Episode Thirty Three

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When I opened my eyes the lantern was on, but it was dim.

Suzie stood at the end of the bed with Mindy in her arms, smiling adoringly. The look on her face was like a time warp, taking me back before the virus. Before our lives fell apart. Before Mom and Dad died. Before she and I grew apart. Seeing my sister so genuinely happy warmed my heart in a way I thought was no longer possible.

Curious to find out why she was so happy, I tried to move, but Thomas's limbs were entangled with mine.

Oh.

Suzie was smiling at us.

The way Thomas's arms encompassed my body was so comfortable that I hadn't even realized he was holding me. His deep breathing was soothing. Thomas didn't snore, and I liked the rise and fall of his chest against my back.

Suzie quietly giggled when she saw me try to disentangle our limbs.

Thomas groaned softly in my ear.

I couldn't tell if he was asleep or awake as I tried to move out of his embrace.

Thomas's breathing stalled as his biceps tightened around me. "Don't leave."

Unable to deny him, I eased myself back into his arms, giving him time to wake up.

Thomas tugged me closer, and my heart fluttered at the realization that our fingers were still entwined. I knew Thomas wanted me before, but I'd been so focused on Derek that I'd become utterly blind to the depth of my feelings for Thomas.

Over the last month, we'd grown to know one another, and it was apparent that he was so much more than I'd first assumed. Thomas was an incredible father figure. He was intelligent and kind. Thomas did anything he could to keep us all safe, and he never let me down. Suzie and Mindy adored him. Hell, even Grant had the highest respect for him. We all did.

I'd been worried sick about him when I thought Jenson's men had killed him. After that, I hadn't been able to sleep for days when I thought Thomas had contracted the virus through his bullet wound.

The moment between us in the closet had been on constant replay in my mind. It'd become an unforgettable memory that I couldn't erase, no matter how hard I tried.

Every day my feelings for Thomas absorbed deeper and deeper into my heart. I did everything I could to shove that realization down, but he was my heart. Thomas was home. He was everything to me.

Was this really happening? Was I really falling for the man-whore I'd tossed to the curb like a piece of garbage?

Guilt hit me hard in the chest. God. I had been awful to my Thomas.

I was an asshole. I'd hurt Thomas and had done my best to avoid him. I didn't speak to him for days after he'd been shot.

I didn't deserve Thomas. I'd pegged him completely wrong, and he'd only ever been good to me. I'd been a complete bitch and told him we wouldn't happen because I had to be loyal to Derek. And look how that turned out.

I groaned internally.

I had a shitty compass when it came to guys, but Thomas was purely good. It would be stupidly egotistical to assume Thomas would want me after everything, especially after having to witness my dumbassery with Derek.

Thomas was probably just taking care of me out of obligation. I was the strange high school girl that showed up on his doorstep and begged for his help from day one.

Thomas was such a good person that he'd been morally obligated to take care of me and my pathetic situation. I mean, shit, I'd practically begged him to stay with me after I got better from my bite. I'd selfishly expected him to stay and be part of my family to keep me from losing my shit.

Somehow, my situation had guilted Thomas into staying with us. Now he was morally tied to more than just me. He was bonded to Suzie and Mindy, which was probably one of the most selfish things that I let happen while I was with Derek.

Yeah, I was a straight up selfish bitch.

I wanted Thomas, but I'd been horrible to him. He didn't need my baggage. Thomas deserved better than me, and I knew it. He was never my back-up plan, and I couldn't stomach the thought of letting him believe something like that. Thomas didn't deserve to ever feel that way.

If Thomas was mine, he deserved to know he was my only choice, but that was impossible to do since he'd seen everything. Thomas had seen all my ugly faults. He knew me too well. Thomas knew at one time I'd been wholly enthralled with Derek.

Damn it. This was all too complicated.

If only we could start over, I would do things differently, but life didn't work that way.

If I wanted to be with Thomas, I would have to prove that I was worthy. He deserved to be treated right, and I owed him the patience and respect he'd given me.

I disentangled myself from him. Maybe he could feel my discomfort because this time he released me.

"Don't get your hopes up. It's not what you think." I whispered to my smiling sister as I crawled out of bed.

Suzie's smile melted. "Then why were you guys sleeping like that? Not even me and Grant get that close."

Thomas sat up a little too quickly, slipping on his jeans. He was obviously irritated, and I couldn't blame him. The moral obligations tied to me were overkill, and he needed a break.

"We were exhausted from being up all night, and we weren't thinking. We should've slept separately." I rubbed Mindy's belly and gave her a kiss as she chewed on her knuckle.

I caught Suzie glance sadly at Thomas before I made my way to the bathroom to freshen up.

Our room had been Thomas's before. I found it interesting that he'd somehow gotten the master bedroom with the attached bathroom.

I made sure to use only a tiny bit of water. We were running low, and I was afraid we would soon run out entirely. Mitch had water purification supplies. We just needed the water. The rainwater had lasted a week, but I had a strong feeling that someone in our group was using way more than their fair share.

"Ready for your surprise?" Thomas's tone was strained as he grabbed his toothbrush. His hygiene was impeccable. I'd never known such a clean guy.

And why did he want to surprise me? I'd treated him awful. I didn't deserve any surprises.

"Um... sure." I refused to make eye contact before quickly finishing up and leaving the bathroom. I could feel him watching me closely, but it made me move faster.

"Squirt, will you keep an eye on Munchkin while I take your sister somewhere?" Thomas asked as he brushed his teeth.

Suzie's brow knitted with concern. "Where are you going? Is something wrong?"

I shook my head as I started to get ready. "Don't worry. Thomas said he has a surprise for me, and it could be anything knowing him."

Suzie's tense expression relaxed. "Oh. Of course, I'll watch her. Just as long as you guys let me help outside on watch later."

Thomas whisked past me to get ready. "You can help for thirty minutes, and that's it."

"Thirty minutes?" Suzie glanced between us. "That's not long enough. I need to practice shooting. You said so."

"Okay," Thomas threw his hands up. "Forty-five minutes."

"That's not fair. Everyone else gets entire shifts outside, and I always have to stay inside on babysitting duty. I love Mindy, but I hate being locked inside with Andrea and Celia. You guys get to do whatever you want, and I'm stuck in here with them. Celia's not so bad, but Andrea is crazier than Jim sometimes. You guys should hear some of the things she says about you. I hate being locked inside with her." Suzie's voice was so loud that Grant stirred. She'd woken him up.

"Shh. Grant was up all night, Su. Let him sleep." I ushered her out of the room, turning the knob on the livingroom lantern as I spoke only loud enough for her to hear. "I'm sorry. I know this sucks. I'll talk to Thomas and see if we can figure something out."

Her eyebrows shot up with hope. "Will you talk to him about letting me and Grant work together? I know I won't be able to do the entire shift with him, but maybe just half. And I'll still take care of Mindy whenever. I just hate being cooped up in here all the time."

I understood completely. I hated it too. That's why I wanted to build the fence. We needed a barrier to protect us so we could have the freedom to take Mindy outside and feel safe doing it. It would solve so many problems.

"I'll talk to him. I don't know if he'll let you do half, but I'll try." I bit my lips together, trying to think of how to talk Thomas into letting her out more. I understood his perspective too. It was dangerous to work outside, and it could put her in a compromising situation.

"Thank you, Case." Suzie gave me a half hug as she walked into the kitchen, spinning the lantern dial. As the kitchen lit up, Suzie jumped when she saw Andrea. "Andrea, what're you doing in here?"

"Just thinking." Andrea shrugged as she glared at me.

Andrea had been standing in the dark kitchen watching us. What the hell was this girl's issue? It was getting old, and I was getting sick of her shit. Andrea's nasty expression changed into a soft smile as her gaze moved over to my sister and Mindy.

"She's so cute," Andrea said in an overly high voice as she held her arms out. "Can I hold her?"

Mindy's head fell onto Suzie chest, which meant Mindy was afraid of Andrea. My smart girl.

"Um... I need to feed her." Suzie backed out of the kitchen, closer to me.

"Come on. Babies love me. Just for a few minutes?" Andrea smiled lovingly like she meant no harm. Just like Thomas had pointed out, Andrea was a great actress when it served in her manipulative desires.

"No, Andrea." Thomas saved Suzie and me from a standoff with Andrea. "We've already talked about this. Mindy's been through a lot, and we're trying to get her back on track. I don't want you confusing her. Aren't you supposed to be busy? Celia understands, and she's been doing her part."

Andrea didn't glare at Thomas like she did with me. Instead, a soft smile played on her full lips. "Come on, Tom. I finished one pair already. I just want to hold the baby for a minute."

Tom? Who called him Tom? And why did Andrea get to have a nickname for him?

Thomas's hand skimmed across my back as he walked past me, approaching Andrea. "We all have to do our part, and you've made one pair of gloves. One. I'm trying to be patient with you because you're my best friend's girl, but you need to start contributing more. We all work our asses off, and you need to help out more. We don't have grocery stores, and our supplies is running low. Are you gonna go out and get us more?"

Andrea's eyes filled with fear as she backed into the counter. "No. I don't want to go back out there."

"I understand." Thomas placated. "But we need those gloves and clothes for those of us who are going to gather supplies. I gave you a choice, and you said you would stay busy inside. So, go get busy."

"I'll try my best, Tom." Andrea scampered out of the kitchen.

Thomas shook his head in frustration as he spun to face us. He patted Suzie on the shoulder as he kissed Mindy's head. "She'll be busy for a while. We'll be back in a few hours, Squirt. Take care of our Munchkin."

Suzie glanced at me. "Be careful."

"Always. I love you." I gave her a side hug.

I always told Suzie I loved her before I went outside. We never knew how long we had in this world and the everyday threat was real.

Thomas ducked back in our room to grab our guns. "Ready?"

Taking my gun from him, I nodded without looking at him. "Let's go."

Derek was outside with Matt when we exited the trailer.

Derek was grinning at Matt until he spotted us. Derek's grin fell flat as looked between us.

"Where are you two going?" Matt retrieved his knife from the throwing tree in the yard.

"I got a surprise for her. It's about a mile down the road that way." Thomas put a hand on my shoulder and pointed into the trees.

"What kind of surprise?" Derek pressed his lips together as he stared at Thomas's hand. It annoyed Derek, but I liked when Thomas touched me.

"That would ruin the surprise, Der. You know that." Thomas let out a genuine laugh as his hand slid off my shoulder. "How's it been out here? Anything to worry about?"

"Boring as hell. I'm about to get us lunch." Matt threw his knife, stabbing it directly into the bark. He was getting good at that. I couldn't throw my hunting knife yet, but I could stab a biter like a crazy mofo.

"You need to talk to your girl," Thomas said to Derek. "She's not doing her part, and it's not like I'm asking her to do much. All she has to do is make some protective clothing. Instead, she's walking around in the dark like a ghost and trying to take Munchkin from Squirt."

Derek shook his head and shot me a glance. "She's not my girl."

"Well, you two are sleeping together, so that means she's yours," Thomas said it offhandedly like it was a basic fact. He was right. Andrea was technically Derek's girl.

I moved away from Thomas as he and Derek continued to talk about Andrea. I didn't need to hear any more. I was sick and tired of Andrea. She was a big problem for the group on a daily basis.

Matt glanced up at me as he jerked his knife from the tree. A big ass smile crossed his face as he studied me. "You got major problems over there, don't you?"

Quirking my head to the side, my eyebrows pinched. "What do you mean?"

Matt gestured toward Thomas and Derek. "They're both totally into you."

"Uh... no, they're not." I crossed my arms. Matt knew that Derek and I were over, so I was hoping he would just drop it.

Matt flipped the knife around expertly. "Why are you lying to me? You forget that I know you pretty well, and I've been around these guys for a while now. When you walk into any room, you're like a big bright shiny star. Both of them just stare."

I laughed, pushing Matt's shoulder. "Shut up. You're an idiot."

Matt leaned in, speaking only loud enough for me to hear. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

His question caught me off guard as I shook my head. "Who?"

"You know who." Matt glanced at Derek and Thomas as they bickered about something.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I laughed nervously.

Was it really that obvious? Was I in love with him? I didn't really know what love was anymore. I didn't even know if I'd actually ever loved Matt. I thought I had, but seeing him with Celia didn't even phase me now. It was more like we were just really close friends.

Matt scratched a hand over his scruffy facial hair. "You chose the right one."

"What makes you say that?" I wanted to know what his thoughts were.

Matt readied himself to throw his knife again. "You two are the power couple now."

Power couple? Leave it to Matt.

I laughed a little too hard. "Whatever. I gotta go."

"I'll teach you how to throw later if you want," Matt said before I left.

I nodded. "Thanks. I'd like that."

When I spun around both Derek and Thomas were watching us. Did they hear any of that? God. I hoped not.

Without making eye contact with either of them, I scanned over the trees for movement as I walked to Thomas's truck.

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