Text #37.

February 5, 4:56 pm.

I can't quite explain what happened today. I still haven't gotten over it and to be quite frank, I don't think I will for a while. I was walking around with Nightmare 1 (the cat) and then I passed through your house. The windows were closed and it was dark in there. I continued walking until I got in a park. I saw you were there with your "new friends". I couldn't stay there, so I turned my back and started walking back home. I heard you calling my name. I didn't have the guts to turn back and face you, so I just continued walking. I heard your footsteps closer. You slightly touched my shoulder and I looked back. You smiled told me that it had been a long time since we last spoke and asked me why I didn't talk to you anymore. It took me a moment to register what you had just said. You had said in a way like it was my fault. Like I was the one responsible for your choice of picking her over me. I almost cried. I swear I did. I felt like throwing everything to your face. Now I'll have to keep reminding myself that even after all this time, if you wanted to talk to me, you would have.

Text #38. 

February 6, 4:27 pm.

The pain is a constant feeling in my chest that you left me. Once in a while I feel like someone took a band-aid right off my still deep wound. It hurts.  Today my breaths came our shaky and irregular and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. If you were still with me, we'd cuddle in bed, sharing nothing but silence. Your arms securely wrapped around me and my face against your chest, hearing the sound of your heartbeat. It'd have been different. Everything would have been different if you were still here.

Text #39.

February 7, 8:20 pm.

Dad and I argued today. He's dad. Dad and I barely argue. I screwed up, I know I did. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves a good daughter. I didn't know what kind of reaction to have so I just ran to my room and slam shut my door as loud as I could. Now I'm here, sitting in bed and crying. I hate myself. This isn't me. The old me would never have done this. I was getting better when you were around. I was being able of controlling my anger and my temper. But when you left, things got worse. This is not me. I can't control the things I do anymore. I'm conflicted. Tears are falling down my cheek and they won't seem to stop.