Finally Friday rolls around, I keep trying to ignore Ryver, apart from class. I don't know what I want to do about the kiss.

The thought is still lingering in my head, I try not to dwell on it.

But nothing seems to be working to get my mind off of it.

I walk out of the school doors, planning on going to my car, when Ryver is suddenly in front of me, his large frame blocking any chance I have at ignoring him.

"Why have you been ignoring me?" He asks, then looks around seeing tons of people, he grabs my wrist, and pulls me behind the school.

He stands in front of me caging me in between him and the brick wall, my breath hitches at our close proximity.

"Pfft me ignoring you." I say with a nervous chuckle.

He furrows his eyebrows. "Is it because of the kiss?" 

Wow he really didn't sugarcoat it.

I feel my heartbeat pick up. "N-no."   

"Then what is it?" He asks coming closer even closer our faces mere inches apart.

I realize I want to kiss him again.

I need to get away from him.

"I-I" I stutter.

What do I even say?

He places his hand and both sides of my head.

"Do you regret it Ensleey?" He whispers against my ear. "Do you want me to stop?" He continues closer, if I move an inch his lips will be on mine. 

He waits a few seconds still getting a response from me, I want to push him away to tell him not, but the words on me, with the sizzling feeling that is in the pit of stomach, begging to sooth it.

He then presses his lips to mine. My eyes close instantly enjoying the sweet sensation of his lips on mine.

His hands go to my waist, my hands wrap around his neck.

We kiss long and hard, his mouth devouring mine, and everything feels like it fades away, and the only thing I can think of is Ryvers mouth on mine. 

Finally my  sanity gets to me and I push at his chest.

"We-We can't be doing this!" I say.

"Why?" 

"Because-because-" I shake my head, tears of frustration start to run down my cheeks, because you wouldn't want a girl whose considered a slut and a whore, a girl who has more problems then she can count, but I can't tell him any of that.

So what do I tell him? That he wouldn't want to be with me when he figures out how broken I truly am, even an answer as vague as that won't cut it.

"Because what Ensleey?" His voices removes me from my thoughts.

"Nothing forget I said anything." I say, I then run off to my car, without sparing him another glance, not wanting to know the look in his eyes, I know one look at them will break me even more.

Once in my car, I cry, I cry because I can't do anything but cry.

*~*~*~*~*

I get dressed in a short black dress that has spaghetti straps, and shows good amount of cleavage, and add a shit ton of makeup, adding red lipstick as a finishing touch.

So when the gang pulls up, Im ready to go, today Jake is the one staying sober.

We get to the party, about forty minutes later, music blasting loud around us.

I go straight to the drinks table and pop open a a bottle of vodka thats on the table, I never drink from one's that are already open, they could be drugged, and pour a cup of straight vodka in  a red solo cup, I drown it,  quickly at least two cups later, I begin to get bored.

So I go and the bottle and gulp down as much as I can, then I wipe mouth after.

Fuck being sober.

I finally begin to feel buzzed, Im about to drown more when Collin tries to take it from me.

"Don't." I say feeling slightly tipsy.

"Ens slow the fuck down." He says.

"How about no?" I laugh, taking a small sip, I realize I already drank more than half the bottle, not a big deal though.

"Are you okay?" He looks between me and the bottle that is held tight between my fingers.

"I feel fucking amazing." I say.

"Please Ensleey." He says I can see the concerned look that has etched its way onto his face.

"Just this once." I say, knowing that I need to reason with him.

He nods but I can see the hesitation that's there.

He tells me he's going to be with some girl, and tells me where everyone else is incase I need them, and then proceeds to walk off.

Why would I need anyone? Im perfectly fine on my own always have been.

Im just a burden to them, and I don't need to bother them.

"Want to dance?" Comes a guys voice from behind me, about ten minutes later, from when Collin was here next to me, or I think ten minutes, it could be more or less.

Im far from sober now, and everything seems lighter, better now.

I turn to see good looking guy, looks to be nineteen, he's wearing a blue tee shirt, and jeans.

He's pretty hot, so I nod. 

I want to have fun, this guy doesn't seem to bad.

So why not?

Im no ones possession, no ones whore I could do what I want.

I stumble my way over to the guy.

"Sure." I smile and we go over to the living room, which is where everyone seems to be dancing.

"What's your name Gorgeous?" He asks with a slight smirk, he then drown the rest of his drink which is in his solo cup.

"Ensleey." I say, trying to hold the bottle while I dance. "Whats yours?" 

"Daniel." He says, I nod. "What Uni do you go too?" He whispers against my ear, pulling me closer to him and resting his hands on my waist, I can smell the beer on his breath.

"Does it matter?" I say grinding my hips against him.

I don't want to do this yet here I am, this is bad, but Im far from sober to think of anything rational.

"I guess not." He says, his hands begin going lower, seeming to take it as invitation.

I don't stop him.

Daniel then grabs the bottle from me, and takes a swig and hands it back to me, I also take a sip.

Before I can process what's happening he rests his hand on my cheek, and his lips press time to mine.

I let him, trying to pry the thoughts of Ryver far away from my head.

He doesn't kiss as good as Ryver though.

I deepen the kiss, willing the thought of Ryver out of my mind.

"Want to go the kitchen it's quieter there?" I ask, I don't want to go upstairs, not until I can process what I'm doing.

This isn't right.

Then again, when is it ever right to kiss random strangers?

*~*~*~*~*

R y v e r s   P O V

My parents call me to the kitchen,  and I walk in and  see my parents have a worried expression on their faces.

"Can you go to Jake's apartment and see if he's okay?" My mother says. "He hasn't takin' our calls for days."

Of course. 

"Ryver please maybe he'll listen to you." My father adds.

Like he would listen to me, I want to say.

"Fine." I say instead, grabbing my keys off the rack, by the door, not fighting them, because there's no use, I will most likely end up going one way or another.

My parents thank me, as I leave, they're thanking me to go make sure my brother isn't drunk off  his ass, or dead.

I don't want to, but if it would calm my parents, I have too.

Even if it's already ten o'clock.

I end up making it there in half an hour, and  knock on his door, but he doesn't answer.

After a few minutes, I try to call him.

He doesn't pick up.

Of course, I decide to try one more time.

To my surprise he picks up.

"Hello human." I hear a voice on the other line, that doesn't belong to my brother, I check to see if I called the right number.

I did.

"Who is this?" I decide to ask.

"Dean Davis, duh. Who are you mister?" he says and then laughs, whoever this Dean fella is sounds drunk.

"Look why do you have Jakes phone?" I say frustrated, I could hear the music in the background, no doubt my brothers probably is getting wasted at a party.

"I took it." He whispers laughing, "Don't tell him, he'll put me in time out again."

What the hell?

"Umm how do you my brother?" I ask. Trying to find answers.

"He's only like my bff." He giggles again.

What the heck is this kid on?

"How do you know Jakey?" 

"Ugh he's my brother." 

"Oh Oh cool!" he says. "Hii!"

"Look do you know where Jake is?" 

"Somewhere." 

"That somewhere is where?" I ask.

"A party." He laughs, again might I add. "A cool fun party by the way." 

I can see that.

"Do you know where? You know the location?" 

God Im thinking of giving up, he's probably wasted anyway.

"The location? He says and I hum in response. "Hmm, it's on thirty second." 

I think I know what he means. I decide to go, I get if he doesn't want to talk to me, but our parents?

I get in my car and drive, hoping the idiot who answered my call, actually knows Jake, and gave me the right address.

I find the house pretty easily, considering loud music can be heard from a block away.

I wish I could be spending, this time with Ensleey.

But who knows what's going on with her?

Why do I have to like her so much.

Admitting to myself is hard, I don't a girl has ever consumed my thoughts as she has, but Im constantly thinking of what she's up to, and who she's with, and I hate myself for it.

I walk into the house, not knowing where I will find Jake.

But hoping to find him quickly so I can tell him to call mom and leave.

I go up to a random guy, hoping he knows my brother.

"Do you know where I can find Jacob Webb?" 

Wow that sounded formal.

"Nah but Collin probably does dude." He says, taking a sip of his beer. "He's right over there" 

He points to guy who's standing next to girl.

I walk up tot the guy named Collin.

"Excuse me do you know where Jacob Webb is?" I question.

"And you are?" He asks pulling his arm away, from the girls waist I can see his arm is filled with tattoos. He sighs, when the girl places her hand under his shirt. "Try the living room." He says and then begins kissing the girls neck.

I don't question the guy, instead I walk through the sweaty bodies and see none other then my bother sitting in the couch, while another guy is making weird hand gesture to him, Jake pushes his hands away every time.

"Ryver." Jake says when he notices me. But his voice is barely audible due to the noise, though I can see the confusion on his face.

Yeah I want expecting to be there to buddy.

"Why the fuck are you hare?" He asks. 

"I need to talk to you." I say feeling all this isn't worth it anymore.

He nods and tells me to go to follow him to the kitchen. Where surprisingly it's quieter.

"How did you get here?" He asks.

"Some guy named Dean answered you phone-" 

"Okay." He says, as if the name Dean was enough of explanation, I don't push it. "What do you want?" 

I can feel the brotherly love. 

"Why aren't you answering mom and dads calls?" I ask.

"Really, you  came here for that?" He laughs.

"Yes-" I begin but hear a laugh that sounds awfully like Ensleey's.

I know Im probably hallucinating, but can't help but look over to the girl who laughed.

I see a girl sitting on the counter, with a guy whose standing in between her thighs, and she laughing at something he said to her.

When they pull away the girl looks similar to Ensleey, of course it's not her.

What would Ensleey be doing in a place like this? I know she would never wear something like this girl. 

The girl moves to grab the bottle which is next to her the guy still in between her legs. She notices Jake and waves. 

"Fuck." Jake says.

Maybe an ex? Or whatever Jake wants to call his relationships.

"Jake!" She yells, her voice very familiar to that of Ensleey's. 

It's Ensleey I'm not hallucinating, though with the heavy makeup covering her face, and bloodshot eyes its hard to see the resemblance to the girl I know.

She then looks to Jake to me, and shock covers her face, she pushes at the guys chest, her gaze steady on mine.

What fuck is happening?