Jhoanna's POV

'You and Taneo should go on a date, fan service.' a text from my manager early in the morning. I let out a heavy sigh and throw my phone in the bed. I can't make excuses. Fuck, I'm so tired of all this bullshits. We've been doing this for months and I hate it every time I'm being controlled by toxic people in the industry. I love my work but it's just too exhausting sometimes.

I grab my phone when I heard it ringing. My friends are calling in our group chat.

"Hi girls!" I casually greeted, I miss being with them already. I miss my life away from publicity.

"Oh my gosh! I think Shee's gonna propose anytime soon!" Gwen excitedly told us, her eyes are shining like she won a lottery ticket.

 
"Calm down, Doc! The real question is, are you gonna say yes?" Stacey asked while putting light makeup.

"Duh? Of course! I can't believe I'm marrying my first love." Gwen giggled, we all laugh at her cute reaction.

"You're lucky. You found your the one that fast." I said. I always envy Gwen and Sheena's relationship. Just by looking at them, I can tell that they're really meant for each other. "And that's rare, not everyone can end up with their first love. You have to be the luckiest person in the world to do that, Gwen." I added.

I saw how they changed their mood. From being all goofy and excited from being sad, with a hint of sympathy. Maybe because they remembered Colet and I.

"Are you trying to hit yourself with those lines, Jho?" Gwen smirked.

"Yeah, right. You should marry Colet, you know. She's your first love." Aiah teased.

"No! I was too young back then. Besides, we're just together in a short span of time and I don't even remember most of it." I pretended like I'm not affected but deep inside. I wish it was that easy.

"Jeez! Why are we talking about Colet? It was supposed to be Sheena and I!" Gwen complained.

"Got to go, ladies! I still have something to do." I waved my hands and ended the call.

Taneo and I went out for a dinner after my training like we always do. But this time, no managers and body guards.

We entered the restaurant and Taneo pulled a chair for me. He is a good man. He's got the looks, the attitude, the brains. He is from a good family. He's sweet, almost everything that a girl could look for a guy.

Well, that's the point. Almost. I'm not included.

"Jho, I have something to tell you." he started, he's just looking down and he seems nervous. I hold his hand to calm him.

"Are you okay? Calm down." I said, giving him an assuring smile.

"I think I'm falling in love with you." he whispered but it was loud enough for me ti hear it.

I was left speechless because there was only one person who came into my mind when he told me he's falling.

I was thinking about Colet. Just Colet Vergara.

"I love her." That's the only line I can think of, now tell me. How can I answer him?

"Jhoanna, please. Say something." but I was only staring at him with my pursed lips.

"Not now, Taneo. I have no time for your jokes." I finally answered him. I shook my head. I know he's genuine but hurting him is the last thing on my list. He's been a good friend.

"Jho, I'm serious. I want you to know that." He tried to hold my hand across the table but I immediately took my hand off the table. I smiled at him.

 
"Jho." I waited for him to continue "Please, let me prove it to you. Let me court you. I will pursue you for real." he added.

"I'm still in love with my ex. I'm sorry." I bravely told him.

Once we finished our dinner, I told him I wanna go home already. Some of the people are starting to look at us probably recognizing us. I ignored it and focused on the story the guy beside me is sharing. I won't be surprise to see our names in the headlines tomorrow. We just gave them a new interesting topic to talk about. Seeing Taneo and I in the news isn't new to me, he's the only girl that has ever been linked to me ever since I entered showbiz.

My mind is really not with me, the girl who owns my favorite smile took it with her that night when I saw her in the Artist's ball. All I could think of is her and why she makes me feel so bad about hanging out with someone without her consent. It's like I did something wrong.

I'm hoping my company won't notice my short replies of "Ah's" and "Oh's" and occasional "Really's?".

Colet always had an effect on me but it's only now that I realized how hard she can affect my mood.

Taneo stopped talking, probably noticing that I am only physically with him. We're both silently walking taking the path towards the parking lot. I didn't bring my car and since my condo is near his condo, he insisted to drop me off.

My heart stopped beating and started aching with what I'm seeing. All of my friends are in the parking lot, their vehicle parked 3 cars away from Taneo's. But it wasn't the sight of them laughing without me that hurts me.

It's the sight of my Colet laughing along with Keith while her arm is comfortably draped around her shoulders.

Jealousy. This feeling is becoming so familiar to me and I hate that fact. I wanna pull Colet away from Keith. The girl is obviously making a move on her.

I let out a bitter smile. Keith. There she is, having the girl, who will never be mine again, in her arms.

"Are you okay?" Taneo worriedly asked.

"Yes. Please take me home already." I replied, he nodded and open the passenger seat's door for me.

A picture of her being happy with Keith flashes on my mind again. I think I'm losing her. The way she looked at Keith, it was the same way she used to look at me. Full of admiration, respect, and purity.

Her absence made me realize a lot of things. It all came back to me. The what if's and unending possibilities.

It terrifies me to think that what if I cannot move on after years of leaving her?

Because it's true, right? That some heart just can't let go and some love can't be replaced.