Chapter 21: Regret and Jealousy

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It took several seconds for Ellie to move from being frozen into a frantic phase of going back and forth in front of her children.

He's here. He's here.

These words kept on repeating on her head as if in automatic play. Only when Nate and Ally called her name that she settled.

"Mama!"

"Are we not going to let him in?" - Nate

"And I did not unbolt the door as you have instructed." - Ally

She put the bag of peas that fell on the floor onto the freezer and slowly walked towards the door, so slow as if someone is going to jump on her if she move hastily.

A knock was heard again on the door that made her heart jump.

"Coming!" She shouted but it came as croak, she doesn't even know if he was able to hear it.

A rapid, loud knock came again when she closed the door.

"Will you just wait for a little bit, I'll unbolt the door." She said, irritation clear on her voice.

All the preparation she did for herself were for naught when she opened the door and came face to face again with the only man she ever love.

---

Ethan slightly panicked when it took several seconds after his little girl rushed inside to announce that a big guy - meaning himself is knocking at the front door. His panic level rose up to the highest notch when the door suddenly closed, so came his rapid knocking as if something is running after him. The fear of Ellie not welcoming him into her home is too much. Does he have to beg on his knees in order for her to open up her home to him?

He expelled the breath he's been holding when the door finally open wide and he came face to face with the only woman he ever dreamed of marrying.

He cannot stop himself from staring at her, though maturity is evident on her face, it suits her, motherhood suits her. He cleared his throat to banked out his emotions.

"Why are you here?" Ellie asked him in a hushed whisper.

The incredulity of her question made his mouth hang open.

"Of course I will be here. Do you think I will not come and claim what is mine?" He answered in a whisper as well.

He saw her opened her smart mouth to rebuke what he said, but she opted to keep silent. She then opened the door wider and let him in.

He stepped on the threshold and glance upon their home. It is small compared to his house but is enough for three people. His gaze then landed to two children both looking up at him with wide eyes. He was about to say something to them when Ellie spoke.

"Kids, can you go to your room for awhile? I'll just talk to our visitor."

He saw them hesitate for several seconds, looking back and forth between him and Ellie, before they quietly left.

"What brought you here, really? What is your reason, besides the one you said a while ago?" Ellie asked him again, arms crossed in front of her chest with the blandest face he ever saw - her guards are up.

"I should have been here as soon as I've known, but Lucas and my family told me not to come here, that I should let you be for sometime because me coming here soonest might spook you that you might run." His statement made her raise her brow.

"And I want to get to know them, my children, our chil-" He didn't get to finish what he want to say for she cut it with eyes blazing like fire.

"They are not yours, nor ours, they are mine." She hissed.

Her statement made his brows furrowed, he felt a pang in his chest, that tears suddenly sprang on his eyes. He blinked rapidly for the tears not to fall, but he may have not been fast enough for he saw an emotion crossed her eyes before she averted her gaze. Not able to withstand the pain and hurt she inflicted by her words, he opted to leave.

"I'll leave for now for I think we will not be having a discussion in a civilized manner, but I will be back Ellie. Do not in any way think of running away for I will find you wherever you will go." He left those parting words in gritted teeth, clearly controlling himself to lash out.

---

Ellie felt her knees became weak when she heard the closing of the door after Ethan left, that she sat on a nearby chair. She knows that what she said hurt him - a lot, based on the pain and tears he so willed not to show, but it was there, she saw it clearly before he blinked it back.

Tears fell after sometime, she was hurt as well with what she had said but she has the right to lash out, isn't it? The pain after all this years came back that she silently weeped, she felt small hands touched her and saw the twins in front of her. She hugged them both while continuously crying, the kids comforting her.

---

Ethan left hurriedly, tears started to fall and he cannot blink it back anymore. Ellie only said one sentence but it was like she thrown ten pages worth of lashing out. He felt it - her pain, the hurt and difficulties she felt for the past eight years, something that he cannot redo, he can only accept it, make amends and make up for lost time. But it is as if Ellie refuses to welcome him into their lives and he knows why, he understood - but it really hurts.

He went inside his car and drove, he will come back some other time. Ellie will not leave, he already told her he will find them if she will do so and he hopes that it is enough for her not to do anything drastic.

He drove for several hours without direction and found himself in the heart of Manhattan, at the basement of a building, about to ride an elevator towards the penthouse - Lucas' place.

Alvin is already waiting for him at the landing when the elevator door opened and guided him towards the living room where Lucas is.

"So, how was it?" Instead of answering him, he just gave the man a pointed look.

"That bad huh?" Lucas said. It was uttered as a simple statement but it made him annoyed. It is as if he was mocking him.

He reined himself not to say anything by gritting his teeth. The muscles on his jaw moved with tension and contained anger. He took a deep breath, it will not do him good if he will lash out to anyone.

Alvin came and served them scotch on ice. He sipped his and he felt the tension on his muscles slowly eased.

"Where is Claire?" He asked since he did not saw his sister when he came. It is unusual for her not to meet him.

"She is asleep, she's tired since she wants to exclusively breastfeed Luke." Lucas answered before yawning.

He just suddenly noticed that he is wearing dark circles around his eyes and it seems that Lucas' eyes are about to fall.

"You don't look so well. Sleepless nights?" He cannot stop himself from asking.

"Yeah." Lucas answered with another yawn.

"Luke had been up last night and I volunteered myself to watch over him."

"Is it difficult? Taking care of your little one?" He asked, the seriousness may have been noticeable for Lucas suddenly is alert and stared at him.

"Yes it is, but it's all worth it, especially if your child smiled at you. I love watching him sleep, I keep on thinking I may have done something right to have them - your sister and Luke." Lucas have happiness plastered all over his face.

He suddenly realized that he will never experience what Lucas is telling him. About those sleepless nights taking good care of your child, of feeding them, of lulling them to sleep - those times are already gone. He cannot contain the sudden pain and anger towards Ellie, for she did not let him experience it. But at the same time, he understood why she did that. He admires her courage as well, for getting through all of it without a husband by her side - without him in all of it.

He cannot control the budding of jealousy toward the man in front of him for he is experiencing what he missed all those years. He almost had it, but then he let it slip, but he wants it back - really bad. He already sworn that he will do everything to have them.

He didn't notice that Lucas have been observing him that is why he got surprised when he suddenly speak, most especially of what he said.

"You'll have them Ethan, I know you will. I don't know what had happened before, all I know is that Ellie never had any relationship with any man since I met her. She's been focused on the twins and making her business grow."

"No one?" He asked in wonder.

"None that I think of. Though Mel has been adamant for Ellie to meet someone that she had been on several blind dates, but no one pursued her as far as I know." Lucas answered.

He didn't know what to make of it. He is happy that Ellie did not entertain any suitor all these years but jealous of any man that she had dated, though only once.

"So, what really happened after I left you this afternoon? Did she refused to see you? Were you able to talk?" His attention was caught by Lucas' questions.

"She let me into their home, yes we were able to talk but it ended up with her hurling hurtful words. I gave her a warning before I left, that she should not ran away and that if she will, I'm going to follow and find them."

"She will not ran away - for now." The certainty in Lucas' voice made him raise his brow.

"How can you be certain?"

"Well, because presently, she is busy preparing the twins' birthday party which will happen the day after tomorrow."

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