-

MY HEAD WAS spinning and I couldn't get it to stop. My vision blurred as I tried to pick myself off the floor and I let out a groan, settling back on the floor.

Originally, I was sitting on my bed reading my book when the stabbing feeling in my head arrived. My eyes crossed and I got nauseous from the pain. I slid down to the floor in hopes of the pain in my head easing.

I had no such luck.

A sob escaped my lips as a sharp pain through the middle of my head left me blinded. I pressed my hands to my head, hoping that the pressure would relieve the pain. With every second that passed, the degree of pain I was in doubled.

"Fuck," I groaned into my hand as I squirmed around on the floor. My breathing was ragged and I was sweaty. The thin shirt I had on was soaked through with sweat. I reached behind me and pulled my shirt off, throwing it to the side.

I let out a breath and laid flat on the ground, thinking about how little pain I'd be in if I was dead. I stared at the ceiling fan above me as it whirled around and around at concerning speeds. I imagined it falling on top of me and frowned.

I needed help.

I sat up and crawled over to my suitcase, feeling around for the pack of medicine I had packed. I let out a sigh of relief when my hand wrapped around the bottle. I quickly pulled it out and flipped open the cap, downing four painkillers dry.

I groaned when I felt the pills finally slide down my throat and let my body fall limp onto the ground. I let out a cough as I felt my body relax, but the pain in my head stayed unchanged.

From the next room over, loud music could be heard. I tried to think of whom I was sharing a wall with. I let out a groan as thinking made my brain hurt even more. I let out a sigh as I remembered that it was Eden.

From what I could hear, she was listening to some slowed-down song by The Weekend. I let out a low groan as I curled onto my side. I took in a sharp breath as a knock sounded on my door.

"Hey, Atlas, Dawson, Leah, Julia, and I are going out for some dessert. Wanna join?" Jude asked from the other side of the door. I swallowed back the nausea that crept up my throat.

"No, I think I'm just gonna rest," I called back.

Jude faltered a second, "Are you okay?"

I took in a deep breath before I answered, "Yeah, I'm fine. You guys have fun."

Jude let out a breath, "Okay, but if you need anything, Eden's next door."

I frowned, but nodded, quickly realizing that he couldn't see me. "Yeah, okay."

With that he walked away, leaving me half dead on my bedroom floor. The pain in my head didn't subside after painkillers I had downed five minutes ago. I decided that maybe if I slept for a little bit, my headache would ease.

I willed my body to shut down and it tried. My body yearned for rest, but the pain that dwelled dormant in my body was making it hard to. My body drifted in and out of consciousness a few times. This was like the journey I went through every night to get some sleep.

I heard a faint knock on my door and I let out a soft groan. The headache hadn't ceased and I wondered if I'd be in less pain if I died.

"Go away," I murmured into the carpeted floor my face was pressed to. On the other side of the door, Eden sighed.

"Atlas, are you okay?" She asked which made my heart wrench in pain as I remembered that day over and over again. That question... I absentmindedly glanced at the tattoo on my forearm.

"I'm fine, Eden." I breathed out, but before I could complete that sentence, a wave of nausea washed over me. I ignored the splitting pain in my head and quickly crawled over to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet.

A sob left my lips as the bile burned my throat. Tears stung my eyes as the pain in my body doubled and doubled. Outside, I heard the door click open.

"Atlas..." Eden's voice flowed in towards me on the bathroom floor. I let out a groan as another wave of nausea passed over me. I bent closer to the toilet and let it all out.

Behind me, Eden stepped into the bathroom and let out a gasp, falling onto the ground next to me. I shivered slightly as she placed her cold hand on my back. I relaxed into her touch.

"What— Atlas, are you sick?" She asked, the panic settling into her. A small smile stretched onto my lips and I quickly flushed the toilet, falling backward and resting against the wall.

Eden sat next to me, her hand outstretched like she wanted to do something, but couldn't. I felt like vomiting again from the way she was looking at me... Like I was there... Like someone was finally seeing me.

"Seems like it," I groaned as my head thumped over and over again against the wall. I took in a deep breath and attempted to get onto my feet. I stumbled a little, but Eden was already up, steadying me against her.

"Oh, how the tables have turned." She laughed and I cracked a smile, quickly regretting it when my head boomed in pain. I winced, pressing my hand to my head.

I let go of Eden and moved to the sink, grabbing my toothbrush and quickly brushing my teeth. Eden leaned against the counter as she waited for me to finish, humming to herself.

When I finished, I turned around and attempted to smile, but it came out as a weak grimace.

"It's so hot in here," I winced as my head continued to pulsate. I glanced at the shower and walked towards it, sliding the glass door open. I turned the knob, letting the cold water start.

My head throbbed, but I shook it away making my head flare in even more pain. I stepped into the shower and let the cold water wash over me as I closed my eyes. I let out a sigh as my body started to relax.

My head, although my body felt better, was spinning at a hundred miles per hour. With every second that passed, I wondered if my head would ever stop moving. I wondered if I'd ever attain a level of silence up there that'll eventually let me close my eyes. Closing my eyes forever seemed like a dream.

I don't know how long I stood under the cold water, but I picked my head up when I remembered Eden standing a few feet away from me. She was still leaning against the sink counter, watching me, her eyes soft and confused.

When my eyes met hers, she pushed off the counter and walked over to me. She stood and stared up at me as the cold water drenched my hair and body. I blinked as I watched her innocent eyes look up at me with so much truth. Her brown eyes, natural and beautiful like molasses. I couldn't help but stare at them as they enveloped me in a shroud of safety I had never felt before.

She reached her hand up to me and held my cheek, softly brushing her thumb over my cheekbone. With each stroke of her finger, my mind slowed down to a slow whir. The itch to smoke away my problems evaporated; the need to inflict pain on myself disappeared; And my constant want for peace and love was satisfied. Right now, I was completely enveloped in all of her.

In front of me, Eden's other hand held the other side of my face. Her touch against my burning skin was making everything inside of me slow to a soft hum. She pulled me closer to her, resting my head on her chest. She threaded her fingers in my hair and rested her cheek against my head. Without question, my arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to me.

She took in a breath as a tear slipped down my cheek. She held me closer as if she felt the pain inside me dull down to a soft whisper. "I'm here, Atlas."

With those words, I felt all the static background noise in my head disappear. I didn't know how long this tranquillity I was feeling would last, but right now, I'd revel in it. These moments with people like her are what kept me floating. Whether they lasted forever or not was a thought that brought me down lower and lower. I pushed those thoughts away.

We stood there like that for a while. My hair slowly drenching the shirt that she had on and her slow breathing and heartbeat comforting against my ear. But with each long second that passed, the agitation and feeling of helplessness settled back into my head. And with that feeling came the nausea again.

Without a second to spare, I pulled away from Eden and bent over the toilet, letting everything I've eaten today come back up. I let out a pained groan as I threw up the last of it into the toilet.

When I flushed the toilet, I took in a breath and fell limp on the bathroom floor. I felt so weak and it annoyed me that this stupid sickness that was in my head was affecting my body so much. I hated it. I wanted it gone.

But things were always easier said than done.

I looked up at Eden and watched as she walked out of the bathroom. I heard her rifling around in my room for a few seconds before she returned. In her hands were an armful of clothes and towels. She sat down on the floor next to me and pulled out the small towel. She placed it on my head and dried my hair with it. A small chuckle left my lips at her actions.

"If you think this is funny, I could just stop and leave you to your misery." She said. I took that as my queue to shut up.

I looked up at her and smiled, but she didn't notice. She was too focused on drying my hair to notice how intently I was staring at her. The shirt that she was wearing was drenched and her brown hair that always resembled waves of chocolate were wet too. She didn't seem to care.

I thought back to all the girls I met and realized just how different eden was from them. Our town was filled with girls who liked to dress up for every and any occasion. And if the smallest thing happened to their outfit or their makeup, the tantrum they threw was absolutely scary. I don't know how I managed to stand them.

But Eden, she was like... a kid. She didn't care what she looked like or if her hair was messy. She didn't care about what people thought of her. She didn't care if people looked at her. She was caught up in her own world and I was jealous of that. I wanted what she had.

When Eden's eyes met mine, she gave me a small smile before pulling the towel away from me. She stood up and placed the clothes on the counter. She glanced at herself in the mirror and laughed slightly before she turned back to me.

"Uh— I got you some clothes. Just hurry up and meet me downstairs." She said before turning to walk out of the room. I stopped her by grabbing her hand. She flinched slightly before glancing at my hand and then to me. She frowned in confusion.

"Where are we going?" I asked, staring up at her as she smiled to herself.

"It's a surprise. The fresh air will make you feel better, too." Was all she said before she turned and walked out of the bathroom, my hand falling from hers.

Once I heard the door to my room click shut, I stood up with a groan. I frowned when I realized that my headache was coming back. I took in a deep breath and changed out of my wet clothes and into the new ones Eden brought me.

Along with a pair of boxers that she got me, she had picked out a black graphic tee along with a pair of matching sweatpants. After I was changed and had downed three more painkillers, I slipped my socks and shoes on. I grabbed my things and stuffed them in my pocket before I shut off my lights and made my way downstairs.

When I reached the last step, I noticed Eden by the door slipping her shoes on. She had changed her shirt into a black cropped tank top and had her hair pulled up into a high ponytail.

I realized I was staring when she laughed nervously. I smiled softly before nervously fiddling around with the ring on my middle finger.

Eden took a breath, "I'll drive,"

I frowned, "We don't have a car,"

At that, she smirked and showed me the car keys in her hand. I smiled, silently wondering when we had rented a car.

She pulled the front door open and skipped down the steps before turning back around to me, "You coming?"

I laughed at her choice of words and followed her out the door, closing it behind me. I walked down the steps, but stopped as my eyes landed on the car in the driveway.

"You like?" Eden said, the smile on her face the biggest I've seen so far. I smiled at that.

The car in front of us was a deep shade of red and looked to be a Mustang or something of the sort. The top was down and the seats were white and leather. I looked to Eden who was pulling open the car door and climbing into it. I laughed to myself and walked over to the passenger side, quickly slipping in.

I looked at her as she buckled herself in and pulled the gear into drive. Before she backed out, she turned to me, a stern look on her face.

"Seatbelt on, please." She said and waited for me to actually do it. I smiled, rolling my eyes.

"I'd rather not," I said, looking away from her and out the window.

She huffed, "Put it on or I'll do it for you."

I smirked at her, "Oh, will you?"

Her cheeks flamed red, but she gave me a smug look, "I most definitely will."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the stupid feeling those words did to my stomach. With a sigh, I pulled my seatbelt on. Eden smiled and finally pulled out of the driveway.

My eyes closed. The sky was dark, but I could still see the light from the sun slowly setting in the horizon. The cries of the birds gliding over the water's surface sounded around us. It was cool outside so the breeze that blew past us made my eyes close in placidity. I felt calm.

"Feel better?" Eden asked as I opened my eyes. I turned towards her and frowned.

When I had told her that she looked beautiful last night, I now realize that it wasn't true at all. She was so much more than that. She had let her hair down from its ponytail and it whipped behind her in the cool breeze. The soft smile that stretched her lips lit up her face and made me wonder how something so beautiful could exist. Watching her drive let me appreciate her natural beauty more than I would any other time.

"Yeah," I breathed and truly, I did. The feeling of nausea that usually rested in the pit of my stomach was gone; the itch to smoke a pack of cigarettes in a day had vanished; the overwhelming heat that burned my skin every day and night was gone; And the feeling of electric shocks that ran down my spine every night had disappeared.

"Fresh air can do wonders." She whispered.

I nodded absentmindedly and looked outside as the car slowed to a stop in front of a house. It stood big and tall and had the same design almost every villa in Spain had. It had cream colored walls and brick red Spanish style roofing. Where the windows would've been, were boarded up spaces. All the entrances were the same way.

"Where are we?" I asked Eden as she stepped out of the car and grabbed a bag from the backseat. I frowned at her as she walked away and didn't answer my question. I quickly got out of the car and followed her to the front door.

I watched her smile up at the big wooden front door and then walk to the boarded up window next to it. She set her bag down and grabbed a board, forcefully pulling it loose. She did the same to the other three and set them down on the floor next to her.

She then moved to pick up her bag and handed it to me, "Hold this."

I took the bag from her and watched her smirk at me before she lifted herself up and climbed into the house through the window. She stretched her hand out for the bag and I handed it to her. She jerked her head towards the house and smiled, silently asking me if I was joining her.

I followed suit and lifted myself up through the window, quickly climbing in. As I stood inside the house, I looked around. We were standing in an empty living room. All the furniture that was left behind was covered up with white sheets, a layer of dust settled on top.

I looked back to Eden as she turned and walked through a hallway. With a small huff, I followed her.

"Where are we and why did we climb in through the window?" I asked, watching her hair swing back and forth behind her as she walked in front of me. I silently imagined how her hair would look wrapped around my fists. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

In front of me, Eden stopped at the balcony doors and slid it open. She stepped through it and waited for me to join her on the other side. I stepped through and looked around.

To the left of us was a wide space of rolling greens and a few matching houses in the distance. To the right, the same thing. In front of us sat a wide and empty pool that looked like it hadn't been filled with water in years. Past the pool was a large hill.

Eden grabbed my hand and pulled me forward when she realized that I wasn't following her. I smiled down at or joined hands. Just like me, she had an assortment of rings around her finger. Instead of them being silver like mine, they were gold. I wondered how her ring-clad fingers would feel wrapped around my neck or dragged down my chest. I took a deep breath and retracted my hand from hers.

Just one touch made me crazy.

She frowned back at me for a second, but quickly made her way up the hill. I followed and stared at her as she took a seat at the top. When I reached the top, I took a seat next to her.

From up here, we could see most of the bustling city. People walking around, talking and laughing with others. Cars zooming up and down the tight streets of Spain. People on mopeds driving alongside the cars in traffic. The faint sound of Spanish music booming in the distance.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Eden asked and all I could do was nod. She was right. It was beautiful. The lights, the people, the music... It was all so different.

After a long time of us sitting in silence, enjoying each other's company. I asked her the question that's been on my mind the whole night.

"Why'd you bring me here?"

She smiled and laid down on her back, turning her head to the right a little to face me. She closed her eyes and once more, I found myself staring at her longer than I should have.

Finally, she spoke, "You looked like you needed to get a break— from everything."

I nodded and didn't look away. I stared at her as she softly hummed to herself, barely louder than a soft whisper. Breathing started to get hard as I stared at her longer and longer.

"What happened back there?" She asked, her eyes still closed, her lisps still pulled into a soft smile.

As she asked that question, I found myself thinking back to Mom. The look of sadness that washed over her when I told her that I wanted to go on this trip. She wanted to keep me in her arms for as long as she could, but she knew that it would make no difference.

A week before she told me about the trip, I had started to get sick more and more often. The headaches would be hundreds of times worse than today, my body would burn hotter than anything I ever knew, and the thoughts in my head would only get louder.

Withdrawal was what happened back there.

"Probably a bug or something," I found myself lying.

She nodded, but her smile faltered. Suddenly, she got up and opened her eyes. She turned her body to face me and smiled again, "Wanna play 20 questions?"

I frowned, "Why?"

She shrugged, "It's something to do."

I cracked a smile and shrugged, "Uh— Sure, why not?"

She smiled even wider and nodded, "Okay, question one, do you listen to Chase Atlantic?"

I frowned, shaking my head, "Sometimes,"

She tilted her head as she looked at me and nodded, "Okay, your turn."

I